Standby for the most insincere apology you've ever heard.
Welcome, mother fucker, to Missing Throat Radio.
I just dropped in here real quick to let you know that I know, that you know that I know that I'm a
cunt. At my fucking core, I think that if there was going to be an underlying theme for Missing
Throat Radio, it's that Lorenzo at
time consuming. And I have not had the time or the fucking mental bandwidth to sit down and put out an episode of Missing Throat Radio. I just haven't been able
to live. So I finally resigned myself to the fact that I'm just not going to fucking get a proper episode done until after the first of the year. It's just not going to fucking happen. I don't have the time or the mental bandwidth to devote to putting out an episode of Missing Throat Radio. And here's where the apology comes in. Not that I'm important enough to you to where you're like, oh god damn, if only Lorenzo had a new fucking episode to listen to. I know that I'm not that.
I am an amusement at best, good. But I feel like I owe you an apology because all I fucking done since I kicked off off Missing Throat Radio 2.0 is beg you to fucking tune in. Beg you to fucking download the episode. Beg you to listen, tell you how fucking great I am and how everybody else sucks. And now I'm basically taking a month and a half off.
Who the fuck do I think I am? Because I sold you on a dream. I sold you on a pack of lies. I made you think you're safe here. This is a safe space. You don't need other friends. I will be your only friend. Come to Missing Throat Radio where we're going to talk and make fun of people. And just no matter what you want to do, I've got your back because I'm your friend, okay? I'm here for you. Commissioners.
So it's going to have your back, okay? No matter what happens in your life, Lorenzo's got you. Right up until the point where shit started to get difficult for me and then I fucking ghosted your ass for like the last five weeks.
I sold you a lie. I said you can put your faith in me. You can trust that Missing Throat Radio will always be here to get you through the tough times. And no matter what you do, I've got your back. You want to beat off openly in church. Let's talk about it. Chances are I'm down to.
Okay, this is a safe space. You want to make hand sandwiches and beat off between the meat slices and then feed them to the homeless. I'm fucking there. Missing Throat Radio is your home. There's a home for you here and that home will always be here for you. I sold you that fucking dream. Okay? I sold you on that lie.
But the moment shit got complicated for me, I fucking bailed because I'm that type of friend. Okay? When the going gets tough, I won't be here for you. When you need me the most, I will let you down. That's exactly what I've shown you these last five weeks.
You haven't got a new episode of Missing Throat Radio because I can't be relied upon to produce when I'm needed the most. I'm a cunt. Bottom line. Unreliable. Self centered, self important, cock sucking cunt. And I'll do it again. I promise.
So I owe you an apology. It's just the fucking time of the year. There
is something to open on Christmas. Mom, I'm sure whatever you got me will be just fine.
Just go ahead and wrap it and throw it under your tree and I'll be over on Christmas morning to unwrap. Just tell me a favor and try it on for me.
You're not doing nothing down here. You just record it. Alright fine, if it'll fucking get ready let's get this over with. That's a good boy.
Just looking cardigan, mom, it's the fucking 4x. You got me a fucking 4x cardigan. What the fuck is that about?
Okay, Lorenzo, let's just not miss words here. You're not as svelte as you used to be, honey.
There's no fucking way time. This is gonna fit mom. 4x. Get the fuck out of here.
Just go ahead and try it on, Fummy Sweetheart. Don't worry about this size.
Alright, if it'll make you happy, let's just go ahead and fucking try it on here.
Son of a bitch, it fits. Fuck me, it fits. Mom, I'm a fucking 4x. Why didn't you fucking...
Tell me I was getting fat as fuck. I'm a fucking 4x, mom.
Oh, it's not that big a deal. You're a catch. I've always told you you're a catch.
And women love a big man. There's no woman out there that wants some scrawny, skinny little man. You're a big man. You're a big man with long arms.
Long arms. What the fuck is that have to do with anything?
That means no matter how big you get, you'll still be able to reach to wipe your own ass. And that's really what's important.
Everything else we can work with.
Mom, get the fuck out. Get out of here.
Coming in with a goddamn 4x wanted. And fucking completely destroyed myself as to get the fuck out of my studio.
4x. Jesus fucking Christ. How did that happen?
I was a fucking 2x two years ago. That means I fucking gained an x every fucking year.
And so, by this time next year I want to be a 1 to 1, a fucking 5x. Holy shit.
God damn it. I'm gonna have to fucking commit. Oh fuck me. I'm crashing out.
I gotta fucking commit. I gotta start a serious fucking oasis level cocaine addiction and get my fucking ass to the gym.
Jesus Christ. 4x. All right. Well, that's all I've got.
I just dropped in here originally to fucking apologize for being a cunt and not putting out an episode for so long.
And then my mom, you know, be popped in here and fucking annihilated myself a steam. Thanks mom.
If I'm honestly isn't that what moms are for fucking just when you're really starting to fucking feel yourself.
She just comes around the corner and kicks you in the nuts for the rest of woman kind.
Anyway, Mary Christmas. Happy new year. Be safe.
And we will have brand new fucking episodes of Missing Throat Radio after the beginning of the year.
I may fucking surprise myself and drop one in here before the end of the year, but the way shit's going at work I just don't fucking see it.
All right. Until next time.