WEBVTT 00:00:00.140 --> 00:00:05.540 Welcome to Missing Throat Radio 2.0 real quick introduction 00:00:05.860 --> 00:00:12.260 Missing Throat Radio 2.0 that insinuates that there was a missing Throat Radio 1.0 and that's because there was 00:00:12.980 --> 00:00:15.140 It was the first podcast I ever did 00:00:15.740 --> 00:00:16.700 2018 00:00:16.700 --> 00:00:18.700 2019 ish and 00:00:18.700 --> 00:00:20.540 I had a lot of fun with it 00:00:20.540 --> 00:00:27.780 I'm probably going to recycle some of those bits and put them on missing Throat Radio 2.0 because why the fuck not 00:00:28.620 --> 00:00:34.440 I'm sure if you went out there looking for Missing Throat Radio you could probably find it depending on the podcasting app 00:00:34.440 --> 00:00:40.040 But I trashed it years ago. I have since started a couple of other podcasts 00:00:40.940 --> 00:00:48.760 Trying my hand at different things shit didn't work out because I only know one thing one thing and one thing only and that's talking shit 00:00:49.260 --> 00:00:53.660 Okay, so if I try to do something serious or fucking heartfelt or 00:00:54.660 --> 00:01:02.460 sincere or I try to talk politics or fucking anything like that it always comes off as insincere because I don't even fucking believe it 00:01:02.460 --> 00:01:05.200 The only thing that I know for a fact 00:01:06.380 --> 00:01:08.380 Is that people fuck everything up 00:01:09.460 --> 00:01:17.160 So why not just go back to doing what I do hence missing Throat Radio 2.0 rising from the ashes of Lorenzo 00:01:17.160 --> 00:01:19.160 reads an unmoderate and 00:01:19.160 --> 00:01:21.160 Missing Throat Radio OG 00:01:21.480 --> 00:01:25.840 Before I let you glimpse into my fucking sick mind with the rest of this 00:01:26.720 --> 00:01:28.220 podcast episode 00:01:28.220 --> 00:01:32.080 I want to just take a second to to give you a statistic and 00:01:33.760 --> 00:01:38.240 I'm gonna try to do so and I'm gonna give you the statistic and I'm gonna say a few things 00:01:38.240 --> 00:01:45.700 I'm gonna try to do so as gently as I can with four million active podcasts going on in America right now 00:01:45.700 --> 00:01:47.700 There's a great chance especially 00:01:48.860 --> 00:01:56.000 Because this industry being as incestuous and fucking weird as it is there's a great chance that you are a podcaster yourself 00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:58.000 Or you know 00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:06.640 Someone who's a podcaster so here's the statistic and then again, I'm gonna try to be gentle with this next part 82% 00:02:06.980 --> 00:02:08.980 of podcast traffic 00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:12.000 according to Apple 00:02:12.500 --> 00:02:18.660 And there are their metrics their industry metrics 82% of podcast traffic 00:02:19.200 --> 00:02:21.200 by consumers is 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:24.000 concentrated on 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:26.000 podcasts that come from 00:02:26.640 --> 00:02:28.640 10 companies 00:02:29.400 --> 00:02:30.900 Think about that 00:02:30.900 --> 00:02:37.680 So if a hundred million Americans listen to at least one podcast episode every week which is a 00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:44.480 Fairly good estimate according to Forbes magazine that means 82 million of those 00:02:45.040 --> 00:02:49.280 100 million people are listening to podcasts from one of 00:02:50.440 --> 00:02:52.440 10 major companies 00:02:53.280 --> 00:02:57.240 Anyway, you can fucking look them up on your own time 10 companies 00:02:57.880 --> 00:02:59.400 10 podcast 00:02:59.400 --> 00:03:04.640 Consortiums, that's a better way to say it 10 podcast consortiums account for 00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:09.600 82% of all podcast traffic in America 00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:15.440 So what that really boils down to I because you you could take that information and go in two different directions 00:03:15.440 --> 00:03:19.040 You could say that oh my god nothing's fucking changed 00:03:19.640 --> 00:03:25.080 Big companies are still running the fucking information in America and you know what that's absolutely true 00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:27.600 That's a way to look at it. I look at it a different way 00:03:27.880 --> 00:03:29.880 What I'm gonna say is that you 00:03:30.600 --> 00:03:37.560 Your friend who has a podcast your other friend who has a podcast and your uncle who has a fucking podcast and I 00:03:38.360 --> 00:03:40.520 are all competing for the same 00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:43.680 18 million people 00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:47.480 And I know that this is podcasting and it's all one big fucking happy community 00:03:47.480 --> 00:03:49.480 But here's the problem with that 00:03:49.720 --> 00:03:52.920 You're not good at what you do and I am 00:03:53.960 --> 00:03:58.080 