WEBVTT 00:00:01.100 --> 00:00:03.100 Misentrop Radio 00:00:03.100 --> 00:00:05.100 Broadcasting to the world 00:00:05.100 --> 00:00:07.100 Misentrop Radio 00:00:07.100 --> 00:00:09.100 Broadcasting to the world 00:00:09.100 --> 00:00:11.100 Misentrop Radio 00:00:11.100 --> 00:00:13.100 Misentrop Radio 00:00:13.100 --> 00:00:15.100 Misentrop Radio 00:00:15.100 --> 00:00:17.100 Misentrop Radio 00:00:17.100 --> 00:00:19.100 Misentrop Radio 00:00:19.100 --> 00:00:21.100 Misentrop Radio 00:00:21.100 --> 00:00:26.300 On top of your mom 00:00:26.300 --> 00:00:30.420 Misentrop Radio 00:00:30.420 --> 00:00:32.420 It's not my fucking name 00:00:32.420 --> 00:00:34.420 Who the fuck came up with Kylie jubber 00:00:34.420 --> 00:00:36.420 My bad, that's just what it says here 00:00:36.420 --> 00:00:42.060 Roast 00:00:42.060 --> 00:00:44.060 That's not my fucking name either 00:00:44.060 --> 00:00:52.020 Basically, welcome to episode 9 00:00:52.020 --> 00:00:54.020 Of Misentrop Radio 00:00:54.020 --> 00:00:56.020 I can't fucking stay in social media 00:00:56.020 --> 00:01:00.020 And that's not coming from a guy who has historically had 00:01:00.020 --> 00:01:02.020 Tons of social media outlets 00:01:02.020 --> 00:01:04.020 And then, you know, secretly despised it 00:01:04.020 --> 00:01:06.020 Or publicly espoused 00:01:06.020 --> 00:01:08.020 To despise it with an all-actuality 00:01:08.020 --> 00:01:10.020 I couldn't live without it 00:01:10.020 --> 00:01:12.020 I'm not that fucking dude 00:01:12.020 --> 00:01:14.020 I'm not that fucking dude 00:01:14.020 --> 00:01:16.020 I think a lot of people say 00:01:16.020 --> 00:01:18.020 Oh man, I really fucking hate social media 00:01:18.020 --> 00:01:20.020 God damn, social media and god damn 00:01:20.020 --> 00:01:22.020 But they couldn't go for a fucking day 00:01:22.020 --> 00:01:24.020 Without creeping around 00:01:24.020 --> 00:01:26.020 Fucking Facebook Marketplace 00:01:26.020 --> 00:01:28.020 Or trolling 00:01:28.020 --> 00:01:30.020 Instagram 00:01:30.020 --> 00:01:32.020 I'm not that dude 00:01:32.020 --> 00:01:34.020 I've never had a Facebook account 00:01:34.020 --> 00:01:36.020 Never had Instagram or Snapchat 00:01:36.020 --> 00:01:38.020 Or anything like that 00:01:38.020 --> 00:01:40.020 I had a TikTok account briefly 00:01:40.020 --> 00:01:42.020 I enjoyed it too much 00:01:42.020 --> 00:01:46.020 So I fucking deleted it because I found myself sitting there scrolling through fucking TikTok 00:01:46.020 --> 00:01:50.020 Incessantly rather than getting anything done 00:01:50.020 --> 00:01:54.020 But a few years ago when I decided to jump into the world of podcasting 00:01:54.020 --> 00:01:56.020 I knew I was going to have to 00:01:56.020 --> 00:01:58.020 Kind of embrace 00:01:58.020 --> 00:02:02.020 At least some facets of social media 00:02:02.020 --> 00:02:04.020 There's no way around it 00:02:04.020 --> 00:02:08.020 With 7 million podcasts available to somebody on the Apple app 00:02:08.020 --> 00:02:10.020 And anyone running a podcast 00:02:10.020 --> 00:02:12.020 Expect to gain any traction 00:02:12.020 --> 00:02:14.020 whatsoever without social media 00:02:14.020 --> 00:02:16.020 If you're not going to be your biggest fan 00:02:16.020 --> 00:02:18.020 Then why the fuck should anyone else follow you? 00:02:18.020 --> 00:02:20.020 You see what I'm saying? 00:02:20.020 --> 00:02:24.020 Even if they could fucking find you 00:02:24.020 --> 00:02:26.020 Facebook was always out of the question 00:02:26.020 --> 00:02:28.020 Instagram I don't even really understand what that is 00:02:28.020 --> 00:02:30.020 Snapchat is obviously not for me 00:02:30.020 --> 00:02:32.020 I have what you would call 00:02:32.020 --> 00:02:34.020 A face for radio 00:02:34.020 --> 00:02:36.020 What the fuck does Snapchat have to offer someone like me? 00:02:36.020 --> 00:02:38.020 So if I'm not interested in Facebook 00:02:38.020 --> 00:02:40.020 Instagram I think that's just about pictures 00:02:40.020 --> 00:02:42.020 Right? Instagram? 00:02:42.020 --> 00:02:44.020 Pinterest? 00:03:06.020 --> 00:03:08.020 Yeah 00:03:08.020 --> 00:03:30.020 I don't know why but it never occurred to me that I would be having people slide into my fucking 00:03:30.020 --> 00:03:32.020 DMs 00:03:32.020 --> 00:03:34.020 Yeah I do I know exactly why 00:03:34.020 --> 00:03:40.020 I know exactly why it didn't occur to me that people jumping into my fucking DMs was a possibility 00:03:40.020 --> 00:03:42.020 It's because I don't have great tits 00:03:42.020 --> 00:03:46.020 In my very simple fucking linear mind 00:03:46.020 --> 00:03:54.020 The only people who have to contend with DMs are chicks with giant fucking jugs who were hanging them all over the fucking camera and then complaining about men 00:03:54.020 --> 00:03:58.020 That's the type of account I thought had to contend with DMs 00:03:58.020 --> 00:04:00.020 I never really thought that some fucking 00:04:00.020 --> 00:04:09.220 Doe-s'n'azel idiot fucking fledgling want to be 00:04:09.220 --> 00:04:12.020 Direct messages and that what that stands for? 00:04:12.020 --> 00:04:14.020 Well as it turns out I was wrong 00:04:14.020 --> 00:04:18.020 I'm going to go through my fucking DMs here because this shit 00:04:18.020 --> 00:04:20.020 You can't fucking write this shit 00:04:20.020 --> 00:04:24.020 Like I feel like I come across as a fairly creative dude 00:04:24.020 --> 00:04:28.020 You can not write the shit that I'm finding 00:04:28.020 --> 00:04:34.020 My fucking DMs almost on a daily basis and it's really fucking weird if you think about it 00:04:34.020 --> 00:04:38.020 Because I've had this twitter account since I first started podcasting 00:04:38.020 --> 00:04:42.020 And maybe not 00:04:42.020 --> 00:04:44.020 I don't know it's been a few years 00:04:44.020 --> 00:04:46.020 I've had this twitter account for a few years 