WEBVTT 00:00:32.450 --> 00:00:34.450 Who the fuck came up with Kylie Jubur? 00:00:34.450 --> 00:00:36.930 It's not bad, that's just what it says here. 00:00:36.930 --> 00:00:39.820 Gross. 00:00:39.820 --> 00:00:43.610 That's not my fucking name either. 00:00:43.610 --> 00:00:49.630 Be some. 00:00:49.630 --> 00:00:51.630 So there's this fucking guy that I work with. 00:00:51.630 --> 00:00:57.230 You know, I'm not gonna say that I work with him because I don't work with him, but I 00:00:57.230 --> 00:00:58.990 see him at the job. 00:00:58.990 --> 00:00:59.990 You know what I mean? 00:00:59.990 --> 00:01:01.590 He works in a different department. 00:01:01.590 --> 00:01:06.470 Anyway, I see this motherfucker almost every day because of the type of job that I do and 00:01:06.470 --> 00:01:12.190 he blows into the room is there for a few minutes and then blows back out of the room, but it's 00:01:12.190 --> 00:01:13.390 the way he does it. 00:01:13.390 --> 00:01:15.670 He hits the fucking room talking. 00:01:15.670 --> 00:01:19.910 I don't know who he's talking to out in the hallway, but when he hits, maybe he's talking 00:01:19.910 --> 00:01:22.510 to me before he even gets in the room. 00:01:22.510 --> 00:01:24.150 I don't know. 00:01:24.150 --> 00:01:29.830 But he fucking hits the room talking, talks the entire time he's there and then is talking 00:01:29.830 --> 00:01:31.790 all the way out the door. 00:01:31.790 --> 00:01:33.630 It's not like it's fucking irritating or anything. 00:01:33.630 --> 00:01:35.790 There's lots of people that do that shit. 00:01:35.790 --> 00:01:40.030 They can't stand to have blank space. 00:01:40.030 --> 00:01:43.470 So they feel like they got to gap the entire time there in your presence. 00:01:43.470 --> 00:01:44.470 You know what I mean? 00:01:44.470 --> 00:01:47.510 Like this is a fairly fucking common thing. 00:01:47.510 --> 00:01:47.670 This guy though, 00:01:47.670 --> 00:01:52.670 It's the way he says everything that is no worthy. 00:01:52.670 --> 00:01:58.270 He hits the fucking door talking and then he spouts out a whole bunch of shit and it's 00:01:58.270 --> 00:02:02.270 the way he delivers the message, whatever the message may be. 00:02:02.270 --> 00:02:07.550 Now thankfully for all of the rest of us in the world, this guy's kind of a buffoon to 00:02:07.550 --> 00:02:08.710 be honest with you. 00:02:08.710 --> 00:02:15.110 I don't know if he's actually a buffoon or if he is a super villain disguised as a buffoon. 00:02:15.110 --> 00:02:20.050 I haven't quite figured that out yet, but I'm studying him more to follow. 00:02:20.050 --> 00:02:26.350 But I say thankfully for us, he's a buffoon because if he wasn't a buffoon, if he weren't 00:02:26.350 --> 00:02:28.750 a buffoon wasn't. 00:02:28.750 --> 00:02:30.550 English kicks my ass some time. 00:02:30.550 --> 00:02:36.110 If he was not a buffoon, we would have serious fucking problems because this motherfucker the way 00:02:36.110 --> 00:02:45.310 he talks has everything in him, all of the fucking tools required to be a world-class demagogue. 00:02:45.310 --> 00:02:51.510 The word demagogue incidentally is defined as a leader who obtains power by means of 00:02:51.510 --> 00:02:56.630 impassioned appeals to the emotions and prejudices of the populace. 00:02:57.110 --> 00:03:02.950 Okay, so maybe that doesn't apply exactly because let me try to explain it this way. 00:03:02.950 --> 00:03:08.870 The way this guy talks everything about him from his physical appearance is physical appearance 00:03:08.870 --> 00:03:16.910 is that of just an unassuming fucking late fifties dude, balding, clean shaven guy who 00:03:16.910 --> 00:03:24.350 is not going to say he's thin but he's old guy thin in that he is completely of average 00:03:24.870 --> 00:03:26.870 and is being too bad. 00:03:26.870 --> 00:03:29.710 He says he's not that bad, but he's too bad, but he's too bad. 00:03:29.710 --> 00:03:31.430 Now, that's a real joke. 00:03:31.430 --> 00:03:34.130 I'm not a fan of this guy, I'm not a fan of him. 00:03:34.130 --> 00:03:36.110 He's not that bad. 00:03:36.110 --> 00:03:38.470 I'm not a fan of him, but he's not that bad. 00:03:38.470 --> 00:03:42.630 This is a real joke. 00:03:42.630 --> 00:03:44.830 but it's the way he talks. 00:03:44.830 --> 00:03:47.270 Everything about him screams normal guy, 00:03:47.270 --> 00:03:49.070 dude you can trust, he'd probably be a hell 00:03:49.070 --> 00:03:52.990 of an insurance salesman, but then he opens his mouth. 00:03:52.990 --> 00:03:57.350 And when he opens his mouth, that's when the magic happens. 00:03:57.350 --> 00:04:02.150 From the timber of his voice to the lilt of his cadence, 00:04:02.150 --> 00:04:06.390 to the words that he uses, to the earnest expression 00:04:06.390 --> 00:04:10.870 on his face, he just exudes credibility. 