WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.000 Misenthrope, radio. 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:05.600 Pissie, piss-mongering, fucking piss-pot of the damned. 00:00:05.600 --> 00:00:07.800 Misenthrope, radio. 00:00:07.800 --> 00:00:11.200 International cream-corn fuck-hedory. 00:00:11.200 --> 00:00:12.600 Misenthrope, radio. 00:00:12.600 --> 00:00:14.200 Simply a dirty Jew. 00:00:14.200 --> 00:00:16.200 Misenthrope, radio. 00:00:16.200 --> 00:00:19.000 And as the young man knew full well, 00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:22.000 chicken-fried steak couldn't fuck back. 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:24.000 All it could do was be delicious. 00:00:25.800 --> 00:00:28.800 Misenthrope, radio starts now. 00:00:32.390 --> 00:00:36.590 Welcome to episode eight of Misenthrope, radio. 00:00:36.590 --> 00:00:41.390 You know, I don't really do current events on this podcast. 00:00:41.390 --> 00:00:43.990 I don't know if you've noticed or not. 00:00:43.990 --> 00:00:47.990 I kind of envisioned Misenthrope, radio as not only therapy for me 00:00:47.990 --> 00:00:50.190 to keep me from losing my fucking mind, 00:00:50.190 --> 00:00:57.990 but also as kind of a place where you can go where everybody knows your name. 00:00:58.790 --> 00:01:01.590 And there always glad you came. 00:01:01.590 --> 00:01:07.390 A show you can download to kind of escape from fucking reality 00:01:07.390 --> 00:01:11.390 and maybe take a little bit of a cruise through unreality. 00:01:11.390 --> 00:01:15.590 Because the suckiness of the real fucking world is everywhere you turn. 00:01:15.590 --> 00:01:16.790 It's everywhere you look. 00:01:16.790 --> 00:01:19.390 There's no safe fucking place to hide anymore. 00:01:19.390 --> 00:01:21.790 Not even on Twitter or X or whatever they call it. 00:01:21.790 --> 00:01:22.790 I'm gonna call it Twitter. 00:01:22.790 --> 00:01:25.190 If his mama named him Twitter, I'm gonna call him Twitter. 00:01:25.190 --> 00:01:28.990 Twitter, television, late-night TV, Saturday Night Live. 00:01:28.990 --> 00:01:30.990 Look, there's no fucking place to go. 00:01:31.190 --> 00:01:36.190 There's no place to go now just to kind of fucking escape from the dog 00:01:36.190 --> 00:01:53.510 shit that 00:01:53.510 --> 00:01:56.310 I'm gonna do something I don't normally do. 00:01:56.310 --> 00:02:00.310 In the case of Ozzy Osborne, I'm gonna talk about current events. 00:02:00.310 --> 00:02:05.310 I can't think of a single artist that I would do this for. 00:02:05.310 --> 00:02:09.310 And that sounds really fucking arrogant to say like, who am I? 00:02:09.310 --> 00:02:10.310 You know what I mean? 00:02:10.310 --> 00:02:12.310 He was Ozzy fucking Osborne. 00:02:12.310 --> 00:02:16.310 Who am I to say I wouldn't do a tribute for any other artist, but I wouldn't. 00:02:16.310 --> 00:02:19.310 If that comes across as country and egotistical, 00:02:19.310 --> 00:02:21.910 it is not meant that way at all. 00:02:21.910 --> 00:02:26.710 It's just like I tried to explain at the very beginning, 00:02:26.710 --> 00:02:31.710 I have definite ideas about what Missing Throat Radio should and should not be 00:02:31.710 --> 00:02:37.710 talking about the passing of a musician was never going to make its way 00:02:37.710 --> 00:02:40.710 onto Missing Throat Radio. 00:02:40.710 --> 00:02:43.710 Or so I thought until Ozzy Osborne passed. 00:02:43.710 --> 00:02:47.710 And I didn't even realize how much it would kick me in the fucking dick 00:02:47.710 --> 00:02:50.510 until I read this story. 00:02:50.510 --> 00:02:52.510 And you saw the way you went out. 00:02:52.510 --> 00:02:59.010 He sucked it up, fucking tamped down all of the pain and the fucking shaking 00:02:59.010 --> 00:03:04.210 and all of the bullshit and all of the indignities that he had to go through 00:03:04.210 --> 00:03:08.910 at the end of his life and got up on that fucking stage one more time 00:03:08.910 --> 00:03:14.310 with his friends and performed for his fans. 00:03:14.310 --> 00:03:17.510 Sure they turned it into a charity thing and made a whole bunch of money 00:03:17.510 --> 00:03:19.710 for some really worthy causes. 00:03:19.710 --> 00:03:26.510 Sure it was an opportunity for artists to pay tribute to Ozzy and Black Sabbath. 00:03:26.510 --> 00:03:28.510 That was kind of a cool thing too. 00:03:28.510 --> 00:03:35.210 But the main attraction don't get that fucked up was Ozzy and Geeser, Tony and Bill 00:03:35.210 --> 00:03:37.910 getting on stage one last time and doing it. 00:03:38.010 --> 00:03:44.710 Ozzy was relegated to a chair, a very opulent chair to be sure, 00:03:44.710 --> 00:03:49.710 but he was relegated to a chair and you could see he didn't have long. 00:03:49.710 --> 00:03:52.710 It was one of the most gangster fucking things I've ever seen. 00:03:52.710 --> 00:03:54.710 Think about this for a moment. 00:03:54.710 --> 00:04:00.210 Name another fucking artist who would get on stage at the very end of their 00:04:00.210 --> 00:04:05.910 life and go hard as a motherfucker like he did just to say goodbye to his fans. 00:04:05.910 --> 00:04:07.210 It's fucking cool. 00:04:07.310 --> 00:04:09.310 I mean, it really is. 00:04:09.310 --> 00:04:14.010 I'm not going to turn this into a drippy fucking veg cry fest over Ozzy Osborne. 