WEBVTT 00:00:01.650 --> 00:00:30.930 Hi kids, I'm Lorenzo and welcome to Mission Throat Radio, where we play near. 00:00:41.410 --> 00:00:49.410 I don't know whether your mom blew George straight or not but I feel like there's a decent chance she probably did. 00:00:49.410 --> 00:00:53.410 Mission Throat Radio starts now! 00:00:53.410 --> 00:01:01.410 So I did something a day that I don't normally do and when I say I don't normally do it I mean like I don't think I've ever done it. 00:01:01.410 --> 00:01:08.410 I went cruising the ample charts looking for the top comedy podcasts in America right now. 00:01:09.410 --> 00:01:17.410 And there were some names on there that were not unfamiliar like Amy Polar from Saturday Night Live has her own podcast. 00:01:17.410 --> 00:01:20.410 Joe Rogan of course shows up under the comedy. 00:01:20.410 --> 00:01:24.410 Heading, I'm not sure I would classify what he does as comedy but okay whatever. 00:01:24.410 --> 00:01:28.410 The O'Von has a conversational comedy type podcast. 00:01:28.410 --> 00:01:36.410 There's a podcast out there from Jason Bateman, the flamboyantly gay guy off of Will & Grace 00:01:36.410 --> 00:01:40.410 and the guy who's Kristen Bell's baby daddy. 00:01:40.410 --> 00:01:44.410 But I may be wrong on that too, I don't know that a lot of those guys kind of look alike. 00:01:44.410 --> 00:01:57.410 And then I saw the bad friends podcast that's the really wise ass fucking pasty little ginger dude and the Asian guy that he shits on all day. 00:01:57.410 --> 00:02:12.410 And then I saw a podcast called comedy bang bang or comedy comedy gang bang or bang gang or comedy something and then either bang or gang and then alternate those words once or twice or maybe the same fucking word again. 00:02:12.410 --> 00:02:17.410 I don't know comedy. Let's just call it comedy comedy gang bang. 00:02:17.410 --> 00:02:21.410 You fucking I'm gonna get this wrong. Let me look it up. No, it's comedy bang bang. 00:02:21.410 --> 00:02:27.410 And as it turns out, it's not what I thought it was gonna be. I thought it was gonna be well funny. 00:02:27.410 --> 00:02:31.410 Hold on. No, I thought it was going to be something other than what it was. 00:02:31.410 --> 00:02:43.410 What it turned out to be was a conversational type show within accomplished comedian and then the host who I'm assuming has a background in comedy but I don't really fucking know because I didn't research it. 00:02:43.410 --> 00:02:44.410 I don't care enough. 00:02:45.410 --> 00:02:54.410 And I thought to myself, I like Sarah Silverman. Let's check this out because she was the guest or I should say I have liked Sarah Silverman about that. 00:02:54.410 --> 00:03:06.410 So what I ended up finding when I clicked on the link and started listening to the episode was a snappy little quirky musical type show opener. 00:03:06.410 --> 00:03:09.410 I'm gonna recreate that right now. 00:03:09.410 --> 00:03:21.410 Comedy Gang Bang, Comedy Gang Bang, gang Bang Gang Bang Gang Bang, Gang Bang, Gang Bang Bang Bang Bang Gang Gang Gang Kang Gang Gang Gang Gang Gang Gang and then the host came on. 00:03:21.410 --> 00:03:29.410 And I can't remember if he did an ad right off the comp or or what he did there but it didn't seem his content. 00:03:29.410 --> 00:03:37.410 But again, it was kind of hard to follow because I was still reeling from the weird fucking show opener and then he brought on the guest. 00:03:37.410 --> 00:03:40.530 So my dramatic reenactment goes as follows. 00:03:40.530 --> 00:03:44.130 Comedy, comedy, comedy, comedy, comedy, 00:03:44.130 --> 00:03:47.890 as it turns out, comedy, comedy, comedy, and comedy. 00:03:47.890 --> 00:03:49.170 Now Sarah Silverman. 00:03:50.130 --> 00:03:52.450 Sarah, you've been on the comedy, 00:03:52.450 --> 00:03:56.050 bang gang podcast about 12 times now. 00:03:56.770 --> 00:03:58.370 How does it make you feel? 00:03:58.370 --> 00:04:00.850 Fucking, I hate magicians. 00:04:04.210 --> 00:04:07.330 Still hate magicians, comedy, comedy. 00:04:07.330 --> 00:04:10.370 Comedy, and comedy, comedy, comedy, 00:04:10.370 --> 00:04:13.410 ish, comedy, comedy, and comedy, Sarah Silverman. 00:04:13.410 --> 00:04:16.050 Ah, fucking, I hate magicians. 00:04:16.050 --> 00:04:17.890 Comedy, comedy, and comedy. 00:04:20.370 --> 00:04:21.650 And that was basically it. 00:04:22.370 --> 00:04:25.330 That was the podcast in a nutshell. 00:04:26.210 --> 00:04:28.690 So I'm thinking to myself, what the fuck am I even doing here? 00:04:29.890 --> 00:04:35.570 This is in the top 15, top 20 of your Apple podcast, 00:04:36.050 --> 00:04:38.130 comedy, section, charts. 00:04:39.650 --> 00:04:41.090 What am I even doing? 00:04:41.090 --> 00:04:43.490 How am I to compete with scary talent, 00:04:43.490 --> 00:04:45.730 like whatever the fuck that guy's name is, 00:04:45.730 --> 00:04:48.050 who just says comedy a bunch and then laughs. 00:04:49.090 --> 00:04:50.530 How the fuck am I going to compete with? 00:04:51.250 --> 00:04:55.010 Sarah Silverman is the most disinterested guest I've ever heard, 00:04:55.010 --> 00:04:57.570 and she just fucking hates magicians. 00:04:58.530 --> 00:04:59.810 How can I compete with that? 00:05:00.850 --> 00:05:05.090 How can I hold my own against scary fucking talent of that caliber? 