Okay, and there's just really no general way to say that I'm really fucking good at this 00:03:58.080 --> 00:04:04.200 You're not and you being out there doing a shit job at fucking podcasting is making it harder for me 00:04:05.040 --> 00:04:10.120 To get people to listen to this fucking show because there's three and a half million 00:04:10.480 --> 00:04:14.000 Shows just like yours out there that are fucking dog shit on ice 00:04:14.320 --> 00:04:17.160 So if you could kindly fuck off out of my way and 00:04:17.760 --> 00:04:21.280 And let me cut through the fucking noise that would be great 00:04:28.080 --> 00:04:33.440 Okay, or your fucking Volkswagen Beetle here. I come in a fucking Lamborghini 00:04:33.440 --> 00:04:40.240 Aren't you gonna be inclined to let me go ahead and get ahead of you because I've got way more fucking petal than you do 00:04:40.280 --> 00:04:44.040 It's just the neighborly thing to do kindly fuck off to jiffy lube 00:04:44.560 --> 00:04:49.360 jiffy lube has a job for you this podcasting thing isn't for you. Okay, it's for me 00:04:49.680 --> 00:04:51.680 So kindly fuck off out of the way 00:04:52.760 --> 00:04:57.240 Thank you on with the show go ahead and start the opener. Let's go 00:04:57.640 --> 00:05:00.600 Missing through radio in my own way 00:05:01.560 --> 00:05:03.560 I was born fully grown 00:05:04.280 --> 00:05:06.280 I was born Ilyrio Zapata 00:05:06.840 --> 00:05:10.680 Domingo Franchenzo Juan Paco Medina Ruiz 00:05:11.400 --> 00:05:13.400 Luis Vega Rosendo 00:05:13.560 --> 00:05:17.080 Sanchez my father died shortly before I was born 00:05:17.400 --> 00:05:22.200 He mulled the cartels product north of the border in a balloon burst in his ass 00:05:23.000 --> 00:05:26.440 Life got hard then my mother was at work all the time 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:31.560 And I was left on my own she said she used her mouth to make her living 00:05:32.120 --> 00:05:34.120 I used to think that that meant singing 00:05:34.520 --> 00:05:36.520 But now I'm not so sure 00:05:39.640 --> 00:05:42.280 So I was talking to my brother the other day and 00:05:43.400 --> 00:05:47.720 You're not gonna hear me mention my brother very often because honestly he's 00:05:49.080 --> 00:05:53.320 Not that interesting. He's fairly normal dude, you know, um 00:05:53.880 --> 00:06:01.800 Just kind of a fucking normal guy has a normal job nice fucking beautiful family white picket fancy super fucking boring 00:06:02.280 --> 00:06:05.720 I mean aside from the fact that he's six foot seven. There's really nothing 00:06:06.600 --> 00:06:08.600 remarkable about him 00:06:08.600 --> 00:06:10.600 Anyway, I was talking to him the other day and 00:06:11.240 --> 00:06:15.000 Very occasionally when we talk he actually brings up something worth noting 00:06:15.800 --> 00:06:19.000 Well, I guess he decided to do that 23 and me 00:06:19.800 --> 00:06:21.800 Were you swab your cheek or 00:06:22.360 --> 00:06:26.520 impale yourself with something or fucking jerk off on a rag or something like that anyway 00:06:26.520 --> 00:06:35.880 You send it to this company and then they do a complete analysis of your fucking DNA and then send send you a report and tell you where 00:06:37.800 --> 00:06:39.000 You 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:40.600 Hail from 00:06:40.600 --> 00:06:42.440 I said that probably in the most 00:06:43.400 --> 00:06:48.120 Ridic Commissionless way possible. They they send you a report and tell you what your uh 00:06:49.160 --> 00:06:52.360 Lineages they tell you where your fucking people are from 00:06:53.320 --> 00:07:00.120 So long fucking story short we always knew on our moms side of the family we had 00:07:00.600 --> 00:07:03.400 Native American American Indian whatever you want to call them 00:07:03.480 --> 00:07:07.720 There was some Irish there was some Scottish there was some English and uh 00:07:08.840 --> 00:07:11.400 I had to fucking I don't remember something else I want to say French 00:07:12.680 --> 00:07:16.040 But none of us really have the tendency to try to surrender 00:07:17.000 --> 00:07:23.480 So it couldn't I don't know maybe maybe not French it you know what that's not the operative part of the conversation 00:07:24.040 --> 00:07:26.040 Here's where shit gets real 00:07:26.520 --> 00:07:28.520 On my dad's side we were told 00:07:29.000 --> 00:07:33.480 100% German top to bottom straight from fucking Germany god damn German 00:07:33.960 --> 00:07:39.800 And so while we didn't have many conversations about our lineage because I'm not fucking 90 00:07:41.160 --> 00:07:43.320 We did have the occasional 00:07:43.320 --> 00:07:51.240 Conversation about our lineage and it was always really focused on mom's side of the family because dad's side of the family was fucking boring 00:07:51.960 --> 00:07:54.280 It was German straight up German top to bottom 00:07:55.480 --> 00:08:01.960 Well, he gets the results of this 23 and me and low and fucking behold there's a Jew in the wood pile 00:08:03.320 --> 00:08:09.160 Yeah, and not