00:04:46.020 --> 00:04:48.020 Never any DMs 00:04:48.020 --> 00:04:52.020 Ever so it never occurred to me to lock them down or shut them off or restrict them in any way 00:04:52.020 --> 00:04:56.020 Because it just didn't happen for me because again I'm not the chick with tits 00:04:56.020 --> 00:05:00.020 I'm not the j- I'm not the chick with the giant fucking tits 00:05:00.020 --> 00:05:02.020 And I'm not taking pictures of my fucking ass in a thong 00:05:02.020 --> 00:05:06.020 But just here in the last couple of months 00:05:06.020 --> 00:05:10.020 The fucking DMs have just been rolling in one after another after another after another 00:05:10.020 --> 00:05:18.020 And what the shit that I'm- the shit that I have fucking popping up in my DMs is frankly 00:05:18.020 --> 00:05:20.020 Shocking 00:05:20.020 --> 00:05:26.020 For example I have been solicited by only fans bitches no fewer than 11 times in the last three weeks 00:05:26.020 --> 00:05:30.020 And you might be thinking to yourself well fucking of course larynzo 00:05:30.020 --> 00:05:33.860 That's how they draw a business of course the only fans bitches are going 00:05:33.860 --> 00:05:38.020 Dropping into everyone available fucking DMs 00:05:38.020 --> 00:05:40.020 I guess that does make sense 00:05:40.020 --> 00:05:42.020 However it's the way they do it 00:05:42.020 --> 00:05:44.020 That really fucking blows my mind 00:05:44.020 --> 00:05:52.020 For example I had this one lady pop in I say lady it could probably some fucking dude from Bangladesh 00:05:52.020 --> 00:05:54.020 Named Seymour 00:05:54.020 --> 00:06:00.020 But for the purposes of this podcast we're going to assume it is in fact the lady in the picture 00:06:00.020 --> 00:06:02.020 Anyway this lady drops into my fucking DMs 00:06:02.020 --> 00:06:10.020 And she starts asking me if my soul has been saved and I am a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ 00:06:10.020 --> 00:06:18.020 Well knowing that I was getting ready to do this podcast episode I've kind of had the idea on the back burner for a while I decided to engage in the past 00:06:18.020 --> 00:06:26.020 And it didn't happen very often almost never did I get any kind of solicitation via DMs right 00:06:26.020 --> 00:06:31.020 But in the past when it's happened I've always just fucking delete and keep it moving 00:06:31.020 --> 00:06:39.020 Well this fucking lady asked me if I've embraced the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior and if I am a servant of the Lord 00:06:40.020 --> 00:06:45.020 Well like I said knowing that this podcast was on the horizon I decided to interact with her 00:06:45.020 --> 00:06:54.020 And I said why yes thank you for asking I've definitely already embraced the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior 00:06:54.020 --> 00:06:58.020 And what an amazing spiritual journey it's been 00:06:58.020 --> 00:07:08.020 I said that back to her about five minutes later she comes back in talking about her personal ministry and how she's really making changes in the inner city areas of Houston 00:07:08.020 --> 00:07:18.020 I then replied great what's your YouTube channel or is there any way that I can watch your ministry because I'm so so so devout 00:07:18.020 --> 00:07:23.020 And she replied that her ministry is available on only fans 00:07:23.020 --> 00:07:32.020 And she sent me the link of I'm assuming it was supposed to be her it made very well have been her in a fucking thong 00:07:32.020 --> 00:07:37.020 And it's like you click on the fucking you click on the link there's this bitch standing there in a thong 00:07:37.020 --> 00:07:44.020 And as it turns out for only three dollars for the next 30 days I can watch her fuck herself with the Bible 00:07:44.020 --> 00:07:46.020 Or whatever the fuck she's doing 00:07:46.020 --> 00:07:51.020 It's the way the only fans bitches are engaging that I found interesting 00:07:51.020 --> 00:07:57.020 So I quickly grew to where I could see the only fans bitches coming a mile away 00:07:57.020 --> 00:08:02.020 I still choose to interact with them because again I wanted material for this podcast 00:08:02.020 --> 00:08:08.020 But here lately when they come in with their fucking benign banter I just say drop your links and maybe I'll check you out 00:08:08.020 --> 00:08:13.020 They mercifully have been just dropping their fucking links and keep it at moving 00:08:13.020 --> 00:08:21.020 But the one that really intrigued me I've had one fucking random encounter in my DMs 00:08:21.020 --> 00:08:28.020 That really intrigued me and it's all unfolded over the course of the last two days 00:08:28.020 --> 00:08:31.020 What she said was as follows 00:08:31.020 --> 00:08:33.020 Illuminati invitation 00:08:33.020 --> 00:08:38.020 The world's biggest conglomerate has seen a sign you're connected to your heart 00:08:38.020 --> 00:08:44.020 And your heart is open to love and light not everyone is blessed with this connection 00:08:44.020 --> 00:08:51.020 I'm drawn to you from the universe in which they have seen you worthy and you have been acknowledged 00:08:51.020 --> 00:09:01.020 I have been sent being the first disciple of the inner chamber of the Illuminati conglomerate to make a request to recruit you as a member of the Illuminati society 00:09:01.020 --> 00:09:03.020 Are you interested in this offer? 