00:04:11.830 --> 00:04:14.350 To where you kind of just tune him out, 00:04:14.350 --> 00:04:17.670 like you're not even really listening to what he's saying, 00:04:17.670 --> 00:04:20.670 but it must be true because of the way he's delivering it 00:04:20.670 --> 00:04:22.350 and his overall appearance. 00:04:22.350 --> 00:04:26.230 He would be a fucking scary politician 00:04:26.230 --> 00:04:28.630 because he hit the door today, 00:04:28.630 --> 00:04:33.630 and this is as best representation as I can do 00:04:34.030 --> 00:04:35.830 of what he said. 00:04:35.830 --> 00:04:36.230 Well, I gotta 00:04:36.230 --> 00:04:38.830 gotta be honest with you, I gave him a good solid two days 00:04:38.830 --> 00:04:40.790 this week, I'm gonna go ahead and call him in. 00:04:40.790 --> 00:04:42.670 The next three days I'm going down to Lake, 00:04:42.670 --> 00:04:43.710 I'm gonna go fishing. 00:04:43.710 --> 00:04:44.830 I'm gonna go fishing, I'm gonna take, 00:04:44.830 --> 00:04:46.510 I don't care if it rains a whole time on my ear, 00:04:46.510 --> 00:04:48.110 I'm gonna sit down there with my umbrella, 00:04:48.110 --> 00:04:50.030 my past blue ribbon, I'm gonna drink me some beer, 00:04:50.030 --> 00:04:51.350 and I'm gonna catch me some fish. 00:04:51.350 --> 00:04:54.030 I'm not coming to work, I just don't see the need, 00:04:54.030 --> 00:04:56.190 I don't see the point, I believe these boys here 00:04:56.190 --> 00:04:57.910 can make this cheese without me. 00:04:57.910 --> 00:05:01.390 And you catch yourself kind of lulled into a trance. 00:05:01.390 --> 00:05:03.350 When this guy starts talking, 00:05:03.350 --> 00:05:06.030 and you find yourself kind of nodding along, 00:05:06.030 --> 00:05:09.150 nodding along with whatever he happens to say, 00:05:09.150 --> 00:05:12.390 the words he uses, the diction, the pace, 00:05:12.390 --> 00:05:14.310 with which he speaks. 00:05:14.310 --> 00:05:17.110 And the very earnest tone makes you believe 00:05:17.110 --> 00:05:18.670 that whatever comes out of his mouth 00:05:18.670 --> 00:05:21.070 must be absolutely reasonable, 00:05:21.070 --> 00:05:22.910 sounds perfectly reasonable, 00:05:22.910 --> 00:05:25.430 and you find yourself kind of nodding along, 00:05:25.430 --> 00:05:29.430 while never necessarily taking 100% of your mind 00:05:29.430 --> 00:05:31.950 off of the task that you were working on 00:05:31.950 --> 00:05:34.550 before he blew into the room. 00:05:34.550 --> 00:05:37.430 You find yourself kind of half listening to him, 00:05:37.430 --> 00:05:39.590 still working on the stuff that you were supposed 00:05:39.590 --> 00:05:43.190 to work on nodding along and agreeing, 00:05:43.190 --> 00:05:45.830 and then he fucking blows out the door. 00:05:45.830 --> 00:05:47.670 You don't really give it a second thought, 00:05:47.670 --> 00:05:49.950 and five minutes later it fucking hits you. 00:05:49.950 --> 00:05:51.150 Wait, what? 00:05:51.150 --> 00:05:53.350 Did that motherfucker just say he was gonna call in 00:05:53.350 --> 00:05:54.630 for the next three days? 00:05:55.750 --> 00:05:58.350 Well, he sure as fuck did, didn't he? 00:05:58.350 --> 00:06:00.470 That's fucking Terrifying. 00:06:00.470 --> 00:06:03.070 That is a fucking terrifying quality to have. 00:06:03.070 --> 00:06:05.590 I don't really know that this fucking meatball 00:06:05.590 --> 00:06:09.270 has any idea the power that he wields. 00:06:09.270 --> 00:06:11.870 That's some fucking sorrow among the white level 00:06:11.870 --> 00:06:13.510 fucking vocal powers. 00:06:14.470 --> 00:06:16.750 I noticed this a few days ago, 00:06:16.750 --> 00:06:20.150 that I was just kind of absently nodding along 00:06:20.150 --> 00:06:22.190 and agreeing with whatever he said, 00:06:22.190 --> 00:06:23.870 not just nodding along to be polite, 00:06:23.870 --> 00:06:26.030 but actually kind of agreeing. 00:06:26.030 --> 00:06:30.430 Part of my brain switched off when he hit the fucking room 00:06:30.430 --> 00:06:32.630 and started yammering about whatever he happened 00:06:32.630 --> 00:06:34.550 to be fucking yammering about. 00:06:34.550 --> 00:06:37.350 I was actually agreeing. 00:06:37.350 --> 00:06:40.550 Yeah, man, call in sick, fuck these motherfuckers. 00:06:41.470 --> 00:06:44.110 Absolutely, they don't need you here. 00:06:44.110 --> 00:06:46.470 Now you've given him a hard fucking two days. 00:06:46.470 --> 00:06:48.350 I'm thinking all this shit in my mind 00:06:48.350 --> 00:06:50.110 while still working on the shit 00:06:50.110 --> 00:06:52.870 that I was working on when he walked in the room. 00:06:52.870 --> 00:06:54.990 And then not until about five minutes later 00:06:54.990 --> 00:06:57.630 did it occur to me that this motherfucker just said 00:06:57.630 --> 00:07:00.470 he's gonna call in for the next three days. 00:07:00.470 --> 00:07:02.670 And that's not the first time this shit's happened, 00:07:33.390 --> 00:07:34.470 and I'm thinking to myself, 00:07:34.470 --> 00:07:38.710 what the fuck else have I agreed to in the past? 00:07:38.710 --> 00:07:41.030 Why am I just noticing now, 00:07:41.030 --> 00:07:43.750 this shit's been going on for months. 