just a Jew in the wood pile, you know from way back in the day no no no no no no 00:08:09.880 --> 00:08:14.280 There's a Jew in the wood pile to the tune of almost 25% 00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:17.160 At first it came as a shock, but now 00:08:18.040 --> 00:08:21.640 Upon reflection I am fucking ecstatic 00:08:22.600 --> 00:08:27.800 Ashkenazi Jew ask me what that means I have no fucking idea, but Ashkenazi Jew 00:08:29.480 --> 00:08:34.360 Clear as fucking day on that piece of paper. I always knew I had greatness in my future 00:08:34.600 --> 00:08:37.560 I'm one of God's chosen people 00:08:38.440 --> 00:08:41.080 I'm a member of one of the twelve tribes 00:08:41.800 --> 00:08:43.800 And I couldn't possibly be happier 00:08:44.520 --> 00:08:51.480 Because everything I always knew about myself is now true. I always knew I was destined for greatness 00:08:52.040 --> 00:08:58.520 I always knew I should have a claim at international banking and finance. I always felt like I should own 00:08:58.520 --> 00:09:01.560 part of the Rolling Stones catalog. 00:09:01.560 --> 00:09:03.960 This is about me now. 00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:05.960 It's my time. 00:09:05.960 --> 00:09:08.160 It's my time to shine. 00:09:08.160 --> 00:09:10.400 Bring in the Mots of Balls. 00:09:10.400 --> 00:09:12.960 Find me a fucking loyal. 00:09:12.960 --> 00:09:15.400 Introduce me to the Yentos. 00:09:15.400 --> 00:09:18.000 It's my time to shine. 00:09:18.000 --> 00:09:19.800 International Jewry. 00:09:19.800 --> 00:09:21.200 Here I come. 00:09:21.200 --> 00:09:23.640 I'm gonna buy a jewelry store. 00:09:23.640 --> 00:09:27.040 I'm gonna grow really long fucking sideburns. 00:09:27.440 --> 00:09:30.280 I'm gonna start rocking a fucking Yamaka. 00:09:30.280 --> 00:09:32.400 There's nothing can stop me now. 00:09:32.400 --> 00:09:35.400 There's a fucking Jew in the wood pile. 00:09:35.400 --> 00:09:38.480 Celebrate Rebels. 00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:40.920 Here I come show business. 00:09:40.920 --> 00:09:44.000 There's no fucking stoppin' me now. 00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:48.920 Dancing in the streets like King David, also a Jew. 00:09:48.920 --> 00:09:51.760 I'm gonna go on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem 00:09:51.760 --> 00:09:54.280 and not feel like a fucking tourist. 00:09:54.280 --> 00:10:01.880 I am 25% Jew and I could fucking not possibly be any happier. 00:10:01.880 --> 00:10:06.360 I'm shit here comes my dad. 00:10:06.360 --> 00:10:08.280 Dad, what the fuck I'm recording in here? 00:10:08.280 --> 00:10:10.480 That's what I'm befilling. 00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:13.320 The uncle's telling us what to befilling. 00:10:13.320 --> 00:10:14.320 What the fuck? 00:10:14.320 --> 00:10:15.320 They're sitting. 00:10:15.320 --> 00:10:17.000 What are you talking about? 00:10:17.000 --> 00:10:19.360 They don't have to be Logan, so they're just... 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:21.400 What do you mean keep the bloodlines pure? 00:10:21.400 --> 00:10:22.960 What are you a fucking Targaryen? 00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:24.200 You can send them together. 00:10:24.200 --> 00:10:26.280 I think they think that they're trying to house them. 00:10:26.280 --> 00:10:28.080 Neither Targaryen can find them. 00:10:28.080 --> 00:10:30.080 The fight is a... 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:31.080 I'm out of the saga. 00:10:31.080 --> 00:10:32.080 Dad is 2025. 00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:33.280 Nobody gives a fuck about that. 00:10:33.280 --> 00:10:35.280 Stop throwing shit. 00:10:35.280 --> 00:10:36.280 Stop throwing shit. 00:10:36.280 --> 00:10:37.280 Stop throwing shit. 00:10:37.280 --> 00:10:39.280 Shut the door. 00:10:39.280 --> 00:10:40.280 Get him out of here. 00:10:40.280 --> 00:10:41.280 Get him out of here. 00:10:41.280 --> 00:10:43.280 I'm trying to fucking work. 00:10:43.280 --> 00:10:46.280 Oh my god, he's still fucking going. 00:10:46.280 --> 00:10:48.280 Listen to that shit. 00:10:48.280 --> 00:10:49.280 Okay, let him in. 00:10:49.280 --> 00:10:52.280 He's just fucking get this over with. 00:10:52.280 --> 00:11:00.280 Yes, it's confirmed. 00:11:00.280 --> 00:11:01.280 Ashkenazi Jew. 00:11:01.280 --> 00:11:02.280 I don't know what it means either. 00:11:02.280 --> 00:11:03.280 You just fucking heart... 00:11:03.280 --> 00:11:04.280 You don't know what it fucking means. 00:11:04.280 --> 00:11:09.280 You just heard the word Jew and fucking flew off the rail. 00:11:09.280 --> 00:11:12.280 It's Hatter on the Targaryen. 00:11:12.280 --> 00:11:14.280 No, you can show your face in public. 00:11:14.280 --> 00:11:18.280 Oh, Dad, I don't know how to officially get here to live. 00:11:18.280 --> 00:11:19.280 We're starting. 00:11:19.280 --> 00:11:21.280 Dad, it's not 1938. 