WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.460 Welcome to season 2 episode 9 of Missing Throat Radio. 00:00:04.460 --> 00:00:17.860 Missing Throat for rating. 00:00:17.860 --> 00:00:18.860 Missing Throat. 00:00:18.860 --> 00:00:34.350 You know, there are people in this warnaut who are legitimately excited for tax season. 00:00:34.350 --> 00:00:38.150 I vaguely remember being one of those people. 00:00:38.150 --> 00:00:42.670 Like tax season would come around and I'm thinking, fuck yeah, I can finally get cut up on 00:00:42.670 --> 00:00:45.470 bills when I get that fucking tax return. 00:00:45.470 --> 00:00:51.230 Or fuck yeah, I need to get the car fixed when I get that fucking tax return. 00:00:51.230 --> 00:00:56.550 It's a distant vague fucking memory for me. 00:00:56.550 --> 00:01:00.310 I haven't got a refund on taxes in fucking years. 00:01:00.310 --> 00:01:03.150 Nowadays I pay. 00:01:03.150 --> 00:01:04.310 Fuck I pay. 00:01:04.310 --> 00:01:06.510 You know, I always used to fucking talk to my dad. 00:01:06.510 --> 00:01:11.990 I remember talking to my dad and I was like, why the fuck are you always paying the IRS? 00:01:11.990 --> 00:01:13.670 How is that even possible? 00:01:13.670 --> 00:01:18.650 I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he made so much fucking money that he was 00:01:18.650 --> 00:01:19.930 always paying. 00:01:19.930 --> 00:01:22.110 But this is how he explained it to me. 00:01:22.110 --> 00:01:26.510 He made too much money to get the giant fucking refund that everyone was looking forward 00:01:26.510 --> 00:01:27.510 to. 00:01:27.510 --> 00:01:31.590 But he didn't make enough to get all the fancy fancy pants fucking tax breaks. 00:01:31.590 --> 00:01:32.590 Like the rich get. 00:01:32.590 --> 00:01:36.190 He was at the time what is called middle class. 00:01:36.190 --> 00:01:37.910 That's where I find myself today. 00:01:37.910 --> 00:01:40.430 I am comfortably middle class. 00:01:40.430 --> 00:01:42.790 And what does the middle class do? 00:01:42.790 --> 00:01:48.750 Be fucking bear the tax burden for the low income people who don't pay shit and get 00:01:48.750 --> 00:01:52.830 giant refunds and the big earners who don't pay shit. 00:01:52.830 --> 00:01:56.830 And it's just been understood for the longest fucking time that if you're in the middle class 00:01:56.830 --> 00:02:00.790 embrace the suck, the fucking tax man is coming for you. 00:02:00.790 --> 00:02:03.710 Pay your fucking taxes, stop being a bitch. 00:02:03.710 --> 00:02:04.710 What's the old saying? 00:02:04.710 --> 00:02:08.510 The only thing that's a guarantee in life is death and taxes. 00:02:08.510 --> 00:02:13.630 And then everyone has a jolly fucking chuckle afterwards with rye smiles boy don't I know 00:02:13.630 --> 00:02:14.630 it. 00:02:14.630 --> 00:02:15.630 Those fucking taxes. 00:02:15.630 --> 00:02:20.590 Ah my hands shake when I fucking write the check to the IRS every year. 00:02:20.590 --> 00:02:23.510 This year I wrote another fucking check. 00:02:23.510 --> 00:02:30.390 I put another fucking bunch of zeros on a fucking check and sent that bitch off to the IRS. 00:02:30.390 --> 00:02:32.910 And every year I have the same conversation with myself. 00:02:32.910 --> 00:02:37.150 You know, if I only lived in the fucking Philippines, I wouldn't have to pay all these goddamn 00:02:37.150 --> 00:02:38.150 taxes. 00:02:38.150 --> 00:02:42.110 I could retire on just a couple years salary in the fucking Philippines. 00:02:42.110 --> 00:02:45.550 Why don't I retire early and go to the fucking Philippines? 00:02:45.550 --> 00:02:47.710 Sure there's machete gangs over there. 00:02:47.710 --> 00:02:51.070 And spiders big enough to fucking bite your goddamn head off. 00:02:51.070 --> 00:02:52.910 Sure you can't fucking drink the water. 00:02:52.910 --> 00:02:55.190 Sure, everyone has a dirt floor. 