00:07:43.750 --> 00:07:47.270 What is this supervillain got me to sign off on? 00:07:47.270 --> 00:07:49.350 Verily agreed to. 00:07:49.350 --> 00:07:52.350 But I'm telling you the way he talks is so disarming 00:07:52.350 --> 00:07:57.110 and so hypnotic that he could fucking say anything. 00:07:57.110 --> 00:08:01.070 And I think the average person, me being average 00:08:01.070 --> 00:08:04.750 in a representation of the group of average people 00:08:04.750 --> 00:08:06.550 would find themselves totally agreeing 00:08:06.550 --> 00:08:09.310 and thinking whatever he's saying is absolutely reasonable. 00:08:09.310 --> 00:08:10.310 He's neighborly. 00:08:10.310 --> 00:08:12.950 He's like your fucking best friend's dad 00:08:12.950 --> 00:08:15.990 just a guy that you trust, you know? 00:08:15.990 --> 00:08:17.590 So now I'm fucking paying attention 00:08:17.590 --> 00:08:20.070 cause he can walk in the room and say fucking anything. 00:08:20.070 --> 00:08:25.070 But the effect he has is very translike hypnotic even. 00:08:26.070 --> 00:08:27.550 Well buddy, I'm outta here for the day. 00:08:27.550 --> 00:08:28.470 I've had enough for the day. 00:08:28.470 --> 00:08:30.470 The old lady and I are gonna kick back a few tonight. 00:08:30.470 --> 00:08:35.710 You know Charlie Cox from down the corner store, yeah, he's coming over he brings his old lady over to every now and then. 00:08:35.710 --> 00:08:40.870 And we kick back a few, you know, listen to music, have a little pizza or something out there on the wood fire grill. 00:08:40.870 --> 00:08:44.510 Then about 10, 30, 11 o'clock will go ahead and slip Charlie 20 bucks. 00:08:44.510 --> 00:08:52.990 And he lets me lay 00:08:52.990 --> 00:08:59.470 me lay underneath the glass coffee table and he squats down and takes a giant shit right on top of that glass coffee table and I'm telling you what. I just it's not a sexual thing with me, but I just like to sit there and watch his ass hole open and that poop come out. It's gratifying. 00:08:59.470 --> 00:09:04.470 Well worked to $20. Now his wife on the other hand, she's a little bit more expensive. 00:09:04.470 --> 00:09:10.470 It's an extravagance for the wife and I to spring on that because she ain't doing it for no less than $50. 00:09:10.470 --> 00:09:15.470 But once twice a year we'll go ahead and spring for that $50 coffee table, shit and extravagance. 00:09:15.470 --> 00:09:21.470 And we just have a great old time. Don't Charlie Cox a good shit. You know Charlie Cox? That's a good old boy right there. 00:09:21.470 --> 00:09:27.470 He and his wife are in the film and that they could really make some money and you find yourself going. Yeah, yeah, shit on the coffee table. 00:09:27.470 --> 00:09:27.510 Fuck yeah, I'd like to see that too. No, I totally get it. Yeah, I 00:09:27.510 --> 00:09:41.510 You guys are doing the right thing. You're doing the Lord's work. Okay, hey, we'll check you next time. Take care. 00:09:41.510 --> 00:09:55.510 And then about five minutes later it hits you. Did that motherfucker just say he lays underneath a glass coffee table and has Charlie Cox from the fucking gas station down the street, squat over the street. 00:09:55.510 --> 00:10:06.510 Squat over the glass coffee table and take a giant shit on it that you heard that right. Yeah, okay. Fucking hell. I was agreeing with him. 00:10:06.510 --> 00:10:13.510 That motherfucker had me thinking yeah, that would be kind of a cool thing to say. What the fuck, what the fuck just happened? 00:10:13.510 --> 00:10:21.510 It's fucking diabolical. The effect that that guy has on everyone he talks to and I think he doesn't have any idea. 00:10:21.510 --> 00:10:31.510 If he fucking knew he could be running significant portions of the world people would just hand him the power. The cadence, the tone of his voice. 00:10:31.510 --> 00:10:41.510 The way he is so earnest and just believes whatever he's saying your mind kind of shuts off and you just trust him. 00:10:41.510 --> 00:10:54.510 You're like yeah, absolutely coffee table shittons the way to go bro. Now I totally get where you're coming from. Fuck yeah, fuck TV. That's way better than TV. And then he leaves. 00:10:54.510 --> 00:11:03.510 The effect wears off after a few minutes and you're like what the fuck did I just agree to? Do I have to go shit on a coffee table for him? 00:11:03.510 --> 00:11:10.510 That motherfucker is terrifying. He could fucking say anything. I'm convinced. I'm convinced he could say anything. 