00:04:14.010 --> 00:04:19.110 All I'm going to say is this 1991 when the no more tears album came out. 00:04:19.110 --> 00:04:23.810 I know you're Ozzy and Black Sabbath purists are going to point to specific records 00:04:23.810 --> 00:04:26.510 earlier on and say that that's especially a fuck all that. 00:04:26.510 --> 00:04:27.410 I don't care about that. 00:04:27.410 --> 00:04:33.010 We can fucking measure Dix and talk about what influence and all of that fucking 00:04:33.010 --> 00:04:34.710 bullshit later. 00:04:34.810 --> 00:04:40.810 What I'm telling you is that for me in 1991 when the no more tears album came out. 00:04:40.910 --> 00:04:44.710 I didn't fucking have anything or any one. 00:04:44.910 --> 00:04:47.010 All I fucking had was music. 00:04:47.210 --> 00:04:48.810 I had bad friends. 00:04:48.810 --> 00:04:53.510 I was a fucking unfuckable nerd and music is all I fucking had. 00:04:53.510 --> 00:04:56.610 That album that CD was fucking important to me. 00:04:56.610 --> 00:04:58.610 The no more tears album. 00:04:58.610 --> 00:05:02.010 That was one of the CDs that got me through that fucking year. 00:05:02.010 --> 00:05:04.510 That was a fucking awful year. 00:05:04.610 --> 00:05:06.310 Okay, that's enough emotion. 00:05:06.310 --> 00:05:09.810 I'm going to do something right now that I'm not supposed to do. 00:05:09.810 --> 00:05:14.110 It's something that I thought I would never do on missing through a radio. 00:05:14.110 --> 00:05:18.610 And I'm definitely not supposed to fucking do it as a podcaster. 00:05:18.610 --> 00:05:21.910 I'm going to play a song in its entirety. 00:05:21.910 --> 00:05:23.810 And if I get in trouble, then I get in trouble. 00:05:23.810 --> 00:05:28.410 This is Ozzy Osborne and his band performing at a live show. 00:05:28.410 --> 00:05:32.410 As an encore, I believe my mom coming home. 00:05:32.510 --> 00:05:34.510 Off and no more tears album. 00:05:34.510 --> 00:05:40.720 Yeah, that's what you're going to sing along with me, man. 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:45.520 Okay, it's a song called, my love I'm going home. 00:05:45.520 --> 00:06:05.070 Time's a strange, here I come. 00:06:05.070 --> 00:06:17.960 But time flies, it seems to be. 00:06:17.960 --> 00:06:45.040 You could have been a better friend to me. 00:06:45.040 --> 00:06:51.240 You told me lies, but I can't stand to say goodbye. 00:06:59.410 --> 00:07:03.310 I could have been a better friend to me. 00:07:03.310 --> 00:09:56.680 Rest in peace, sir. 00:09:56.680 --> 00:09:59.880 Ozzy Osborne, the Prince of Darkness. 00:09:59.880 --> 00:10:00.880 Thank you. 00:10:02.380 --> 00:10:08.520 Holy shit, it's the devil. 00:10:08.520 --> 00:10:12.420 I don't know of a respectful way to ask this, but what the fuck are you doing here? 00:10:12.420 --> 00:10:15.020 Prince of fucking Darkness indeed. 00:10:15.020 --> 00:10:15.820 What? 00:10:15.820 --> 00:10:17.120 Ozzy? 00:10:17.120 --> 00:10:19.420 Yeah, he went by the Prince of Darkness. 00:10:19.420 --> 00:10:23.020 Prince of fucking Darkness, as if. 00:10:23.020 --> 00:10:25.420 Satan, what are you talking about? 00:10:25.420 --> 00:10:31.720 Everybody wants to be in a Prince of fucking Darkness until the going gets a little bit tough. 00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:34.720 And then they go off and find Jesus. 00:10:34.720 --> 00:10:35.220 What? 00:10:35.220 --> 00:10:39.720 Are you talking about him getting right with God before he passed away? 00:10:39.720 --> 00:10:41.920 Do you have a fucking problem with that? 00:10:41.920 --> 00:10:43.920 Do I have a problem with it? 00:10:43.920 --> 00:10:48.220 I've been feeding him bitches and cocaine since the 70s. 00:10:48.220 --> 00:10:52.420 He was working in a fucking meat packing plant when I found him. 00:10:52.520 --> 00:10:54.820 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. 00:10:54.820 --> 00:11:02.620 He was working in a fucking meat packing plant, blowing up Calvin China's like balloons and kicking them all over the inside of the facility. 00:11:02.620 --> 00:11:09.620 I found him, realized his potential and set him on the path of rock and roll startup. 00:11:09.620 --> 00:11:17.820 So, okay, Satan, I understand that you're trying to take credit for the success of Ozzy Osborne. 00:11:17.820 --> 00:11:22.220 Can anybody deny that black Sabbath wasn't entirely mine? 00:11:23.220 --> 00:11:24.420 I spoon fed him bitches. 00:11:24.420 --> 00:11:26.420 I spoon fed him cocaine. 00:11:26.420 --> 00:11:28.820 I spoon fed him inspiration. 00:11:28.820 --> 00:11:34.020 I encouraged him to go out on his own and leave those fucking Sabbath losers behind. 00:11:34.020 --> 00:11:39.220 And you are talking about taking fucking lemons and making lemonade when he tried to kill Sharon. 00:11:39.220 --> 00:11:41.820 I helped him pin his greatest hit. 00:11:41.820 --> 00:11:44.820 The closest he's ever come to mainstream success. 00:11:44.820 --> 00:11:46.020 It was all me. 00:11:46.020 --> 00:11:48.620 Okay, but what's the bottom line here, Lucifer? 00:11:48.620 --> 00:11:52.620 Are you saying that you're asked her that he got right with Jesus before he died? 00:11:52.620 --> 00:11:55.820 What I'm saying is I did my part. 00:11:55.820 --> 00:12:02.220 He wanted fame, he wanted start on, he wanted bitches, he wanted drugs, he wanted an opulent lifestyle, 00:12:02.220 --> 00:12:06.420 he wanted everyone to love him even though he couldn't carry a tune in a fucking bucket. 