00:02:55.190 --> 00:02:59.030 Sure every couple years or so you gotta remod the side of your house. 00:02:59.030 --> 00:03:03.750 But I could live in the fucking Philippines tax free or relatively tax free. 00:03:03.750 --> 00:03:06.190 Why the fuck do I continue to do this? 00:03:06.190 --> 00:03:10.590 Well let me tell you, I continue to do it because I'm a fucking idiot. 00:03:10.590 --> 00:03:12.670 And because I'm fucking lazy. 00:03:12.670 --> 00:03:17.790 It's just so much easier to get up every day and go the fuck to work and live with the 00:03:17.790 --> 00:03:20.710 creature comforts of being an American. 00:03:20.710 --> 00:03:24.950 And then once a year on tax day, take it in the ass and keep it moving. 00:03:24.950 --> 00:03:30.670 Take it in the ass so the fucking disgusting unwashed unemployed or under employed can 00:03:30.670 --> 00:03:37.670 enjoy their 5 to $10,000 fucking tax rebate and also take it in the ass so Elon Musk can 00:03:37.670 --> 00:03:41.350 continue to enjoy his fucking tax benefits. 00:03:41.350 --> 00:03:44.350 Why the fuck do I do it every fucking year? 00:03:44.350 --> 00:03:45.830 Every fucking year. 00:03:45.830 --> 00:03:46.830 I do it. 00:03:46.830 --> 00:03:47.830 I line up. 00:03:47.830 --> 00:03:49.630 I even wear nice clothes. 00:03:49.630 --> 00:03:51.030 I put on nice clothes. 00:03:51.030 --> 00:03:56.350 I get all my shit organized in a fucking file folder and I go down to the tax lady and 00:03:56.350 --> 00:04:01.390 she sits there and she scratches with her fucking pencil and she enters shit into the fucking 00:04:01.390 --> 00:04:06.230 computer and then at the end of the fucking session she looks at me, tells me I've got 00:04:06.230 --> 00:04:11.950 to pay a gigantic goddamn sum of money and I just write the fucking check every fucking 00:04:11.950 --> 00:04:12.950 year. 00:04:12.950 --> 00:04:15.230 I do it every fucking year. 00:04:15.230 --> 00:04:16.550 Every fucking year. 00:04:16.550 --> 00:04:17.550 Like clockwork. 00:04:17.550 --> 00:04:21.150 I do it every fucking year. 00:04:21.150 --> 00:04:23.510 But this is the last year. 00:04:23.510 --> 00:04:28.310 I tell myself that every year but no this is the last year. 00:04:28.310 --> 00:04:29.310 This is the last year. 00:04:29.310 --> 00:04:31.670 I'm making a promise to you and to me. 00:04:31.670 --> 00:04:37.710 We will revisit this on Missing Throat Radio at this time next year. 00:04:37.710 --> 00:04:41.990 This is the last year I'm taking it in the ass for all the fucking illegal immigrants 00:04:41.990 --> 00:04:45.630 and under employed motherfucking Dunkin' Donuts employees. 00:04:45.630 --> 00:04:50.270 This is the last year I take it in the fucking shorts for the unemployed fucking single 00:04:50.270 --> 00:04:51.950 mom of nine. 00:04:51.950 --> 00:04:54.470 This is the fucking last year. 00:04:54.470 --> 00:04:59.230 I take it in the fucking seat for the person with that fucking college degree who works 00:04:59.230 --> 00:05:01.030 at the fucking record store. 00:05:01.030 --> 00:05:02.030 I'm done. 00:05:02.030 --> 00:05:07.150 I'm done taking a fucking beating for you and I'm done taking a beating for you, Elon 00:05:07.150 --> 00:05:10.870 and Nancy Pelosi and all of you fucking high rent motherfuckers. 00:05:10.870 --> 00:05:15.510 I'm done taking it in the rectum for you. 00:05:15.510 --> 00:05:17.750 I'm done carrying the fucking tax burden. 00:05:17.750 --> 00:05:21.910 No, I'm not moving to the Philippines because this year is different. 