00:11:10.510 --> 00:11:17.510 I'm convinced he might have actually said anything and I've just fucking blindly agreed to it. 00:11:17.510 --> 00:11:22.510 Well partner, you know what I've been working on? I went ahead and got me a bad case of them fucking pinworms. 00:11:22.510 --> 00:11:32.510 You know what pinworms are? They're these little near microscopic worms that live in your intestine right? And I went ahead and I felt my asshole each and one day and I thought I'm not going to do nothing about it. 00:11:32.510 --> 00:11:43.510 I want to get him real bad, real bad. And they just tear you up at night because when your body realizes it's about to go to sleep it releases a chemical that awakens these pinworms and they start heading for your buttole. 00:11:43.510 --> 00:11:57.510 They all come out of your buttole there and they lay their eggs all over Uranus and the area around it. And you're like yeah pinworms. Fuck yeah, I've heard about those pinworms. Yeah sure. Oh yeah, that doesn't sound too bad. Probably a great way to lose weight. 00:11:57.510 --> 00:12:05.510 I'm telling you just tear your ass hole up and in the night you just can't stand it and you start itching it with your fingers you get all their eggs up underneath your fingernails 00:12:05.510 --> 00:12:12.510 everything but I've taken to one step further because it's not enough for me to just infect people locally. You know I was kicking them up 00:12:12.510 --> 00:12:18.510 underneath my fingernails and they were just making sure I wipe fingernail muck on every surface and every door knob that I can find. 00:12:18.510 --> 00:12:24.510 You know share the pinworms of everybody. It's my idea of spreading just a little bit of fucking hell. You know what I'm saying? 00:12:24.510 --> 00:12:32.510 I've been one step further and I've been fucking taking masking tape and running along my asshole first thing in the morning and getting all their eggs off there and then putting them on envelopes. 00:12:32.510 --> 00:12:41.510 And then mailing out a whole bunch of letters, a whole bunch of checks and stuff like my mortgage fuck those guys. I got one of them adjustable rate mortgages. You heard of them? 00:12:41.510 --> 00:12:53.510 I started out at 3.5% and then it goes up to 7% and sometimes it comes back down. Sometimes it goes back up. I don't ever know what I'm going to be paying so I just put some fucking pinworm eggs on my check and on my envelope every time I try to get it on my back. 00:12:53.510 --> 00:13:00.510 I'll pay every time I send it up so I can give them motherfuckers to give to keep on giving. All right, well I gotta go while catching next time. 00:13:00.510 --> 00:13:03.510 You 00:13:03.510 --> 00:13:08.510 like yeah that's a fucking great idea. Fuck those creditors fuck everybody I owe money to. I'm gonna give them pinworms too. Can I get some of those fucking pinworms dude? 00:13:08.510 --> 00:13:14.510 Yeah, let me suck on your finger for a minute. Let me get some of those eggs. That sounds awesome. No, I'm not trying to toss your salad 00:13:14.510 --> 00:13:21.820 but if you wouldn't mind to give me a few fresh ones. Yeah, right there. Right there on your fingertip. Fuck you. Okay, let me do it. 00:13:21.820 --> 00:13:29.820 You've helped me out man. Take care. I'll catch you next time and then five minutes later when the transwares off bro. 00:13:29.820 --> 00:13:38.820 Did I just suck pinworm eggs off that guy's finger? Why did you let me do that? Oh, you suck some off too. Fuck. 00:13:38.820 --> 00:13:50.820 Guys like a fucking what just happened. I can't believe we just did that. Hey, man, I'm glad you're here. I was gonna tell you one of the things that we like to do from time to time is we like to go down and test drive brand new pickup trucks and 00:13:50.820 --> 00:14:03.820 big F-250s or F-350s or if you can find them in F-450 and then we like to take that right about 215 in the afternoon when all the kids are in their classrooms and drive it right through a fucking school. 00:14:03.820 --> 00:14:12.820 Oh, yeah, that does sound like fun. You mean like a school zone? No, no, not a school zone like actually through the fucking school. It's one of our favorite things to do. 00:14:12.820 --> 00:14:23.820 Get a little liquored up. Go test drive you a big ol F-2 F-3 F-450. Just drive it through a fucking school and leave the keys in and walk away. God damn, that's a good time. Yeah, that sounds fucking great bro. 00:14:23.820 --> 00:14:34.820 Where do you do that? You just go to any dealership? Yeah, that's great thing about them fucking Ford dealerships. They're usually within a good half mile. Maybe mile, mile and a half tops from elementary school. 