00:12:06.420 --> 00:12:07.620 I did that. 00:12:07.620 --> 00:12:08.220 Me. 00:12:08.220 --> 00:12:13.220 And when it came time to pay me what I was owed, he ran away to Jesus. 00:12:13.220 --> 00:12:15.620 Dad fucking damn it. 00:12:15.620 --> 00:12:17.420 If I can't catch a break. 00:12:17.420 --> 00:12:20.620 Sure I've got all your garden variety fucking losers. 00:12:20.620 --> 00:12:24.620 I've got the people who fucking abuse children and skip out on child support. 00:12:24.620 --> 00:12:26.020 I get all those. 00:12:26.020 --> 00:12:27.620 But I really wanted Ozzy. 00:12:27.620 --> 00:12:29.620 I feel like I deserved Ozzy. 00:12:29.620 --> 00:12:32.220 I had Ozzy come and I did the legwork. 00:12:32.220 --> 00:12:33.620 I acted in good faith. 00:12:33.620 --> 00:12:36.620 I played my fucking part and he fucked me. 00:12:36.620 --> 00:12:38.620 He fucked me right at the end. 00:12:38.620 --> 00:12:40.220 This is bullshit. 00:12:40.220 --> 00:12:41.420 Dad damn it. 00:12:41.420 --> 00:12:42.420 Okay. 00:12:43.420 --> 00:12:46.620 Sure, I understand where you're coming from. 00:12:46.620 --> 00:12:53.220 But look at it from the perspective of just a mere mortal human if you can for a minute. 00:12:53.220 --> 00:12:54.220 Go ahead. 00:12:54.220 --> 00:12:56.020 I'm all fucking used. 00:12:56.020 --> 00:12:58.020 Let me just put it this way. 00:12:58.020 --> 00:13:04.020 There is honestly nothing more terrifying than the thought of spending an eternity being 00:13:04.020 --> 00:13:08.020 flayed and fucking tormented in hell. 00:13:08.020 --> 00:13:10.020 Oh, dad damn it. 00:13:10.020 --> 00:13:11.020 Here we go. 00:13:11.020 --> 00:13:12.620 No, no, no, no you had your shot. 00:13:12.620 --> 00:13:14.820 Now give me give me a minute to explain. 00:13:14.820 --> 00:13:27.600 The great thing about being a Christian as Ozzy was towards the end of his life. 00:13:27.600 --> 00:13:29.000 The great thing. 00:13:29.000 --> 00:13:33.800 The great thing about being a Christian as Ozzy was towards the end of his life is you're 00:13:33.800 --> 00:13:40.000 just one prayer away from being redeemed and having your I think and it's the quote is 00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:45.200 something like having your sins thrown throne as far as the east is from the west. 00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:50.400 So with that knowledge in hand, can you really blame him for getting right with the 00:13:50.400 --> 00:13:58.100 Lord before passing away if the alternative is his sole eternal soul by the way going to 00:13:58.100 --> 00:14:02.200 you and being tormented for all eternity? 00:14:02.200 --> 00:14:08.800 No, I mean, yeah, I guess I see what you're saying, but I acted honorably and in my defense 00:14:08.800 --> 00:14:11.600 why on hell does definitely suck. 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:16.200 It's not the lava and flame suck scape that everyone thinks it is. 00:14:16.200 --> 00:14:18.800 Okay, yeah, but that's not what it says in the Bible. 00:14:18.800 --> 00:14:23.400 The fucking Bible how the hell would they know they've never even been there anyway fuck all 00:14:23.400 --> 00:14:24.400 this shit. 00:14:24.400 --> 00:14:26.800 I'm going on a coast to coast media blitz Lorenzo. 00:14:26.800 --> 00:14:30.200 I'm going to tell everyone who will listen that I got fucking screwed. 00:14:30.200 --> 00:14:33.400 I gave that motherfucker everything he asked for. 00:14:33.400 --> 00:14:37.400 And you know what I didn't give him what I protected him from and think about this. 00:14:37.400 --> 00:14:40.400 He's been fucking random bitches since the 70s. 00:14:40.400 --> 00:14:42.000 I didn't give him hobbies. 00:14:42.000 --> 00:14:43.500 He did not get hobbies. 00:14:43.500 --> 00:14:45.200 I held up my fucking into the Morgan. 00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:48.600 I did my job and I deserved that fucking soul. 00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:49.800 That's all I'm saying. 00:14:49.800 --> 00:14:52.600 I'm tired of you to fuck last minute redemption. 00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:53.600 Fuck you. 00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:56.800 So I mean, when you put it like that, I guess you were owed. 00:14:56.800 --> 00:14:59.600 Oh, I was owed and I am fucking furious. 00:14:59.600 --> 00:15:01.200 I'm never going to get over this. 00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:03.800 This is just as bad as Elvis. 00:15:03.800 --> 00:15:06.400 Elvis, are you saying you didn't get Elvis either? 00:15:06.400 --> 00:15:07.400 Fuck no. 00:15:07.400 --> 00:15:12.960 As he was dying on the toilet, he fucking had one hand braced on the wall, one hand braced 00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:17.960 on the side of the toilet and he looked up with sweat pouring down his face and I was crawling 00:15:17.960 --> 00:15:19.160 up the fucking pipes. 00:15:19.160 --> 00:15:25.360 I was crawling up the pipes almost to his asshole and I was going to reach up that big fucking 00:15:25.360 --> 00:15:28.560 greasy rock and roll ass and get that soul. 00:15:28.560 --> 00:15:32.560 And he cried out his last fucking words and nobody knows this because they weren't there 00:15:32.560 --> 00:15:33.560 but I was. 00:15:33.560 --> 00:15:34.560 No shit. 00:15:34.560 --> 00:15:35.560 What were his last words? 