00:09:03.020 --> 00:09:06.020 Well, is that a fact? 00:09:06.020 --> 00:09:13.020 If you've been with Missinthroperdio 2.0 from the beginning you know that I have a bit of a god complex 00:09:13.020 --> 00:09:16.020 I do a really bad job of hiding it 00:09:16.020 --> 00:09:25.020 So this fucking random broad drop again my fucking DMs and offering me an opportunity to join and the Illuminati 00:09:25.020 --> 00:09:27.020 Well, she's got an eye on me 00:09:27.020 --> 00:09:34.020 She has my attention in a way that no fucking random broad with a fucking cute ass can ever get it 00:09:34.020 --> 00:09:37.020 She has my total and complete focus 00:09:37.020 --> 00:09:42.020 Because if there is any truth in the universe it is this 00:09:42.020 --> 00:09:45.020 I think that I should be in charge of everything 00:09:45.020 --> 00:09:52.020 So over the course of the last couple of days she's explained to me the process for joining the Illuminati 00:09:52.020 --> 00:10:02.020 Exactly what I need to do, exactly how I'm going to be contacted and called upon and how I'm going to be utilized as a member of the air quotes new media 00:10:02.020 --> 00:10:07.020 As a podcast host, the Illuminati is looking for people like me 00:10:07.020 --> 00:10:12.020 To further their agenda of providing enlightenment and guidance for all of humanity 00:10:12.020 --> 00:10:17.020 Hold on in my excitement I have, perhaps got a little ahead of myself 00:10:17.020 --> 00:10:24.020 It's possible that you don't even know who the fuck the Illuminati is, or is, which one is the Illuminati R 00:10:24.020 --> 00:10:26.020 Is, fuck 00:10:26.020 --> 00:10:29.020 It's possible that you don't even know anything about the Illuminati 00:10:29.020 --> 00:10:33.020 Well, let me illuminate the Illuminati for you 00:10:33.020 --> 00:10:40.020 The term Illuminati refers to a secret society known as the Bavarian Illuminati 00:10:40.020 --> 00:10:44.020 That was founded 1 May 1776 00:10:44.020 --> 00:10:50.020 But allegedly it is way way way older than that if you believe the lore 00:10:50.020 --> 00:10:58.020 The Illuminati has been quietly steering the advancement and enlightenment of mankind for millennania 00:10:58.020 --> 00:11:07.020 Allegedly, the Illuminaries such as Isaac Newton, Galileo, Leonardo da Vinci were all members of the Illuminati 00:11:07.020 --> 00:11:13.020 An organization devoted to scientific advancement and the progression of human knowledge 00:11:13.020 --> 00:11:23.020 It is rumored however that the Illuminati also steers world finance and controls entire governments toppling regimes, installing puppet regimes 00:11:23.020 --> 00:11:30.020 Ensuring that their bidding is being done without hesitation by the figureheadss that they put in charge of us 00:11:30.020 --> 00:11:37.020 And historically speaking the Illuminati only recruits from the best and brightest of any particular field 00:11:37.020 --> 00:11:44.020 So naturally, if they're looking for podcasters to join the Illuminati, all roads lead to my door 00:11:44.020 --> 00:11:47.020 Or DMs, as it were 00:11:47.020 --> 00:11:53.020 When she made the offer, I immediately said yes, of course I want to be in the fucking Illuminati 00:11:53.020 --> 00:11:55.020 How could I not? 00:11:55.020 --> 00:12:05.020 Then she told me to get a telegram account, put the telegram contact information in the DMs and wait to be contacted by my local grandmaster 00:12:05.020 --> 00:12:12.020 So here I sit, here I sit with Bated Breath waiting on pins and needles to be contacted 00:12:12.020 --> 00:12:19.020 To be given instructions and set on the path to becoming a member of the secret society 00:12:19.020 --> 00:12:25.020 And my mind is rolling, it's fucking spinning and it's chewing on every word she said 00:12:25.020 --> 00:12:31.020 And every implication I can draw from the words that she used in the nuance and even the punctuation 00:12:31.020 --> 00:12:35.020 I'm rolling it over in my head and I'm extrapolating 00:12:35.020 --> 00:12:39.020 And I'm playing it all out, I don't know what's coming for me, but I know this 00:12:39.020 --> 00:12:49.020 I know this for sure, I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt and if you've been hanging around missing through a radio 2.0 since the beginning, you know this too 00:12:49.020 --> 00:12:52.020 I'm not just going to be a member of the Illuminati 00:12:52.020 --> 00:13:03.020 No, absolutely not, I will climb, I will rise, I will ascend to my rightful place at the head of the Illuminati 00:13:03.020 --> 00:13:10.020 I will not just be a member of the Illuminati, I will become the Illuminati 00:13:10.020 --> 00:13:21.020 And once I have risen and destroyed all of my fucking competition, destroyed anyone who even has the opportunity a chance of supplanting me 00:13:21.020 --> 00:13:34.020 As the head of the most powerful secret society in the history of the world, then I shall declare myself and parar of this fucking planet 00:13:34.020 --> 00:13:39.650 I'm getting ahead of myself, fuck 00:13:39.650 --> 00:13:45.650 I haven't even been contacted by the Illuminati yet, not really just this fucking lady in my DMs 00:13:45.650 --> 00:13:52.650 My mind is already racing out of control, I already have plans for fucking world conquest and domination 00:13:52.650 --> 00:14:00.650 Oh my god, I gotta fucking rain it in, it'll be fine, they'll reach out, they'll contact me and then we'll go from there 00:14:00.650 --> 00:14:12.650 And when I say go from there, what I really mean is that I will begin my meteoric rise through the ranks of the only secret society that matters 00:14:12.650 --> 00:14:24.650 And then I will stand on the piled corpses of everyone who tried to stole my assent and reigned the craze from the high, like Korki 00:14:24.650 --> 00:14:32.650 That motherfucker who works down at the gas station, who used to live near me before I moved into my palace 00:14:32.650 --> 00:14:41.650 Korki, you shall be graced with Crisco and used as a dildo to ass fuck every elephant in my land 00:14:41.650 --> 00:14:53.650 You're going to be a palace, an instrument of pleasure for every elephant I own, which incidentally shall be all of them 00:14:53.650 --> 00:15:06.650 And I shall decree that the entire state of Nebraska is turned into a world prison for everyone who sought to defy me but escaped my fucking wrath 00:15:06.650 --> 00:15:13.650 The consumption and creation of hip-hop music shall be outlawed and shall be punishable by death 00:15:13.650 --> 00:15:22.650 Everyone shall be in service to me, everyone shall live their life only to please me 00:15:22.650 --> 00:15:29.650 There shall be no war but there shall also be no peace, not while I draw breath 00:15:29.650 --> 00:15:35.650 The Illuminati, the Illuminati is going to give me what I've always known must happen 00:15:35.650 --> 00:15:39.650 Complete, utter, and total fucking cow 00:15:39.650 --> 00:15:46.610 Get the fucking carried away again 00:15:46.610 --> 00:15:49.610 No, absolutely not, I don't mean any of that 00:15:49.610 --> 00:15:54.610 Illuminati folks who are probably listening and checking up on me right now 00:15:54.610 --> 00:16:00.610 I don't mean any of that, what I mean is I am all about the advancement of humanity 00:16:00.610 --> 00:16:08.610 And I take that shit real seriously, I want science to be to reign supreme 00:16:08.610 --> 00:16:14.610 And I want there to be miracles of scientific achievement and stuff like that 00:16:15.610 --> 00:16:20.610 and people need to be guided and whatnot 00:16:20.610 --> 00:16:26.610 I absolutely don't think that I should be a declared emperor or anything like that 00:16:26.610 --> 00:16:33.610 No, I should absolutely be the supreme overlord and the entire fucking galaxy 00:16:33.610 --> 00:16:47.610 And I will litter the path to my apotheosis with the corpses, entrails, and private parts of everyone who ever sought to fucking stop me 00:16:47.610 --> 00:16:54.610 My second grade teacher, Mrs. Sism, told me I would never amount to anything 00:16:55.810 --> 00:16:58.610 and never be important to anyone 00:16:58.610 --> 00:17:03.610 Well, Mrs. Sism, am I important to you now? 00:17:17.610 --> 00:17:21.610 I am the owner at the DMV in Virginia Beach 00:17:21.610 --> 00:17:29.610 Who told me I have to buy a new car because the car I have would never meet Virginia's emission standards 00:17:29.610 --> 00:17:32.610 Well, what about now, Mona? 00:17:32.610 --> 00:17:33.610 What about now? 00:17:33.610 --> 00:17:45.610 Do you think I should buy a new car now, Mona, as I'm crushing your fucking skull between two vices made of pure gold? 00:17:45.610 --> 00:17:47.610 What about you, Tracy? 00:17:47.610 --> 00:17:51.610 Oh, yes, I remember you, I remember your name 00:17:51.610 --> 00:17:55.610 It's etched forever in my fucking consciousness 00:17:55.610 --> 00:18:04.610 Tracy, the waffle house server, with no fewer than three tattoos on her fucking neck 00:18:04.610 --> 00:18:10.610 And she's the first person I ever saw with tattoos instead of eyebrows 00:18:10.610 --> 00:18:12.610 What about you, Tracy? 00:18:12.610 --> 00:18:16.610 Do you think my money is not worth taking Tracy? 00:18:16.610 --> 00:18:21.610 That waffle house will be fine without my fucking business, Tracy? 00:18:21.610 --> 00:18:30.610 Just because I happened to comment that the T was too sweet and that my order was taking too long, you had had enough 00:18:30.610 --> 00:18:36.610 You had had enough of all the shenanigans that night and you asked me to kindly leave 00:18:36.610 --> 00:18:41.610 Leave your insignificant fucking waffle house, Tracy? 00:18:41.610 --> 00:18:54.610 Well, I wonder if you're regretting that now that I'm slowly lowering the waffle house you threw me out of on top of your insignificant fucking head, Tracy? 00:18:54.610 --> 00:18:55.610 Oh, yes 00:18:55.610 --> 00:18:57.610 Oh, yes 00:18:57.610 --> 00:19:04.610 I have a list, I have a list of everyone who's ever made me feel like I am lesser than 00:19:04.610 --> 00:19:08.610 And this opportunity that the Illuminati is going to afford me 00:19:08.610 --> 00:19:23.610 I shall use, yes, for the Benjamin of mankind, I'm not gonna forget about that, but mostly for retribution and recompense of everyone who's ever fucking stood in my way 00:19:23.610 --> 00:19:34.610 And then after it's over and after everyone has been subjugated and after everyone knows that I am the Lord, I will stand over them on high 00:19:34.610 --> 00:19:37.610 And shower blessings down upon them 00:19:37.610 --> 00:19:53.590 I shall give them the 00:19:53.590 --> 00:19:55.590 Holy fucking mouth 00:19:55.590 --> 00:20:00.590 And what about you, Eric? What about you, Eric Johnson? 00:20:00.590 --> 00:20:06.590 That's right, I'm using your whole name. What about you, Eric Johnson? 00:20:06.590 --> 00:20:12.590 When I was standing in the hallway talking to Amy, you remember that day, Eric? 00:20:12.590 --> 00:20:22.590 I was standing one the hallway talking to Amy, just a boy standing in front of a girl, wishing she would love him 00:20:22.590 --> 00:20:29.590 Eric, do you remember that day when you walked up behind me when I was standing there? 00:20:29.590 --> 00:20:41.590 Eric talking to the girl that I was just certain would be my wife, standing in the hallway out in front of Mr. Jenkins' class 00:20:41.590 --> 00:20:56.590 Eric, do you remember that day because I shall never forget it, Eric Johnson, standing there, burying my soul, and you walked up behind me and you grabbed the head of my shorts 00:20:56.590 --> 00:21:01.590 And you ain't down, you pants to me, Eric, do you remember that? 00:21:01.590 --> 00:21:15.590 Well, I'm sure Amy does and everyone else who was standing in the hall at that moment, Eric, because my fucking balls were out for the entire school to see, Eric! 00:21:15.590 --> 00:21:26.590 And you clapped me on the back and you laughed and you said, oh, Lorenzo, I'm terribly sorry, I had no idea that you weren't wearing underwear 00:21:26.590 --> 00:21:39.590 Why weren't you wearing underwear, Lorenzo? Well, Eric Johnson, I wasn't planning on getting fucking pissed in front of the woman I planned on marrying 00:21:39.590 --> 00:21:53.590 So by way of