WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.680 Missing Throat Radio. 00:00:01.680 --> 00:00:04.920 He was a tall man, a fierce man, 00:00:04.920 --> 00:00:07.600 a man of a vaguely Jewish persuasion 00:00:07.600 --> 00:00:10.120 who ate entirely too much sausage. 00:00:10.120 --> 00:00:11.720 Pussy damn shit fuck. 00:00:11.720 --> 00:00:14.600 The ladies, however, loved him. 00:00:14.600 --> 00:00:17.600 It is said he could part his hair with his tongue. 00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:20.560 With your mom's panties, with your girlfriend's hair, 00:00:20.560 --> 00:00:22.000 or your wife's panties. 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:25.520 I heard he could lick a lady's belly button from the inside. 00:00:25.520 --> 00:00:28.400 I was gonna take his fucking panties. 00:00:28.400 --> 00:00:30.800 Y'all are so fucking nasty. 00:00:35.830 --> 00:00:40.230 Welcome to episode 11 of Missing Throat Radio. 00:00:40.230 --> 00:00:43.350 Isn't it funny how childhood memories 00:00:43.350 --> 00:00:46.510 follow us around throughout the rest of our lives? 00:00:46.510 --> 00:00:49.510 Often times I go for walks at the city park. 00:00:49.510 --> 00:00:50.910 I used to do it for fitness. 00:00:50.910 --> 00:00:54.110 Now I just kinda do it for like a fucking break 00:00:54.110 --> 00:00:56.670 for my mental fucking health or something like that. 00:00:56.670 --> 00:01:01.310 I think people of a certain age call it their constitutional. 00:01:01.310 --> 00:01:02.870 I never really understood what that was. 00:01:02.870 --> 00:01:04.350 The first time I heard somebody say 00:01:04.350 --> 00:01:06.550 I'm gonna go for my evening constitutional, 00:01:06.550 --> 00:01:08.310 I thought they were gonna go take a shit. 00:01:08.310 --> 00:01:12.910 I had no fucking idea. 00:01:12.910 --> 00:01:15.230 But here I am all these years later 00:01:15.230 --> 00:01:18.910 and I find myself yearning to fucking go to the park 00:01:18.910 --> 00:01:20.590 regardless of the weather. 00:01:20.590 --> 00:01:23.830 Take a few 00:01:23.830 --> 00:01:26.950 perform an evening constitutional. 00:01:26.950 --> 00:01:30.190 Well two days ago I was sitting on my favorite park bench 00:01:30.190 --> 00:01:33.190 underneath the Elm Tree enjoying the shade 00:01:33.190 --> 00:01:34.990 and the little bit of breeze. 00:01:34.990 --> 00:01:37.070 I just got done walking my two miles 00:01:37.070 --> 00:01:40.510 and I was watching the kids play on the fucking jungle gym. 00:01:40.510 --> 00:01:42.510 You see memes all the time on the internet 00:01:42.510 --> 00:01:45.590 about the fucking metal slide that got to about 00:01:45.590 --> 00:01:48.470 fucking 350 degrees in the summer sun. 00:01:48.470 --> 00:01:51.430 Kids of the last couple generations are never gonna know 00:01:51.430 --> 00:01:55.790 the fucking joy of flying down a fucking slide 00:01:55.790 --> 00:01:57.630 that, it's too hot to be on and landing 00:01:57.630 --> 00:01:59.830 in a fucking puddle of water at the bottom. 00:01:59.830 --> 00:02:03.150 They're never going to experience that and that got me thinking 00:02:03.150 --> 00:02:06.030 about the merry go round of doom. 00:02:06.030 --> 00:02:07.390 That's what we called it. 00:02:07.390 --> 00:02:10.230 There's this tiny little Midwestern town. 00:02:11.230 --> 00:02:12.710 In order to protect, to protect the innocent 00:02:12.710 --> 00:02:14.830 it will remain nameless. 00:02:14.830 --> 00:02:17.310 Now this town doesn't even have a stoplight. 00:02:17.310 --> 00:02:20.950 They barely have any stop signs there's no need for them. 00:02:20.950 --> 00:02:24.430 It is a town of 150 people 00:02:24.430 --> 00:02:26.510 and in the center of that town 00:02:26.510 --> 00:02:29.190 like a beacon drawing people towards it 00:02:29.190 --> 00:02:32.670 is one of the biggest Lutheran churches you've ever seen. 00:02:32.670 --> 00:02:33.910 It's huge. 00:02:33.910 --> 00:02:37.910 Membership to this church is 12 to 1500 members 00:02:37.910 --> 00:02:40.870 in a town of less than 150 people. 00:02:40.870 --> 00:02:43.670 Peritioners come from miles around. 00:02:43.670 --> 00:02:45.950 The only other thing of note in this town 00:02:45.950 --> 00:02:47.790 is a farmer's exchange. 00:02:47.790 --> 00:02:50.250 Not a grocery store, not a hardware store, 00:02:50.250 --> 00:02:53.590 not a feed store, but all of the above. 00:02:53.590 --> 00:02:55.950 A farmer's exchange, where you can go 00:02:55.950 --> 00:02:57.710 and you can pick up a pack of underwear, 00:02:57.790 --> 00:03:00.310 you can pick up some toilet paper, 00:03:00.310 --> 00:03:03.230 50 pound bags of feed for your livestock, 00:03:27.710 --> 00:03:30.190 the street from that church is a school. 00:03:30.190 --> 00:03:33.350 Now the school's been there almost as long as the church has. 00:03:33.350 --> 00:03:35.430 As a matter of fact, both of them are constructed 00:03:35.430 --> 00:03:37.990 out of the same gray limestone. 00:03:37.990 --> 00:03:41.110 Both of them have roofs constructed of slate. 00:03:41.110 --> 00:03:43.790 The school is kindergarten through eighth grade. 00:03:43.790 --> 00:03:47.270 Up until World War II, kindergarten through eighth grade 00:03:47.270 --> 00:03:50.870 was all you got in this particular area of the country. 