00:05:22.350 --> 00:05:28.190 This year I did not walk out of the fucking tax preparation place burning with rage. 00:05:28.190 --> 00:05:30.630 Well, that's not true. 00:05:30.630 --> 00:05:32.630 I was burning with rage. 00:05:32.630 --> 00:05:36.750 Normally the way it goes is I fucking stroke the check after the fat lady tells me how 00:05:36.750 --> 00:05:37.830 much to pay. 00:05:37.830 --> 00:05:43.390 I get in my fucking truck burning with fucking rage and I rage drive back to work and then 00:05:43.390 --> 00:05:49.270 I'm basically in a rage for the next three to five days and slowly but surely calm 00:05:49.270 --> 00:05:50.270 down. 00:05:50.270 --> 00:05:51.590 I do a lot of beating off. 00:05:51.590 --> 00:05:56.750 I can fucking do to try to relieve the stress a little bit and to try to take my mind off 00:05:56.750 --> 00:06:01.910 the fucking anger of being one of the suckers in America holding it all together for these 00:06:01.910 --> 00:06:05.550 motherfuckers on either side of me. 00:06:05.550 --> 00:06:11.710 This year however, while overcome with rage, I also had a moment of clarity and epiphany 00:06:11.710 --> 00:06:12.710 if you will. 00:06:12.710 --> 00:06:18.110 And it came to me as if in a vision like a fucking ray of light shown down upon me and 00:06:18.110 --> 00:06:23.470 it was just these simple words that rang into my head. 00:06:23.470 --> 00:06:26.670 There has to be a middle ground. 00:06:26.670 --> 00:06:28.830 That was the thought that I had. 00:06:28.830 --> 00:06:31.830 Just that that simple line. 00:06:31.830 --> 00:06:33.830 There has to be a middle ground. 00:06:33.830 --> 00:06:35.630 There has to be a middle ground. 00:06:35.630 --> 00:06:40.630 There has to be something in the middle between taking it in the ass every year for the 00:06:40.950 --> 00:06:43.470 Politaria and the beautiful people. 00:06:43.470 --> 00:06:48.110 There has to be a middle ground between bending over for Uncle Sam every year and moving to 00:06:48.110 --> 00:06:49.390 the Philippines. 00:06:49.390 --> 00:06:50.910 There has to be a middle ground. 00:06:50.910 --> 00:06:52.110 Of course there's a middle ground. 00:06:52.110 --> 00:06:54.270 How can there not be a middle ground? 00:06:54.270 --> 00:06:55.470 There has to be a middle ground. 00:06:55.470 --> 00:06:57.670 I just didn't know what it was. 00:06:57.670 --> 00:06:59.110 How do the beautiful people do it? 00:06:59.110 --> 00:07:01.350 I know how the fucking poor do it. 00:07:01.350 --> 00:07:02.350 I get that. 00:07:02.350 --> 00:07:03.350 I've been there. 00:07:03.350 --> 00:07:05.030 I understand that only too well. 00:07:05.030 --> 00:07:09.350 I know how the fucking poor handle tax season. 00:07:09.350 --> 00:07:14.150 But how do the fucking fancy pants people up here where they're making all the money? 00:07:14.150 --> 00:07:16.670 Hower how do they navigate? 00:07:16.670 --> 00:07:21.110 Tax season because you can't fucking tell me that they're just taking it in the fucking 00:07:21.110 --> 00:07:23.230 seat and keeping it moving. 00:07:23.230 --> 00:07:24.310 I refuse to believe it. 00:07:24.310 --> 00:07:25.630 Of course they're not. 00:07:25.630 --> 00:07:29.990 So what are they doing that allows them to maintain their fucking sanity? 00:07:29.990 --> 00:07:31.710 And then it came to me. 00:07:32.430 --> 00:07:36.350 A solution so fucking simple and so rudimentary. 00:07:36.350 --> 00:07:38.150 How did I not see it before? 00:07:38.150 --> 00:07:39.710 It's everywhere you look. 00:07:39.710 --> 00:07:43.590 If you're looking on the fucking Twitter or if you're looking on the fucking Facebook, 00:07:43.590 --> 00:07:47.390 or if you're looking on the fucking news or if you're listening to the fucking radio, 00:07:47.390 --> 00:07:51.990 or if you're listening to any number of fucking podcasts, they're talking about 00:07:51.990 --> 00:07:58.030 the solution to my goddamn gigantic yearly fucking stress out episode. 00:07:58.030 --> 00:08:01.870 The solution's been staring me in the face for fucking years. 00:08:01.870 --> 00:08:05.070 It's staring me in the face right now. 00:08:05.070 --> 00:08:09.830 It's a solution so fucking simple and so obvious. 00:08:09.830 --> 00:08:12.230 I can't believe I didn't see it before. 