00:14:34.820 --> 00:14:46.820 Nothing like running over elementary kids with an F-450. Let me tell you the noise that makes. Oh, yeah, I bet that is entertaining. Yeah, that sounds like a really good fucking way to spend the evening. Hey, thanks for stopping by, man. 00:14:46.820 --> 00:14:59.820 Five minutes later, the train swears off. Hey, bro, did that motherfucker just say drives through school buildings with F-450 like right before it lets out for the day? Jesus Christ. Did you, did you? 00:14:59.820 --> 00:15:15.820 Why didn't you say something? You were trying, you were looking to test drive one two? Fuck me. What the fuck just happened? The guys powers are on candy. You know, in the store wars universe, they say only the weak will double give into like a Jedi mind trick. 00:15:15.820 --> 00:15:24.820 I must be one weak willed motherfucker because that dude could literally walk in and say anything and I'll be like, yeah, sounds totally reasonable. We should fucking totally do that. Yeah, no problem. 00:15:24.820 --> 00:15:36.620 Hey, buddy, I'm glad you're here. Well, it's springtime. My favorite time of year. You want to know why? Because we got new calves in the yard. The hevers of all given birth and I got brand new calves in the yard. Now, what we like to do is we like to take 00:15:36.620 --> 00:15:44.820 take the prettiest calf. What we do is we get the prettiest calf of the whole group. And what we do is we get a little bit liquored up. You know, gotta have a little bit of that liquid 00:15:44.820 --> 00:15:44.860 curge a little bit liquid fun. And then we'll go out there with pliers and we'll yank all its teeth out. And then, you know, we give them teeth to the wife so she can go ahead and make jewelry and shit to sell down at the fucking farm store. And then I like to just go ahead and let that brand new calf suck on my cock. Like it's one of them baby feeding bottles. Nothing, I'm telling you, or anything like a good old cow blowjob. Oh, yeah, cow blowjob never had one of those. What's that like? Is it pretty good? Well, the teeth would be a problem because you know, they got a whole lot of strength in them, jaws. But they're not. I'm not sure if they're going to be able to 00:16:14.820 --> 00:16:43.820 those baby cow jaws are just weak enough to where you get just the right amount of pressure and then their tongues are just going nuts on the bottom side of your fucking wine. You know what I mean? Turns you out probably 30, 45 seconds. Well, yeah, man, that sounds perfectly reasonable. I can understand why spring would be your favorite season getting sucked off by the livestock. Fuck yeah, I totally get it. It makes me want to buy a farm. You think I could buy a farm. How much you think farms are going for nowadays? Oh, hey, hey, thanks for stopping by, man. Take care. 00:16:44.820 --> 00:17:04.820 I'll see you in five minutes later. Bro, did you hear that motherfucker say that he pulls all the teeth out of one baby cow every spring and then basically face rapes it for the rest of the year? Well, why didn't you say anything? Oh, you were looking at buying a farm too? Fuck. What just happened? 00:17:04.820 --> 00:17:34.820 I've had you here. I wanted to catch you before I left out of here for the day. You know, Chuckie Cobb down the corner store. Y'all to come over the house tonight. We're doing something really cool. It only happens a couple times a year. But he's got one of the biggest fucking hemorrhoids I've ever seen in my life. And then what you do is we're going to take turns getting in there and chewing off about the top third of that fucking hemorrhoid and he's going to spray ass blood all over your fucking face. And then you take a scrub brush and scrub your face off. And it's almost like stem cells for your complexion. Look how fucking youthful I look, man. I'm almost 60 years old. I don't look at 00:17:34.820 --> 00:17:43.500 the day over 45. No, man. You really don't. You look great. And that's all from asshole blood, huh? Wow. Who knew all these women are spending money on nags, 00:17:43.500 --> 00:18:01.220 Zima and oil of a lace shit. All they have to, who knew all they had to do was let Chuck Cobb bleed his ass on their face. Yeah, it sounds perfectly reasonable. Now I'll totally be there. What time are we doing it? Well, about 7, 38 o'clock somewhere in there, you know, make sure you get something to eat ahead of time because I'm not making no food or nothing. 