00:05:05.090 --> 00:05:17.890 How can I hold my own against Jason Bateman and the really, really gay guy from Will & Grace? 00:05:19.010 --> 00:05:22.050 And I think to myself, maybe this medium is not for me. 00:05:22.050 --> 00:05:25.810 Maybe my brand of comedy is not going to fucking fly 00:05:25.810 --> 00:05:29.570 with the lame guns that are listening and enjoying shows like those. 00:05:30.450 --> 00:05:32.370 Where are all the fucking talented people? 00:05:32.370 --> 00:05:33.170 That's what I want to know. 00:05:33.250 --> 00:05:35.010 These guys are fucking clowns. 00:05:35.010 --> 00:05:36.770 Where did all the talented people go? 00:05:38.450 --> 00:05:39.810 Like where's Jim Norton? 00:05:39.810 --> 00:05:41.250 Jim Norton was fucking hilarious. 00:05:41.250 --> 00:05:43.170 I know Patrice O'Neill died. 00:05:43.170 --> 00:05:48.290 Anthony Kumia is actually back doing real radio now or something like that. 00:05:48.290 --> 00:05:51.730 Howard Stern is 112 and hasn't been funny in 20 years. 00:05:51.730 --> 00:05:55.010 But where's the fucking talent? 00:05:55.010 --> 00:05:56.210 They have to exist. 00:05:57.170 --> 00:05:58.130 Oh my god. 00:05:58.130 --> 00:05:59.730 Oh my fucking head. 00:06:00.450 --> 00:06:05.250 How am I trying to break into a medium that is completely ran by some of the most unfunny 00:06:05.250 --> 00:06:06.530 motherfuckers in history? 00:06:07.250 --> 00:06:13.090 In order to be fucking successful in podcasting, to quote Adam Corolla in a roundabout way, 00:06:13.090 --> 00:06:17.410 in order to be successful in podcasting, first step is just be fucking famous already. 00:06:18.130 --> 00:06:18.610 Fuck me. 00:06:19.810 --> 00:06:21.010 What am I doing? 00:06:21.010 --> 00:06:24.210 So like in order to break through all the fucking noise, 00:06:25.170 --> 00:06:28.690 and elevate myself to the top of the fucking Apple charts, 00:06:28.690 --> 00:06:32.290 I have to be nine times funnier than anything that they do. 00:06:33.810 --> 00:06:39.330 If one of these fucking hack podcasts, but by one of these moderately fucking famous people, 00:06:40.210 --> 00:06:45.090 if they decide to do ju-humor, I have to do the juiest ju-humor of all time. 00:06:45.090 --> 00:06:49.890 If they decide to do dick jokes, I have to craft the dick jokes that are so groundbreaking 00:06:50.610 --> 00:06:53.250 that they can't possibly fucking go unnoticed. 00:06:54.290 --> 00:07:06.610 I have to be absolutely flawless to even elevate myself in the charts. 00:07:06.610 --> 00:07:08.610 One, two positions. 00:07:09.810 --> 00:07:10.450 Fucking hell. 00:07:11.570 --> 00:07:12.690 Oh my god. 00:07:13.330 --> 00:07:14.930 What the fuck have I undertaken here? 00:07:14.930 --> 00:07:16.610 Why do I have to fucking excel? 00:07:16.610 --> 00:07:17.650 See, that's the thing. 00:07:17.650 --> 00:07:20.210 There's four million active podcasts out there. 00:07:20.210 --> 00:07:25.570 And three point seven, five million of them are just people, 00:07:26.210 --> 00:07:30.050 meatballs who work fucking change in tires or work down at fucking jiffy, 00:07:30.050 --> 00:07:33.010 Lube and they sit down in their basement and they dick around on the fucking 00:07:35.010 --> 00:07:40.130 microphone and they have a podcast that 48 of their fucking best friends listen to and they're 00:07:40.130 --> 00:07:41.890 just fucking happy as shit with that. 00:07:41.890 --> 00:07:43.490 Why do I have to be competitive? 00:07:44.210 --> 00:07:47.570 Why do I feel like I have to fucking compete with the guy who's banging Kristen 00:07:48.290 --> 00:07:49.730 Bell or whatever the fucker name is. 00:07:50.450 --> 00:07:51.250 Oh my god. 00:07:51.250 --> 00:07:51.730 Fuck me. 00:07:52.290 --> 00:07:54.130 I can't fucking do it. 00:07:54.130 --> 00:07:55.090 That's the thing. 00:07:55.090 --> 00:08:00.370 I can't just fucking do a podcast and hope that five to ten fucking people a week find it. 00:08:00.370 --> 00:08:07.250 I have to be the fucking best at this or I'm going to go fucking crazy. 00:08:08.130 --> 00:08:09.090 I should have never looked. 00:08:09.090 --> 00:08:11.090 I should have never looked at those fucking charts. 00:08:13.090 --> 00:08:14.770 I should have never looked at those charts. 00:08:14.770 --> 00:08:19.570 I should have just assumed that everyone at the top of the fucking comedy charts was doing 00:08:19.570 --> 00:08:21.810 for really groundbreaking awesome shit. 00:08:21.810 --> 00:08:24.130 The fact that I've looked now is totally fucked me up. 00:08:24.130 --> 00:08:25.170 Oh my god. 00:08:25.170 --> 00:08:26.210 Oh fuck me. 00:08:26.210 --> 00:08:28.450 How am I going to compete with this fucking. 00:08:28.450 --> 00:08:29.650 Fucking scary talent. 00:08:31.090 --> 00:08:37.730 These motherfuckers sitting in the room just doing nothing for fucking two hours at a time. 00:08:38.530 --> 00:08:41.490 Not even chuckleworthy in the fucking comedy category. 00:08:41.490 --> 00:08:42.210 Oh fuck. 00:08:43.330 --> 00:08:44.290 What would Jesus do? 00:08:47.100 --> 00:08:48.460 That's what I need to ask myself. 00:08:48.460 --> 00:08:49.660 What would Jesus do here? 00:08:51.020 --> 00:08:51.580 Jesus. 