recompense, Eric, oh don't snivel now, no, don't fucking apologize it's too late, I've been carrying this hate in my heart for 30 fucking years 00:21:53.590 --> 00:22:07.590 Eric, by way of recompense, if you look to your right, you will see a gigantic blender, and if you look immediately to the right of the gigantic blender, Eric, you will see three Baluga whales 00:22:07.590 --> 00:22:32.590 I'm going to puree those Baluga whales, Eric, and then I'm going to have my unix, use a set of turkey basters to take that pink fucking foamy puree and pack three Baluga whales worth of liquid into your disgusting, deceitful, hateful, spiteful, and vengeful asshole 00:22:32.590 --> 00:22:48.590 And I'm going to sit here on my throne, on my throne built from the bones of everyone else who's ever crossed me, Eric Johnson, and I'm going to watch as we feel your entire body with pureed Baluga whale 00:22:48.590 --> 00:23:17.590 until it's coming out your eyes, Eric, and it's coming out your nose, Eric, and it's coming out your mouth, Eric, until it's coming out from beneath your fingernails, Eric, and I will bring Amy, the wayward trollop, who laughed in my face, Eric, that day when you punched me, and I'm going to make her watch as you die, as you suffocate, as your body is literally ripped apart at the seams 00:23:17.590 --> 00:23:22.590 by the influx of Baluga goo 00:23:22.590 --> 00:23:38.140 So I'm sitting here staring at my phone, hoping that I hear from the Illuminati at any moment. I think that I can be a real valuable member to their organization 00:23:38.140 --> 00:23:44.140 You know, advancing humanity and whatnot. All right, onto the next segment 00:23:44.140 --> 00:23:46.140 I 00:25:14.140 --> 00:25:24.140 I like to do as I like to slide into a motherfucker's DMs, right? Somebody's been podcasting for a long time, and I like to drop my fucking link to my latest episode 00:25:24.140 --> 00:25:32.140 and say, hey, I'm looking for feedback, constructive criticism, you know, let me know what I'm doing right, let me know what I'm doing wrong, especially 00:25:32.140 --> 00:25:41.140 And what I don't tell them is while I am there to fucking destroy them, I also value the opinions of someone who's been doing this for a long time 00:25:41.140 --> 00:25:53.140 You see what I mean? General Patton, red Irwin Rommel's book, but what I'm finding more often than not is if I get a reply at all, what I'm hearing is nothing constructive 00:25:53.140 --> 00:26:00.140 Oh, you're doing great, man, keep at it, it's super great, you know, awesome stuff. I really think you have a future in this 00:26:00.140 --> 00:26:10.140 So I find myself going to industry websites and kind of cruising through their stuff, not necessarily to find a community 00:26:10.140 --> 00:26:18.140 That's absolutely not the goal, but to learn and understand more about the industry that I'm interested in annihilating 00:26:18.140 --> 00:26:29.140 I say all that to say this, the guy who runs the fucking website, dude, by the name of Alex sent me an email, let me pull up the fucking email, you're real quick 00:26:29.140 --> 00:26:37.140 I had the data pulled up that he sent, but it didn't occur to me to pull up the email, why would it? I need to fucking get organized, get all my shit together 00:26:37.140 --> 00:26:47.140 The email goes like this, hello Lorenzo, not sure if you know this, but 57.2% of podcasters don't make it past episode 8 00:26:47.140 --> 00:26:53.140 And if you have more than 27 listeners every week, you're in the top half of all podcasts 00:26:53.140 --> 00:27:01.140 I created a report specifically for independent podcasters that shows this data along with other facts that most don't know about podcasting 00:27:01.140 --> 00:27:04.140 I thought you might find this motivating here it is 00:27:04.140 --> 00:27:11.140 And then he plugs his shitty little show where he sits down with a podcaster and I think that they jerk each other off 00:27:11.140 --> 00:27:15.140 But anyway, so I'm gonna pull up his report here and it did have some interesting shit on it 00:27:15.140 --> 00:27:22.140 He's saying that there are 393,221 active podcasts 00:27:22.140 --> 00:27:29.140 And he's also saying that the total number of podcasts available through Apple or whomever is 2.8 million 00:27:29.140 --> 00:27:42.140 So of the fucking 2.8 million podcasts that you can find on Apple only around 400,000 of them are active or 13.9% 00:27:42.140 --> 00:27:48.140 On average, it takes two years and 100 episodes released before podcasters really see any results 00:28:18.140 --> 00:28:30.140 And so forth, all the way up to 300 episodes, the number of podcasts out there that have 300 episodes or more is only 3.08% 00:28:30.140 --> 00:28:35.140 And then it says approximately 601 podcasters quit every single day 00:28:35.140 --> 00:28:39.140 Again, I would like to see that number quadruple 00:28:39.140 --> 00:28:42.140 These numbers are fairly digesting 00:28:42.140 --> 00:28:48.140 Digesting is that the fucking right word? Hey Siri is digesting a word? 00:28:48.140 --> 00:28:55.600 Yes, dejective extreme sadness, despondency or low spirits 00:28:55.600 --> 00:28:57.400 So yeah, digesting is the right word 00:28:57.400 --> 00:29:02.600 Those numbers are fucking totally digesting for someone who has world conquest on his mind 00:29:02.600 --> 00:29:09.600 It's gonna be a slow burn over the course of a year to fucking pass all of these shit casts on my way to global stardom 00:29:09.600 --> 00:29:12.600 And I'm thinking that's not fast enough for me 00:29:12.600 --> 00:29:15.600 The entire process is gonna take to goddamn long 00:29:15.600 --> 00:29:18.600 I'm almost 50 years old, I could fucking kill over any minute now 00:29:18.600 --> 00:29:20.600 I'd bake in 4 or 5 times a week 00:29:20.600 --> 00:29:23.600 And what can I do to give myself a leg