00:03:50.870 --> 00:03:54.190 They attended school, they got their basic education 00:03:54.190 --> 00:03:56.590 and then they went back to the family farm 00:03:56.590 --> 00:03:58.230 to help earn their living. 00:03:58.230 --> 00:04:03.230 Behind the school though lies a secret, a secret so foul, 00:04:03.430 --> 00:04:08.630 a mechanism of pure horror, pure terror, a machine 00:04:08.630 --> 00:04:13.630 that everyone in the area has the own story, I know I certainly do. 00:04:14.470 --> 00:04:18.350 I only visited this place once for a family gathering 00:04:18.350 --> 00:04:22.750 and I left there after experiencing something so horrifying, 00:04:22.750 --> 00:04:26.350 so damaging both physically and psychologically 00:04:26.350 --> 00:04:30.950 that I've been carrying the scar from that experience 00:04:30.950 --> 00:04:33.430 for almost 40 years. 00:04:33.430 --> 00:04:45.870 This mechanism, this machine of terror doesn't look like much. 00:04:46.190 --> 00:04:49.510 This marigold round is different. Allow me to explain. 00:04:49.990 --> 00:04:53.790 This marigold round wasn't bought from a company that makes marigold rounds 00:04:53.950 --> 00:04:56.590 very old German farming community. 00:04:56.590 --> 00:05:00.590 And at the time the marigold round of doom was constructed. 00:05:00.590 --> 00:05:03.910 The stalwart and pragmatic people who lived in this community 00:05:03.910 --> 00:05:09.230 didn't believe in spending money on amusements, on frivolities, 00:05:09.230 --> 00:05:12.750 like playground equipment, absolutely not. 00:05:12.750 --> 00:05:15.070 Not when they can build it themselves, 00:05:15.070 --> 00:05:16.910 and that's exactly what they did. 00:05:16.910 --> 00:05:19.390 These people aren't like you and I. 00:05:19.390 --> 00:05:23.430 They come from a bag on era, an era of having an idea, 00:05:23.510 --> 00:05:27.350 or seeing a thing and thinking to themselves I can make that. 00:05:27.350 --> 00:05:31.030 And that's exactly what they did, all of the playground equipment 00:05:31.030 --> 00:05:35.750 located in the yard behind the school was constructed by the townspeople. 00:05:35.750 --> 00:05:39.430 The jungle gym, the swing set, the tether ball pole, 00:05:39.430 --> 00:05:42.950 everything on this playground was constructed by the townspeople, 00:05:42.950 --> 00:05:45.030 not bought from a kit. No. 00:05:45.030 --> 00:05:49.670 Industrial farmers, tractor mechanics and craftsmen from around the area 00:05:49.670 --> 00:05:54.550 came together designed, constructed and mounted playground amusements 00:05:54.550 --> 00:05:56.070 to be used at the school. 00:05:56.070 --> 00:05:58.230 The swing set looked a little bit rough, 00:05:58.350 --> 00:06:01.110 but it functioned like a swing set. 00:06:01.110 --> 00:06:04.790 The jungle gym looked a little bit rough, you can tell it was welded together 00:06:04.790 --> 00:06:07.750 from pieces of scrap steel that they had laying around, 00:06:07.750 --> 00:06:11.750 but it functioned just like a normal looking jungle gym. 00:06:11.750 --> 00:06:15.830 But the marigold round, that's a different story entirely. 00:06:15.830 --> 00:06:20.470 What those craftsmen, farmers and mechanics managed to construct 00:06:20.470 --> 00:06:24.390 when they built that marigold round from scratch was a pieceed 00:06:24.630 --> 00:06:28.870 piece of perfect engineering, absolutely perfect in every way, 00:06:45.910 --> 00:07:08.350 the platform, the vertical poles, the chains, 00:07:08.350 --> 00:07:11.630 of that marigold round. My brother and I had the same thought, 00:07:11.630 --> 00:07:15.550 when we walked on that playground we wanted to go nowhere but there, 00:07:15.550 --> 00:07:21.150 but my dad said don't let the appearance fool you, it is not a fun happy little marigold round, 00:07:21.150 --> 00:07:25.630 it is a mechanism of pure evil, of malevolence and rage. 00:07:25.630 --> 00:07:27.470 Well that only peaked our interest more. 00:07:27.470 --> 00:07:30.030 – I was a 9 year old boy, my brother was 7. 00:07:30.030 --> 00:07:34.430 We walk up to the marigold round and I remember stepping up onto the wooden platform, 00:07:34.430 --> 00:07:38.510 feeling how solid it was, despite its appearance, its rigidity appearance, 00:07:38.510 --> 00:07:42.590 that it didn't move, it didn't shake, it didn't can't, it didn't lean. 00:07:42.590 --> 00:07:48.590 But the simple act of me stepping onto the platform made the marigold round start spinning. 00:07:48.590 --> 00:07:53.630 And it didn't turn a little bit, that's the thing, it didn't just start to move and then stop. 00:07:54.430 --> 00:07:56.990 Like there was resistance, there was no friction, 00:07:57.550 --> 00:08:00.350 there was not enough friction to stop the turning. 00:08:00.350 --> 00:08:06.110 And the marligate was on top of the platform, leaning up and over so I could look down into the 00:08:06.110 --> 00:08:12.270 mechanism that made the marigold round go round. And what I saw and again I didn't understand what 00:08:12.270 --> 00:08:17.950 I was seeing at the time. But all of these years later I know what I was looking at, 00:08:17.950 --> 00:08:24.590 I was looking at the axle of a combine that somebody had mounted In concrete in the ground. 