00:08:53.420 --> 00:08:54.700 Jesus would pray. 00:08:54.700 --> 00:08:54.940 Okay. 00:08:56.060 --> 00:08:57.020 Fold your fucking hands. 00:08:57.020 --> 00:08:57.500 Let's pray. 00:08:58.140 --> 00:08:59.820 Dear Lord, in your divine wisdom, 00:09:00.460 --> 00:09:05.260 in your divine countenance, I don't know what that word means, but I feel like countenance is a 00:09:05.260 --> 00:09:06.460 word that you say when you're praying. 00:09:07.420 --> 00:09:13.660 In your divine countenance, please shine down upon me with your blessings and give me a 00:09:13.660 --> 00:09:18.060 sense of direction in order to defeat and utterly destroy the fucking Philistines 00:09:19.580 --> 00:09:24.940 that are every one other than me on the comedy charts in the podcast world. 00:09:25.580 --> 00:09:32.540 They have blasphemed you, oh Lord, by doing unfunny shit constantly and every day, 00:09:32.540 --> 00:09:36.860 and they're making a fairly decent living or at least supplementing their already outstanding 00:09:36.860 --> 00:09:39.580 income by doing mediocre stuff. 00:09:40.460 --> 00:09:46.140 Please let the public at large realize that they're being hoodwinked into thinking that what they're 00:09:46.140 --> 00:09:50.380 getting is comedy when in all actuality, it's just fucking mindless drivel. 00:09:51.420 --> 00:09:58.460 Oh, and please, if you would send your angels to shower the person who invented the idea of 00:09:58.460 --> 00:10:05.580 comedy bang, bang, shower them with the gift of cancer, that would be absolutely amazing. 00:10:05.580 --> 00:10:07.580 Oh Lord, in your mercy. 00:10:08.540 --> 00:10:08.860 Fuck. 00:10:10.700 --> 00:10:15.260 Normally I feel better after I pray, but I don't feel better after that prayer at all. 00:10:16.540 --> 00:10:17.340 God damn it. 00:10:17.340 --> 00:10:18.940 Oh, I'm crashing out. 00:10:51.550 --> 00:10:59.730 Show her me with your divine countenance, O Lord, and please don't forget the cancer on the 00:10:59.730 --> 00:11:04.530 comedy bang, bang guy in your divine mercy. Amen. 00:11:04.530 --> 00:11:05.810 Segment 2. 00:11:35.490 --> 00:11:45.570 Now let me qualify that statement. 00:11:45.570 --> 00:11:53.250 I'm not talking about the my fucking 700 pound life sassy fat white women. 00:11:54.210 --> 00:11:57.650 No, they're truly hateable as well, but for different reasons. 00:11:58.130 --> 00:11:59.490 They're an eye sore. 00:11:59.490 --> 00:12:00.690 You know what I mean? 00:12:00.690 --> 00:12:06.210 They should only be allowed out at night because they fucking lower property values just being 00:12:06.210 --> 00:12:07.170 out during the day. 00:12:07.810 --> 00:12:16.450 Amorbidly fucking OB 700 pound fat white woman actually has the ability to destroy local 00:12:16.450 --> 00:12:20.370 businesses and annihilate a local economy. 00:12:21.010 --> 00:12:24.210 They're hateable, but on a socioeconomic level. 00:12:24.210 --> 00:12:33.170 What I'm talking about today is the sassy fat white woman who comes in at a solid weight range of 00:12:33.730 --> 00:12:36.690 225 to 400. 00:12:37.810 --> 00:12:39.250 The ones who can get around. 00:12:40.130 --> 00:12:43.570 The ones who don't need help from everyone around them. 00:12:43.570 --> 00:12:47.250 The ones who aren't necessarily draining society's resources. 00:12:47.250 --> 00:12:48.690 You know the ones I'm talking about. 00:12:49.570 --> 00:12:51.970 The ones who have the fucking handicap. 00:12:52.770 --> 00:12:58.450 Thing that hangs on their rear view mirror that they only use when they can't find a better parking spot. 00:12:59.250 --> 00:13:01.250 Those sassy fat white women. 00:13:01.250 --> 00:13:02.450 I hate them. 00:13:02.450 --> 00:13:04.130 I fucking hate them. 00:13:04.130 --> 00:13:05.810 They're the fucking worst. 00:13:05.810 --> 00:13:10.130 This got started because I was at the grocery store yesterday. 00:13:10.130 --> 00:13:10.850 I think it was. 00:13:11.490 --> 00:13:12.450 And I was standing there. 00:13:12.450 --> 00:13:13.490 Yeah, it's we was yesterday. 00:13:13.490 --> 00:13:17.730 I was standing there in line waiting to pay for my corn. 00:13:18.690 --> 00:13:18.850 I would Pin Nuts. 00:13:18.850 --> 00:13:20.530 I would Pin Nuts. 00:13:30.690 --> 00:13:31.170 I would Pin Nuts. 00:13:31.170 --> 00:13:31.730 I would Pin Nuts. 00:13:32.850 --> 00:13:33.490 I would Pin N She's. 00:13:33.490 --> 00:13:42.370 In the top right. 00:13:42.370 --> 00:13:47.650 I don't have any problem with you watching the stuff that's going over the scanner to make 00:13:47.650 --> 00:13:52.650 sure you're not getting screwed, but the way she was doing it was different, and I'm 00:13:52.650 --> 00:13:54.610 sure you know what I'm talking about. 00:13:54.610 --> 00:14:01.770 She was standing there, almost leaning forward, her fucking gunt, rubbing against the fucking 00:14:01.770 --> 00:14:09.450 conveyor, her tiny little fucking hands with the age spots, and perfectly manicured nails, 00:14:09.450 --> 00:14:15.050 opening and closing, waiting for her opportunity to fucking spring forward and be a cunt, 00:14:15.050 --> 00:14:21.010 her fucking little T-Rex arms undulating softly, like a coiled spring, ready to fucking 00:14:21.010 --> 00:14:23.730 leap into action at a moment's notice. 