00:11:21.280 --> 00:11:24.280 Okay, it's fucking okay to have a Jew in the wood pile. 00:11:24.280 --> 00:11:27.280 Don't fucking call me a dirty Jew. 00:11:27.280 --> 00:11:30.280 If I'm a dirty Jew, you're a dirty Jew. 00:11:30.280 --> 00:11:32.280 I like Mr. Stant. 00:11:32.280 --> 00:11:35.280 No, no, stop. 00:11:35.280 --> 00:11:40.280 I'm going to fucking throw you heebie golds. 00:11:40.280 --> 00:11:43.280 I'm going to fucking throw you heebie golds. 00:11:43.280 --> 00:11:46.280 I like to throw you, I. 00:11:46.280 --> 00:11:48.280 I kind of want to though. 00:11:48.280 --> 00:11:49.280 I like to throw you. 00:11:49.280 --> 00:11:51.280 You were, yes, absolutely. 00:11:51.280 --> 00:11:54.280 That's your new nickname, the fucking BFW. 00:11:54.280 --> 00:11:57.280 You lost your fucking mind. 00:11:57.280 --> 00:12:00.280 Dad, you lost your fucking mind. 00:12:00.280 --> 00:12:05.280 You can't run around yelling and German anymore. 00:12:05.280 --> 00:12:09.280 You can't even talk. 00:12:09.280 --> 00:12:12.280 Hitler fucked that up for us. 00:12:12.280 --> 00:12:14.280 He fucked up the sweet mustache. 00:12:14.280 --> 00:12:17.280 He fucked up anyone being named Adolf again, 00:12:17.280 --> 00:12:19.280 a fucking strong name. 00:12:19.280 --> 00:12:20.280 He fucked that up. 00:12:20.280 --> 00:12:23.280 And he fucked up people yelling and screaming in German. 00:12:23.280 --> 00:12:25.280 You can't do that anymore. 00:12:25.280 --> 00:12:28.280 I say, it's all about Christmas. 00:12:28.280 --> 00:12:29.280 It's an old thing. 00:12:29.280 --> 00:12:31.280 No, think about it. 00:12:31.280 --> 00:12:35.280 All that shit you watch on TV, all that fucking European nonsense you watch. 00:12:35.280 --> 00:12:38.280 Do you ever see German people screaming and yelling on TV? 00:12:38.280 --> 00:12:39.280 No, you don't. 00:12:39.280 --> 00:12:41.280 Hitler fucked that up. 00:12:41.280 --> 00:12:43.280 He ruined it. 00:12:43.280 --> 00:13:06.180 But he loves everyone's his devalces. 00:13:06.180 --> 00:13:08.280 No, you don't have to worry, you don't have to worry. 00:13:08.280 --> 00:13:10.280 I will try to make some months of balls. 00:13:10.280 --> 00:13:12.280 I'm just fucking kidding. 00:13:12.280 --> 00:13:13.280 I'm fucking kidding. 00:13:13.280 --> 00:13:15.280 I'm gonna take a fucking thing. 00:13:15.280 --> 00:13:18.280 Go on, get up out of here and work it. 00:13:18.280 --> 00:13:21.280 Get your bitburger in your fucking schnitzel. 00:13:21.280 --> 00:13:22.280 Yeah, knock it. 00:13:22.280 --> 00:13:24.280 Yeah, press your lugs getting ready to start. 00:13:24.280 --> 00:13:25.280 All right. 00:13:25.280 --> 00:13:26.280 Love you, Dad. 00:13:26.280 --> 00:13:28.280 What was he gonna say about it? 00:13:28.280 --> 00:13:29.280 Jesus Christ. 00:13:29.280 --> 00:13:32.560 That was a fucking epic crash out. 00:13:32.560 --> 00:13:35.560 I haven't heard one of those like that since I was a kid. 00:13:35.560 --> 00:13:37.560 Who fucking knew? 00:13:37.560 --> 00:13:40.560 So anyway, 23 and me. 00:13:40.560 --> 00:13:42.560 Bring in families together. 00:13:42.560 --> 00:13:43.560 This is in Properadio. 00:13:43.560 --> 00:13:44.560 Segment two. 00:13:44.560 --> 00:13:45.560 Face mites. 00:13:45.560 --> 00:13:47.560 Fucking face mites. 00:13:47.560 --> 00:13:56.960 So I was doing a search earlier and I was, uh, I don't remember why the fuck I was looking 00:13:56.960 --> 00:13:58.760 up headlice. 00:13:58.760 --> 00:14:00.560 But I, I was, oh yeah, I do. 00:14:00.560 --> 00:14:04.400 I was in conversation with someone and we were talking about, you know, shit that you 00:14:04.400 --> 00:14:07.400 got when you were kids. 00:14:07.400 --> 00:14:13.400 And she said to me, she's like, have you ever seen a, uh, headlows. 00:14:13.400 --> 00:14:19.400 Like a microscopic, like zoomed in view of a headlouse and I was like, no, why the, no, 00:14:19.400 --> 00:14:20.400 I've never seen anything like that. 00:14:20.400 --> 00:14:23.400 So I googled it real quick. 00:14:23.400 --> 00:14:26.400 Uh, terrifying, by the way. 00:14:26.400 --> 00:14:33.400 And, but when I, when I googled headlice, you know, down in the, um, suggested for you 00:14:33.400 --> 00:14:39.400 bar underneath, there was, I guess, all other, um, fucking parasitic infestations. 00:14:39.400 --> 00:14:42.400 And one of them said face mites. 00:14:42.400 --> 00:14:44.400 And what the fuck is that? 00:14:44.400 --> 00:14:52.160 And I thought to myself, okay, face mites are what you get if you don't fucking wash your 00:14:52.160 --> 00:14:57.160 face or you live in some fucking third world shit hole country, you know, you get a bad 00:14:57.160 --> 00:15:02.160 case of fucking face mites and they smear some fucking diaper cream or something all over 00:15:02.160 --> 00:15:06.160 your face and, and then you wake up at the next morning and it's gone. 00:15:06.160 --> 00:15:12.160 Something that you can easily get rid of like with a fucking penicillin shot or, you know, 00:15:12.160 --> 00:15:16.160 uh, spraying yourself in the face with some fucking raid or something like that. 00:15:16.160 --> 00:15:17.160 That's what I thought. 