00:08:24.590 --> 00:08:29.310 And I remember seeing piles of axle grease coming out the top of the fucking mechanism, 00:08:29.310 --> 00:08:34.430 where the center wheel was welded. And I remember looking at my brother going this is going to be 00:08:34.430 --> 00:08:40.670 awesome. We sat down on opposite sides of the marigold round. One leg kind of wrapped around one 00:08:40.750 --> 00:08:47.070 of the vertical poles that we were also holding onto, the other leg draped off so we could kick off 00:08:47.070 --> 00:08:53.630 from the ground. So my brother and I on opposite ends of the marigold round anchored firmly to the 00:08:53.630 --> 00:09:00.350 vertical poles, were moving faster and faster and faster using only our free legs to propel us 00:09:00.350 --> 00:09:05.390 one leg hanging off the side kicking off was enough to get that fucking marigold round moving 00:09:05.390 --> 00:09:10.990 really really fast. We were coming to the point where we weren't going to be able to go any faster 00:09:10.990 --> 00:09:16.270 anymore but god damn it was fun. It was a marvel of fucking German engineering. 00:09:16.270 --> 00:09:22.110 There was no fucking resistance there wasn't enough I should say to slow that god damn thing down 00:09:22.190 --> 00:09:27.550 every time we kicked off the ground we went faster and faster and faster the wind whipping in our 00:09:27.550 --> 00:09:33.310 fucking hair. We could feel centrifugal force and fucking gravity pulling us out away from the center 00:09:33.310 --> 00:09:38.190 of the fucking marigold round. God damn it was fun. It was worth every fucking second 00:09:38.190 --> 00:09:41.630 of anticipation. My 00:09:41.630 --> 00:09:44.510 My brother and I going around in circles on the marigold round of doom hanging on for 00:09:44.510 --> 00:09:48.630 dear life but enjoying every fucking second of its screaming into the fucking ether. 00:09:48.950 --> 00:09:54.710 God damn this was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. The people who made this deserve medals. 00:09:54.710 --> 00:09:59.910 One of the best feelings in the world when you're nine years old is to be teetering just on the edge 00:09:59.910 --> 00:10:05.750 of fucking too much. You know what I mean? When it's just almost too much and again I grew up in a 00:10:05.750 --> 00:10:11.830 different time I'm a gen exer. Writing our bikes and making fucking dirt ramps and jumping off a shit 00:10:11.830 --> 00:10:17.590 and fucking jumping out of trees and stuff that was the routine. That was every day but man this was 00:10:17.590 --> 00:10:23.270 one of the best experiences of my life to this point the fucking marigold round of doom located 00:10:23.270 --> 00:10:24.590 behind this little fucking church in the middle of bumble fucking nowhere 00:10:24.590 --> 00:10:32.870 nowhere. But as with most things in life then it took a fucking turn. It was too good to last. 00:10:32.870 --> 00:10:38.790 Looking back on it now the universe was never going to allow me to be this happy for this long. 00:10:38.790 --> 00:10:43.910 I was having the time of my life. The universe was always going to bring a wrecking ball to swing it 00:10:43.910 --> 00:10:48.470 at my head. In this particular instance the wrecking ball' took the form of a 00:10:48.470 --> 00:10:56.870 fucking six foot tall 14 year old fucking disgusting inbred ginger named Billy. Billy Van 00:10:56.870 --> 00:11:02.710 De Camp like the fucking beans Billy Van De Camp was the fucking guy's name. I was nine at 00:11:02.710 --> 00:11:07.190 the time I think. I keep saying nine but I'm pretty sure that that's accurate. I was nine years old 00:11:07.190 --> 00:11:13.670 at the time so that made Billy to about 14. And at 14 years of age Billy Van De Camp was already 00:11:13.670 --> 00:11:20.790 six foot tall a good 200-225 pounds and he was a fucking man. Of pure fucking in-bred redneck 00:11:20.790 --> 00:11:24.430 fucking brawn. I like people throw around the fucking word im way too much they 00:11:24.430 --> 00:11:29.070 definitely throw around the word redneck too much. But they throw around the 00:11:29.070 --> 00:11:31.910 word in the word 00:11:31.910 --> 00:11:37.710 in-bred way too much and way too liberally without fucking knowing what an imbred actually is. 00:11:37.710 --> 00:11:42.910 There's only two types of imbreds in the fucking world by the way. If you didn't know coming from 00:11:42.910 --> 00:11:47.550 the Midwest I'm an authority on imbreding and I'll tell you all about it. There's two types of 00:11:47.550 --> 00:11:53.950 fucking imbreds that you can spot at 50 paces. The first one is your standard issue omniscience. 00:11:54.910 --> 00:12:01.710 Squat crooked twisted fucking form horribly boleg. One arm longer than the other,. 