WEBVTT 00:00:01.680 --> 00:00:09.680 Hi kids, I'm Lorenzo and welcome to Missing Throat Radio where we play near... 00:00:09.680 --> 00:00:20.820 ...or near... 00:00:20.820 --> 00:00:23.820 Can you say Missing Throat? 00:00:23.820 --> 00:00:26.820 Missing Throat! 00:00:26.820 --> 00:00:28.820 I knew you could do it. 00:00:28.820 --> 00:00:32.820 We talk about poop and we have story time. 00:00:32.820 --> 00:00:37.820 Today's story is about that time your mother blew George straight 00:00:37.820 --> 00:00:41.820 and then went home and kissed your father right on his mouth. 00:00:41.820 --> 00:00:44.820 You know I don't know whether your mom blew George straight or not, 00:00:44.820 --> 00:00:48.820 but I feel like there's a decent chance she probably did. 00:00:48.820 --> 00:00:53.820 Missing Throat Radio starts now! 00:00:53.820 --> 00:00:57.820 Welcome to episode 7 of Missing Throat Radio. 00:00:57.820 --> 00:01:00.820 You know I try not to let shit get to me. 00:01:00.820 --> 00:01:02.820 This is my what... 00:01:02.820 --> 00:01:05.820 fourth attempt at a podcast. 00:01:05.820 --> 00:01:11.820 The only common theme among all four of my podcasts. 00:01:11.820 --> 00:01:15.820 Besides you know me obviously. 00:01:15.820 --> 00:01:19.820 Has been that I have wanted more than anything else in the world 00:01:19.820 --> 00:01:24.820 to legally be able to use a David Bowie song for the introduction. 00:01:24.820 --> 00:01:29.820 With Missing Throat Radio OG, the original version back in the day 00:01:29.820 --> 00:01:32.820 I wanted to use... 00:01:32.820 --> 00:01:34.820 Hello Spaceboy. 00:01:34.820 --> 00:01:36.820 This is what I wanted to use. 00:01:36.820 --> 00:01:41.820 And I got quoted in Outro Rages Sum of Money by BMI for Licensing. 00:01:41.820 --> 00:01:52.340 Then with the next podcast it was called Unmoder. 00:01:52.340 --> 00:01:57.820 I think I also wanted to use Hello Spaceboy for that and was quoted in even larger some of money. 00:01:58.820 --> 00:02:02.820 I think this podcast has some staying power. 00:02:02.820 --> 00:02:07.820 I think I'm going to be around a while so I thought let's just fucking go at it again. 00:02:07.820 --> 00:02:15.820 Let me reach out to the powers that be and try to figure out how much it's going to cost me to license a... 00:02:15.820 --> 00:02:19.820 a David Bowie song for use as a podcast introduction. 00:02:19.820 --> 00:02:22.820 If you haven't noticed, I have recycled. 00:02:22.820 --> 00:02:32.820 I have recycled a couple of introductions but I'm basically making an intro for every episode. 00:02:32.820 --> 00:02:35.820 Because I can't find one that I like. 00:02:35.820 --> 00:02:37.040 So we 00:02:52.820 --> 00:03:00.820 After a radio 2.0 I'm thinking that I would love to use my favorite David Bowie song of all time which is Station to Station. 00:03:00.820 --> 00:03:03.820 Huge Bowie fan by the way. 00:03:03.820 --> 00:03:06.820 Well, I did a little research. It's been a few years. 00:03:06.820 --> 00:03:12.820 I wanted to make sure that everything was as it was before and it is not. 00:03:12.820 --> 00:03:18.820 A few years ago the David Bowie estate sold the rights to all of his music to Warner Chapel. 00:03:18.820 --> 00:03:23.820 So I reached out to them, made inquiries and got nothing. 00:03:23.820 --> 00:03:33.820 Did it electronically? So I went ahead and sent a letter because I would love to license Station to Station for use on this podcast and got nothing. 00:03:33.820 --> 00:03:43.820 And it's fucking frustrating. It's frustrating because I'm not trying to fucking license space auditing or golden years. 00:03:43.820 --> 00:03:54.820 Or one of his shitty 80s songs like Let's Dance. I'm trying to fucking license a song that I'm probably the only person that's listened to this week. 00:03:54.820 --> 00:03:59.820 No one's looking for Station to Station when they pull up David Bowie. 00:03:59.820 --> 00:04:06.820 They're just not. And for the overwhelming majority of people and I'm even gonna lump Bowie fans into this. 00:04:06.820 --> 00:04:17.820 For the overwhelming majority of Bowie fans, if they tell Alexa to play David Bowie and Station to Station comes up, they're telling Alexa to skip. 00:04:17.820 --> 00:04:31.820 So I feel like since it's not a song that people are actively seeking out, I should be able to license Station to Station by David Bowie for a relatively reasonable amount of money. 00:04:31.820 --> 00:04:41.820 Well, Warner Chapel isn't even returning my fucking emails and or letters now. It's fucking frustrating. You know, I met David Bowie back in the day. 00:04:41.820 --> 00:04:50.820 It's not a story I tell very often, but I might tell it to you. It was 1990. Fuck, I don't know. 00:04:51.820 --> 00:04:59.820 Let's just say for shits and giggles. Let's say 1997. Maybe 96. 00:04:59.820 --> 00:05:03.820 David Bowie was in town playing at this little club called the Blue Note. 00:05:03.820 --> 00:05:12.820 One of those standard issue fucking concert venues that used to be an old timey fucking movie theater. You know what I mean, anyway. 00:05:12.820 --> 00:05:21.820 All kinds of artists did little one-off shows, at the Blue Note. David Bowie was touring with his band, a tin machine. 00:05:21.820 --> 00:05:35.820 I worked in radio at the time and I was sitting backstage. Kind of off by myself. I wasn't in the hubbub and the hustle and bustle of all the shit that goes on where people are trying to do whatever they can fucking do to get a glimpse? 00:05:35.820 --> 00:05:41.820 Like a glimpse of Bowie before the show. I was just kind of sitting backstage in the air quotes green room. 00:05:41.820 --> 00:05:51.820 And I was smoking a galois cigarette, if that'll tell you what kind of fucking pretentious conti was back in the day. 00:05:51.820 --> 00:05:58.820 And somebody comes in and sits down across the way from me. And I didn't think anything of it. I was kind of lost in my own thoughts. 00:05:58.820 --> 00:06:09.820 Lo and behold, it was David Bowie. Holy shit. So I played it cool for a little bit and eventually I can't fucking take it anymore and I get up and I walk over and I'm like, dude, I'm a huge fan. 00:06:09.820 --> 00:06:16.820 I just got to tell you I'm absolutely huge fan and I'm so excited to watch you perform tonight. 00:06:16.820 --> 00:06:26.820 And he kind of gives me this little weird kind of cock-eyed look and he goes really huge fan. And I can't do the fucking shitty British accent so bear with me here. 00:06:26.820 --> 00:06:38.820 He is really huge fan. What's your favorite song? And I, at the time I didn't know it but I was being tested. And I said, uh, station to station, I would think. 