00:15:35.560 --> 00:15:36.560 What were Elvis's last words? 00:15:36.560 --> 00:15:39.560 His last words were God forgive me. 00:15:39.560 --> 00:15:40.560 Fuck. 00:15:40.560 --> 00:15:42.560 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 00:15:42.560 --> 00:15:45.360 I just turned around and went right back down the hill. 00:15:45.360 --> 00:15:48.160 I am tired of getting fucked by these musicians. 00:15:48.160 --> 00:15:50.360 I'm getting out of the entertainment business altogether. 00:15:50.360 --> 00:15:52.960 These guys can fucking sink or swim on their own. 00:15:52.960 --> 00:15:54.960 I'm going to focus on the politicians. 00:15:54.960 --> 00:15:57.960 Last minute redemption wouldn't even cross their fucking minds. 00:15:57.960 --> 00:16:00.160 Okay, well shit. 00:16:00.160 --> 00:16:02.160 I feel like I should ask you some questions. 00:16:02.160 --> 00:16:06.160 I mean, how many opportunities am I going to have to interview the devil? 00:16:06.160 --> 00:16:07.360 No, no questions. 00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:08.360 Fuck off. 00:16:08.360 --> 00:16:10.560 On my way to someone more popular. 00:16:10.560 --> 00:16:11.560 Love you Lorenzo. 00:16:11.560 --> 00:16:12.560 Love you love you show. 00:16:12.560 --> 00:16:14.560 I'll see you in about 18 years. 00:16:14.560 --> 00:16:15.560 Wait, what? 00:16:15.560 --> 00:16:16.560 18 years? 00:16:16.560 --> 00:16:17.560 What? 00:16:17.560 --> 00:16:18.560 No, no, no, no, no, no, don't fucking leave. 00:16:18.560 --> 00:16:19.560 What do you mean 18 years? 00:16:19.560 --> 00:16:21.560 What do you mean 18 years? 00:16:21.560 --> 00:16:23.560 Son of a bitch. 00:16:23.560 --> 00:16:25.560 18 years. 00:16:25.560 --> 00:16:27.560 Fucking hell. 00:16:27.560 --> 00:16:28.560 Thanks, Satan. 00:16:28.560 --> 00:16:29.560 Asshole. 00:16:29.560 --> 00:16:31.560 I'll be 68. 00:16:31.560 --> 00:16:33.760 Fucking, I don't want to die at 68. 00:16:33.760 --> 00:16:34.760 I thought I'd at. 00:16:34.760 --> 00:16:35.960 At least make it to 75. 00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:38.560 I've been fairly healthy most of my life. 00:16:38.560 --> 00:16:39.560 Anyway. 00:17:10.560 --> 00:17:11.560 And I was working. 00:17:11.560 --> 00:17:13.320 Back in the day when I was in radio, I noticed everything all the time. 00:17:13.320 --> 00:17:14.560 And I made notes of everything. 00:17:14.560 --> 00:17:16.160 And I would talk about stuff. 00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:19.480 And I would extrapolate and roll things over in my fucking mind. 00:17:19.480 --> 00:17:21.680 And no detail ever got past me. 00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:25.600 And it was fucking maddening a lot of times. 00:17:25.600 --> 00:17:28.440 Because I notice everything. 00:17:28.440 --> 00:17:29.880 All the time. 00:17:29.880 --> 00:17:33.160 Incidentally, radio people make the worst fucking podcasters. 00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:39.520 Have you ever heard a podcast that was done by a radio person that didn't suck? 00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:42.640 I don't understand it. 00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:47.520 My personal theory is that radio people can't handle a blank canvas. 00:17:47.520 --> 00:17:49.720 Well, you know what I mean? 00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:53.960 Sitting down and hitting the record button without something prompting you or some kind 00:17:53.960 --> 00:17:58.520 of format clock to tell you what to say and when to say it just completely blows their 00:17:58.520 --> 00:17:59.520 fucking mind. 00:17:59.520 --> 00:18:01.920 But they think, oh, I've got a radio voice. 00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:03.920 I can fucking talk. 00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:04.920 It'll be great. 00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:13.080 And all my fucking fans will follow me over here onto the podcast side. 00:18:13.080 --> 00:18:14.080 Done really worked that way. 00:18:14.080 --> 00:18:15.640 And I think they're finding that out. 00:18:15.640 --> 00:18:19.240 So hopefully all the radio people will just fuck off. 00:18:19.240 --> 00:18:20.240 Get out of the way. 00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:23.440 Well, that I went in the Navy and then I joined the civilian sector. 00:18:23.440 --> 00:18:27.960 And I've gotten bored and I decided I'm really going to fucking lean into that casting 00:18:27.960 --> 00:18:28.960 thing. 00:18:28.960 --> 00:18:33.880 So I flipped that fucking switch in my head where I notice everything again now. 00:18:33.880 --> 00:18:39.000 And a lot of the problems that I have and things that I run into and stuff that fucking 00:18:39.000 --> 00:18:45.160 really really irritates me are things that are not really that big a deal. 00:18:45.160 --> 00:18:48.720 Most folks wouldn't even fucking notice them because they've got their fucking blinders 00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:49.720 on. 00:18:49.720 --> 00:18:53.400 But again, that switch has been flipped in my head. 00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:57.920 And now I notice everything again, whether I want to or not. 00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:03.680 For example, the other day I was trying to have a nice lunch at Arby's and I walk in 00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:07.840 that's just one fucking guy and his wife at the fucking counter. 