00:12:01.710 --> 00:12:08.910 Gigantic pop high fucking forearms. And the second type of Midwestern imbred is the extraordinarily 00:12:08.910 --> 00:12:16.190 tall extraordinarily wide extraordinarily strong fucking ginger with the gigantic fucking 00:12:16.190 --> 00:12:21.470 imbreder chin. Will Billy Van De Camp fit that fucking bill to a tee that motherfucker was 00:12:21.470 --> 00:12:26.590 as stereotypically fucking Midwestern farm boy imbred as I have anybody I've ever seen. 00:12:26.590 --> 00:12:31.950 And he comes fucking sauntering out in his plaid short sleeve button down shirt with the fucking 00:12:31.950 --> 00:12:38.750 that. Like you get from the farm store and his fucking wrangler jeans that his giant fucking imbrede 00:12:38.750 --> 00:12:45.070 thighs would barely fit into. The standard issue Midwestern ginger fucking imbred is the guy you 00:12:45.070 --> 00:12:50.510 call when you need to have a cow lifted up into the back of your pickup truck. Billy Van De Camp in 00:12:50.510 --> 00:12:57.230 every way fit that fucking description to a tee at the age of 14. He comes fucking lumbering across 00:12:57.230 --> 00:13:04.730 the fucking playground. And I see him every time the merry go round brings me 00:13:04.730 --> 00:13:06.670 me around to get a fucking view of the door. I see him getting closer and closer and closer. And he has this 00:13:06.670 --> 00:13:15.390 fucking weird bdi not fucking friendly grin on his face. We were told to stay clear of Billy Van De Camp 00:13:15.390 --> 00:13:21.710 because he was known. He was a known fucking psycho because incidentally the standard issue fucking 00:13:21.710 --> 00:13:30.430 Midwestern ginger imbrede also typically have emotional and behavioral problems. Billy was no fucking 00:13:30.430 --> 00:13:34.990 exception. So back to the fucking spinning we're going around on the merry go round as fast as our 00:13:34.990 --> 00:13:41.310 little legs could take us which is very fucking fast on the closest thing I've ever seen in my life 00:13:41.310 --> 00:13:48.030 to being a machine capable of perpetual motion. And Billy goes hey boys I'll push you. And I remember hearing 00:13:48.030 --> 00:13:54.430 that thinking this is not going to be good and then you hear his fucking weird guttural fucking laugh as he 00:13:54.430 --> 00:14:00.990 starts grabbing the fucking vertical rails as we go by pulling and pulling and pulling and pushing and pushing 00:14:00.990 --> 00:14:06.110 pushing and pushing faster and faster and faster and faster and faster in the screams of delight 00:14:06.110 --> 00:14:11.150 and excitement for my brother quickly turned to screams of uncertainty and eventually panic. 00:14:11.870 --> 00:14:20.830 He's struggling. He's struggling to fucking hold on. He 00:14:20.830 --> 00:14:21.070 is struggling just as hard as I am and we're going faster and faster and faster and faster and faster around 00:14:21.070 --> 00:14:27.710 in a fucking circle on the fucking merry go round of doom with giant fucking Billy Van De Camp's red-headed 00:14:36.110 --> 00:14:42.110 the fucking vertical pole in the crook of my fucking left elbow with my right hand holding on to my left 00:14:42.110 --> 00:14:47.710 . Holding on for fucking dear life listening to Billy laugh like a fucking psycho every time I come around 00:14:47.710 --> 00:14:52.430 close to him I'm laying on my side now I'm not even sitting anymore my feet are fucking hanging off 00:14:52.430 --> 00:14:58.270 the edge my thighs are hanging off the edge and every fucking revolution is pulling me further and 00:14:58.270 --> 00:15:03.070 further further and further out, out away from the center the pole still in the crook of my fucking left 00:15:03.070 --> 00:15:10.430 elbow with my right hand losing its grip ever so slowly on my left wrist the speed and the force 00:15:10.430 --> 00:15:15.630 and the fucking pole of gravity is eventually going to win. Centrifical force is going to win I can't 00:15:15.630 --> 00:15:21.790 hold on forever I'm laying on my belly now my right hand's grip on my left fucking wrist has failed 00:15:21.790 --> 00:15:32.990 and I'm holding on to the fucking vertical pole with both hands both arms extended my belly button Commission on the edge of the fucking 2x10 platform my entire bottom 00:15:33.070 --> 00:15:43.870 of my head. I can feel my blood being pulled into my feet I can feel my hands getting weaker because of 00:15:43.870 --> 00:15:50.470 the lack of blood being able to reach them we're 00:15:50.470 --> 00:15:56.790 and I look up over my head to check on my brother just in time to see him look up and catch my eye 00:15:56.790 --> 00:16:03.510 Billy screaming maniacally in the background knowing knowing that he is teetering on the edge of two 00:16:03.510 --> 00:16:09.110 fucking murders my brother catching my eye and at seven years old he knew exactly what was happening 00:16:09.110 --> 00:16:14.710 he looks up at me and he screams at me with this shrill voice that I will never forget as long as I live 00:16:27.910 --> 00:16:33.670 and in that moment his fucking grip failed and he went flying literally flying and spinning in the air 00:16:33.670 --> 00:16:39.270 like a fucking saucer I only caught a glimpse of him before my grip failed and I went flying 00:16:39.270 --> 00:16:45.030 correening I was airborne forever and finally I landed on the fucking asphalt tumbling in a 00:16:45.030 --> 00:16:49.270 fucking death roll into my fucking elbow catching the next thing you know I'm tumbling head over fucking 00:16:49.270 --> 00:16:55.270 heels my face slam in the fucking asphalt and then my ass and then my feet and then my fucking face 00:16:55.270 --> 00:17:05.270 until I finally stop falling broken beaten bludgeoned by the earth laying there on that fucking 00:17:05.270 --> 00:17:12.070 asphalt playground my jeans ripped my fucking shirt in tatters the tops of my hands bleeding 00:17:12.070 --> 00:17:19.670 I have a fucking head wound but I can't move I lay there in a days and all I can do is fucking 00:17:19.750 --> 00:17:34.870 spit I can't even fucking cry I just lay there and drool and spit spit out little bits