00:14:23.730 --> 00:14:29.570 And have you ever noticed, like really fucking sassy fat white women always have really small 00:14:29.570 --> 00:14:30.570 feet? 00:14:30.570 --> 00:14:36.290 They'll have these fucking enormous goddamn hands for legs, and somehow managed to have 00:14:36.290 --> 00:14:40.530 no ass, but an enormous gunt hanging off the front of them. 00:14:40.530 --> 00:14:41.970 Do you know what a gunt is? 00:14:41.970 --> 00:14:48.370 A gunt is where it's a belly pooch that is going completely off the rails. 00:14:48.370 --> 00:14:55.130 It starts just below their tits, and it comes out like a fucking beach ball, and it ends 00:14:55.130 --> 00:15:02.130 at the apex of their thighs with no discernible difference, with no discernible markable line, 00:15:02.130 --> 00:15:06.570 from where the gut ends and the pussy begins. 00:15:06.570 --> 00:15:11.610 That's a gunt, so they'll have this enormous gunt on the front of them, and then it's 00:15:11.610 --> 00:15:14.050 just like fucking flat on the back. 00:15:14.050 --> 00:15:18.250 I don't know how the fuck they do it, they have these enormous hands, tiny little fucking 00:15:18.250 --> 00:15:24.330 size four feet, this gigantic gunt, but then the backside,, you can lay a fucking level 00:15:24.330 --> 00:15:27.730 against it and the bubble wouldn't even fucking flinch. 00:15:27.730 --> 00:15:33.290 Oh, back around front though, I forgot, I'll push up braw, 100% of the time, because 00:15:33.290 --> 00:15:39.170 at some point, some fucking fat woman figured out that if you take your gigantic fucking fat 00:15:39.170 --> 00:15:44.170 bags and you fucking pour them into a fucking push up braw, they will take the form 00:15:44.170 --> 00:15:50.650 of whatever you fucking pour them into, and you have them all in these fucking giant disgusting, 00:15:50.650 --> 00:15:55.650 fucking frog face fat nasty fucking cons. 00:15:55.650 --> 00:16:00.570 100% of the time have their fucking tits right up by their chin. 00:16:00.570 --> 00:16:07.450 Always a low- 00:16:07.450 --> 00:16:09.330 from 25 years ago. 00:16:09.330 --> 00:16:14.330 Anyway, I'm getting off subject here. 00:16:39.210 --> 00:16:46.090 Fucking standard issue, sassy fat white woman, physique is what I was trying to say. 00:16:46.090 --> 00:16:49.830 I didn't even got to the fucking head yet, the fucking nasty frog face and the fucking 00:16:49.830 --> 00:16:54.890 turned down mouth and the fucking pig like snout and the fucking beady, shifty, fucking 00:16:54.890 --> 00:16:57.050 dishonest eyes. 00:16:57.050 --> 00:17:01.170 Always looking for a deal, always looking for a way to fuck the system, always looking 00:17:01.170 --> 00:17:03.770 for someone to fucking break. 00:17:03.770 --> 00:17:06.850 And then the hair color is one of two. 00:17:06.850 --> 00:17:10.530 100% of the time, it is one of these two hair colors. 00:17:10.530 --> 00:17:17.170 It's that fucking really obnoxious sassy fat white woman maroon color, typically barely 00:17:17.170 --> 00:17:24.410 shoulder length and shaped into a roughly reminiscent Darth Vader type helmet with bangs 00:17:24.410 --> 00:17:30.330 and a side part or same hairstyle and dark hair with flex of gray. 00:17:30.330 --> 00:17:32.330 Oh, forgot the eyeglasses. 00:17:32.330 --> 00:17:38.090 The eyeglasses usually buy focals, not transitions lenses, you know, to where they're buy focals, 00:17:38.090 --> 00:17:43.970 but you don't have the line, no, they have the fucking, and it's the fucking late 80s early 00:17:43.970 --> 00:17:52.770 90s gigantic round rims with the multi colored pattern because you know, they have to be stylish. 00:17:52.770 --> 00:17:59.370 Anyway, the sassy fat white woman I just described, who is incidentally the fucking prototype 00:17:59.370 --> 00:18:02.930 for any and all sassy fat white women everywhere. 00:18:02.930 --> 00:18:05.970 Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. 00:18:05.970 --> 00:18:09.930 I'm sure if you listen to this podcast long enough as we go along, I'm gonna hit some 00:18:09.930 --> 00:18:14.570 fucking stereotypes that you're not gonna appreciate, but fuck you. 00:18:14.570 --> 00:18:16.690 Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. 00:18:16.690 --> 00:18:22.250 Anyway, she was just standing there and she could not fucking wait for something to go 00:18:22.250 --> 00:18:23.250 wrong. 00:18:23.250 --> 00:18:25.130 She couldn't fucking wait. 00:18:25.130 --> 00:18:31.290 You could read it every fucking bit of her body language was screaming danger. 00:18:31.290 --> 00:18:33.370 Don't approach danger. 00:18:33.370 --> 00:18:35.370 Don't approach danger. 00:18:35.370 --> 00:18:36.690 Don't interact. 00:18:36.690 --> 00:18:40.970 And as the scanning went on her fucking henpecked beat down just getting through it 00:18:40.970 --> 00:18:46.730 fucking husband was inching further and further away from her walking down and choosing to 00:18:46.730 --> 00:18:53.290 bag his own groceries just to put some fucking distance between himself and Loreta the sassy 00:18:53.290 --> 00:18:54.930 fat white woman. 00:18:54.930 --> 00:18:57.010 And finally it happened. 