00:06:38.820 --> 00:06:47.820 Well, whether station to station is one of his favorite songs of his or not, I don't know. But he immediately got interested at that point. I think because I didn't say, 00:06:47.820 --> 00:06:59.820 say, space Audity or Golden years or one of the shity 80 songs. And we sat down and kind of shot the shit for, I don't know, about five minutes. It was nothing major, no real in depth conversation happened. 00:07:00.020 --> 00:07:12.820 I did ask him how cooked out he was at the tower show in Philadelphia in 76, and he said he didn't remember the entire tour and apparently he recorded an album there. Anyway, so that's my, 00:07:12.820 --> 00:07:14.400 Who are you talking to in there? 00:07:14.400 --> 00:07:15.700 Oh, it's my fucking mother. 00:07:15.700 --> 00:07:17.540 Who are you talking to? 00:07:17.540 --> 00:07:18.860 Why did you lock this door? 00:07:18.860 --> 00:07:20.340 Mom, go away, I'm working. 00:07:20.340 --> 00:07:21.260 Were you on the phone? 00:07:21.260 --> 00:07:22.540 No, I'm not on the phone. 00:07:22.540 --> 00:07:23.580 So who are you talking to? 00:07:23.580 --> 00:07:27.460 Mom, God damn, I'm talking into a microphone for a podcast. 00:07:27.460 --> 00:07:28.740 What the hell is in this room? 00:07:28.740 --> 00:07:30.220 Well, this is my studio, mom. 00:07:30.220 --> 00:07:31.900 This is where I'm doing my podcast. 00:07:31.900 --> 00:07:33.940 But what the hell are you doing in here? 00:07:33.940 --> 00:07:34.460 Anyway. 00:07:34.460 --> 00:07:35.540 You have online friends? 00:07:35.540 --> 00:07:36.820 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:07:36.820 --> 00:07:38.340 Yes, mom, I'm talking to my friends. 00:07:38.340 --> 00:07:39.420 Like AOL? 00:07:39.420 --> 00:07:41.260 Oh, God, not like AOL. 00:07:41.260 --> 00:07:43.140 That's a terrible place. 00:07:43.140 --> 00:07:45.900 No, not like AOL. 00:07:45.900 --> 00:07:47.980 I don't even fucking think AOL's around anymore. 00:07:47.980 --> 00:07:48.740 Are they white? 00:07:48.740 --> 00:07:51.060 What the fuck kind of question is that? 00:07:51.060 --> 00:07:53.220 I don't fucking know if they're white or not. 00:07:53.220 --> 00:07:55.700 You know exactly how I feel about you hanging out 00:07:55.700 --> 00:07:56.860 with those dockies. 00:07:56.860 --> 00:07:59.220 OK, stop calling people fucking dockies. 00:07:59.220 --> 00:08:03.540 OK, listen, you fly on spirit airlines one fucking time 00:08:03.540 --> 00:08:05.860 and then you go on a fucking two week carnival cruise 00:08:05.860 --> 00:08:08.820 and you come back the most racist woman I've ever met. 00:08:08.820 --> 00:08:11.220 Oh, don't you try to shame your mother? 00:08:11.220 --> 00:08:14.340 You know I happen to have a lot of friends from all over. 00:08:14.340 --> 00:08:15.500 No, you don't. 00:08:15.500 --> 00:08:16.900 You don't have any fucking friends 00:08:17.180 --> 00:08:18.580 I have different nationalities, mom. 00:08:18.580 --> 00:08:20.100 What kind of language is that? 00:08:20.100 --> 00:08:21.260 Talking to me like that. 00:08:21.260 --> 00:08:23.380 Unless you're talking about the Pardoluses up there, 00:08:23.380 --> 00:08:24.580 they're fucking Greek, mom. 00:08:24.580 --> 00:08:26.740 That's just a different fucking shade of white. 00:08:26.740 --> 00:08:30.380 I am a woman of the world ever since your father left me 00:08:30.380 --> 00:08:32.100 for that whore from Hackensack. 00:08:32.100 --> 00:08:35.060 Just admit it, ever since you went on that fucking carnival 00:08:35.060 --> 00:08:37.500 cruise, you've come back and you fucking hate everyone 00:08:37.500 --> 00:08:38.980 who's not cracker ass white. 00:08:38.980 --> 00:08:41.620 They were fighting for two solid weeks. 00:08:41.620 --> 00:08:42.660 Oh, for fuck's sake. 00:08:42.660 --> 00:08:45.020 You haven't seen what I've seen. 00:08:45.020 --> 00:08:48.180 I don't want you hanging out with any dockies. 00:08:48.180 --> 00:08:50.540 You know I have my mother's silver plate. 00:08:50.540 --> 00:08:53.820 Your mother's silver plate is you don't even fucking live here. 00:08:53.820 --> 00:08:56.260 You're just visiting, unfortunately. 00:08:56.260 --> 00:08:58.460 Don't need you associating with the wrong sort. 00:08:58.460 --> 00:08:59.860 The wrong sort? 00:08:59.860 --> 00:09:02.460 How about you're the wrong fucking sort? 00:09:02.460 --> 00:09:03.340 OK, that's enough. 00:09:03.340 --> 00:09:04.340 Get the fuck out of here. 00:09:04.340 --> 00:09:05.340 Bye, mom. 00:09:05.340 --> 00:09:06.340 Bye. 00:09:06.340 --> 00:09:07.180 Fuck off. 00:09:07.180 --> 00:09:08.180 OK, bye. 00:09:08.180 --> 00:09:09.180 Fuck off. 00:09:09.180 --> 00:09:10.180 Bye. 00:09:10.180 --> 00:09:11.180 I'm talking to you. 00:09:11.180 --> 00:09:12.180 Are they white? 00:09:12.180 --> 00:09:14.100 I don't even remember what I was talking about. 00:09:14.100 --> 00:09:15.420 What the fuck? 00:09:15.420 --> 00:09:17.140 I've completely lost my train of thought. 00:09:17.140 --> 00:09:20.060 I'm still fucking done with these holidays, by the way. 00:09:20.060 --> 00:09:24.260 We had the Fourth of July a while back, which is fucking fine. 00:09:24.260 --> 00:09:25.540 But here's the problem. 00:09:25.540 --> 00:09:27.580 Anytime we have a fucking holiday, 00:09:27.580 --> 00:09:30.460 everybody just piles into my fucking house 00:09:30.460 --> 00:09:32.140 and then they don't leave. 00:09:32.140 --> 00:09:33.460 It would be one thing if they showed up 00:09:33.460 --> 00:09:35.380 with an RV or something like that. 00:09:35.380 --> 00:09:36.420 But that's not what happens. 00:09:36.420 --> 00:10:04.100 They just fucking show up with a bag. 00:10:05.380 --> 00:10:08.700 I'm going to send you some rocks from over here. 00:10:08.700 --> 00:10:10.500 It's fucking beautiful over here. 00:10:10.500 --> 00:10:12.740 Oh, my God, and the olives. 00:10:12.740 --> 00:10:15.380 I could fucking hear her now, my fucking mom. 00:10:18.420 --> 00:10:21.300 She takes one fucking flat on spirit airlines 00:10:21.300 --> 00:10:23.780 and goes on one fucking carnival cruise. 00:10:23.780 --> 00:10:27.060 And now she hates all the blacks. 00:10:29.070 --> 00:10:32.590 She said that they fucking fought everyone. 00:10:32.590 --> 00:10:37.590 She said that they fought in the fucking airport. 00:10:37.590 --> 00:10:39.950 There were fights on the fucking plane. 00:10:39.950 --> 00:10:43.150 There were fights as they were waiting to get on the fucking ship. 00:10:43.150 --> 00:10:44.390 And then when they got on the ship, 00:10:44.390 --> 00:10:47.110 everything was cool for at about a day. 00:10:47.110 --> 00:10:51.590 And then they started fighting every fucking body on the ship. 00:10:51.590 --> 00:10:54.830 She said the black people on the fucking carnival cruise line 00:10:54.830 --> 00:10:56.990 were swinging on everybody. 