of rocks and 00:17:34.870 --> 00:17:38.490 asphalt and sand spit out little dribbles 00:17:53.190 --> 00:18:15.710 well and then I hear shuffling next to me and a fucking heel 00:18:15.710 --> 00:18:23.870 with the rest of us it was simply attempted murder from a fucking psycho imbred god damni 00:18:23.870 --> 00:18:32.030 14-year-old red-handed fucking weird jaw 00:18:32.030 --> 00:18:38.990 the rest of the story if you come from the boomer generation or the genx generation is somewhat predictable 00:18:39.710 --> 00:18:46.830 I was found by my mom on the playground in fucking pieces she noticed the bleeding but that wasn't 00:18:46.830 --> 00:18:57.550 the same thing I did in the video and I'm so sorry I 00:18:58.270 --> 00:19:03.250 I'm so sorry sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry 00:19:16.830 --> 00:19:19.870 real accident at his job at the fucking boot factory 00:19:19.870 --> 00:19:21.630 and was on disability. 00:19:21.830 --> 00:19:25.870 Apparently he was basically fucking bound to a wheelchair. 00:19:47.310 --> 00:19:48.350 I'm coming for you. 00:19:49.230 --> 00:19:50.750 Like a thief in the night. 00:19:50.910 --> 00:19:53.870 Now I can't get your big crippled ass onto a fucking 00:19:53.870 --> 00:19:56.590 meridot around to pay you back in kind. 00:19:56.910 --> 00:20:03.070 But what I can do is wait for some balmy spring evening when you have all the windows open 00:20:03.070 --> 00:20:03.870 in the house. 00:20:04.750 --> 00:20:10.030 And you're making use of your attic fan enjoying the fresh air and nature's free air 00:20:10.030 --> 00:20:11.150 conditioning belly. 00:20:11.470 --> 00:20:12.910 And that's what I'm going to do it. 00:20:13.230 --> 00:20:16.430 I'm going to fucking side all up to your bedroom window 00:20:16.590 --> 00:20:18.990 about 233 o'clock in the morning. 00:20:19.230 --> 00:20:24.750 The best chance that you are deep in a REM cycle around 233 o'clock in the morning. 00:20:25.390 --> 00:20:29.550 And in your open window, Billy, the open window to your bedroom. 00:20:30.270 --> 00:20:32.430 I will be releasing a cobra. 00:20:33.150 --> 00:20:35.630 And then we will just let nature take its course. 00:20:36.110 --> 00:20:37.550 I'm coming for you, Billy. 00:20:37.710 --> 00:20:42.510 And when that cobra sinks its fangs into your soft, disgusting, 00:20:42.510 --> 00:20:46.430 alabaster white fucking inbred, ginger skin. 00:20:47.070 --> 00:20:48.670 I hope you hear me chuckling. 00:20:49.550 --> 00:20:54.590 Standing outside your window, chuckling as you scream. 00:20:54.910 --> 00:20:58.510 As the neurotoxic venom shuts down your nervous system. 00:20:58.590 --> 00:21:03.070 And as it's necrotic properties start eating away at your muscles and you're 00:21:03.070 --> 00:21:04.590 sin you in your flesh. 00:21:04.750 --> 00:21:06.670 I hope you can hear me chuckling, Billy. 00:21:07.230 --> 00:21:10.350 Right outside your window, growling your name. 00:21:10.910 --> 00:21:13.710 Billy, Billy Vandy Camp. 00:21:14.350 --> 00:21:15.310 Do you remember? 00:21:16.110 --> 00:21:19.790 Do you remember the day you almost killed Lorenzo? 00:21:20.350 --> 00:21:21.950 Consider the dead paid. 00:21:52.590 --> 00:21:54.190 I usually do two. 00:21:54.590 --> 00:22:00.830 And secondly, I'm really fucking distracted because I changed microphones. 00:22:01.630 --> 00:22:04.910 I changed a lot of things actually but the microphone is the most 00:22:05.870 --> 00:22:11.470 operative part of this fucking equation. 00:22:11.470 --> 00:22:18.430 In my effort to constantly improve the overall sound parts and pieces, things that make this fucking 00:22:19.150 --> 00:22:22.270 idiotic podcast what it is, I fucked up. 00:22:22.910 --> 00:22:23.950 I think I've fucked up. 00:22:23.950 --> 00:22:25.310 I'm not sure yet. 00:22:25.390 --> 00:22:30.990 What you heard today in segment one was the maiden voyage of my new microphone, 00:22:31.550 --> 00:22:34.510 the road NT USB. 00:22:34.510 --> 00:22:37.070 I switched away from the Sure MV 51. 00:22:37.070 --> 00:22:44.270 It pained me greatly to fucking turn my back on Sure after all the fucking years. 00:22:44.510 --> 00:22:46.190 I've been a loyal Sure fan. 00:22:46.990 --> 00:22:51.150 But they kind of turned their back on me first to be honest with you. 00:22:51.150 --> 00:22:58.030 Now I listen, I understand you can't fucking keep making a product that nobody wants. 00:23:29.550 --> 00:23:34.910 B which is an iconic fucking microphone outside of the world of podcasting. 00:23:34.910 --> 00:23:37.710 It was iconic before podcasters found it. 00:23:37.710 --> 00:23:40.990 But then Joe Rogan started using it and everybody wants to be Joe Rogan. 00:23:40.990 --> 00:23:44.830 So the SM7B obviously doing very well for sure. 00:23:45.390 --> 00:23:47.150 Well then they made the MV 7 00:23:47.150 --> 00:23:50.750 The MV 7 is the USB version of the SM7B. 00:23:50.750 --> 00:23:51.870 That's what they want you to think. 00:23:51.870 --> 00:23:55.630 But it's absolutely not the USB version of the SM7B. 00:23:55.630 --> 00:23:56.670 It's just not. 00:23:56.670 --> 00:24:03.390 It 00:24:05.790 --> 00:24:10.270 Even if you use the XLR option on the MV 7, 00:24:10.270 --> 00:24:13.150 it still doesn't perform like an SM7. 00:24:13.150 --> 00:24:14.990 It just kind of half-ass looks like one. 00:24:14.990 --> 00:24:17.950 Okay, okay, I'm getting off on a fucking tangent. 