up? 00:29:23.600 --> 00:29:28.600 Anage, something to draw ears away from uncle chuckle fuck in his yuck fest 00:29:28.600 --> 00:29:30.600 And draw them over to missin through a radio 00:29:30.600 --> 00:29:38.600 What can I fucking do to draw attention away from people with fucking trash podcasts and excellent marketing 00:29:38.600 --> 00:29:42.600 And bring them over to the dark side like what can I fucking do? 00:29:42.600 --> 00:29:45.600 So I'm brainstorming this shit, I'm thinking about it all the time 00:29:45.600 --> 00:29:51.600 I'm rolling it around in my head, I'm extrapolating and I'm really fucking focused on it 00:29:51.600 --> 00:29:56.600 And I'm dicking around on my computer last night and what do I find? 00:29:56.600 --> 00:29:59.600 I find YouTube 00:29:59.600 --> 00:30:04.600 YouTube is the golden goose for mindless entertainment 00:30:04.600 --> 00:30:07.600 YouTube I use like a fucking chilton's manual 00:30:07.600 --> 00:30:13.600 But the majority of the world I'm finding utilizes YouTube in a completely different way 00:30:13.600 --> 00:30:16.600 They utilize it for mindless fucking entertainment 00:30:16.600 --> 00:30:19.600 Or they utilize it as a babysitter 00:30:19.600 --> 00:30:23.600 Or they utilize it to get their fucking mental health fix 00:30:23.600 --> 00:30:31.600 But for the purposes of today's episode, we're going to focus on one of the most mindless goddamn things I've ever run across in my life 00:30:31.600 --> 00:30:42.600 And incidentally, I think a golden fucking opportunity for me to really drive fucking ears to missin through a radio 00:30:42.600 --> 00:30:53.600 The opportunity of which I speak is a wonderful, wonderful fucking thing called the YouTube reaction video 00:30:53.600 --> 00:31:00.600 Have you ever seen these things? I stumbled across YouTube reaction videos without knowing what they were 00:31:00.600 --> 00:31:03.600 The other day after Ozzy Osborne died 00:31:03.600 --> 00:31:10.600 I was looking on YouTube for a live version of Mama I'm coming home that I could fucking rip and use in the podcast 00:31:10.600 --> 00:31:21.600 And when I punched in live Mama I'm coming home, the first two or three results that come up are Ozzy and the band playing Mama I'm coming home on a fucking live show 00:31:21.600 --> 00:31:25.600 Exactly what I was looking for and I didn't really think anything of it 00:31:25.600 --> 00:31:33.600 But that little fucking side thing that little scroll bar on the side has all of these fucking people with their mouths agape 00:31:33.600 --> 00:31:37.600 And Ozzy kind of in the corner and I didn't really pay any attention to it 00:31:37.600 --> 00:31:50.600 What the fuck is a reaction video? And then I clicked and what ended up happening was I went down a fucking rabbit hole that I didn't emerge from for like six hours 00:31:50.600 --> 00:31:56.600 And I started searching and looking and watching and was completely fucking shocked at what I'm seeing 00:31:56.600 --> 00:32:04.600 And then I didn't just look for Ozzy I started looking for obscure bands random shit like I ended up watching a YouTube reaction video 00:32:04.600 --> 00:32:14.600 Where this completely fucking uneducated almost illiterate black guy was reacting to exogenesis symphony by Muse 00:32:14.600 --> 00:32:24.600 And it was one of the craziest things I've ever seen I watched video after video after video after video after video of people reacting to music 00:32:24.600 --> 00:32:31.600 I saw reaction videos on everything from Ozzy to Metallica to Leonard Skinner to fucking Boston 00:32:31.600 --> 00:32:35.600 So my mind working the way it does I immediately looked for patterns 00:32:35.600 --> 00:32:41.600 I was scrolling through the reaction videos and the types of people who did them and I was looking for trends 00:32:41.600 --> 00:32:48.600 What type of person is going to attract the most attention based simply on the way they look 00:32:48.600 --> 00:32:55.600 In the thumbnail that you have to click on in order to engage the video and there were two types of people that jumped out at me the most 00:32:55.600 --> 00:33:02.600 When I was scrolling through all the reaction videos and I don't know if it was the way their thumbnail was laid out if it's the colors they used 00:33:02.600 --> 00:33:11.600 I don't fucking know what it was but I think the thing that caught my eye more than anything else is the look on their stupid fucking faces as I was scrolling down 00:33:11.600 --> 00:33:19.600 One of the songs that I typed in the search bar was Boston more than a feeling you've heard it everyone's heard it 00:33:19.600 --> 00:33:30.600 And as I was scrolling down through the list of available reaction videos to that song I noticed that my eyes were being drawn to two different types of people over and over again 00:33:30.600 --> 00:33:37.600 The mildly slutty looking gamer chick and the absolutely fucking clueless looking black guy 00:33:37.600 --> 00:33:41.600 I found my eyes being drawn to their thumbnails more than any others 00:33:41.600 --> 00:33:50.600 So once I recognized where my eye was being drawn I started paying attention to those people and the views that they had on their YouTube channels 00:33:50.600 --> 00:33:56.600 The moderately slutty fucking gamer type chick that I honed in on had views in the millions 00:33:56.600 --> 00:34:07.600 Every one of her videos had 5, 6, 7, 12, 15 million views and it was literally just her sitting in a desk with her fucking gamer chick Uwu makeup 00:34:07.600 --> 00:34:15.600 Maybe a little bit of cleavage, some fucking weird purple lighting watching a fucking music video and saying stupid shit over the top of it 00:34:15.600 --> 00:34:23.600 So I backed out of that page and I started scrolling down and trying to focus on the clueless looking black guy that kept catching my eye 00:34:23.600 --> 00:34:36.600 So I clicked on his page, his videos all in the millions maybe not as many views as the slutty gamer chick but he was still doing really damn good to 1,5,3 million views on some of his videos 00:34:36.600 --> 00:34:43.600 Not all of them but a good portion of his videos especially when he was reviewing classic rock type songs 00:34:43.600 --> 00:34:54.600 So me being me and having done my research and noticed the fucking trends and the fucking patterns I see this as an opportunity and opportunity to drive ears to the podcast 00:34:54.600 --> 00:35:09.600 I mean if I can capture 300,000 views on YouTube with a dumb ass fucking reaction video and if I can only lure 10% of those people to give the podcast a shot 00:35:09.600 --> 00:35:17.600 Those are some serious numbers, those are some really fucking serious numbers, the only question is how to do it 00:35:17.600 --> 00:35:26.600 You're listening to this episode, are you going to fucking believe with any degree of fucking reasonability that I've never heard Boston more than a feeling? 00:35:26.600 --> 00:35:38.600 No, of course not, I don't have to worry about posting myself doing a fucking YouTube reaction video all I have to do are the fucking idiot voices make them somewhat believable 00:35:38.600 --> 00:35:45.600 if not a little bit cartoonish and then let AI generate the fucking video to add a degree of fucking realism to it 00:36:08.600 --> 00:36:31.600 I'm going to play the audio for you here on Missing Throat Radio then I will feed it into an AI video generator 00:36:31.600 --> 00:36:41.600 I will generate a fucking video of the idiotic fucking YouTube reaction video and then I'm going to fucking post it on YouTube on the Missing Throat Radio channel 00:36:41.600 --> 00:36:50.600 I need to do a little research to figure out what kind of fucking hashtags or whatever the fuck it is I'm supposed to put in order to gain visibility and their fucking weird algorithm 00:36:50.600 --> 00:36:56.600 But that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to create a YouTube reaction video today on Missing Throat Radio 00:36:56.600 --> 00:37:26.900 Let's go, let's do it. Now they always start out with some poorly produced over 00:37:26.900 --> 00:37:38.030 kids that was probably still too good. Hey next time we do one of these remind me to have a kindergarten or do the edit 00:37:38.030 --> 00:37:45.030 Yo yo yo it should boys sleep at B and after my left at the bitch, ooh woo say hi, ooh woo 00:37:45.030 --> 00:37:52.030 Hello boys and welcome back to another one of our reaction videos. What are we reacting to today B? 00:37:52.030 --> 00:38:04.030 No this bitch we are going to react today to a motherfucking song a band called Gun and Roses and we're going to react and it's going to be called a sweet child of mine 00:38:04.030 --> 00:38:13.030 For those of you who don't speak hood what sexy B said is that we're going to be reacting to sweet child of mine by guns and roses 00:38:13.030 --> 00:38:21.030 I fucking love roses when men give me roses. I don't know if I'll give you a rose bitch. Alright, let's give you a shit bitch 00:38:22.030 --> 00:38:38.760 Style of video. I already like that as guitar shit be playing out. You motherfucking white people and they guitars although I mean that motherfucking don't look like you quite white all the way. 00:38:38.760 --> 00:39:27.280 Alright let's play. Go go on. Stop the video. Stop the video. Did you hear what he said there be? She's got eyes and it seems to me remind me of childhood memories. Oh my god. 00:39:27.280 --> 00:39:35.280 My nipples got totally hard when he said that because look at that man look at that man. He looks so rough. Have you ever heard this song before B? 00:39:35.280 --> 00:39:37.280 No I never heard this song bitch. 00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:48.280 I've never heard it either and I'm already so fucking turned on my nipples are hard and my clitoris is pulsing. Let's go on with the video. Oh it's like fucking poetry. 00:40:10.950 --> 00:40:18.950 He loves her with all of his soul. That's all that any girl asks for. It's all any girl could ever want to ask for. What do you think B? 00:40:18.950 --> 00:40:22.950 Yeah you love that bitch. You love that bitch. You love that bitch. 00:40:22.950 --> 00:40:44.330 What a fuck hold up. Hold up. Why the fuck are white people always be putting them guitar? You got the guy with the guitar solo and the guitar? 00:40:44.330 --> 00:40:56.330 You love fucking just stop the fucking song I'm here for the bars got down I'm here for the fucking bars. I'm here but I want to hear bars and I want to hear thoughts. 00:40:56.330 --> 00:41:02.330 I'm a fucking guitar and guitar rambling ass. I want to be the fucking bitch. 00:41:02.330 --> 00:41:13.330 To me the guitar is so fucking melodic and it's beautiful. It's musical. Sleepy B this is music. It's about emotion and sexual tension and passion. 00:41:13.330 --> 00:41:25.330 He just sang a beautiful sonnet to the woman he loves and now we're going to listen to this gentleman play the guitar. The guy with the top hat on a fucking top hat is sexy. It's so fucking sexy the way he's wearing it. 00:41:25.330 --> 00:41:33.330 And he's got his fucking hair all down in his face. I think the motherfucker's name is I think that guys. What is that gentleman's name? 00:41:33.330 --> 00:41:42.330 That motherfucker name like slice of some shit. His name is slice of stab or some fucking bullshit bitch. 00:41:42.330 --> 00:42:43.120 Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place where as a child had hide. Oh fucking Jesus and pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by. 00:42:43.120 --> 00:43:58.490 Fuck I'm in tears. Oh my god. I'm in tears. Be sleepy. Be I'm in tears. Yeah bitch you crying bitch. I do bitch. The sofa has bitch crying bitch. Oh god damn. I'm fucking got to come back with motherfucking guitar solo again guitar guitar guitar. 