00:10:56.990 --> 00:11:01.990 Weight staff, cook staff, fucking security, each other, 00:11:01.990 --> 00:11:06.710 and then you run in your car at the back of the car and you, 00:11:06.710 --> 00:11:12.070 and then you run in your car's car, on the ship. 00:11:12.070 --> 00:11:16.790 And then they opened the car, and then I ran in my car. 00:11:16.790 --> 00:11:20.110 And I Dank that we were all here. 00:11:20.110 --> 00:11:23.070 But I'm actually going to find out where I can take all of you 00:11:23.070 --> 00:11:24.670 to the ship and then I can say, 00:11:24.670 --> 00:11:26.110 yeah, than, what do you say? 00:11:26.110 --> 00:11:27.910 You get the shipping bag and then you write all your money. 00:11:27.910 --> 00:11:29.590 I think I have to pick you up when I take it up. 00:11:29.590 --> 00:11:30.450 And we can get the palavra, 00:11:30.450 --> 00:11:32.150 and we can charge it up if you can. 00:11:32.150 --> 00:11:33.650 I think I'll take you to the satellite, 00:11:33.650 --> 00:11:36.110 I'm really fucking uncomfortable. 00:11:36.110 --> 00:11:39.710 Why the hell do I always do this after dinner? 00:11:39.710 --> 00:11:41.370 You know what I mean? 00:11:41.370 --> 00:11:44.870 It's like I could fucking record it almost any other point in the day. 00:11:44.870 --> 00:11:48.910 I could take a few minutes here and there to fucking knock some shit out. 00:11:48.910 --> 00:11:54.870 Even at work sometimes I get slip off in the back of the fucking building and get a little 00:11:54.870 --> 00:11:57.070 bit done. 00:11:57.070 --> 00:12:03.150 But no, I wait until the evening when I'm all fucking sweaty and bloated from overeating. 00:12:03.150 --> 00:12:05.810 And then I fucking sit down here and try to work. 00:12:05.810 --> 00:12:09.610 And what ends up happening is for the first 20 minutes of me recording, I just fucking sit 00:12:09.610 --> 00:12:14.310 here and try to get, catch my fucking breath, get my breathing under control. 00:12:14.310 --> 00:12:18.450 Because I'm just disgusting fucking fat with the fucking meat sweats. 00:12:18.450 --> 00:12:23.250 Just understand that when you fucking hear a brand new episode of Missing Throat Radio, 00:12:23.250 --> 00:12:28.570 there is a nearly 100% chance I have sat down after dinner and I'm sitting here with 00:12:28.570 --> 00:12:36.730 my fucking hand rubbing my giant disgusting boot of gut and fuck. 00:12:36.730 --> 00:12:39.890 When I pause, I'm not pausing for dramatic effect. 00:12:39.890 --> 00:12:43.810 I'm pausing to keep from fucking yacking and belching into my mouth. 00:12:43.810 --> 00:12:44.810 Okay? 00:12:44.810 --> 00:12:45.810 Fuck. 00:12:45.810 --> 00:12:47.890 Why don't I have any fucking self control? 00:12:47.890 --> 00:12:50.490 Somebody give me a fucking slim fast. 00:12:50.490 --> 00:12:51.490 That's what I need to do. 00:12:51.490 --> 00:12:55.250 I just need to do meal replacement in the fucking evenings. 00:12:55.250 --> 00:12:57.690 That's not what I sat down here to talk to you about. 00:12:57.690 --> 00:13:03.090 What I sat down here to talk to you about today was audiobooks. 00:13:03.090 --> 00:13:06.890 It's something I dabble in from time to time narrating audiobooks. 00:13:06.890 --> 00:13:12.290 You basically just have to be able to read and speak in complete sentences. 00:13:12.290 --> 00:13:18.890 And have a thick enough skin to be told know about 25 times for every yes you get in my 00:13:18.890 --> 00:13:21.730 audiobook narrating career. 00:13:21.730 --> 00:13:29.610 This far I have completed five, I think five audiobooks, two self-helped type religious 00:13:29.610 --> 00:13:32.490 books and then a couple of works of fiction. 00:13:32.490 --> 00:13:34.530 So maybe it's just four. 00:13:34.530 --> 00:13:36.530 Fuck, I don't know. 00:13:36.530 --> 00:13:38.410 I think just four. 00:13:38.410 --> 00:13:44.250 Two varying degrees of success. 00:13:51.730 --> 00:13:56.690 I don't necessarily enjoy narrating audiobooks. 00:13:56.690 --> 00:14:04.130 I do enjoy the idea of making a lot of money off of narrating an audiobook. 00:14:04.130 --> 00:14:09.930 It hasn't happened to date, but I think the mentality that has me searching for audiobooks 00:14:09.930 --> 00:14:14.290 to narrate all the time is the same mentality that has me down there buying fucking lottery 00:14:14.290 --> 00:14:16.410 tickets every Friday night. 00:14:16.410 --> 00:14:22.890 I end up fantasizing about what it would be like to accidentally narrate an audiobook that 00:14:22.890 --> 00:14:24.650 really takes off. 00:14:24.650 --> 00:14:27.730 But to be completely honest, I'm fucking around in the wrong genres. 00:14:27.730 --> 00:14:28.730 I know this. 00:14:28.730 --> 00:14:30.770 I did a couple of self-helped books. 00:14:30.770 --> 00:14:37.810 I did a suspense thriller and then I did a collection of short stories about zombies. 00:14:37.810 --> 00:14:40.490 The zombie book was actually super fun. 00:14:40.490 --> 00:14:42.090 I kind of enjoyed it. 00:14:42.090 --> 00:14:45.930 But I understand the way the world really works. 00:14:45.930 --> 00:14:53.530 And if I want to make money in the audiobook narrating game, I'm going to have to narrate Lady 00:14:53.530 --> 00:14:54.530 Porn. 00:14:54.530 --> 00:14:56.810 Yeah, Lady Porn. 00:14:56.810 --> 00:14:59.090 Do you know what Lady Porn is? 00:14:59.090 --> 00:15:05.690 I guess the best way to describe what Lady Porn is if you're unaware is by giving you an 00:15:05.690 --> 00:15:08.250 audio demonstration. 00:15:08.250 --> 00:15:17.530 This is Porn Design for Men. 00:15:17.530 --> 00:15:23.450 That is a fairly ridiculous audio demonstration of what Porn designed for men. 00:15:23.450 --> 00:15:26.890 Sounds like Porn designed for ladies though. 00:15:26.890 --> 00:15:29.130 That's something completely different. 00:15:29.130 --> 00:15:35.530 For the uninitiated, you would think it probably sounds like the Porn intended for men 00:15:35.530 --> 00:15:39.370 except much slower and with more feeling. 00:15:39.370 --> 00:15:43.330 For example, is that the shit you like, I love you. 00:15:43.330 --> 00:15:46.210 I love you and yes, that's the shit I like. 00:15:46.210 --> 00:15:48.890 Is that the shit you like though, I love you. 00:15:48.890 --> 00:15:52.250 I love you and that's definitely the shit I like. 00:15:52.250 --> 00:15:54.810 Would this happen to be my pussy, I love you. 00:15:54.810 --> 00:15:58.690 It is, it is your pussy and I love you. 00:15:58.690 --> 00:16:00.570 But you would be wrong. 