00:19:07.840 --> 00:19:08.840 No big deal. 00:19:08.840 --> 00:19:10.200 Arby's is never crazy. 00:19:10.200 --> 00:19:11.200 Busy. 00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:12.200 It's like you go to McDonald's. 00:19:12.200 --> 00:19:15.080 You can wait 20 minutes just to have somebody even look your direction. 00:19:15.080 --> 00:19:16.080 Right? 00:19:16.080 --> 00:19:19.800 If they fucking have people working at the counters at all. 00:19:19.800 --> 00:19:24.680 More often than not now, these McDonald's and Taco Bells, you can just go fuck yourself. 00:19:24.680 --> 00:19:28.360 Use our mobile key ask thing or use the app. 00:19:28.360 --> 00:19:29.360 Eat a dick. 00:19:29.360 --> 00:19:31.080 We're not even trying to talk to you. 00:19:31.080 --> 00:19:32.600 Arby's hasn't got there yet. 00:19:32.600 --> 00:19:37.080 Arby's still has somebody working the counter and I love me some fucking Arby's. 00:19:37.080 --> 00:19:38.760 I mean, they have the fucking meats. 00:19:38.760 --> 00:19:40.080 Enough said. 00:19:40.080 --> 00:19:42.400 So I walk in there and I'm thinking French dip. 00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:43.400 That's what I'm going with today. 00:19:43.400 --> 00:19:49.360 I'm going with the French dip and I want the curly fries and a large unsweet tea and 00:19:49.360 --> 00:19:53.880 I'm going to get no fewer than five cups of their fucking sauces. 00:19:53.880 --> 00:19:55.600 I like two horsey sauces. 00:19:55.600 --> 00:20:00.720 I want one Arby sauce that three pepper hot sauce that they have, which is incidentally the 00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:02.160 best hot sauce. 00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:06.200 I've ever had and then the other one will be a fucking surprise of no idea. 00:20:06.200 --> 00:20:07.200 Maybe it's honey mustard. 00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:08.200 I don't know. 00:20:08.200 --> 00:20:09.200 We'll see. 00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:10.200 Maybe it could just be ketchup. 00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:13.240 I'm running through all this shit in my mind as I go in there. 00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:14.240 Right? 00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:21.080 And I'm standing there behind this couple and I notice the guy and I look him up and down 00:20:21.080 --> 00:20:22.080 real quick. 00:20:22.080 --> 00:20:25.720 He's wearing a pink t-shirt. 00:20:25.720 --> 00:20:31.960 He's wearing jeans shorts and he's wearing strappy sandals and I go,個 shit. 00:20:31.960 --> 00:20:37.280 And then I get to look in his head and I realize this guy is probably late fifties. 00:20:37.280 --> 00:20:45.800 Weak chin, narrow shoulders, small arms, small sweaty looking hands, no visible tattoos, 00:20:45.800 --> 00:20:50.240 neatly manicured, very thin beard. 00:20:50.240 --> 00:20:51.400 Fuck me. 00:20:51.400 --> 00:20:53.800 This is not what I need today. 00:20:53.800 --> 00:20:56.400 And he didn't disappoint. 00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:58.560 I'm going to call him Stanley. 00:20:58.560 --> 00:21:01.720 I don't know that that's his name but he looks like a Stanley. 00:21:01.720 --> 00:21:06.400 But the man that I just described to you did Stanley just pop in your fucking head 00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:11.840 because Stanley popped in mind and Stanley was always going to be a problem. 00:21:11.840 --> 00:21:15.600 He was never going to not be a problem everywhere he goes. 00:21:15.600 --> 00:21:17.640 Stanley's a fucking problem. 00:21:17.640 --> 00:21:22.880 So as I'm standing there and I give Stanley the up and down again the strappy fucking 00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:28.800 sandals, no visible tattoos, narrow shoulders, close cropped but slightly unkempt full head 00:21:28.800 --> 00:21:30.200 of hair. 00:21:30.200 --> 00:21:36.360 Old thin fucking beard that runs across his weak jaw, very prevalent Adam Zappel, pink 00:21:36.360 --> 00:21:39.040 shirt, jean shorts. 00:21:39.040 --> 00:21:44.440 As I'm taking in Stanley, I realize that this conversation that he's having with the 00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:02.840 question on the fucking Arby's menu. 00:22:02.840 --> 00:22:08.040 So I'm drinking in the fucking scene with my eyes and my mind is churning and extrapolating 00:22:08.040 --> 00:22:13.440 and then I quiet all that down because I gotta know what's going on. 00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:15.680 Why the hell is this order taking so long? 00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:19.360 Is he ordering for a football team that I'm unaware of? 00:22:19.360 --> 00:22:24.560 You know what exactly is going on with Stanley and the wife that is taking so long at this 00:22:24.560 --> 00:22:26.360 fucking counter? 00:22:26.360 --> 00:22:33.400 So I take a step forward and I kind of turn to the side so I can listen in on the conversation. 