00:15:17.160 --> 00:15:19.160 That's, that's where my mind went. 00:15:19.160 --> 00:15:22.160 When I saw face mites, so I clicked on it. 00:15:22.160 --> 00:15:27.160 I thought, well, my mind went to third world shit hole, happens to dirty people probably in 00:15:27.160 --> 00:15:32.440 prisons, you just fucking sanitize your face and keep it moving. 00:15:32.440 --> 00:15:40.440 Well, then I made the mistake of clicking on the fucking link to learn more about fucking 00:15:40.440 --> 00:15:41.440 face mites. 00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:50.710 Uh, that was a mistake because I have been teetering on the edge of a fucking cataclysmic 00:15:50.710 --> 00:15:58.150 world ending fucking earth shattering goddamn crash out for the last four hours because of 00:15:58.150 --> 00:16:00.150 what I read about face mites. 00:16:00.150 --> 00:16:08.150 If you don't know what face mites are, well, let me fucking tell you, I, I, I, um, I can't 00:16:08.150 --> 00:16:11.150 wait to bring you in the loop on this first. 00:16:11.150 --> 00:16:19.150 Well, first of all, everyone I fucking talk to about face mites in my outrage is which, 00:16:19.150 --> 00:16:21.150 uh, which only fuels my fire more. 00:16:21.150 --> 00:16:23.150 There were fucking response. 00:16:23.150 --> 00:16:28.150 Everyone I've talked to about face mites is like, oh yeah, yeah, face mites, yeah. 00:16:28.150 --> 00:16:30.150 Yeah, I learned about those in school. 00:16:30.150 --> 00:16:35.150 I must have fucking, I must have been high that day because I didn't fucking learn about 00:16:35.150 --> 00:16:36.150 them in school. 00:16:36.150 --> 00:16:39.150 But I'm getting ahead of myself face mites. 00:16:39.150 --> 00:16:44.550 I'm going to assume that you don't know what the fuck face mites are and I am very excited 00:16:44.550 --> 00:16:47.150 to be able to tell you about them. 00:16:47.150 --> 00:16:56.150 These mites are a near parasitic insect that live in your face. 00:16:56.150 --> 00:17:00.580 Let me say that again. 00:17:00.580 --> 00:17:11.580 They are a near parasitic insect that live in your fucking face like in your fucking 00:17:11.580 --> 00:17:14.580 pores, they live there. 00:17:14.580 --> 00:17:18.580 Okay, now here's the real kick in the nuts. 00:17:18.580 --> 00:17:22.580 They don't live in third world shithole fucking facial pores. 00:17:22.580 --> 00:17:26.580 No, they don't live in prison fucking facial pores. 00:17:26.580 --> 00:17:32.580 I should say they don't live in only third world shithole or prison facial pores. 00:17:32.580 --> 00:17:39.580 No, they live in everybody's facial pores. 00:17:39.580 --> 00:17:43.580 And then they're fucking eyelashes and eyebrows. 00:17:43.580 --> 00:17:45.580 And then they're fucking nostrils. 00:17:45.580 --> 00:17:55.580 They are near parasitic bugs that fucking live in your face and not just anyone's face, 00:17:55.580 --> 00:17:57.580 everyone's fucking face. 00:17:57.580 --> 00:18:01.580 They live in your fucking face bro. 00:18:01.580 --> 00:18:06.580 They live in your fucking face bro. 00:18:06.580 --> 00:18:11.660 Like what does anything fucking matter anymore? 00:18:11.660 --> 00:18:13.660 Nothing fucking means shit. 00:18:13.660 --> 00:18:16.660 Fuck paying by mortgage, fuck the fucking gas bill. 00:18:16.660 --> 00:18:18.660 Who gives a shit about World War III? 00:18:18.660 --> 00:18:24.660 Fuck the fucking additives in food, fuck robber Kennedy, fuck every fuck everything. 00:18:24.660 --> 00:18:28.660 Everyone's got goddamn bugs living in their fucking faces. 00:18:28.660 --> 00:18:32.660 Why the fuck are we talking about this? 00:18:32.660 --> 00:18:35.660 And why did I just have to learn about this today? 00:18:35.660 --> 00:18:37.660 Fuck it. 00:18:37.660 --> 00:18:39.660 I mean legit fuck everything. 00:18:39.660 --> 00:18:41.660 I'm not worried about that fucking credit card payment. 00:18:41.660 --> 00:18:51.880 You want to know why? 00:18:51.880 --> 00:18:54.660 I'm not worried about how long my fucking car is gonna last or whether I need to fucking re-up my home warranty. 00:18:54.660 --> 00:19:00.660 I'm not worried about my fucking hot water heater or the guy telling me I got three years left on my heating and air conditioning unit. 00:19:00.660 --> 00:19:02.660 I'm not worried about that shit. 00:19:02.660 --> 00:19:06.660 All I can think about is I've got fucking bugs living in my face and so do you. 00:19:06.660 --> 00:19:13.660 And the guy who fucking told me that I've got to replace my air conditioning unit, he's got bugs in his face too. 00:19:13.660 --> 00:19:16.660 And we all just live our fucking lives. 00:19:16.660 --> 00:19:21.660 We all just keep it moving like we don't have bugs in our in our face. 00:19:21.660 --> 00:19:23.660 Like we don't fucking think about it. 00:19:23.660 --> 00:19:27.660 Oh, if you don't just if you just don't think about it, it's not that big deal goddamnit. 