00:16:00.570 --> 00:16:01.570 Dead wrong. 00:16:01.570 --> 00:16:06.810 Lady Porn historically speaking is not anything like that. 00:16:06.810 --> 00:16:13.210 Lady Porn comes in the form of books and here is an example of what one of those love 00:16:13.210 --> 00:16:15.450 scenes sounds like. 00:16:15.450 --> 00:16:22.170 Ms. Hawkourt, he said, his voice low, almost a murmur, as if the words were meant for 00:16:22.170 --> 00:16:25.130 her alone and not the night. 00:16:25.130 --> 00:16:28.810 You should not be here alone in the dark. 00:16:28.810 --> 00:16:30.690 And yet you're here, sir. 00:16:30.690 --> 00:16:35.010 She replied her chin lifting, though her voice wavering. 00:16:35.010 --> 00:16:38.410 Have you come to chide me or join me in my folly? 00:16:38.410 --> 00:16:40.090 Theodore's lips twitched. 00:16:40.090 --> 00:16:44.010 A rare hint of a smile but his gaze did not falter. 00:16:44.010 --> 00:16:46.770 I came because I could not stay away. 00:16:46.770 --> 00:16:51.330 He said the confession slipping out like a secret held too long. 00:16:51.330 --> 00:16:58.770 All evening through the din of that crowded room, I saw only you, your laughter, your grace. 00:16:58.770 --> 00:17:01.090 That torments me Eleanor. 00:17:01.090 --> 00:17:07.070 Her heart stuttered at the sound of her name on his lips, stripped of formality, raw and 00:17:07.070 --> 00:17:08.390 unguarded. 00:17:08.390 --> 00:17:12.210 She took a step closer, her gloves twisting in her hands. 00:17:12.210 --> 00:17:16.050 You speak of torment, she whispered, but what of mine? 00:17:16.050 --> 00:17:21.810 To see you, to know you, and yet to stand apart, bound by duty and decorum. 00:17:21.810 --> 00:17:25.090 Do you think it does not wound me? 00:17:25.090 --> 00:17:28.050 For a moment time held its breath. 00:17:28.050 --> 00:17:33.310 Then with the gentleness of a man who feared he might break what he cherished most, Theodore 00:17:33.310 --> 00:17:35.330 drew her closer. 00:17:35.330 --> 00:17:37.850 His hand cradling the back of her neck. 00:17:37.850 --> 00:17:43.330 Their lips met, tentative at first, then with a quiet urgency that spoke of longing too 00:17:43.330 --> 00:17:44.970 long denied. 00:17:44.970 --> 00:17:50.950 The world, the garden, the estate, the rules that bound them fell away, leaving only the 00:17:50.950 --> 00:17:52.810 warmth of his breath. 00:17:52.810 --> 00:17:58.250 The press of her hand against him, and the moon as their silent witness. 00:17:58.250 --> 00:18:05.410 When they parted, breathless, her eyes sh-shown with tears, she would not shed. 00:18:05.410 --> 00:18:11.610 That was a fairly accurate representation of what romance novels used to be, in the style 00:18:11.610 --> 00:18:13.570 of weathering heights. 00:18:13.570 --> 00:18:19.570 Or pride in prejudice, that was Lady Porn from the 18th and 19th century. 00:18:19.570 --> 00:18:24.210 This fast forward a little bit to the advent of the Harlequin romance novel. 00:18:24.210 --> 00:18:29.130 This is an example of the type of Lady Porn your mother consumed. 00:18:29.130 --> 00:18:33.810 Clothing-fellaway, forgotten as the storm outside roored its 00:18:33.810 --> 00:18:38.250 his touch was everywhere, her waist, her thighs, her heart. 00:18:38.250 --> 00:18:42.130 Each caress igniting sparks that threatened to consume her. 00:18:42.130 --> 00:18:48.970 She clung to him, her nails grazing his back, her whispers of his name a plea, and a promise. 00:18:48.970 --> 00:18:55.850 He moved with her, their rhythm was wild, and relentless as the ocean beyond, every kiss, 00:18:55.850 --> 00:18:59.890 every touch of vow they didn't need words to make. 00:18:59.890 --> 00:19:05.810 As the fire burned low, they lay tangled together, breathless, and sated. 00:19:05.810 --> 00:19:10.930 That was a fairly accurate representation of the type of book that your mom was fucking 00:19:10.930 --> 00:19:14.330 beating off to in the bathtub. 00:19:14.330 --> 00:19:21.490 So with the advent of audiobooks, and also incidentally the advent of mediums like Amazon 00:19:21.490 --> 00:19:29.810 Kindle, or the Barnes & Noble Nook, it was just a matter of time before Lady Porn evolved. 00:19:29.810 --> 00:19:33.810 Paralleling the evolution of Porn for Men. 00:19:33.810 --> 00:19:36.810 Porn for Men has gone from this. 00:19:36.810 --> 00:19:41.730 Hello, I'm just delivering your pizza, and I seem to have forgotten my pants. 00:19:41.730 --> 00:19:45.410 Never mind my giant cock, it means you know harm. 00:19:45.410 --> 00:19:48.930 To something way more extreme like this. 00:19:48.930 --> 00:19:53.890 I'm just a freshly turned 18 year old boy, and my stepmom wants to suck my cock. 00:19:53.890 --> 00:19:54.890 You think I had a letter? 00:19:54.890 --> 00:19:58.890 Of course I should letter right, but what's my dad gonna say? 00:19:58.890 --> 00:20:01.250 I 00:20:01.250 --> 00:20:04.050 Oh, it feels so good. 00:20:04.050 --> 00:20:05.930 Lady Porn's done the same. 00:20:05.930 --> 00:20:12.530 Lady Porn went from steamy kissing scenes in any window to purple-headed warrior thrust 00:20:12.530 --> 00:20:17.650 into quivering mounds of love-putting into what we see today. 00:20:17.650 --> 00:20:23.410 Lady Porn today looks nothing like the fucking Lady Porn of the 18th and 19th century. 00:20:23.410 --> 00:20:24.810 Holy shit. 00:20:24.810 --> 00:20:29.610 Lady Porn today is about vampires and monsters and tentacles. 00:20:29.610 --> 00:20:35.010 But I say all that to say, I think I could fucking narrate Lady Porn audiobooks. 00:20:35.090 --> 00:20:36.290 I'm sure I could fucking do it. 00:20:36.290 --> 00:20:38.170 I could fucking totally do it. 00:20:38.170 --> 00:20:43.010 I could totally fucking narrat Lady Porn because that's where the money is. 00:20:43.010 --> 00:20:44.090 That's where I want to be. 00:20:44.090 --> 00:20:49.850 If I'm going to waste my fucking time narrating audiobooks, I want to make as much money, and I 00:20:49.850 --> 00:20:56.210 think that while my voice isn't fantastic, I think it's okay for narrating Lady Porn, 00:20:56.210 --> 00:21:00.850 especially the 2025 version of Lady Porn. 00:21:00.850 --> 00:21:04.210 Lady Porn that sounds like this. 00:21:04.210 --> 00:21:06.930 We're playing a dangerous game, Tess. 00:21:06.930 --> 00:21:10.290 Julian said, his voice a low growl 00:21:10.290 --> 00:21:14.010 that vibrated through her, settling deep in her core. 00:21:14.010 --> 00:21:16.210 He took a slow sip of bourbon. 