00:18:01.220 --> 00:18:09.660 I'm not having a few cold treats if you know what I'm saying, but we're going to get into eating on Chuck Cobb's ass probably about 7, 38 o'clock on the dot. No later, 00:18:09.660 --> 00:18:15.620 night o'clock. And then once we all get good and blood it up, you know, we'll scrub and scrub and get that blood all down into 00:18:15.620 --> 00:18:21.820 pores and let it go and cleanse you out. You know what I'm saying? Chuckie likes to have that top third chewed off because he knows he's 00:18:21.820 --> 00:18:28.700 sitting on a gold mine. We always throw him a few dollars at the end just to, you know, let him know we appreciate his efforts and what he's going through for us. 00:18:28.940 --> 00:18:34.500 7, 38 o'clock tonight. I'll make sure to eat before I come and do I need to bring my own scrub brush or yeah, 00:18:34.500 --> 00:18:39.500 I'll probably just go ahead and bring my own scrub brush. I could really use something because I've got all these fine 00:18:39.500 --> 00:18:46.900 lines and wrinkles here and if Chuckie Cobb's ass hole blood will fix that up. Yeah, I'm in. Oh, hey, thanks man. Thanks for coming by. 00:18:47.380 --> 00:18:57.060 Now seriously, anytime. Five minutes later. Hey, bro, did you hear how they get together with Chuck Cobb and chew the top off of a giant 00:18:57.060 --> 00:19:04.700 hemorrhoid he's got and then take turns letting him bleed asshole blood on their faces for like skin care. Okay, well, 00:19:04.700 --> 00:19:13.060 why didn't you say something? Oh, you were planning on coming to fuck. What the fuck just happened? Hey, man, glad you're here. 00:19:13.060 --> 00:19:19.620 Glad I caught you before I ducked out of here for the day. Well, the old lady and I 00:19:19.620 --> 00:19:23.420 I are getting ready to head out to Yellowstone, go to Yellowstone every year. And one of our favorite things to do, there's this one particular group of 00:19:23.420 --> 00:19:30.860 bison. You know what a fucking bison is? It's goddamn buffalo. Just a bison is just a better way to say buffalo. You know what I'm saying? 00:19:30.860 --> 00:19:36.780 But we like to go up there and we like to hang out with this one specific herd of bison. And I've taken to fucking 00:19:36.780 --> 00:19:42.740 blow them every year. And let me tell you what it has done wonders for my back hair. My shit on my back is so 00:19:42.740 --> 00:19:50.100 lustrous and beautiful nowadays. I'm thinking about getting myself from my own fucking pelt. So you suck off buffalo and 00:19:50.100 --> 00:19:57.380 they're fucking sperm that you then swallow, right? Yeah, I fucking swallow. My mom reads the good boy, you know, there 00:19:57.380 --> 00:20:02.340 ain't no sense of putting it in your mouth if you're not going to swallow it. That's what my mom always said. My dad would hit me if I'd done 00:20:02.340 --> 00:20:09.980 otherwise. So then you just swallow the fucking bison sperm and then you grow like really lustrous back hair. 00:20:09.980 --> 00:20:17.500 Fucking that sounds great. Yeah, it sounds totally reasonable. Who wouldn't want a nice back pelt? I could probably get $50, $75 for that 00:20:17.500 --> 00:20:22.860 right? Well, let me tell you way more than that. You go up there and you start cultivating yourself a back pelt, 00:20:22.860 --> 00:20:29.380 I'll help you skin it when it comes time and it's as lustrous as mine. And you can probably make $45, $600. And then you can grow 00:20:29.380 --> 00:20:35.280 that skin back. It shouldn't be gone forever. You go up there and you keep blowing them fucking bison and growing that back 00:20:35.280 --> 00:20:41.540 here. You can make all the money you want. God damn. Well, yeah, that sounds totally fucking reasonable, man. You said yellowstone, huh? 00:20:41.740 --> 00:20:46.620 Fucking we were looking for a place to go on vacation anyway. Thanks, man. Thanks for coming by. 00:20:47.500 --> 00:20:56.140 Five minutes later. Hey, bro, did you hear that motherfucker come in here? Say he sucks off bison to grow back hair from the their 00:20:56.140 --> 00:21:06.060 spark like they he drinks their fucking jizz and and then grows back here and he's going to harvest that and harvest the pelt and and 00:21:06.060 --> 00:21:13.860 make money on it. Did you hear that every year? He goes, you heard, why didn't you say anything? You were thinking you need a back hair pelt to 00:21:13.940 --> 00:21:22.060 fuck. What the fuck just happened? The fucking guy is super villain level powers. And now I don't trust him. 00:21:23.280 --> 00:21:31.780 Like, well, anyone who can fucking put you in a trance that that quickly you shouldn't trust anyway. But I don't trust that he's just a 00:21:31.780 --> 00:21:38.620 fucking meatball. Like I discounted him totally as one of those fast talking buffoons who have to say all the words 00:21:38.620 --> 00:21:45.140 they possibly can and then they fucking blow out of the room like, but it's much more nefarious than that in 00:21:45.140 --> 00:21:53.780 city as even the guys are fucking super villain. He's absolutely a fucking super villain. I'm convinced. But now you're on my 00:21:53.780 --> 00:22:02.340 radar motherfucker. You're not going to fucking catch me lacking again. I'm going to be paying very close attention to 00:22:02.340 --> 00:22:07.500 everything that motherfucker says from now on. Anyway, on with the next segment. 