00:22:33.400 --> 00:22:43.020 And what I hear is pretty much what you would expect a Stanley to be doing at an Arby's 00:22:43.020 --> 00:22:44.580 counter. 00:22:44.580 --> 00:22:48.260 Stanley needs to know from whence the beef came. 00:22:48.260 --> 00:22:51.180 Stanley needs to know how the beef is prepared. 00:22:51.180 --> 00:22:57.300 Stanley needs to know if it's sous vide or if it is roasted or what, how exactly Arby's 00:22:57.300 --> 00:23:02.660 is preparing their roast beef sandwiches and then he needs to know about triglycerides 00:23:02.660 --> 00:23:04.660 and monopeptides. 00:23:04.660 --> 00:23:11.220 Stanley's gotta know about the molecular composition of Arby's roast beef before he feels comfortable 00:23:11.220 --> 00:23:14.420 enough to order himself a fucking sandwich. 00:23:14.420 --> 00:23:20.620 Stanley's wife is just standing to the side watching the scene play out as Stanley Peppers, 00:23:20.620 --> 00:23:27.220 the young lady behind the counter and really tests her knowledge of the menu. 00:23:27.220 --> 00:23:31.820 The young lady by the way couldn't have been a day over 18 and she eventually has enough 00:23:31.820 --> 00:23:37.460 of Stanley and is obviously very flustered and she has never had to deal with the line of 00:23:37.460 --> 00:23:40.780 questioning like this before and why fucking would she? 00:23:40.780 --> 00:23:41.780 Why would she? 00:23:41.780 --> 00:23:43.180 Why would she have to deal with this? 00:23:43.180 --> 00:23:45.900 It's a fucking Arby's, okay? 00:23:45.900 --> 00:23:48.220 We're at a fucking Arby's Stanley. 00:23:48.220 --> 00:23:53.820 So eventually she says hang on just a minute and she goes and gets her manager. 00:23:53.820 --> 00:23:57.660 Stanley is only too happy to wait for the manager. 00:23:57.660 --> 00:24:03.160 The manager comes up, Stanley gives her the quick up and down and honestly in his defense 00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:08.980 there's a whole lot of this woman to see and Stanley starts coming at her about the protein 00:24:08.980 --> 00:24:16.060 content of Arby's roast beef and is it actually roast beef and if it is roast beef what part 00:24:16.060 --> 00:24:18.020 of the cow are we using? 00:24:18.020 --> 00:24:19.820 Why is there no fat ribbon? 00:24:19.820 --> 00:24:26.240 He wants to know everything about the fucking Arby's roast beef sandwich and as I'm standing 00:24:26.240 --> 00:24:32.900 there watching this fucking scene play out I'm growing more irritated and more irritated 00:24:32.900 --> 00:24:38.340 and more irritated I've lost interest in listening to Stanley Pepper the fucking management 00:24:38.340 --> 00:24:45.020 with questions my interest in the entire process has waned and now my mind is starting to move 00:24:45.020 --> 00:24:48.340 down the pathway to murder. 00:24:48.340 --> 00:24:52.220 When I start envisioning all the ways in my mind that I can fucking kill Stanley right 00:24:52.220 --> 00:24:53.620 there in that line. 00:24:53.620 --> 00:24:58.580 The line that began as Stanley his wife and I is now going all the way out the fucking 00:24:58.580 --> 00:25:04.560 door because Stanley is incapable of just ordering a goddamn sandwich and going and sitting 00:25:04.560 --> 00:25:05.560 down. 00:25:05.560 --> 00:25:11.040 You fucking narrow-shouldered pussy and I finally settle on chainsaw in my mind while I'm 00:25:11.040 --> 00:25:14.740 waiting for Stanley to fucking get around to finally ordering his food. 00:25:14.740 --> 00:25:19.460 I have gone back out to the fucking toolbox and my truck reached in pulled by fucking chainsaw 00:25:19.460 --> 00:25:25.740 out primed it lit it off come back inside everyone else in line sees what's getting 00:25:25.740 --> 00:25:30.020 ready to happen and they fucking scatter that please empties out in less than ten seconds 00:25:30.020 --> 00:25:36.460 and I just begin carving fucking Stanley into small manageable pieces right in front of 00:25:36.460 --> 00:25:58.820 the shocked fucking restaurant staff and his god damn wife and about the time I'm ready 00:25:58.820 --> 00:26:03.660 to turn and take a step and go out to my truck to retrieve my chainsaw. 00:26:03.660 --> 00:26:09.180 Stanley finally places his order, quickly pays and thankfully fucks off to the dining 00:26:09.180 --> 00:26:10.500 room. 00:26:10.500 --> 00:26:13.340 Crisis thankfully averted. 00:26:13.340 --> 00:26:18.820 The next source of irritation and as it turns out near miss came at another restaurant actually 00:26:18.820 --> 00:26:22.060 later on in the week I was at a Chinese buffet. 00:26:22.060 --> 00:26:27.260 I don't know about where you're from but where I'm from Chinese buffets are a big thing and 00:26:27.260 --> 00:26:32.620 when I say big thing I mean big people go to them in a dining room that should be able 00:26:32.620 --> 00:26:39.860 to sit 200 it really only sits about 50 wide backs. 00:26:39.860 --> 00:26:46.140 These wide back sausage finger motherfuckers just pile in there every single one of them even 00:26:46.140 --> 00:26:51.660 the worst fucking Chinese buffet joint is gonna have a fucking line of people standing at 00:26:51.660 --> 00:26:53.340 that fucking feed trough. 