00:18:57.010 --> 00:18:59.850 She couldn't contain herself any longer. 00:19:24.930 --> 00:19:30.290 Whether it was because the cashier didn't make eye contact whether it was because the 00:19:30.290 --> 00:19:34.890 cashier didn't stop what they were doing to scroll up and look on the fucking register 00:19:34.890 --> 00:19:40.930 tape or whether it was that the cashier just casually dismissed her whatever it was that 00:19:40.930 --> 00:19:47.170 set Loreta off it was always going to happen because sassy fat fucking white women can't 00:19:47.170 --> 00:19:51.690 do anything without causing a fucking problem somewhere. 00:19:51.690 --> 00:19:53.530 And Loreta flipped her shit. 00:19:53.530 --> 00:19:58.050 Was her name actually Loreta I don't know but more often than not the sassy fat white woman 00:19:58.050 --> 00:20:04.370 is named Loreta you ever notice that her husband's gaze drops down to the paper sack he is 00:20:04.370 --> 00:20:08.010 dutifully stowing their fucking groceries into. 00:20:08.010 --> 00:20:12.650 Cowering with a little bit of fear because Loreta broke him long ago. 00:20:12.650 --> 00:20:18.610 Loreta killed his will to live years and years ago so now she's on the prowl for someone 00:20:18.610 --> 00:20:19.930 else to kill. 00:20:19.930 --> 00:20:20.930 Anyone. 00:20:20.930 --> 00:20:22.410 Story one. 00:20:22.410 --> 00:20:28.990 She flew completely off the handle started yelling waving her fucking T-Rex arms around wildly 00:20:28.990 --> 00:20:34.490 her billfold went flying across the fucking counter screaming at her husband interject and go 00:20:34.490 --> 00:20:39.050 find the fucking manager screaming across the store that she needs the fucking manager 00:20:39.050 --> 00:20:48.410 there right now in the cashier to her credit didn't even break stride just kept on scanning 00:20:48.410 --> 00:20:54.230 which only incensed Loreta even further alternating shifting her weight back and forth in 00:20:54.230 --> 00:21:01.130 those fucking pinchy size four shoes her fucking overburdened knees bending and straightening 00:21:01.130 --> 00:21:06.690 and bending and straightening as Loreta is flinging her fucking voice in her arms all over 00:21:06.690 --> 00:21:07.690 the place. 00:21:07.690 --> 00:21:12.250 Loreta's a force to be reckoned with Loreta's not someone you want to trifle with do 00:21:12.250 --> 00:21:17.410 you want to know why Loreta is a standard issue sassy fucking fat white woman. 00:21:17.410 --> 00:21:22.690 She even turned and looked at me at one point after she had ran her husband off in the cashier 00:21:22.690 --> 00:21:24.410 didn't seem to care. 00:21:24.410 --> 00:21:30.330 The manager was scurrying across the front hadn't quite got there yet she wheeled and turned 00:21:30.330 --> 00:21:35.530 and looked at me looking for validation she got no such thing. 00:21:35.530 --> 00:21:42.690 I just stared dead eyed back in that frog like fucking face with the red spider broken 00:21:42.690 --> 00:21:47.850 blood vessels all over her fucking nose and just waited for her to say something. 00:21:47.850 --> 00:21:53.530 The manager finally got there scurrying up to his cashier side making sure to keep the 00:21:53.530 --> 00:22:02.210 conveyor table between him and Loreta the destroyer and Loreta proceeded to lay into him and 00:22:02.210 --> 00:22:07.210 tell him that she's never been treated so badly in all her life this place is a complete 00:22:07.210 --> 00:22:09.010 shit hole it's a joke. 00:22:09.010 --> 00:22:12.810 She doesn't understand by when she has a legitimate concern about the amount of money 00:22:12.810 --> 00:22:17.570 she's being charged the cashier won't even look her way because you know Loreta can't 00:22:17.570 --> 00:22:19.690 stand to be dismissed. 00:22:19.690 --> 00:22:25.970 The manager made all of the necessary platitudes offered a fucking coupon Loreta seemed 00:22:25.970 --> 00:22:30.890 to mollified in the transaction commenced. 00:22:30.890 --> 00:22:35.650 But that incident with Loreta got me thinking about all of the sassy fat white women I've 00:22:35.650 --> 00:22:40.130 fucking hated throughout the course of my life and the common traits that they've all 00:22:40.130 --> 00:22:41.410 shared. 00:22:41.410 --> 00:22:45.410 They all refer to themselves as something other than what they are. 00:22:55.970 --> 00:23:07.930 Proof tops know they instead refer to themselves as the luxuous or luscious or curvaceous. 00:23:07.930 --> 00:23:15.170 They refer to themselves as busty or if you get one who has a little bit as fun in them 00:23:15.170 --> 00:23:24.680 they will say that they are a plus size princess. 00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:30.000 They are almost universally entitled regardless of race color or creed and they're always 00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:37.200 dragging some fucking dude around behind him who looks like he's just waiting to die. 00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:41.440 I find myself thinking about the men more than anything else what it must be like to 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:43.280 have to live with Loreta. 