00:22:07.780 --> 00:22:16.380 Segment to you. So one of the things that podcasters do for each other, I guess. And again, I'm, I'm not going to say that 00:22:16.380 --> 00:22:24.460 I'm fairly new to this because I've been dickin' around with it since 2018. But I've never really made podcaster friends before. 00:22:24.700 --> 00:22:35.300 First of all, I'm fucking terrified that podcasting is going the way of blogging, right? Like no one reads blogs anymore other than bloggers. 00:22:35.540 --> 00:22:46.260 Bloggers fucking jerk each other off. And it has devolved into a self-sustaining industry. Like here, the only people who read blogs are other bloggers. 00:22:46.260 --> 00:22:52.580 Or if you happen to be looking for a recipe, you might run across a blog that has a recipe that you think might look good. 00:22:52.580 --> 00:23:02.740 Then you have to scroll down through five pages of bullshit to get to, you know, said recipe. I'm concerned that podcasting is going that way. 00:23:02.740 --> 00:23:12.020 I think you're going to have your big names Joe Rogan, Amy Polar, a few other, you know, heavy hitters. And then you're just going to have a really large 00:23:12.020 --> 00:23:26.980 community of people that jerk each other off. So the chances of, say, this podcast ever hitting the mainstream or people who just happen to listen to podcasts, finding it are slim to none for a lot of reasons. 00:23:26.980 --> 00:23:38.660 But I'm afraid that the podcasting community by supporting each other and propping each other up are giving a lot of podcasters a false sense of success. 00:23:39.620 --> 00:23:53.140 See what I mean. That's okay. That's not why I fucking sat down here. Yeah, nobody wants to hear my rumination and fucking postulating on the current state of podcasting and where we're going from here. 00:23:53.140 --> 00:24:07.380 What I started to say was one thing that podcasters do for each other. And I do actually kind of dig this is they are very open and upfront and honest about what kind of equipment they use, 00:24:07.380 --> 00:24:22.340 what software they use and how they go about getting the sound that they have attained. Recently I said emails out to podcasters who have been hosting shows long term. 00:24:22.340 --> 00:24:35.380 Because I'm really just getting started with this one. This is what episode three. And I was asking for feedback on what I've done thus far because honestly it's, and maybe I'm wrong. 00:24:35.380 --> 00:24:46.340 I could be fucking way off here, but I've listened to a healthy number of podcasts in the last few weeks. And I'm not finding anyone doing what I'm doing here. 00:24:46.340 --> 00:24:55.140 So that's either good or bad. Either I'm a fucking trailblazer or people aren't doing it because nobody wants to hear it. 00:24:55.220 --> 00:25:16.900 Which is more more likely to be the latter than the former. And the reason I reached out to these, I guess you'd call them legacy podcasters is because I wanted to know. Am I just jerking off here? Is the fucking show terrible? Do I need to be doing something different? Like, give me some critique here. Give me some feedback. 00:25:17.900 --> 00:25:29.860 And I didn't get a lot of response. I have, I don't know, I sent out maybe 10 emails and I've gotten gotten. Listen to me, I have received three back. 00:25:29.860 --> 00:25:46.340 All very complimentary, which of course feeds into my theory that podcasters just jerk each other off. But the one asked me what I'm doing to produce this sound. 00:25:46.340 --> 00:26:01.300 Because I think she liked the quality of the production. Okay, well, I guess I can roll with that. My initial reaction to that was fuck you. I'm not going to give you my trade secrets. Fuck off. 00:26:01.300 --> 00:26:07.340 Hey, man, I'm glad I caught you for a win home for the weekend. Well, I got a little problem. I was going to see if you to help me to help me to help me out with help. 00:26:08.340 --> 00:26:19.340 I don't know if you. I don't know if you notice this or not during our talks. If you've put this all together with my wife and I, we're kind of into some freaky shit. Okay, well, what ended up happening the other night is she got her pinky nail broke off in my urethra. 00:26:19.340 --> 00:26:30.340 Aritha. Aritha. Arithra. Aritha. Arithra. I would now one of them is the fucking queen of soul and the other one is your dick. It's your rethra. 00:26:30.340 --> 00:26:48.340 Yeah, it's your your rethra. So she got her pinky nail broke off in your urethra. Okay, was that pleasurable? Is that something that you're into that sounds like that might be okay? Do you think that's okay? I might kind of try to do that. Well, now no, it's it's pleasurable, but it's also a little bit painful anyway. 