00:24:17.950 --> 00:24:21.950 So they have the two most successful podcast microphones. 00:24:21.950 --> 00:24:25.230 They have the MV 7 and they have the SM7B. 00:24:25.230 --> 00:24:28.430 So they had a line called their motive line, 00:24:28.430 --> 00:24:33.550 which was the MV 5, which I have, and the MV 51, 00:24:33.550 --> 00:24:36.110 which I also have and I think they had a wireless version. 00:24:36.110 --> 00:24:38.830 But who gives a shit about that? 00:24:38.830 --> 00:24:41.390 The MV 51 is exactly what I was looking for. 00:24:41.390 --> 00:24:42.670 It was perfect in every way. 00:24:42.670 --> 00:24:44.670 For me, I could do voice over shit. 00:24:44.670 --> 00:24:46.590 I could read audio books into it. 00:24:46.590 --> 00:24:49.550 It was great for noise cancellation and noise reduction 00:24:49.550 --> 00:24:53.950 and the vocal mode gave me the ability to podcast 00:24:53.950 --> 00:24:59.390 and sound as good if not better than someone using a traditional XLR setup 00:24:59.390 --> 00:25:01.870 with all the fucking gadgets and gizmos. 00:25:01.870 --> 00:25:03.630 That's the quick and dirty version. 00:25:03.630 --> 00:25:05.550 Okay, well, as it turns out, 00:25:05.550 --> 00:25:10.670 sure having the two most popular fucking podcast mics on the market 00:25:10.670 --> 00:25:15.390 in the MV 7 and the SM7B didn't need the fucking MV 51 anymore. 00:25:15.390 --> 00:25:16.510 I don't blame them. 00:25:16.510 --> 00:25:19.470 Why would you continue to make a product and support a product 00:25:19.470 --> 00:25:21.390 that nobody fucking wants? 00:25:21.390 --> 00:25:23.230 I get it, I understand. 00:25:23.230 --> 00:25:26.830 Why did Olive Garden stop making the Italian scallion appetizer 00:25:26.830 --> 00:25:28.830 because nobody fucking wanted it? 00:25:28.830 --> 00:25:31.310 I'm not saying that they had to keep it around for me. 00:25:31.310 --> 00:25:33.550 But when I reach out to them and say, 00:25:33.550 --> 00:25:37.390 hey, the USB connector on the back of this MV 51 00:25:37.390 --> 00:25:39.630 is getting just a little bit fucking loose 00:25:39.790 --> 00:25:41.310 and it's going to start giving me problems. 00:25:41.310 --> 00:25:44.110 Can I send it in for you guys to fix? 00:25:44.110 --> 00:25:50.110 And they say no, because they no longer sell that product. 00:25:50.110 --> 00:25:52.190 What do you fucking mean? 00:25:52.190 --> 00:25:53.630 Okay, so you don't sell that product, 00:25:53.630 --> 00:25:56.350 but it's still got your fucking name on it. 00:25:56.350 --> 00:25:58.110 Like it's still a sure microphone. 00:25:58.110 --> 00:26:00.590 Are you telling me that you won't fix it? 00:26:00.590 --> 00:26:02.750 Because you no longer make it. 00:26:02.750 --> 00:26:04.110 And they were like, yes. 00:26:04.110 --> 00:26:08.350 And they suggested I find some kind of fucking computer repair guy 00:26:08.510 --> 00:26:12.990 maybe see if Best Buy will repair it for me. 00:26:12.990 --> 00:26:14.670 What the fuck? 00:26:14.670 --> 00:26:16.590 So then the thought process still being 00:26:16.590 --> 00:26:18.990 le- that wasn't a deal breaker for me. 00:26:19.710 --> 00:26:21.310 Still being loyal to sure, 00:26:21.310 --> 00:26:24.990 I fucking started looking for another MV 51. 00:26:25.950 --> 00:26:29.310 And you just about can't buy them new 00:26:29.310 --> 00:26:31.950 anymore from a reputable company. 00:26:31.950 --> 00:26:34.350 Because the moment sure stopped supporting them, 00:26:34.350 --> 00:26:36.350 they yanked them back off the shelves 00:26:36.350 --> 00:26:38.990 and had them send in where they're going to fucking melt them down 00:26:38.990 --> 00:26:40.750 and turn them into other microphones. 00:26:40.750 --> 00:26:42.270 I don't know exactly how it works. 00:26:42.990 --> 00:26:44.350 But you can still find them. 00:26:44.350 --> 00:26:47.070 Sure, you can still find them brand new on the internet. 00:26:47.070 --> 00:26:49.870 But the reputable companies that we're carrying 00:26:49.870 --> 00:26:51.390 in and I'm talking about musicians, 00:26:51.390 --> 00:26:53.230 friend, guitar, center, 00:26:53.230 --> 00:26:56.190 hell even Walmart.com, target.com, 00:26:56.910 --> 00:27:00.110 Amazon, all of these different companies that sold them 00:27:00.990 --> 00:27:02.030 no longer sell them. 00:27:02.910 --> 00:27:04.990 They have third party vendors that sell them, 00:27:04.990 --> 00:27:07.070 you're kind of fucking on your own there. 00:27:07.070 --> 00:27:08.750 You know, buy at your own risk. 00:27:08.750 --> 00:27:11.390 So I thought okay, well, now what? 00:27:12.270 --> 00:27:16.270 The MV 7 obviously doesn't work for me as a matter of fact I fucking got rid of it. 00:27:16.270 --> 00:27:19.230 I have no interest in buying an XLR microphone. 00:27:19.230 --> 00:27:22.030 I don't want a sure SM7B. 00:27:22.030 --> 00:27:25.630 Even though it was my favorite fucking microphone I ever used in radio, 00:27:25.630 --> 00:27:30.590 I have no fucking desire to go through all the bullshit and expense of assembling a 00:27:30.590 --> 00:27:34.750 fucking traditional XLR microphone to mixer, to 00:27:34.750 --> 00:27:40.990 amp, to compressor, to processor, to interface situation. 