00:23:43.280 --> 00:23:48.400 That poor bastard and I made eye contact a couple times throughout Loreta's meltdown and 00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:54.640 you could see it was a pleading look and then a defiant look and then a look of resignation. 00:23:55.040 --> 00:24:02.240 Without words what he told me in those moments was I wish they'd just give her what she wanted. 00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:09.320 Then yes this cut belongs to me and then finally at least you don't have to go home with 00:24:09.320 --> 00:24:10.320 her. 00:24:10.320 --> 00:24:12.840 What's that got to be like? 00:24:12.840 --> 00:24:14.800 What's his fucking day like? 00:24:14.800 --> 00:24:16.480 What's his day like? 00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:19.200 What's his fucking day like? 00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:23.160 Because can you imagine what it's like to have to get in the fucking car with Loreta after 00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:24.920 an incident like that? 00:24:24.920 --> 00:24:26.360 Loreta's not done? 00:24:26.360 --> 00:24:29.960 No, she's kicking ass for the rest of the day. 00:24:29.960 --> 00:24:33.680 Fucking sassy fat white women goddamn. 00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:36.280 They fuck everything up. 00:24:36.280 --> 00:24:40.480 You know I don't have any interest in doing any kind of interview time podcast but I would 00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:47.200 like to sit down across from Loreta, the sassy fat white woman and really get into her head 00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:48.840 and see what makes her tick. 00:24:48.840 --> 00:24:51.200 I would try to charm her I think. 00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:53.240 I think that that would be my my tactic. 00:24:53.240 --> 00:24:57.720 I would sit down across from Loreta and I would really turn on the charm just to see 00:24:57.720 --> 00:24:59.920 if I could get Loreta to want me. 00:24:59.920 --> 00:25:00.920 Oh my god. 00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:04.800 I'm not fucking awful idea. 00:25:04.800 --> 00:25:10.080 Oh, can you imagine Loreta the sassy fat white woman in fucking seduction mode? 00:25:10.080 --> 00:25:11.080 Oh my god. 00:25:11.080 --> 00:25:13.560 I just a Jesus Christ. 00:25:13.560 --> 00:25:18.680 What does fucking gigantic fucking ship sail bloomers she calls panties? 00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:20.040 Sat in I'm sure. 00:25:20.040 --> 00:25:23.760 With the absorbent cotton patch at the bottom fuck. 00:25:23.760 --> 00:25:25.080 Oh. 00:25:25.080 --> 00:25:27.520 Sitting there in front of me in full seduction mode. 00:25:27.520 --> 00:25:32.400 This pussy so good if you throw it in the air and turn into sunshine. 00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:33.400 Don't worry about it honey. 00:25:33.400 --> 00:25:36.600 I brought my own flowers so you can find the wet spot. 00:25:36.600 --> 00:25:41.360 I know I'm not a looker but in my bag I got me an American flag you can wrap it around 00:25:41.360 --> 00:25:43.960 my head and fuck me for old glory. 00:25:43.960 --> 00:25:44.960 I feel sorry for that motherfucker. 00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:46.880 It's got to go home with her. 00:25:46.880 --> 00:25:52.640 Anyway, I just had to recount my encounter with fucking Loreta the sassy fat white woman 00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:54.320 onto the next segment. 00:25:54.320 --> 00:25:55.960 Segment three. 00:25:55.960 --> 00:25:59.800 Public service announcement here from Missing Throat Radio. 00:25:59.800 --> 00:26:06.320 In the introduction to this episode of Missing Throat Radio, I did kind of a play on the 00:26:06.320 --> 00:26:11.280 old fucking Sesame Street, you know, near far shit like that. 00:26:11.280 --> 00:26:16.760 And I said story time was going to be about the time your mom went fucking blue George 00:26:16.760 --> 00:26:21.280 Strait and then went home and kissed your dad on the mouth. 00:26:21.280 --> 00:26:22.880 Obviously, I'm saying that in chest. 00:26:22.880 --> 00:26:26.600 I don't know if your mom gurgled fucking George Strait or not. 00:26:26.600 --> 00:26:29.800 But would she? 00:26:29.800 --> 00:26:31.960 That's the fucking question. 00:26:31.960 --> 00:26:33.920 I don't know how to say this. 00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:38.360 I actually took copious notes of everything that came into my head on this subject because 00:26:38.360 --> 00:26:41.000 I don't know how to talk about it. 00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:45.680 But I know that I don't want to come at it from the angle that like Jordan Peterson would 00:26:45.680 --> 00:26:52.000 come at it or that fucking weird tape guys is he in Romania, is he in the States, is he 00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:53.000 in prison? 00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:54.000 I don't fucking know. 00:26:54.000 --> 00:26:55.960 Like nobody knows where he is or what he's doing. 