00:19:27.660 --> 00:19:30.660 I can't think about anything but that. 00:19:30.660 --> 00:19:31.660 Okay? 00:19:31.660 --> 00:19:33.660 It's all I fucking got. 00:19:33.660 --> 00:19:35.660 It's all that's going on in my head. 00:19:35.660 --> 00:19:52.660 I was lovingly preparing a fucking ham tonight and the only fucking thing in my head, while I'm standing there, carving that ham, was I wonder if any fucking face bugs are dripping off of my goddamn nostrils, dripping out of my nostrils, onto this fucking delicious ham. 00:19:52.660 --> 00:19:55.660 Nothing means shit. 00:19:55.660 --> 00:20:00.660 And you want to talk about, listen, I've gone through some shit in my life.. 00:20:00.660 --> 00:20:02.660 You know what I mean? 00:20:02.660 --> 00:20:06.660 I spend a lot of time in the Navy. I saw some really gnarly shit. 00:20:06.660 --> 00:20:18.660 I never really necessarily considered myself an overly religious person, but I gotta say God got me through some shit in my fucking 16 years in the Navy. 00:20:18.660 --> 00:20:23.660 But now I read about fucking face mites and the fact that they live in all of our fucking faces. 00:20:23.660 --> 00:20:27.660 Did I happen to mention that? They live in all of our fucking faces. 00:20:27.660 --> 00:20:28.660 Okay? 00:20:28.660 --> 00:20:47.660 And I'm fucking reading about the fucking face mites and taking on board and embracing the absolute goddamn cataclysmic fucking horror of bugs living in my fucking face and you're facing everybody's face and I'm thinking there can't be a God. 00:20:48.660 --> 00:21:03.660 That's what just popped in my fucking head. There cannot possibly be a God because if there is a God, why the fuck would God make man in his image and then have bugs crawling around in his fucking face? 00:21:03.660 --> 00:21:09.660 Are you telling me that God has divine bugs fucking floating around in his fucking face? I think not. 00:21:09.660 --> 00:21:18.660 It makes me think it really drives home the fucking Darwinian point that this is all just a fucking giant goddamn cosmic accident. 00:21:18.660 --> 00:21:28.970 We crawled out of the fucking primordial ooze bacteria, paramecium fucking down the line chimpanzees lizards and shit. 00:21:28.970 --> 00:21:35.970 Now here we are running around the earth and fucking Ford F-150s and shit with goddamn bugs in our face. 00:21:35.970 --> 00:21:45.970 What's the fucking cute thing that chimpanzees do in the fucking trees? They sit up there and they groom each other. Right? And they pull fucking lice out of each other's disgusting goddamn fur. 00:21:45.970 --> 00:21:53.970 And we look at that and we go, okay, well, you know, obviously they don't have T-Tree shampoo. So what are they going to do? They got to pick lice out with their... 00:21:53.970 --> 00:22:02.970 Okay, we're... we have T-Tree shampoo. That's fucking great, but we have goddamn bugs in our face. 00:22:02.970 --> 00:22:20.540 That you can't get rid of. One of the people... I really did a good job holding it together today by the way. When I was talking about this to different people, I was just fucking shocked, outraged, at face mites. 00:22:20.540 --> 00:22:30.540 And I talked to quite a few people about it. And one of the fucking people I talked to made the mistake of saying it's a symb. 00:22:30.540 --> 00:22:37.540 Like though, you motherfucker, is it a symbiotic relationship? You fucking dopey-cut? It is not a symbiotic relationship. 00:22:37.540 --> 00:22:44.540 It is a parasitic infestation. Let me elaborate. 00:22:44.540 --> 00:22:56.540 A symbiotic relationship is when the crocodile crawls up on fucking land and lays there with its mouth open and then the bird, this particular type of bird lands. 00:22:56.540 --> 00:23:05.540 And kinda looks around the open mall of the crocodile and was like, we good bro? And the crocodile was like, yeah, we're good. 00:23:05.540 --> 00:23:18.540 And the bird goes into the crocodile's mouth to eat all the fucking meat and remains and innards and shit out of in between the fucking crocodile's teeth. 00:23:18.540 --> 00:23:24.540 That is a symbiotic relationship. The crocodile is getting his teeth cleaned and the bird is getting a meal. 00:23:24.540 --> 00:23:33.540 The crocodile does not eat the bird because the crocodile needs the fucking bird in order to not have tooth decay. That is a symbiotic relationship. 00:23:33.540 --> 00:23:41.540 What do they call those fucking fish, pilot fish or whatever the fuck it is that hang out behind sharks? Is that right? 00:23:41.540 --> 00:23:55.540 And they cruise around all around sharks and they eat the scraps and leftovers and shit, you know, but they also keep parasites and shit off of the fucking shark. 00:23:55.540 --> 00:24:10.540 It is a symbiotic relationship. The shark tolerates the presence of the fucking annoying pilot fish and the annoying pilot fish does its job by keeping the shark clean and free of parasites and also, you know, kind of tidies up the area around the shark. 00:24:11.540 --> 00:24:24.540 The shark after the horrific murder of whatever delicate sea creature the shark made happen. That's a symbiotic relationship. 