00:27:40.990 --> 00:27:43.070 I don't want to fucking deal with that. 00:27:43.070 --> 00:27:45.870 First of all, I'm not gonna spend that kind of money on this 00:27:45.870 --> 00:27:47.710 fucking hobby of mine. 00:27:47.710 --> 00:27:49.550 And secondly, I just don't want to fucking deal with it. 00:27:49.550 --> 00:27:54.270 I would have to fucking construct a room in my house specifically for the 00:27:54.270 --> 00:27:58.350 rack full of shit that I would have to have in order to make that XLR 00:27:58.350 --> 00:28:00.990 microphone sound the way I want it to. 00:28:00.990 --> 00:28:07.310 So that is why I say sure kind of turned their back on me before I turned my back on them. 00:28:07.310 --> 00:28:08.590 They shut me out. 00:28:08.590 --> 00:28:12.830 They stopped making a product that would work for me. 00:28:12.830 --> 00:28:14.190 It's not their fault. 00:28:14.190 --> 00:28:14.910 It's not my fault. 00:28:14.910 --> 00:28:16.350 It's nobody's fucking fault. 00:28:16.350 --> 00:28:17.710 It just is what it is. 00:28:17.710 --> 00:28:23.950 But I found myself no longer satisfied with the 00:28:23.950 --> 00:28:30.990 real quick for you in episode eight, in episode nine, and then episode 10 confirmed it. 00:28:30.990 --> 00:28:35.470 I found that the sound that I was getting out of the MV51 was just a little bit 00:28:35.470 --> 00:28:42.110 too fucking dark to cut through the layers of sound effects and background music that I was doing 00:28:42.110 --> 00:28:44.670 in order to assist me in telling the fucking story. 00:28:44.670 --> 00:28:46.030 I say that in air quotes. 00:28:46.030 --> 00:28:47.710 The sound was just a little bit too dark. 00:28:47.710 --> 00:28:49.230 I needed something brighter. 00:28:49.230 --> 00:28:53.790 So I thought, okay, well, I'll go into my software that I use, which is Reaper for all 00:28:53.870 --> 00:29:00.030 the heavy lifting editing and I'll brighten up the sound a little bit so it cuts through the layers 00:29:00.030 --> 00:29:05.230 of audio that I have underneath it trying to air quotes tell my story. 00:29:05.230 --> 00:29:06.430 I say it again. 00:29:06.430 --> 00:29:08.190 Well, it didn't fucking work. 00:29:08.190 --> 00:29:12.510 I should say it didn't work very well, not to my liking anyway. 00:29:12.510 --> 00:29:15.390 I couldn't make it sound the way I thought it ought to sound. 00:29:15.390 --> 00:29:18.510 That puts me in a situation where not only is this microphone, 00:29:19.070 --> 00:29:22.750 not on the verge of flaking out, but that connector starting to get a little bit 00:29:22.750 --> 00:29:28.110 fucking loose and I'm way too mobile and I move around way too much to have a microphone that's 00:29:28.110 --> 00:29:30.110 having connection problems. 00:29:30.110 --> 00:29:36.030 That coupled with the fact that I'm not happy with the fucking high-end sound that I'm getting out 00:29:36.030 --> 00:29:38.270 of out of that mic. 00:29:38.270 --> 00:29:40.910 Well, it had me looking for other options. 00:29:40.910 --> 00:29:44.670 John Jeming go told me he's not happy with his roadcaster. 00:29:44.670 --> 00:29:45.790 Is that what it's called? 00:29:45.790 --> 00:29:47.390 The roadcaster. 00:29:47.390 --> 00:29:48.110 What's it called? 00:29:49.070 --> 00:29:51.630 The podcaster by road? 00:29:51.630 --> 00:29:53.950 Is that what I don't fucking know. 00:29:53.950 --> 00:29:56.030 I think it's called the podcast mic. 00:29:56.030 --> 00:29:57.230 What the fuck? 00:29:57.230 --> 00:29:58.030 Hang on. 00:29:58.030 --> 00:29:59.070 I don't want to ask cereal. 00:29:59.070 --> 00:30:00.350 Let's just look it up. 00:30:00.350 --> 00:30:03.870 Road podcast mic. 00:30:04.510 --> 00:30:05.070 Oh, okay. 00:30:05.070 --> 00:30:07.710 So it's called the road pod mic. 00:30:08.590 --> 00:30:10.510 John Jeming go said he's not happy with it. 00:30:10.510 --> 00:30:14.190 He said he doesn't like the way it sounds, so I'm definitely not going to fucking buy it. 00:30:14.830 --> 00:30:19.310 However, I that I started researching and then I jumped on X and I actually asked 00:30:19.310 --> 00:30:20.350 Road. 00:30:20.350 --> 00:30:24.590 Here's my conundrum and I told them the entire fucking story that I just told you 00:30:24.590 --> 00:30:26.270 without all the fuck words. 00:30:26.270 --> 00:30:29.070 And I said I dabble in voiceovers. 00:30:29.070 --> 00:30:30.910 I do the occasional audiobook. 00:30:30.910 --> 00:30:32.270 I fucking podcast. 00:30:33.310 --> 00:30:37.870 I want to be able to do all three of these things with the same microphone and sound 00:30:37.870 --> 00:30:40.030 really fucking good doing it. 00:30:40.030 --> 00:30:42.910 And this is the really cool thing about what Road did. 00:30:42.910 --> 00:30:44.190 They talked to me about my setup. 00:30:44.190 --> 00:30:46.430 They're like, okay, what software are you using? 00:30:46.430 --> 00:30:48.510 What computers are you using? 00:30:48.510 --> 00:30:51.310 Let's talk about the treatment on your room and all this stuff. 00:30:51.310 --> 00:30:53.790 They asked me all these questions, which I answered. 