00:26:55.960 --> 00:27:00.240 I'm not going to say that this section is not going to have a bit of a misogynistic 00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:01.240 tint. 00:27:01.240 --> 00:27:04.320 It's just because as it turns out, I'm a dude and I have been all my life. 00:27:04.320 --> 00:27:06.880 So I'm going to be talking to other men here. 00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:10.600 So I'm just going to fucking start out and just say it. 00:27:10.600 --> 00:27:17.120 Stop worrying about chicks, stop chasing chicks, stop trying to hold on to chicks and 00:27:17.120 --> 00:27:19.280 just fucking produce. 00:27:19.280 --> 00:27:25.120 I truly believe that every man has the ability to innovate and change the world around him 00:27:25.120 --> 00:27:27.280 in one way or another. 00:27:27.280 --> 00:27:34.400 Everyone has the ability to change the fucking world around them in one way or another. 00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:36.760 But men get caught up. 00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:40.600 And most of the time when they get caught up, it's because of some fucking female. 00:27:40.600 --> 00:27:43.320 Okay, let's try it like this. 00:27:43.320 --> 00:27:49.280 In my opinion, and this is my uneducated fucking 700 foot view 00:27:49.280 --> 00:27:53.680 of the situation, never going to meet any of these people opinion. 00:27:53.680 --> 00:27:59.240 In my opinion, what do Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, Bezos? 00:27:59.240 --> 00:28:01.920 I'm going to say Bezos because I feel like that's how you say his name. 00:28:01.920 --> 00:28:03.600 But it fucking might be Bezos. 00:28:03.600 --> 00:28:04.680 I don't know. 00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:13.320 What do Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg all have in common at the age 00:28:13.320 --> 00:28:15.960 of 18? 00:28:15.960 --> 00:28:20.120 When they were all the age of 18, what did they have in common? 00:28:20.520 --> 00:28:23.640 Well, they were white, so you can throw that in there. 00:28:23.640 --> 00:28:24.800 But what else? 00:28:24.800 --> 00:28:26.440 What's the defining factor? 00:28:26.440 --> 00:28:31.840 What is the one thing that binds them together at the age of 18? 00:28:31.840 --> 00:28:34.880 They were all weird, unfuckable dudes. 00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:38.080 It's like, okay, yeah, Elon Musk right now is rolling in pussy. 00:28:38.080 --> 00:28:39.480 Have you seen Ashley St. Clair? 00:28:39.480 --> 00:28:40.240 Jesus, Harold, 00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:42.760 Christ, Christ on a rubber crutch. 00:28:42.760 --> 00:28:46.440 Shockingly hot-hot, right? 00:29:16.440 --> 00:29:16.960 so what do you 00:30:18.390 --> 00:30:19.950 movie which is fucked 00:30:42.390 --> 00:30:43.390 at the base at his a core. What's the difference between you and Mark Zuckerberg? Well, at the time in his life when Mark Zuckerberg was unfuckable, he applied his fucking ability and changed the world. And that's what I want to talk to you about today. Stop chasing chicks and fucking be splendid. 00:32:43.390 --> 00:33:13.390 and holding on tight and trying to be everything that that female needs you to be with the knowledge that simply trying to be everything she needs you to be will only make her fucking hate you for it. It's a really shitty feeling. And I see so many guys out in my community who are in the fucking grips of that. Well, coming from 00:33:13.390 --> 00:33:15.390 now, stop focusing on her, stop focusing 00:33:43.390 --> 00:33:50.110 to do something fucking outstanding. You have the ability everyone has the ability to innovate 00:33:50.110 --> 00:33:54.910 and create and build and do amazing shit in their own, way. 00:33:54.910 --> 00:34:00.150 Am I saying that fucking chuck the meatball down at jiffy lube has the ability to be the next 00:34:00.150 --> 00:34:05.030 Mark Zuckerberg? I don't suppose it's outside of their own possibilities, but probably 00:34:05.030 --> 00:34:11.190 not. However, chuck the fucking meatball down at jiffy lube may rattling around in his 00:34:11.190 --> 00:34:17.990 brain have have an idea about how to revolutionize the fucking efficiency of the internal combustion 00:34:17.990 --> 00:34:33.710 engine. He looks up into engines all day long while changing that fucking oil. He has the 00:34:33.710 --> 00:34:36.950 ability to create, build, execute, and be fucking splendid. So what I'm telling you to do is shut 00:34:36.950 --> 00:34:43.670 the fuck up and produce. Stop throwing money at only fans bitches. Get out of your fucking house 00:34:43.670 --> 00:34:51.550 and do amazing shit. Get out of your own way. I truly believe the human mind wakes up every morning 00:34:51.550 --> 00:34:58.270 primed and ready to fucking perform. So do it already. Stop chasing pussy. Stop trying to be 00:34:58.270 --> 00:35:04.230 everything she fucking needs and wants. She will resent you for holding her to a fucking standard. 