00:21:16.210 --> 00:21:21.290 His gaze never leaving hers, the tension between them thick enough to choke on. 00:21:21.290 --> 00:21:24.730 That outfits begging to be ripped off. 00:21:24.730 --> 00:21:27.770 Tess's lips curled into a defiant smirk. 00:21:27.770 --> 00:21:32.410 Her confidence was surging as she felt the power of his want. 00:21:32.410 --> 00:21:35.010 The way it made her feel like a goddess. 00:21:35.010 --> 00:21:37.890 Then do it, she challenged. 00:21:37.890 --> 00:21:42.970 Stopping just out of reach, her fingers trailing along the edge of the bar, teasingly close 00:21:42.970 --> 00:21:44.490 to his hand. 00:21:44.490 --> 00:21:47.330 Unless you're all talk, Julian. 00:21:47.330 --> 00:21:53.130 His eyes flashed, a predatory glint, and in one fluid motion he closed the distance, 00:21:53.130 --> 00:21:55.170 his hand gripping her hips. 00:21:55.170 --> 00:21:58.610 The hard length of him pressed through his jeans. 00:21:58.610 --> 00:22:02.410 The stakeable and thrilling, and Tess's breath hitched. 00:22:02.410 --> 00:22:07.090 His stubble scraping her chin in a way that sent sparks shooting through her. 00:22:07.090 --> 00:22:08.850 I'm not gentle. 00:22:08.850 --> 00:22:10.290 When I'm this hungry. 00:22:10.290 --> 00:22:12.450 Then don't be, she whispered. 00:22:12.450 --> 00:22:14.130 Her voice thick with need. 00:22:14.130 --> 00:22:21.010 Her hands sliding up his chest, nails digging into his skin just enough to make him hiss. 00:22:21.010 --> 00:22:22.690 She wanted him unleashed. 00:22:22.690 --> 00:22:27.490 Wanted to feel every ounce of the desire she saw burning in his eyes. 00:22:27.490 --> 00:22:29.530 Julian didn't hesitate. 00:22:29.530 --> 00:22:35.210 His mouth crashed onto hers, a kiss that was all teeth and tongue, raw and desperate, 00:22:35.210 --> 00:22:37.490 like he was trying to consume her. 00:22:37.490 --> 00:22:39.170 Tess amowned into it. 00:22:39.170 --> 00:22:44.970 Her fingers tangling in his dark hair, pulling hard as she pressed herself closer, craving 00:22:44.970 --> 00:22:47.730 every inch of contact. 00:22:47.730 --> 00:22:53.610 His hands roamed rough and possessive, finding the cutouts in her body suit, and slipping beneath 00:22:53.610 --> 00:22:56.450 the fabric to cup her bare skin. 00:22:56.450 --> 00:23:02.730 His thumbs teasing her peaked nipples until she gasped, her head falling back. 00:23:02.730 --> 00:23:04.210 Fuck, Tessa. 00:23:04.210 --> 00:23:06.450 He growled against her throat. 00:23:06.450 --> 00:23:11.770 His lips and teeth leaving a trail of fire as he kissed and nipped his way down. 00:23:11.770 --> 00:23:17.690 His hands found the apex of her thighs, and he ripped the body suit apart at the crotch, 00:23:17.690 --> 00:23:19.610 exposing her to his gaze. 00:23:19.610 --> 00:23:26.410 She was already wet, aching and the way he looked at her, like she was just everything. 00:23:26.410 --> 00:23:27.890 She made her tremble. 00:23:27.890 --> 00:23:30.370 Julian, she gasped. 00:23:30.370 --> 00:23:34.610 Her hands gripping the bar behind her for balance as he leaned in. 00:23:34.610 --> 00:23:37.290 His breath hot against her sensitive skin. 00:23:37.290 --> 00:23:39.530 His tongue found her. 00:23:39.530 --> 00:23:45.450 Slow at first, then relentless, licking and sucking, with a skill that had her knees 00:23:45.450 --> 00:23:47.250 buckling. 00:23:47.250 --> 00:23:52.050 Tess's bones filled the room, unfiltered and desperate, her hips rocking against his 00:23:52.050 --> 00:23:58.770 mouth as pleasure coiled tied in her core, building to an unbearable edge. 00:23:58.770 --> 00:24:00.730 You taste so fucking good. 00:24:00.730 --> 00:24:02.050 He murmured. 00:24:02.050 --> 00:24:04.250 His voice muffled against her. 00:24:04.250 --> 00:24:07.010 The vibration sending her spiraling. 00:24:07.010 --> 00:24:08.370 She came hard. 00:24:08.370 --> 00:24:10.610 Her cry echoing off the marble. 00:24:10.610 --> 00:24:14.610 Her body shaking as waves of ecstasy crashed through her. 00:24:14.610 --> 00:24:16.670 Julian held her through it. 00:24:16.670 --> 00:24:18.730 His hands steady on her hips. 00:24:18.730 --> 00:24:22.370 His lips still teasing until she was a quivering mess. 00:24:22.370 --> 00:24:23.930 But he wasn't done. 00:24:23.930 --> 00:24:24.930 He rose. 00:24:24.930 --> 00:24:30.850 His lips glistening and he kissed her deeply, letting her taste herself on his tongue. 00:24:30.850 --> 00:24:37.290 Now Julian, she demanded her voice raw, her body still humming, but hungry for more. 00:24:37.290 --> 00:24:42.570 He lifted her onto the bar, the cold surface of shock against her heated skin, and spread 00:24:42.570 --> 00:24:44.330 her thighs wide. 00:24:44.330 --> 00:24:45.330 You want me? 00:24:45.330 --> 00:24:46.330 Yes. 00:24:46.570 --> 00:24:47.890 His voice rough. 00:24:47.890 --> 00:24:52.890 His eyes locked on hers as he positioned himself teasing her entrance. 00:24:52.890 --> 00:24:53.890 Say it. 00:24:53.890 --> 00:24:56.050 I want you, she gasped. 00:24:56.050 --> 00:24:59.370 Her nails raking down his back, urging him closer. 00:24:59.370 --> 00:25:00.890 Fuck me, Julian. 00:25:00.890 --> 00:25:01.890 Now. 00:25:01.890 --> 00:25:07.410 He thrust into her deep and hard, filling her completely and Tessa cried out. 00:25:07.410 --> 00:25:09.650 Her body arching to meet him. 00:25:09.650 --> 00:25:12.890 Her hands reaching for something across the bar. 00:25:12.890 --> 00:25:17.450 While he started sliding, grinding, pounding into her. 00:25:17.450 --> 00:25:23.370 His free hand roamed his body, memorizing every muscle, every tattoo. 00:25:23.370 --> 00:25:27.410 Her bones mingling with his as they chased release. 00:25:27.410 --> 00:25:30.130 But her hand was still grasping. 00:25:30.130 --> 00:25:33.930 Grasping for something across the bar he couldn't make out. 00:25:33.930 --> 00:25:34.930 Pounding now. 00:25:34.930 --> 00:25:36.930 Pounding deep into her. 00:25:36.930 --> 00:25:40.930 Feeling her body open as he pushed and gripped as he pulled. 00:25:40.930 --> 00:25:43.690 Finally she comes up with a remote control. 00:25:43.690 --> 00:25:46.210 Some sort of device, a contraption. 00:25:46.210 --> 00:25:49.970 She pushes the red button on it and then flings it across the room. 00:25:49.970 --> 00:25:56.530 The next thing you know, a veritable cascade of baby oil rains down from the ceiling. 00:25:56.530 --> 00:25:58.850 What kind of place is this? 00:25:58.850 --> 00:26:01.770 What kind of manhouse has he fallen into? 00:26:01.770 --> 00:26:03.330 Relentless pounding. 00:26:03.330 --> 00:26:08.730 Her shrieks and cries of pleasure bouncing off the marble of the floor and walls around 00:26:08.730 --> 00:26:09.730 them. 00:26:09.730 --> 00:26:12.490 And then all of a sudden Julian noticed. 