00:08:12.230 --> 00:08:19.270 The key to being a member of the middle class and not getting fucking brutally gang raped 00:08:19.270 --> 00:08:27.070 by the IRS every single fucking spring can be summed up in just one word. 00:08:27.070 --> 00:08:32.510 One simple beautiful little word. 00:08:32.510 --> 00:08:34.510 Jews. 00:08:34.510 --> 00:08:36.150 Yeah, Jews. 00:08:36.150 --> 00:08:39.030 I need some fucking Jews in my life. 00:08:39.030 --> 00:08:43.110 I need a Jew like a proper Jew, not like me. 00:08:43.110 --> 00:08:47.510 Like I found out that I'm a half ass Jew, you know, last year sometime. 00:08:47.510 --> 00:08:53.590 No, I need someone who's been fucking steeped in geology since birth. 00:08:53.590 --> 00:08:58.310 I need somebody who has been fully immersed in Jew culture and does not try to shy away 00:08:58.310 --> 00:08:59.310 from it. 00:08:59.310 --> 00:09:03.670 Not one of those fucking Hollywood Jews who pretends that it's not a Jew who changes 00:09:03.670 --> 00:09:08.310 their name to Jenkins or Phillips or something like that so you don't know they 00:09:08.310 --> 00:09:09.310 there are Jew. 00:09:09.310 --> 00:09:11.110 That's not who I'm looking for. 00:09:11.110 --> 00:09:15.310 One of these Hollywood Jews are undercover Jews or fucking plain closed Jews. 00:09:15.310 --> 00:09:16.670 I can't have one of those. 00:09:16.670 --> 00:09:23.550 No, I need a fucking acidic Jew, a proper Jew with the long spiral fucking sideburns. 00:09:23.550 --> 00:09:25.990 And the apron and the fucking Yamaha. 00:09:25.990 --> 00:09:28.990 I need an actual fucking Jew like a legit Jew. 00:09:28.990 --> 00:09:34.510 No, one's not even going to be enough because I'm firmly entrenched into the fucking middle 00:09:34.510 --> 00:09:35.510 class. 00:09:35.510 --> 00:09:39.870 One Jew's not going to be enough for me to fleet an army of Jews. 00:09:39.870 --> 00:09:43.750 I need a cadre of Jews on the fucking payroll. 00:09:43.750 --> 00:09:46.550 I need a Jew accountant or several. 00:09:46.550 --> 00:09:48.470 I need five Jew accountants. 00:09:48.470 --> 00:09:54.150 I want to walk into Jaime Brothers accounting services, put my last fucking ten tax returns 00:09:54.150 --> 00:09:58.990 on their desk and say this is what I've been dealing with. 00:09:58.990 --> 00:10:01.870 This is not who I choose to be anymore. 00:10:01.870 --> 00:10:03.950 Please show me the ways. 00:10:03.950 --> 00:10:05.110 Come to my aid. 00:10:05.110 --> 00:10:09.870 I'll give you anything you want and have them spring into action and start pouring over 00:10:09.870 --> 00:10:15.710 my records and shaking their head and making clicking noises with their mouths and conferring 00:10:15.710 --> 00:10:20.410 and and snickering aboutes how I've been getting fucked for the last decade or so and 00:11:15.710 --> 00:11:19.670 I'm going to have to call in assistance and I'm perfectly willing to do that. 00:11:19.670 --> 00:11:25.230 I just don't know where to start because I think the political climate in this fucking 00:11:25.230 --> 00:11:31.270 country has shifted so fucking anti-Jew that they're in fucking-hiding their underground. 00:11:31.270 --> 00:11:35.590 You're never going to find the fucking super Jew accountant anymore unless you already know 00:11:35.590 --> 00:11:40.430 where he is and the people who do know where he is aren't telling. 00:11:40.430 --> 00:11:42.830 They're not saying anything. 00:11:42.830 --> 00:11:45.270 So we're just on our fucking own here. 00:11:45.270 --> 00:11:51.870 But when I say I'm middle class, I'm fucking firmly implanted in the fucking middle class. 00:11:51.870 --> 00:11:54.070 And that's why I say I need a super Jew. 00:11:54.070 --> 00:11:55.070 I don't want a team. 00:11:55.070 --> 00:11:56.310 I don't want to deal with that. 00:11:56.310 --> 00:12:02.350 I just want one Jew who is like the most Jewish to handle my accounting needs. 