00:30:53.790 --> 00:30:59.790 And they said, okay, our suggestion is the road NT USB, 00:30:59.790 --> 00:31:04.910 which the road NT is a fucking famous studio mic. 00:31:05.470 --> 00:31:11.070 I mean, fucking famous world famous renowned has been for a really long time. 00:31:11.870 --> 00:31:19.310 Well, Road decided to make a USB version to try to tap into the market of cheap fucks like me 00:31:19.310 --> 00:31:24.590 who want really good fucking studio quality sound but don't have a fucking studio and all 00:31:24.590 --> 00:31:26.430 of the fucking gear that goes into it. 00:31:26.430 --> 00:31:31.870 Okay, okay, okay, I say, so anyway, I bought the road NT USB. 00:31:31.870 --> 00:31:37.390 I feel it important to say that I'm not being compensated for this. 00:31:38.030 --> 00:31:42.910 I don't know why because I guess I do know why because what I did was I just 00:31:42.910 --> 00:31:50.430 went on a fucking testimonial about how helpful Road was in my process of selecting because I'm 00:31:50.430 --> 00:31:53.150 fucking nobody. You know what I mean? I'm John Q. 00:31:53.150 --> 00:31:54.110 Fucking podcaster. 00:31:54.110 --> 00:31:59.790 There's only four and a half million active podcasts right now on the inner webs. 00:31:59.790 --> 00:32:00.910 Who am I? Nobody. 00:32:01.790 --> 00:32:04.590 But they took the time to talk to me and sell me on their product. 00:32:04.590 --> 00:32:08.590 So I fucking bought it and incidentally it's what I'm talking to you on right now. 00:32:08.590 --> 00:32:13.870 But I say all that to say I fucked you over this episode. 00:32:13.870 --> 00:32:18.350 First of all, you're only getting one segment and then me talking about gear, right? 00:32:18.350 --> 00:32:22.110 But secondly and most importantly, I was so fucking distracted 00:32:22.910 --> 00:32:28.030 while I was recording that segment and hell even this one because I'm using new shit and I'm 00:32:28.030 --> 00:32:34.510 having to talk into a fucking pop filter because I simply do not have the skill required to operate 00:32:34.510 --> 00:32:38.590 this fucking mic. They didn't fucking tell me that. They didn't tell me that the fucking 00:32:38.590 --> 00:32:42.110 training wheels are off. Kitty fucking play times over. You're actually going to have to know what 00:32:42.110 --> 00:32:47.550 you're doing in order to use this fucking microphone. That should have been on the website like 00:32:47.550 --> 00:32:50.750 the first thing you see. Don't buy this if you suck. 00:32:53.630 --> 00:32:58.430 So it took me forever to record segment one, which is why you're only getting one segment in 00:32:58.430 --> 00:33:03.870 episode 11 because I kept having your re-record and re-record and re-record because all of my 00:33:04.510 --> 00:33:10.910 b's and f- fuckin' s-s and everything was two, s-s-s and pop-po, bitchy and b. So anyway, 00:33:10.910 --> 00:33:19.390 I'm gonna try to do it. I'm gonna try to do it all. I'm gonna try to do it all. I can't do it. 00:33:19.390 --> 00:33:31.070 So I'm gonna try to do it all. So it's gonna be more of a 00:33:31.070 --> 00:33:35.710 trying to fucking be stupid and tell dick jokes. 00:33:35.710 --> 00:33:36.870 I apologize. 00:33:36.870 --> 00:33:40.590 I'll do better next time. 00:33:40.590 --> 00:33:44.030 Episode 12 is going to be, I'm not going to say it's going to be epic. 00:33:44.030 --> 00:33:47.670 Episode 12 is going to be fairly good. 00:33:47.830 --> 00:33:59.390 Episode 12 is, we're going to really fucking not step on our nuts in episode 12. 00:33:59.390 --> 00:34:00.510 Okay, we're going to fucking go at least 80%. 00:34:00.510 --> 00:34:04.990 An episode 12 of Missing Throughoper Radio. 00:34:04.990 --> 00:34:06.270 They can't all be homeruns. 00:34:06.270 --> 00:34:07.270 Fuck off. 00:34:07.270 --> 00:34:08.910 Alright, well, let's wrap it up. 00:34:08.910 --> 00:34:11.390 I hope you enjoy Missing Throughoper Radio overall. 00:34:11.390 --> 00:34:15.430 I'm not going to ask you to enjoy this episode because frankly it's not great. 00:34:15.430 --> 00:34:17.470 I just explained why. 00:34:17.470 --> 00:34:18.710 Get off my ass. 00:34:18.710 --> 00:34:20.910 All I can hope though is that you're digging it. 00:34:20.910 --> 00:34:23.510 That's at the end of the day that's really all I want. 00:34:23.510 --> 00:34:29.070 I've been talking to AI quite a bit about promoting podcasts and the best way to go about 00:34:29.070 --> 00:34:33.450 doing it and that's something I'm really going to get fucking interested in once I get 00:34:33.450 --> 00:34:35.490 season one in the can. 00:34:35.490 --> 00:34:40.050 Once season one is done and wrapped up, I'm really going to fucking spend the time that I 00:34:40.050 --> 00:34:45.410 would normally be recording and editing and I think I'm going to spend that time focusing 00:34:45.410 --> 00:34:49.850 on the marketing side of Missing Throughoper Radio. 00:34:49.850 --> 00:34:51.530 See what we can get done there. 00:34:51.530 --> 00:34:56.390 I have some merch on the way and while I'm not going to sell it to you, I will give it 00:34:56.390 --> 00:34:57.390 to you. 00:34:57.390 --> 00:35:02.370 Once I get the stuff in hand, I'll put it out here on the podcast and say, you know, hey, 00:35:02.370 --> 00:35:03.850 give me a shout. 00:35:03.850 --> 00:35:07.770 If you're interested in some fucking free gear from Missing Throughoper Radio, give me 00:35:07.770 --> 00:35:09.770 a fucking yell. 00:35:09.770 --> 00:35:12.650 Slide into my DMs and I'll hook you up. 00:35:12.650 --> 00:35:13.650 Free of charge. 00:35:13.650 --> 00:35:17.090 Hell, I should be paying you to fucking wear the t-shirt. 00:35:17.090 --> 00:35:21.450 Thank you again for joining me for this episode of Missing Throughoper Radio until next time.