00:26:12.490 --> 00:26:15.010 They were no longer alone. 00:26:15.010 --> 00:26:19.650 See this is where I feel like I need to break into the action for a second to illustrate. 00:26:19.650 --> 00:26:23.490 That was completely different from the lady porn of a bygone era. 00:26:23.490 --> 00:26:30.010 It's more extreme, it's more pointed, it's blunt, direct, no room for any window. 00:26:30.010 --> 00:26:34.770 Julian threw her up on the bar and he ate her pussy and then he fucking stood up, let 00:26:34.770 --> 00:26:38.850 her lick herself off of his lips and then jammed his dick in her. 00:26:38.850 --> 00:26:43.050 The lady porn of the past would have called it like I mentioned earlier, him plunging 00:26:43.050 --> 00:26:46.330 his purple-headed warrior into her love pudding. 00:26:46.330 --> 00:26:48.250 They would have told the same story. 00:26:48.250 --> 00:26:52.970 They just would have told it a little bit differently, a little bit less direct. 00:26:52.970 --> 00:26:54.970 Now back to the story. 00:26:54.970 --> 00:26:58.330 He realized they were no longer alone. 00:26:58.330 --> 00:27:02.950 Every surface of the apartment was covered in baby oil and he could hear the padding of 00:27:02.950 --> 00:27:05.170 feet coming towards him. 00:27:05.170 --> 00:27:06.930 Is that two feet? 00:27:06.930 --> 00:27:12.970 He's thinking to himself, pounding, brutally, violently into her. 00:27:12.970 --> 00:27:14.370 No. 00:27:14.370 --> 00:27:16.210 That's several feet. 00:27:16.210 --> 00:27:18.890 For at least, maybe eight. 00:27:18.890 --> 00:27:24.570 Don't worry Julian, a manager to say in between strangled cries of pleasure. 00:27:24.570 --> 00:27:27.210 They're just my friends. 00:27:27.210 --> 00:27:29.850 He pulled out of her and whirled around. 00:27:29.850 --> 00:27:36.130 Just in time to see a bangle tiger walk towards her looking at him with what can only be described 00:27:36.130 --> 00:27:38.130 as predatory eyes. 00:27:38.130 --> 00:27:41.010 He was taken a back shocked, caught off guard. 00:27:41.010 --> 00:27:42.010 It was too late. 00:27:42.010 --> 00:27:44.210 Nothing around to defend himself. 00:27:44.210 --> 00:27:50.010 But he looked down and realized that his cock was harder than ever before at the danger. 00:27:50.010 --> 00:27:55.010 The tiger rest an enormous paw on Tessa's exposed belly. 00:27:55.010 --> 00:27:59.250 And Julian understood this tiger was not here for prey. 00:27:59.250 --> 00:28:02.330 This tiger was here for love. 00:28:02.330 --> 00:28:05.890 And with that he gave in to his desire and leaned forward. 00:28:05.890 --> 00:28:08.330 The tiger opened its mouth wide. 00:28:08.330 --> 00:28:12.770 And Julian sucked the tiger's tongue right into his mouth. 00:28:12.770 --> 00:28:16.890 It was a kiss of deep desire of animalistic passion. 00:28:16.890 --> 00:28:21.930 The tiger's tail whipped around and started caressing Julian's balls. 00:28:21.930 --> 00:28:24.570 And he felt his erection growing even harder. 00:28:24.570 --> 00:28:28.250 If that were even possible, what a night this had turned into. 00:28:28.250 --> 00:28:33.810 He broke the kiss with the tiger and looked deep into its green predator's eyes. 00:28:33.810 --> 00:28:35.170 I want you. 00:28:35.170 --> 00:28:37.330 He said into the tiger's face. 00:28:37.330 --> 00:28:41.690 The tiger acquiesced and turned away from Julian. 00:28:41.690 --> 00:28:44.610 What a set of balls that tiger had on him. 00:28:44.610 --> 00:28:49.130 Julian marveled at the size and the only word that applies is strength. 00:28:49.130 --> 00:28:52.090 The strength of that tiger's fucking testicles. 00:28:52.090 --> 00:28:58.010 And in one fell swoop Julian spit on his fucking fist and jammed it up that tiger's 00:28:58.010 --> 00:28:59.010 ass. 00:28:59.010 --> 00:29:02.890 The tiger roared with surprise, shock and pleasure. 00:29:02.890 --> 00:29:07.690 So focused was he on his task of fisting this tiger and giving this tiger the best fuck 00:29:07.690 --> 00:29:08.770 of his life. 00:29:08.770 --> 00:29:13.170 He almost didn't realize that Tessa had pivoted and was laying now underneath 00:29:13.170 --> 00:29:18.410 him, tunging his fucking balls and yanking his fucking cock with her hand. 00:29:18.410 --> 00:29:23.490 The tiger's back arching, its roars turning to fucking hisses. 00:29:23.490 --> 00:29:29.530 Julian intently fisting that tiger's ass, looking down and watching his beautiful Tessa. 00:29:29.530 --> 00:29:34.970 caress his balls and then looking up just in time to see a mountain ram come out of nowhere 00:29:34.970 --> 00:29:41.410 and start gently carefully but very expertly licking Tessa's glistening vagina. 00:29:41.410 --> 00:29:44.890 The cacophony of their love making filling the space. 00:29:44.890 --> 00:29:47.690 Next thing you know Tessa comes up on all fours. 00:29:47.690 --> 00:29:53.250 Faces away from Julian, opens her mouth and tells him to bruise her esophagus. 00:29:53.250 --> 00:29:56.890 He jams his fucking meaty shlong. 00:29:56.890 --> 00:29:58.890 Down Tessa's willing throat. 00:29:58.890 --> 00:30:03.890 Just in time to see the tiger come up on his back legs and mount her from behind. 00:30:03.890 --> 00:30:11.930 The tiger and Julian staring face to face, eye to eye, eyes locked in intense lust and understanding. 00:30:11.930 --> 00:30:16.810 They were spit roasting this woman, this woman that Julian knew at that moment was going 00:30:16.810 --> 00:30:18.290 to be his wife. 00:30:18.290 --> 00:30:23.610 He was never going to let Tessa get away, never experience another day without her as his 00:30:23.610 --> 00:30:25.210 very own. 00:30:25.210 --> 00:30:30.890 Finally unable to take it anymore, Julian pulls his cock out of Tessa's mouth, slaps it on 00:30:30.890 --> 00:30:35.810 her forehead at a classic mushroom stamp and then moves around behind the tiger. 00:30:35.810 --> 00:30:39.090 The tiger is still pounding in the Tessa for all he's worth. 00:30:39.090 --> 00:30:44.210 That tiger taking full advantage of a position, he knows all too well. 00:30:44.210 --> 00:30:50.050 In the animal kingdom, that's a position of complete subservience, complete surrender. 00:30:50.050 --> 00:30:54.170 She's his for the taking and he is taking. 00:30:54.170 --> 00:31:00.250 The ram though, not to be left without a part to play in this scene of passion, backs 00:31:00.250 --> 00:31:07.330 off five feet, lowers his head and carines into Tessa's side, breaking at least four of 00:31:07.330 --> 00:31:14.170 her ribs, her eyes shoot open in surprise and her mouth elicits a cry of pain and pleasure. 00:31:14.730 --> 00:31:20.370 He backs off again, performs the same move, caban! 