00:12:02.350 --> 00:12:04.710 I want a fucking mega Jew. 00:12:04.710 --> 00:12:08.830 A Jew who's not ashamed of who he is who's not hiding in plain sight. 00:12:08.830 --> 00:12:11.190 I don't want one of those fucking domesticated Jews. 00:12:11.190 --> 00:12:15.230 I want a wild, feral Jew who openly talks about money. 00:12:15.270 --> 00:12:17.270 And his family's jewelry store. 00:12:17.270 --> 00:12:24.270 I need a real Jew account who's out there in the open letting you know that he is in fact 00:12:24.270 --> 00:12:28.270 a Jew and it is 150% his identity. 00:12:28.270 --> 00:12:33.510 I want to get out of my fucking truck with my records in hand and walk up to his building 00:12:33.510 --> 00:12:39.110 and see that the fucking that the fucking door frame of the front door is painted in God 00:12:39.110 --> 00:12:41.230 damn lambs blood. 00:12:41.230 --> 00:12:43.950 Not just on Passover every day of the year. 00:12:43.950 --> 00:12:44.950 He's that Jew. 00:13:03.470 --> 00:13:08.910 Jesus on the wall with a giant circle and a red fucking line through the middle of him. 00:13:08.910 --> 00:13:09.910 No Jesus. 00:13:09.910 --> 00:13:11.670 No Jesus here. 00:13:11.670 --> 00:13:15.270 We are fucking hardcore Jews and Jesus is not our guy. 00:13:15.270 --> 00:13:19.630 And on the fucking opposite wall I want them to be so fucking Jewish that they have a fucking 00:13:19.630 --> 00:13:21.830 thumbs up for Barabbas. 00:13:21.830 --> 00:13:22.830 Sign. 00:13:22.830 --> 00:13:26.710 Hanging on the wall over there just to let you know that not only do they not believe 00:13:26.710 --> 00:13:31.430 that Jesus was the Messiah but if they at 00:13:31.430 --> 00:13:35.510 even voted to have Barabbas-saived instead of Jesus that's who I want. 00:13:35.510 --> 00:13:37.510 That's the kind of Jew accountant I need. 00:13:37.510 --> 00:13:41.470 Have some lady shuffle out with her fucking head in one of those scarves. 00:13:41.470 --> 00:13:45.430 You know what I'm talking about like one of those hair scarves to offer me some kind of 00:13:45.430 --> 00:13:51.310 refreshments and the only thing that they have there is unleavened bread and bitter herbs. 00:13:51.310 --> 00:13:54.430 Not even any fucking MOTSA ball soup or broth. 00:13:54.430 --> 00:13:56.150 No absolutely not. 00:13:56.150 --> 00:13:59.310 We're so fucking Jew-y it's Passover every day. 00:13:59.310 --> 00:14:01.390 That's the kind of Jew accountant I need. 00:14:01.390 --> 00:14:05.870 That's because I have this fantastic fucking wealth and this huge fucking portfolio. 00:14:05.870 --> 00:14:07.310 No, no, not at all. 00:14:07.310 --> 00:14:10.950 I think that those people are easy to find fucking tax breaks for. 00:14:10.950 --> 00:14:14.830 For me it's gonna be different because I am FURMLY. 00:14:14.830 --> 00:14:15.830 Fucking middle class. 00:14:15.830 --> 00:14:21.710 I am who the government designed the entire fucking system to fall onto the shoulders of. 00:14:21.710 --> 00:14:27.190 If I'm gonna get the super Jew accountant to fucking find me tax breaks he's gotta be 00:14:27.190 --> 00:14:28.190 good. 00:14:28.190 --> 00:14:30.630 He's gotta be about his fucking business. 00:14:30.630 --> 00:14:33.670 This is not a fucking hobby for him and it's not a fucking game. 00:14:33.670 --> 00:14:40.710 He is a fucking pro who has made his life about numbers and spreadsheets and columns and 00:14:40.710 --> 00:14:45.150 amortization and cash flow and depreciation. 00:14:45.150 --> 00:14:47.750 That's the kind of Jew accountant I need. 00:14:47.750 --> 00:14:50.230 Regular old fucking Jew accountant isn't gonna work for me. 00:14:50.230 --> 00:14:55.150 Jaime Goldstein, CPA, kosher delian and or firing range isn't gonna work for me. 00:14:55.150 --> 00:14:59.150 I need somebody who's doing the books for Israel. 00:14:59.150 --> 00:15:01.990 To help me out from under this fucking crippling tax burden. 