00:24:24.540 --> 00:24:34.540 What we have going on with the fucking face mites is not a symbiotic relationship. It's not a symbiotic relationship in any way, shape or form. 00:24:34.540 --> 00:24:45.540 But, you know, goddammit, Lorenzow, by my calculations, it is a symbiotic relationship because we benefit from the mites being there. 00:24:45.540 --> 00:25:01.540 Okay, Kuntie Kunterson, how the fuck do you figure that? Well, let me tell you, the face mites get rid of excess oils and dead skin and stuff like that off of your face. 00:25:02.540 --> 00:25:16.540 And all you have to do is let them live there. Well, I don't have the fucking option to let them not live there. And that's what I'm saying. It's not a symbiotic relationship because I don't have a fucking choice in the matter. 00:25:16.540 --> 00:25:29.540 You see what I'm saying? The shark and the bird, the bird can just not, or not the shark and the bird. The fucking alligator crocodile, whatever the fuck. And the bird, the alligator can, or the crocodile can choose to eat the fucking bird 00:25:29.540 --> 00:25:44.540 or choose to not open its mouth and the bird has no option but to respect that. The crocodile can open its mouth and the bird can just not land there that day to pick through the fucking teeth and the crocodile has to respect that. That's a fucking symbiotic relationship. 00:25:44.540 --> 00:25:55.540 What we are dealing with, what the fucking face mites is a goddamned parasitic infestation. It's a fucking invasion. 00:25:55.540 --> 00:26:17.540 It's not an invasion. It's an occupation. Our faces have been occupied by legions of fucking face mites, micro-near microscopic bugs who do nothing but crawl around all day long and fucking mark their territory, their facial fucking territory. 00:26:17.540 --> 00:26:35.540 It's not a symbiotic relationship. It's an occupation. It's a fucking parasitic infestation. And what do we as humans do? What do we as humans do very well, especially in western civilization? What the fuck do we do with parasites? 00:26:35.540 --> 00:26:41.540 In western civilized nations, what do we do? We don't fucking tolerate them. 00:26:42.540 --> 00:26:56.540 If you got a tick on you, what do you do with it? You don't just go, well, you know, it's gonna go ahead and get rid of the bad red blood cells. No, you fucking get rid of it. You pull it out and smash it and throw it away. 00:26:57.540 --> 00:27:11.540 We go to great lengths to not succumb to fucking parasitic infestation. If you don't want to be infested with the trachyne worm, what do you do? You cook your fucking pork all the way through. 00:27:12.540 --> 00:27:22.540 If you don't want to be infested with roundworms or whatever the fuck they are, what do you do? You fucking soak your wild game in saltwater before you fucking cook it. And then you cook it all the way through. 00:27:22.540 --> 00:27:32.540 These are things that we do to not be fucking infested with goddamn parasites, but nobody is talking about the fucking face mites. 00:27:32.540 --> 00:27:45.540 Well, I got news for you. We don't fucking need them anymore. There was perhaps a time you could make the case that there was a time looking at this logically. Let me calm down because I'm really fucking cranked up about this shit. 00:27:45.540 --> 00:27:57.540 See, you may have known about face mites since you were in school. This is all real fucking fresh for me. Okay, I'm four hours in and all my mind is done as just fucking collapse in and on itself. 00:27:57.540 --> 00:28:12.540 Because no matter what I do, where I go, where I am, what I think, how I dress, how many fucking bills I pay, how much fucking money I earn, how many bitches I fucking finger, no matter what. 00:28:12.540 --> 00:28:21.540 I'm gonna have parasitic bugs crawling around on my fucking face and nesting in my fucking pores, and there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it. 00:28:21.540 --> 00:28:28.540 You could make the case that there was a time when we needed them. You know what I mean? They took care of dead skin. 00:28:28.540 --> 00:28:40.540 They provided a crucial role in our overall health and well-being and appearance. But we don't need those. We don't need them anymore. We have chemical peels. 00:28:40.540 --> 00:28:48.540 You know what I mean? We have chemical peels. We have soap that dries out your fucking, dries the oil out of your fucking skin. 00:28:48.540 --> 00:28:57.540 We have cutesy little fucking gloves that you can wear in the shower shower for exfoli, exfoliating. We don't need the fucking facial mites anymore. 00:28:57.540 --> 00:29:04.920 So how the fuck do we get rid of them? I don't fucking know, I'm not a scientist but I can tell you what I'm going to do for me. 00:29:04.920 --> 00:29:34.920 Here in about 30 seconds I'm gonna fucking roast them. I'm literally going to set my fucking 00:29:34.920 --> 00:29:45.920 mic ready. You ready? Okay. When I tell you, light me up. I want you to put the mic real fucking close to my face so I can hear him die. 00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:52.920 I know I'm gonna roast the fucking mic. So what we have here is we have a can of hair spray and a lighter. 