00:31:20.370 --> 00:31:24.730 Slams into her fucking side while that tiger is tearing that pussy up from behind. 00:31:24.730 --> 00:31:31.490 The cries of pain and pleasure, the slap of ram horns on soft female flesh echoing off 00:31:31.490 --> 00:31:36.730 the marble of the floor and the walls and the glass of the windows. 00:31:36.730 --> 00:31:41.730 Julian moving down the bar, getting ready to position himself behind the tiger, who is 00:31:41.730 --> 00:31:48.170 destroying Tessa's insides with his fucking giant feline cock, makes a brief eye contact 00:31:48.170 --> 00:31:49.930 with Julian and nods. 00:31:49.930 --> 00:31:51.370 He knows what's coming. 00:31:51.370 --> 00:31:56.250 A type of pleasure that is unspeakable, something that they know they will not discuss the next 00:31:56.250 --> 00:31:57.250 day. 00:31:57.250 --> 00:32:02.330 Julian comes around behind that tiger with two glass ash trays and starts clapping the 00:32:02.330 --> 00:32:08.770 fucking tiger's giant sack in between those two glass ash trays, over and over and over 00:32:08.770 --> 00:32:16.210 again with brutal crushing force, the tiger fucking roars in pain and pleasure and continues 00:32:16.210 --> 00:32:19.290 pummeling Tessa from behind. 00:32:19.290 --> 00:32:25.330 Julian steps up, wraps that tiger's tail around his own throat and thrusts deep into the 00:32:25.330 --> 00:32:27.210 tiger's waiting ass. 00:32:27.210 --> 00:32:33.330 The ram performs one more devastating side impact on Tessa and then runs around to chew 00:32:33.330 --> 00:32:37.050 on Julian's balls while he pounds the tiger. 00:32:37.050 --> 00:32:43.010 The tiger fucking Tessa, Tessa screaming for all she's worth, her ribs broken, perhaps 00:32:43.010 --> 00:32:44.770 even her collarbone. 00:32:44.770 --> 00:32:49.690 Julian fucking the tiger up the ass, choking himself himself with the tiger's tail and the 00:32:49.690 --> 00:32:56.850 ram chewing on Julian's sack, gyrating, screaming, bellowing, grasping. 00:32:56.850 --> 00:33:04.010 The room is descended into nothing but a cacophony, a veritable din of cries, pleading, 00:33:04.010 --> 00:33:05.010 begging. 00:33:05.010 --> 00:33:09.970 The sounds of man, woman and animal engaged in an unholy union. 00:33:09.970 --> 00:33:16.090 Julian can feel the tiger getting close, the tiger's thrusts getting wild, unpredictable. 00:33:16.090 --> 00:33:21.090 His claws retracting in and out, in and out of his fucking sheaths. 00:33:21.090 --> 00:33:26.730 All of a sudden with a mighty roar, the tiger stiffens, reaches down with its jaws 00:33:26.730 --> 00:33:29.050 and bites through Tessa's spine. 00:33:29.050 --> 00:33:33.930 She goes completely limp as her fucking spine has been severed and in that moment Julian 00:33:33.930 --> 00:33:38.690 knew he would never love a woman as much as he loves that one. 00:33:38.690 --> 00:33:43.970 Sure she may be paralyzed now but that woman is the only one for him. 00:33:43.970 --> 00:33:48.770 He pulls out of the tiger's ass and starts beating his own fucking cock morselously. 00:33:48.770 --> 00:33:54.290 The ram no longer satisfied to just chew on Julian's balls, starts headbutting it with 00:33:54.290 --> 00:33:55.970 its fierce horns. 00:33:55.970 --> 00:34:02.050 The tiger spent rolls over onto its side and lays there, watching the scene play out. 00:34:02.050 --> 00:34:07.170 Tessa hasn't moved a muscle and Julian can't decide if it's just because she's so overcome 00:34:07.170 --> 00:34:08.490 with pleasure. 00:34:08.490 --> 00:34:12.730 Or if it's the fact that her spine has been severed by the tiger's jaws. 00:34:12.730 --> 00:34:19.010 And with a great outcry and an intense scream of pleasure, Julian sprays his seed all 00:34:19.010 --> 00:34:25.530 over the ram's back, neck, face, horns and beard. 00:34:25.530 --> 00:34:32.210 Julian then falls to his side and slithers like a snake through the baby oil coated marble 00:34:32.210 --> 00:34:35.530 floor to lay next to Tessa. 00:34:35.530 --> 00:34:38.970 She's looking at him, he's looking at her. 00:34:38.970 --> 00:34:42.570 Their breathing slows, the shaking stops. 00:34:42.570 --> 00:34:47.610 Julian looks her right in the face and says, I love you bitch. 00:34:47.610 --> 00:34:55.410 Tessa's jaw slacks and her mouth opens and she says longingly, lovingly, with the softest 00:34:55.410 --> 00:35:00.050 most loving eyes. 00:35:00.050 --> 00:35:04.410 It could have been because she's had her brains fucked completely out, but most likely it 00:35:04.410 --> 00:35:07.210 was because of the's spinal wound. 00:35:07.210 --> 00:35:09.250 But Julian didn't care. 00:35:09.250 --> 00:35:12.930 Julian heard and saw everything he needed to say. 00:35:12.930 --> 00:35:18.330 This was the woman for him and he would never, ever leave her side. 00:35:18.330 --> 00:35:20.730 Again. 00:35:20.730 --> 00:35:21.730 You see what I mean? 00:35:21.730 --> 00:35:23.210 I could fucking totally do it. 00:35:23.210 --> 00:35:27.090 I could fucking totally do it. 00:35:27.090 --> 00:35:32.730 I could fucking totally narrate Lady porn and make crazy money. 00:35:32.730 --> 00:35:35.930 can you deny after listening to that? 00:35:35.930 --> 00:35:41.090 That I don't have a fucking absolute talent for not only narrating Lady porn but also writing 00:35:41.090 --> 00:35:42.090 it. 00:35:42.090 --> 00:35:48.570 Listen to how fucking go back about eight minutes and listen to the quality of 00:35:48.570 --> 00:35:49.570 of Lady porn. 00:35:49.570 --> 00:35:52.410 Fucking panties are sopping right now. 00:35:52.410 --> 00:35:54.010 You're soaking fucking wet. 00:35:54.010 --> 00:35:59.330 You can't wait to hear another installment of Lorenzo's Lady porn series. 00:35:59.330 --> 00:36:00.330 I know it. 00:36:00.330 --> 00:36:01.650 You don't have to admit it. 00:36:01.650 --> 00:36:04.810 We don't have to talk about it but you and I both know. 00:36:04.810 --> 00:36:09.210 You are a sopping soaking fucking dripping mess right now. 00:36:09.210 --> 00:36:10.210 Oozing even. 00:36:10.210 --> 00:36:18.170 You're oozing at the quality of my writing of that bit of Lady porn and at the pure unadulterated 00:36:18.890 --> 00:36:25.330 raw sexiness of my fucking performance. 00:36:25.330 --> 00:36:27.010 I'm missing the fucking boat. 00:36:27.010 --> 00:36:28.530 Fuck this podcasting thing. 00:36:28.530 --> 00:36:29.530 Fuck it. 00:36:29.530 --> 00:36:33.010 I'm just gonna fucking lean into the fucking Lady porn game. 00:36:33.010 --> 00:36:36.090 A tiger, a ram, a chick and a dude. 00:36:36.090 --> 00:36:39.210 It doesn't fucking get any sexier than that. 00:36:39.210 --> 00:36:41.610 God that's so fucking sexy. 00:36:41.610 --> 00:36:43.210 Son of a bitch. 