00:26:53.540 --> 00:27:00.340 Anyway I was at a Chinese buffet being a man of some size myself I love me a good trough 00:27:00.340 --> 00:27:06.300 and again here is where the fact that I now notice everything is fucking my life up. 00:27:06.300 --> 00:27:10.540 I'm standing there waiting to get to the fried rice now what I like to do is I like 00:27:10.540 --> 00:27:16.340 to put a thin layer of fried rice along the bottom and then go to each one of the entrees 00:27:16.340 --> 00:27:23.340 and side dishes and pile them on top into a great big mound of air quotes Chinese food 00:27:23.340 --> 00:27:28.940 and then sit down with chopsticks and you know delicately eat one piece at a time off 00:27:28.940 --> 00:27:35.780 the top until I'm down to the rice which has been thoroughly seasoned and inundated with 00:27:35.780 --> 00:27:41.980 the melange of fucking sauces from all of the different things that I piled on top of 00:27:41.980 --> 00:27:43.300 it. 00:27:43.300 --> 00:27:48.220 That's how I like to enjoy my Chinese buffet so I'm standing there waiting to get to the 00:27:48.220 --> 00:27:53.300 fried rice and that's when I noticed the people ahead of me it's this lady this care 00:27:53.300 --> 00:28:01.460 worn fucking lady and a knee length jeans skirt floral print blouse and flip flops a little 00:28:01.460 --> 00:28:07.660 bit heavy set but not fat by any stretch of the imagination she has her unkempt hair 00:28:07.660 --> 00:28:14.220 and an unkempt pile on top of her unkempt head she is scurrying and harried half hunched 00:28:14.220 --> 00:28:21.100 over running around behind what can only be described as a little bastard this fucking 00:28:21.100 --> 00:28:25.820 kid can't be a day over six years old and he is running up and down the fucking buffet 00:28:25.820 --> 00:28:31.580 line sticking his hand in each one of the entrees and pulling bits of whatever he might 00:28:31.580 --> 00:28:37.420 want out of it and depositing it on the plate that she's holding that sucks right that 00:28:37.420 --> 00:28:46.220 so now the rest of us are put into a position when we walk up to the 00:28:46.220 --> 00:28:51.260 mougu guy pan that we watch that little cock sucker just put his fucking dick beater in the middle of 00:28:51.260 --> 00:28:57.180 do we flatly refuse to take any food out of that pan it's a Chinese restaurant after all 00:28:57.180 --> 00:29:02.940 ran by actual Chinese people these motherfuckers are not going to change that pan out until it's gone 00:29:02.940 --> 00:29:08.620 you can go fuck yourself and your hygiene standards that's not racial insensitivity that is a 00:29:08.620 --> 00:29:14.540 fucking fact and you know it because their idea of what's hygienic and our idea of what's hygienic 00:29:14.540 --> 00:29:20.460 are way fucking different polar opposites you walk in the back of a Chinese restaurant right now 00:29:20.460 --> 00:29:25.740 there is a very good chance that there's going to be some fucking old lady with no bra a sundress 00:29:25.740 --> 00:29:32.060 on a no panties sitting on the floor cutting fucking chicken with a cleaver it's not a bad bet 00:29:32.060 --> 00:29:36.860 so you have a choice are you gonna flatly refuse to eat the mougu guy pan knowing that it will not 00:29:36.860 --> 00:29:42.220 be replaced or are you just gonna fucking take the spoon and just kind of go along the outside edge 00:29:42.220 --> 00:29:47.020 of it well that's obviously what everyone is doing right they're just kind of following behind 00:29:47.020 --> 00:29:52.060 this little cock sucker and tiptoeing through the fucking carnage okay so that sucks but that's not 00:29:52.060 --> 00:30:00.620 what really got me cranked up what really got me upset was the look the look on that harried fucking 00:30:00.620 --> 00:30:07.740 exasperryd mother's face when she made eye contact with me she looks up at me her little fucking bastard 00:30:07.740 --> 00:30:13.740 child is scurrying towards me with fucking food all over his hands she's following behind him 00:30:13.740 --> 00:30:20.780 hunched over with his plate as he's depositing shit onto it with his hands and the look that she 00:30:20.780 --> 00:30:29.420 gives me nearly sent me spiraling into a murderous fucking rage and you've seen the look I know you have 00:30:29.420 --> 00:30:35.500 everyone seen the look the moment she gave me the look I'm getting ready to describe to you I 00:30:35.500 --> 00:30:42.380 knew that I'd seen it before I'd seen it hundreds of times before on the faces of harried mothers 00:30:42.540 --> 00:30:50.060 and pussy whipped fucking house husbands I've seen it over and over and over again this bitch was 00:30:50.060 --> 00:30:58.700 just the latest in a long line the look is this she was hunched over she looked up at me with these 00:30:58.700 --> 00:31:07.420 care worn eyes almost pleading but also amused this half smile on her face one of her shoulders 00:31:07.420 --> 00:31:15.260 kind of shrugged and her head tilted a little bit to the side that look right there is meant to say 00:31:15.820 --> 00:31:22.060 what are you gonna do it takes a village right he won't be this small forever I do what I can 00:31:22.060 --> 00:31:27.820 we're just getting through it down here pal the look of the perpetual victim like it's not her fault 00:31:27.820 --> 00:31:32.300 that this little cuckseckers running up and down the fucking food trough putting his hand in all of 00:31:32.300 --> 00:31:37.740 the food that everyone has to eat and