00:26:48.340 --> 00:27:08.340 She got her fucking pinky nail broke off in my dick hole. This ain't the first time it's happened when it's happened in the past. We just go on down to the zoo after hours and we crawl into the yard vark enclosure and that old yard vark just fucking latches on him a fucking penis and just sucks that old pinky nail right out. No shit, an art vark like a fucking anteater. Well, that sounds perfectly reasonable. 00:27:08.340 --> 00:27:28.340 You just let it latch onto your penis and it uses its tongue and powers of suction to pull the pinky nail out of your out of your dick hole. That's yeah, that's perfectly reasonable. I can understand why you'd go that way instead of just using a vacuum cleaner or like going to a doctor. I get it. Well, maybe go into the doctor a little bit better, but you know we're into some freaky shit. 00:27:28.340 --> 00:27:46.340 We're kind of kinky. We're a little bit dirty. We like to have a lot of fun. Anyway, probably as the yard vark just sucked and sucked and sucked and tung and sucked could not dislodge that their fucking pinky nail. So I got this pinky nail embedded in my fucking dick hole and it started to get a little bit infected. You know what I mean? Start to fester. Anyway, you seem like a pretty good shit. 00:27:46.340 --> 00:28:00.700 We're gonna see if you want to come out by the house later on tonight. Maybe get these needle nose pliers. I got all sitting in the alcohol in the iodine and see if maybe since you got steady hands, you know you might be able to go ahead and extract that pinky nail for me. Now all you got to do is run the 00:28:00.700 --> 00:28:20.340 new pliers right up in my dick hole grab onto that pinky nail and just kind of gently work it out. You can yank it out if you want, but I might come. So if you could just work it out slowly. So we don't turn this into a weird sexual thing. I would be greatly appreciative. Just let me know if you want to come by. Okay, I got to run. I get where you're coming from. 00:28:20.340 --> 00:28:33.820 Seems perfectly reasonable. You're sanitizing the needle nose pliers and you want me to come out there and and run those needle nose pliers into your wiener and pull out the fingernail. Thanks for coming by and thinking to me, man. 00:28:34.100 --> 00:28:48.580 Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, equipment. So I don't have a whole lot to tell on the equipment front. I have a USB microphone. Actually a couple. I have the sure MV seven that everyone really seems to enjoy his podcasters. 00:28:48.580 --> 00:29:09.300 I'm kind of not a fan. And then I have the sure MV 51, which is in my opinion, the greatest USB microphone ever made. And naturally since I love it so much, they have discontinued it because the people at sure and at their at their fucking core are buffoons. 00:29:09.780 --> 00:29:29.260 Absolute window licking fucking morons. I could go down the microphone rabbit hole here and really spend a lot of time telling you about the MV 51 and the MV seven and the pros and cons. I'm not going to fucking do that. Get on YouTube and look up somebody doing reviews of both of the microphones. And I'm sure you'll get the fucking picture well painted for you. 00:29:29.940 --> 00:29:55.180 I'm just going to say one thing for the MV 51 large diaphragm condenser as far as that the fucking microphone the MV 51, which is what you're hearing me talk to you on right now runs into the computer, the computer records and audacity. I do the majority of my editing and osan audio and audacity and that's it. That's the end. Wait a minute. 00:29:56.180 --> 00:30:16.180 A did that motherfucker just come in here and say that he has a his wife's pinky nail broke off in his dick hole and then he went and got a fucking art vark to try to suck it out and and that's not that works. He wants me to come over and help him extracted is did you hear that? 00:30:16.180 --> 00:30:18.180 What the fuck? 00:30:18.180 --> 00:30:21.180 What the fuck just happened? 00:30:22.180 --> 00:30:33.180 So that's basically it. That's the setup a microphone USB cable into an aging computer using free software that I get off the internet. 00:30:33.180 --> 00:30:47.180 Okay, well, I think we're just going to go ahead and wrap up this episode of Missing Through Radio version 2.0. I hope you enjoyed it. Telefriend as long as they're cool don't bring me any fucking twats. 00:30:47.180 --> 00:31:00.180 Leave a review. I think that they're probably super important. Those reviews. I know I'm on Apple podcasts. I think I'm on Stitcher now Spotify. 00:31:00.180 --> 00:31:15.180 Pocket casts which apparently is a really popular app. I had no idea Amazon of course Amazon Prime audible which I'm fucking geeked about because I fucking love audible and YouTube and I'm sure I'm fucking leaving some out. 00:31:15.180 --> 00:31:18.180 Thank you again for listening until next time.