00:36:43.210 --> 00:36:47.130 If only people knew when they were walking down the street and looking at me, I fucking 00:36:47.130 --> 00:36:51.400 sexy my mind is goddamn. 00:36:51.400 --> 00:36:56.480 Anyway, be on the lookout for Lorenzo's fucking Lady porn series. 00:36:56.480 --> 00:37:02.120 I might just write a collection of fucking short Lady porn stories and put them out. 00:37:02.120 --> 00:37:05.720 Buy them at a store in a store near you. 00:37:05.720 --> 00:37:12.380 Lorenzo does Lady porn. 00:37:12.380 --> 00:37:14.460 Show notes. 00:37:14.460 --> 00:37:18.620 This is the section of the podcast where I'm going to take a minute to talk to you about 00:37:18.620 --> 00:37:25.620 shit that's on my mind in reference to the fucking air quotes show and the production 00:37:27.100 --> 00:37:28.260 of it. 00:37:28.260 --> 00:37:39.260 As I've mentioned a couple times in this particular episode, this is my fourth foray into podcasting. 00:37:39.260 --> 00:37:47.260 And through all of Missing Throughoperadio OG, unmoderate Lorenzo reads and now Missing Throughoperadio 00:37:47.260 --> 00:37:55.180 2.0, this is the first time this is the first episode I have ever included a voice other 00:37:55.180 --> 00:37:59.220 than mine that was not AI generated. 00:37:59.220 --> 00:38:01.300 I think she did a great job. 00:38:01.300 --> 00:38:04.820 I don't know that I'm going to be using other voices moving forward. 00:38:04.820 --> 00:38:10.140 I had an idea for a bit in my head where I was going to incorporate voices other than 00:38:10.140 --> 00:38:11.140 my own. 00:38:11.140 --> 00:38:14.860 No matter how good the idea is, I don't think I'm going to go outside again. 00:38:14.860 --> 00:38:17.020 Okay, you did a great job. 00:38:17.020 --> 00:38:18.020 Not standing work. 00:38:18.020 --> 00:38:19.020 Well, I mean, okay, fine. 00:38:19.020 --> 00:38:21.020 I'll just tell the story real quick. 00:38:21.020 --> 00:38:25.300 And this guy knows who he is and I'm not mad at him or anything and I'm not shit talking 00:38:25.300 --> 00:38:26.300 him. 00:38:26.300 --> 00:38:34.300 I just, okay, so what happened was I approached a couple of people about doing, helping 00:38:34.300 --> 00:38:38.780 me out with a bit that I'm probably going to do here in the next couple of episodes. 00:38:38.780 --> 00:38:45.400 And I thought that it went so well using an outside voice for this episode that I will 00:38:45.400 --> 00:38:48.360 do it again and I'll expand on it. 00:38:48.360 --> 00:38:50.160 And so I reached out to a couple of guys. 00:38:50.160 --> 00:38:52.360 One of the guys was like, yeah, dude, sure, whatever. 00:38:52.360 --> 00:38:53.360 No problem. 00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:54.360 Yeah, let's do it. 00:38:54.360 --> 00:38:56.080 The other guy was like, yeah, I'll do it. 00:38:56.080 --> 00:39:01.080 However, I want to see a script, which in and of itself is in a problem. 00:39:01.080 --> 00:39:05.240 I guess I kind of understand because honestly, this show is fucking crazy. 00:39:05.240 --> 00:39:09.040 Let's just call it what it is. 00:39:09.040 --> 00:39:13.200 I do crazy shit on missing through a radio. 00:39:13.200 --> 00:39:17.880 Where I say shit on like anything you're going to hear on any other podcast, maybe that's 00:39:17.880 --> 00:39:18.880 a fucking bad thing. 00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:19.880 I don't know. 00:39:19.880 --> 00:39:21.440 Time will tell. 00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:26.920 But when that guy said he wanted to see a script to kind of, I guess, look over the script 00:39:26.920 --> 00:39:30.700 and make sure I'm not going to make fun of him or put him in a position that's going to 00:39:30.700 --> 00:39:33.920 make shit weird for him or something like that. 00:39:33.920 --> 00:39:35.640 It kind of gave me pause. 00:39:35.640 --> 00:39:38.200 And I was like, huh. 00:39:38.200 --> 00:39:40.640 He wants to see a script. 00:39:40.640 --> 00:39:45.520 What am I now approving scripts with people in order to get their voices? 00:39:45.520 --> 00:39:48.760 I don't want to fucking deal with that. 00:39:48.760 --> 00:39:51.360 And they got me to think, and why am I go outside? 00:39:51.360 --> 00:39:53.600 Why am I just not doing all the voices? 00:39:53.600 --> 00:40:00.040 That's all I've ever fucking done is all the voices, except for on this episode. 00:40:00.040 --> 00:40:03.520 And it was effortless and a fairly good experience. 00:40:03.520 --> 00:40:06.000 So I thought, hell, let's try outsourcing a little bit. 00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:10.600 It could be fun and also incorporate some different people into the show. 00:40:10.600 --> 00:40:11.600 And it might be cool. 00:40:11.600 --> 00:40:17.440 It might add an element rather than just one fucking psycho sitting in his basement, 00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:18.680 making a podcast. 00:40:18.680 --> 00:40:21.200 It might sound like it's a whole cast of characters. 00:40:21.200 --> 00:40:23.960 It could really turn into something and be awesome. 00:40:23.960 --> 00:40:29.080 But then he asked to see the script, which again is not unreasonable because the show is 00:40:29.080 --> 00:40:30.480 crazy. 00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:35.920 And it reminded me that I don't use other people. 00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:37.520 I do it all myself. 00:40:37.520 --> 00:40:43.440 So as cool as this experience was, utilizing someone other than myself to voice something 00:40:43.440 --> 00:40:49.560 I won't be doing it's going to be the me show again, more of me less of you. 00:40:49.560 --> 00:40:54.240 It's just kind of weighing on my mind because I'm a little disappointed. 00:40:54.240 --> 00:40:55.080 I wanted to start utilizing other voices for Miss 00:40:55.080 --> 00:41:04.240 missing throw radio, but I don't want to if it's going to be weird. 00:41:04.240 --> 00:41:07.240 And I think it could get weird. 00:41:07.240 --> 00:41:13.080 So anyway, thank you for joining me for episode 7 of missing throw radio. 00:41:13.080 --> 00:41:14.080 Leave a review. 00:41:14.080 --> 00:41:17.320 Don't fucking tell anybody about the show. 00:41:17.320 --> 00:41:19.080 We talked about this earlier. 00:41:19.080 --> 00:41:24.720 It's just kind of keep it among ourselves till I get to 10 or 15 episodes and then, you 00:41:24.720 --> 00:41:28.480 know, by all means go, hey, I'm telling everyone you know. 00:41:28.480 --> 00:41:29.200 Until next time.