I stopped in my fucking tracks I don't know how long I stood 00:31:37.740 --> 00:31:43.260 there I saw that fucking look in my mind just started rolling and rolling and rolling and rolling through 00:31:43.260 --> 00:31:50.060 all of the fucking times I've seen that look on somebody's fucking face when the person that they're 00:31:50.060 --> 00:31:57.020 with is doing something outside of what is considered to be okay I've seen that fucking look over 00:31:57.020 --> 00:32:02.220 and over and over and over and over again in my mind is just fucking rolling through and it's 00:32:02.220 --> 00:32:30.040 like a fucking slide 00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:35.360 shit back in my the fucker I don't know how long I stood there playing out the death of this woman 00:32:35.360 --> 00:32:40.720 in my head but I stood there a while I stood there long enough for her and her little bastard to 00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:45.600 have disappeared off somewhere and all of the people that I had been watching fill their plates were 00:32:45.600 --> 00:32:53.040 gone I stood there in a fucking psychotic days for I have no idea how long a long fucking time while 00:32:53.040 --> 00:33:00.080 the scene of me murdering that fucking worthless bitch played out in my fucking head so yeah it's been 00:33:00.080 --> 00:33:06.800 an irritating week in a lot of ways those two examples that I gave Stanley the fucking pussy at 00:33:06.800 --> 00:33:13.680 Arby's and the harried fucking perpetual victim mom at the buffet line were just the most easily 00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:20.160 relatable the most easily quantifiable it's like you hear the story about Stanley you hear the story 00:33:20.160 --> 00:33:27.840 about the mom you may or may not want to actually act out a murder scene when you encounter people 00:33:27.840 --> 00:33:35.040 like this I don't know how fucking common that is if you don't a whatever man to each their own for me 00:33:35.040 --> 00:33:42.400 I envision murdering them but I think you can relate the rest of the shit is not as easy to quantify 00:33:42.400 --> 00:33:48.480 anyway I could go on all day I'm not gonna fucking ramble on anymore let's just go ahead and close 00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:55.360 this bitch out now show notes I'm really worried about going back and listening to that Aussie bit 00:33:56.080 --> 00:34:04.080 a gotta be honest with you I'm concerned because Aussie Osborne was very important to me and you 00:34:04.080 --> 00:34:10.080 know the Satan thing that I did there in the Aussie Osborne bit was supposed to just be kind of silly 00:34:10.080 --> 00:34:15.040 and ridiculous not necessarily funny but at least a little bit entertaining but I don't want it to 00:34:15.040 --> 00:34:22.320 come across as disrespectful I'm a fucking huge Aussie fan nothing but respect for him nothing but 00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:28.640 respect for his family and I would never want to do anything to make any of those people feel bad 00:34:28.640 --> 00:34:33.680 not that they'd ever hear it let's just I mean let's be honest but I don't want to disrespect 00:34:33.680 --> 00:34:39.520 Aussie Osborne that's that's not the that's not the intention I think he had a pretty good sense 00:34:39.520 --> 00:34:44.320 of humor seem to anyway based on you know what you what you see on TV you never know if that's how 00:34:44.320 --> 00:34:51.680 I don't know but I don't I don't want 00:34:51.680 --> 00:34:57.280 don't want to be disrespectful that's not all I was trying to do anyway thank you for joining us 00:34:57.280 --> 00:34:59.760 and for speaking in the news and for speaking in the news and I don't know what to do 00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:04.560 for so why not do something that's not that's not what we have to do outside of a 00:35:04.560 --> 00:35:07.600 church inside the show inside this kind of things that are in the news and I don't know I can't 00:35:07.600 --> 00:35:12.600 I don't want to be disrespectful, that's not what I was trying to do. 00:35:12.600 --> 00:35:18.200 Anyway, thank you for joining me for episode 8 of Missing Throat Radio. 00:35:18.200 --> 00:35:20.760 I hope you're digging this show. 00:35:20.760 --> 00:35:23.080 I'm not going to tell you to leave a review. 00:35:23.080 --> 00:35:24.480 JimiNgos says they're useless. 00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:26.080 I don't know if they are or not. 00:35:26.080 --> 00:35:28.880 I'm not going to tell you to leave a review. 00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:30.480 I don't know. 00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:32.880 I'm not going to tell you to bring a friend along. 00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:35.560 I just hope that you're enjoying the show. 00:35:35.560 --> 00:35:40.760 It's like, obviously, I think that nobody should be podcasting except for me. 00:35:40.760 --> 00:35:45.000 But at the end of the day, I just really want you to enjoy it. 00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:48.600 And if you do and want to drop me a line and let me know, that would be awesome. 00:35:48.600 --> 00:35:50.400 Alright, punching out. 00:35:50.400 --> 00:35:51.320 Until next time.