00:35:04.230 --> 00:35:10.510 So fucking stop it. Stop pouring all of your energy into a chick is just gonna blow George straight 00:35:10.510 --> 00:35:19.910 and then come home and kiss you on the mouth. Produce. Think. Create. Build. Change the fucking world. And if 00:35:19.910 --> 00:35:26.350 you're supposed to find somebody to share your newly found direction with, you will. But in the 00:35:26.350 --> 00:35:33.150 meantime do the work. Grind. Innovate. Don't let fucking people tell you that your ideas are outlandish. 00:35:33.750 --> 00:35:44.550 I'm 49 years old. And it's taken me almost that entire time to realize that if I continue trying to be 00:35:44.550 --> 00:35:51.470 everything that everybody needs me to be, I'm never gonna be who I need me to be. That's why I started 00:35:51.470 --> 00:35:59.470 this podcast. That's why I'm going all in because I know that this is what I can do to change the world. 00:35:59.950 --> 00:36:07.390 This fucking stupid idiotic little podcasting thing is what I can do. I have the ability to sit down 00:36:07.390 --> 00:36:13.310 behind a microphone and dream up outlandish crazy shit in order to be entertaining and maybe even 00:36:13.310 --> 00:36:20.190 occasionally instructive for people in the world. I have the ability to rise to the top of the 00:36:20.190 --> 00:36:25.230 Apple charts. I know that. I know that I have the ability to do so and God damn it. That's what I'm 00:36:25.310 --> 00:36:32.350 focused on. Where does your ability take you? What are your talents? Where do your fucking talents lie? 00:36:33.390 --> 00:36:41.390 Stop being a fucking meatball and go find it. And like I said earlier, stop focusing on chicks. Stop it. 00:36:42.350 --> 00:36:48.670 It's fucking not it's fucking not productive. Do you want to attract a top quality woman? Focus on 00:36:48.670 --> 00:36:53.870 s on yourself, realizing your goals, achieving the shit that you're setting out to do get 00:36:53.870 --> 00:37:01.070 your life together. And if you're meant to find a chick to share this new direction with, you will. 00:37:02.350 --> 00:37:09.870 And in the meantime, there's prostitutes, dental hygienists, nurses and waitresses. They provide a 00:37:09.870 --> 00:37:14.910 vinyl public service. Use them and throw them away. It's what they expect you to do to them anyway. 00:37:14.910 --> 00:37:17.790 And I think that any females would hear that last statement and go, 00:37:17.790 --> 00:37:26.590 you motherfucker, but in a moment of fucking stark honesty. Most women situationally are perfectly 00:37:26.590 --> 00:37:33.470 fine with being used and tossed aside. And if you don't believe me or if you're saying bullshit, 00:37:33.470 --> 00:37:40.190 that's not true, how did Wilk Chamberlain sleep with 10,000 women? How did Tiger Woods rack up a 00:37:40.190 --> 00:37:47.470 body count of several hundred while married to that Elon chick? Women are genetically and biologically 00:37:47.470 --> 00:37:54.670 predisposed to throw pussy at the best quality person that they can find. Call it instinct. 00:37:55.390 --> 00:37:58.910 If Rob Gronkowski shows up in your town, fucking hide your wives. 00:38:00.030 --> 00:38:05.150 Because they're all gonna throw pussy at him. He's a genetic abnormality. He's a fucking freaking 00:38:05.230 --> 00:38:11.230 nature. And women are more than happy to be host to the best possible set of genes. 00:38:12.190 --> 00:38:17.710 But why are you spending your time pining over a woman who will fucking blow Vince Neil? 00:38:18.750 --> 00:38:24.430 At a fucking Motley crew reunion show and then walk back in the house you paid for and kiss you 00:38:24.430 --> 00:38:31.710 right on the mouth with zero guilt. Understand it? Accept that it's a fact of life. They're genetically 00:38:31.710 --> 00:38:39.230 programmed to never 100% be faithful forever. You're only good enough until you're not good enough 00:38:39.230 --> 00:38:46.110 anymore. Stop wasting the energy that you could be devoting to building, creating, and changing the 00:38:46.110 --> 00:38:53.390 fucking world. Stop wasting your energy on that fucking broad. Give it a fucking rest bro because 00:38:53.390 --> 00:38:58.750 she's only with you because you were the best option available at the time. You were the big fish 00:38:58.750 --> 00:39:04.750 in the small pond. Let that pond get a little bit bigger. Let her situation or ability level or 00:39:04.750 --> 00:39:11.470 education level change. And all of a sudden you're not good enough anymore. You were her entire 00:39:11.470 --> 00:39:17.870 world and now you're a meatball. Stop fucking focusing on these broads. She's only with you because 00:39:17.870 --> 00:39:23.630 you served the purpose that she required at the time. I'm not telling you to drop her on her ass. 00:39:23.630 --> 00:39:29.550 What I'm telling you to do is stop fucking focusing on her. Stop chasing around behind her and 00:39:29.550 --> 00:39:34.910 pouring your fucking heart and soul into trying to be everything she needs. Stop wasting fucking 00:39:34.910 --> 00:39:44.190 energy on that shit and produce, grind, create, build. Anyway that's all I wanted to say. 00:39:45.070 --> 00:39:52.190 Trying to refocus the fucking men of planet earth onto things that actually matter. I hope you 00:39:52.190 --> 00:39:58.670 enjoyed this episode of Misenthrough Radio. Leave a review, tell a friend, you know, the usual shit. 00:39:59.390 --> 00:40:03.390 Until next time.