00:29:52.920 --> 00:30:03.920 And what my trusty assistance going to do is fucking light my face on fire in a controlled way to where I get burned a little bit but the face mites are gone. 00:30:03.920 --> 00:30:14.920 You know what I mean? We're fucking roasting the face mites. I've done a little research on this. We got to fucking bring the temperature of the face up to 212 degrees in order to sanitize the face. 00:30:14.920 --> 00:30:20.920 Get rid of all the fucking face mites and also incinerate the eggs. 00:30:20.920 --> 00:30:29.920 So he's getting ready to hose me down with some fucking aqua net that happens to be on fire. And I'm gonna fucking take it. It'll be fine. 00:30:29.920 --> 00:30:42.920 But the face mites are fucking going. I'm not gonna live this way. Fucking colonies of goddamn face mites. Generations, old colonies of face mites living in my fucking pores. Get the fuck out of here. I'm not gonna fuck out of here. 00:30:42.920 --> 00:30:47.920 So what if we ruined the mic? Who gives this shit? I've got another one. Let's fucking do it. 00:30:47.920 --> 00:31:17.840 Oh my god. Oh my god. That was terrible. 00:31:17.840 --> 00:31:26.840 Okay, get in here close with the fucking magnifying glass. Tell me if you can see any fucking face mites. 00:31:26.840 --> 00:31:43.700 No, are we good? Okay, I think we're good. Get that fucking silver derm or whatever the fuck it's called and let's get the fucking shit on my face and let the healers go. 00:31:43.700 --> 00:31:54.830 Let the healing begin. Hopefully it's not like any crazy scarring. Okay, let's move on to the next segment. 00:31:54.830 --> 00:32:07.830 Segment three. More often than not, I'm going to close each episode with either show notes or something that's actually fairly important to me. 00:32:07.830 --> 00:32:15.830 Every 22 minutes of veteran commits suicide. I don't like it when people say takes their own life. Let's just call it what it is. 00:32:15.830 --> 00:32:20.830 Let's use the fucking word every 22 minutes of veteran commits suicide. 00:32:20.830 --> 00:32:25.830 You know, I talk a lot of shit. I really do. And that's one of the things that we're gonna do here together. 00:32:25.830 --> 00:32:31.830 We're gonna talk a lot of shit and I don't know that there's any fucking topic that's taboo to be completely honest with you. 00:32:31.830 --> 00:32:38.830 We're gonna talk a lot of shit. We're gonna make you at some point feel bad. If you're overweight, I'm gonna make fun of fatties. 00:32:38.830 --> 00:32:42.830 If you're a fucking redhead, I'm gonna call you a dirty fucking ginger. 00:32:42.830 --> 00:32:48.830 It's just the way that this fucking podcast is gonna go. Missing throbs in the fucking title. 00:32:48.830 --> 00:32:54.830 But having said all that, suicide doesn't end the pain. 00:32:54.830 --> 00:32:59.830 It just takes your pain and spreads it out to everyone who loved you. 00:32:59.830 --> 00:33:05.830 And if you're a veteran who's in crisis or is considered going down the suicide road, fucking don't. 00:33:05.830 --> 00:33:10.830 It's not in your fucking character. You sacrificed years of your life to an ideal. 00:33:10.830 --> 00:33:20.050 You pledged yourself to 00:33:20.050 --> 00:33:21.830 to the tenants of service. God, country, family. So fucking see it through to the end. You're only alone because you choose to be. 00:33:21.830 --> 00:33:32.830 That's the one thing that you learned in boot camp. If you think about it, if you boil it all down, the one fucking take away from boot camp is that nobody gets through this shit on their all. 00:33:33.830 --> 00:33:35.830 If you're alone, you're only. 00:33:35.830 --> 00:33:46.830 Alone because you choose to be pick up your fucking cell phone and dial 998 hit send or call or whatever the fucking button is nowadays and then press one. 00:33:46.830 --> 00:33:53.830 That's the fucking crisis support line from the VA say what you want about the VA. I'm not trying to hear it. The VA has been always been good to me. 00:33:53.830 --> 00:34:03.830 This is one thing they do very fucking well 24 seven confidential crisis support for veterans and their loved ones 998 then press one. 00:34:03.830 --> 00:34:14.830 You can chat online or you can text to 838255 every 22 minutes of veteran fucking commit suicide. Don't be one of them. 00:34:14.830 --> 00:34:26.830 Support till Valhalla project get the health you need and reach out to your brothers and sisters and sisters and see if any of them are in crisis and see if any of them are in crisis and get them to help them to help them to help them to help them to help them to. 00:34:26.830 --> 00:34:28.830 You're only alone if you choose to be. 00:34:28.830 --> 00:34:39.830 I hope you enjoyed what you heard here today. I'm I'm sure I will get more ridiculous this time goes on and I fucking spiral down into absolute fucking madness. 00:34:39.830 --> 00:34:43.830 Anyway, thank you again for listening until next time.