00:43:58.490 --> 00:44:09.490 I was with the fucking guitar. I'm here for them motherfucking bars. I'm here by the mother fucking bars. I'm here for some motherfucking killing and robbing. I want to hear about that fucking bars. I'm a fucking guitar. 00:44:09.490 --> 00:44:57.240 I got damn bitch. Now be I disagree the emotion in the guitar. That man that gentleman is making their guitar sing. The guitar is fucking crying. It's crying a lament and it's fucking hot. Oh my god. Can you even fucking deny how sexy that guy is slice or whatever the fuck he said his name was. The way he's got that guitar right down over his privates and he's fucking dittling those fucking strings. Oh my god. 00:44:57.240 --> 00:45:30.810 I'm so fucking moist right now. I'm fucking moist. Yeah bitch you driving out everywhere bitch. Yeah okay now this what I'm talking about is a breakdown. Let me get that breakdown. Fucking breakdown bitch. 00:45:53.320 --> 00:46:41.320 I'm just a guy rating. He's gyrating and undulating like a fucking reptile. God it's so fucking hot. Listen to what they're doing with the fucking vocals and the fucking guitar screaming. He's just screaming and he's climaxing like me. He's climaxing all over that fucking stage like me both of those guys are the one dealing the guitar slice. He's fucking climaxing and the fucking guy who's singing with the bandana. 00:46:41.320 --> 00:46:51.320 The fucking gang colors. He's climaxing too. Just like I am. Yeah bitch you coming all over the fucking place or they're dealing that pussy that goddamn axe. 00:46:51.320 --> 00:47:37.000 You know fucking bitch. So as we try to mine out the bitch that song that song a fucking banger now is sexy. It's kind of sexy. Fuck. I don't know if I like it. I'm definitely not hurting him. 00:47:37.000 --> 00:47:57.020 I don't know bitch. I'm losing to it. I got to be honest with you. Like for the night down the corner bitch. 00:47:57.020 --> 00:48:09.020 You believe how fucking sexual that was. Jesus Christ. Guns and roses. Sweet child of mine. It was it was emotional. It was titillating. It 00:48:09.020 --> 00:48:17.020 was absolutely fantastic. I came three times three times easy. Yeah you coming in here bitch. 00:48:17.020 --> 00:48:25.020 Make sure you hit that like share and subscribe button you two family and check us out next time for another sleepy bee and oo 00:48:25.020 --> 00:48:32.520 reaction. You have anything you need to say be before we go. I just wanted four times and then said I'm 00:48:32.520 --> 00:48:41.520 wrong. Chuggles and guns and a bitch will said be alright until next time fam. I think that's a fairly accurate 00:48:41.520 --> 00:48:49.520 representation of exactly how that would go. A reaction video done by a low IQ black guy and a slutty want to be only 00:48:49.520 --> 00:48:57.020 fans gamer chick. It's fucking brilliant. It's genius. If the gamer chick is pulling five million views on average for her 00:48:57.020 --> 00:49:05.020 fucking reaction videos and the low IQ black guys doing about one and a half to two million. I just mashed him together. I 00:49:05.020 --> 00:49:11.520 should be sitting at about seven million seven million views. For one of these fucking videos. God damn I'm going to be 00:49:11.520 --> 00:49:16.520 making some money. I'm going to break in the fucking cash. I'm not going to give a goddamn dime to charity. Fucked in 00:49:16.520 --> 00:49:23.020 kids. I'm going to buy myself a truck so God damn big that I can drive over the whole fucking world with it. And on the 00:49:23.020 --> 00:49:32.020 tailgate and beautiful cursive calligraphy type writing. I'm going to have compensating written back there. You don't have to 00:49:32.020 --> 00:49:37.520 fucking look at the truck and be like, well, I wonder what he's compensating for. I'll just fucking tell you I have a 00:49:37.520 --> 00:49:44.520 disappointing penis. But I've got a goddamn lot of money from YouTube. You motherfuckers. I'm getting ready to start a fucking 00:49:44.520 --> 00:49:58.830 multimedia empire built on the backs of fucking AI and low IQ fucking idiotic goddamn YouTube reviewers. Shit. All right. Well, I think that that's that's 00:49:58.830 --> 00:50:06.830 pretty much going to do it for this episode of Missing Throw Brady. I said it last nd episode because ive always kind of struggled trying to figure out how to 00:50:06.830 --> 00:50:15.830 close out the fucking show. You know, I've struggled with it in every one of my podcasts. I didn't know how to end the 00:50:15.830 --> 00:50:22.830 episode. But I think the way I did it last week is the way I'm just going to do it. I just hope you're fucking digging it. I hope you get the 00:50:22.830 --> 00:50:32.830 joke. And you come here weekly by weekly whenever the fuck I get around to dropping a fucking new episode, leaving your fucking outrage at the door 00:50:32.830 --> 00:50:55.250 and running. I got my whole video but it's not gonna be funny. I thought you were. And I wanted to start that, but I really like I've always been out of it. Oh, so I was just doing that. I was just doing that. I was just serious. And a lot of things were happening. And I'm just looking at these guys. I was trying to say I was probably going through these guys back in the day. I was going to be out of it. I was just going to get them out. I was just going to be back at the end of it. And I was just feeling it. And so if that is gonna happen, I think that's gonna be really hard. I mean, I think I was supposed to have a guess. I thought I was supposed to be out of it. But I'm going to have to put it in the day. And we're going to see it. It's been hard. Yeah. And I have a lot of fun. I feel like I'm just going to end up going through