00:15:01.990 --> 00:15:07.530 I had somebody very smart say to me one time that anybody can take advantage of the tax 00:15:07.530 --> 00:15:08.530 code. 00:15:08.530 --> 00:15:11.070 All you have to do is know how to do it. 00:15:11.070 --> 00:15:12.750 Well, I don't know how to do it. 00:15:12.750 --> 00:15:17.530 And they said that all of the fucking tax breaks that apply to the rich and wealthy apply 00:15:17.530 --> 00:15:20.910 to us just on a smaller scale and I don't fucking believe it. 00:15:20.910 --> 00:15:22.270 I don't believe it. 00:15:22.270 --> 00:15:27.790 I think that you have to have fantastically large amounts of money in order to qualify 00:15:27.790 --> 00:15:50.730 for some of these fucking tax breaks for most of these 00:15:57.790 --> 00:16:03.650 to fucking make tax breaks available to me or if they do and if this person is actually 00:16:03.650 --> 00:16:07.870 right and anyone can take advantage of these fucking tax 00:16:07.870 --> 00:16:15.090 breaks then they're so obscure and so fucking poorly advertised that it's going to take 00:16:15.090 --> 00:16:21.470 the juiest of ju accountants to help a motherfucker like me out. I need the juiest accountant of 00:16:21.470 --> 00:16:27.310 all time. I need megaju. I need gigaju. How about that? I need the gigaju 00:16:27.310 --> 00:16:35.870 accountant. If you know of anyone who fits that mold, send them my way. Let them know that 00:16:35.870 --> 00:16:42.770 there is a poor unfortunate middle class cock sucker named Lorenzo just begging to fucking 00:16:42.770 --> 00:16:49.590 meet them. Please fuck. I can't do this again. I cannot stroke a check to the fucking federal 00:16:49.590 --> 00:16:54.530 government every fucking year so they can piss it away on fucking food for goddamn 00:16:54.530 --> 00:17:00.810 third world shittles, sex change operations and paying Congress during a fucking government 00:17:00.810 --> 00:17:05.650 shutdown. I can't fucking do it again. I cannot do it again, but I don't want to live 00:17:05.650 --> 00:17:13.050 in the Philippines. This is the middle ground. Finding the best ju accountant in America. 00:17:13.050 --> 00:17:19.330 this is the middle ground I'm looking for. Fucking help me please. Alright, on to the next 00:17:19.330 --> 00:17:20.330 segment. 00:17:21.330 --> 00:17:27.170 I feel it necessary to start this segment of missing through a radio with an admission. 00:17:27.170 --> 00:17:33.090 And I guess if you've been with missing through a radio for a while, it would be a re iteration. 00:17:33.090 --> 00:17:40.890 I don't fucking keep people. I just don't. I don't I don't have long term fantastic 00:17:40.890 --> 00:17:45.170 lifelong fucking relationships. I don't have a group of guys that I go fucking play softball 00:17:45.170 --> 00:17:51.770 with that I've known since high school or college. I just don't. I never have. I say 00:17:51.770 --> 00:17:58.330 that to say this. There's this guy I know. New I should say because he's dead. There's 00:17:58.330 --> 00:18:04.250 this guy I know who just fucking died. I'm not calling him a friend. Did you notice that 00:18:04.250 --> 00:18:10.330 because he's not. He's just a fucking guy I know. New. Past tense because he's not here 00:18:10.330 --> 00:18:15.850 anymore. But he just died. And I'm not going to say out of the blue either now. I didn't 00:18:15.850 --> 00:18:21.850 fucking know he had cancer, but apparently a lot of other people did. But what irritates me 00:18:21.850 --> 00:18:29.610 is the timeline of his demise. This was a proud man, a hard working man, a dude who you could 00:18:29.610 --> 00:18:35.250 count on showed up to work every fucking day took care of his family, worked all of his 00:18:35.250 --> 00:18:42.010 life retired from his job. He'd been there like 30 some odd years. Good stand up dude living 00:18:42.010 --> 00:18:47.490 the American dream. Three months after he retired, he gets diagnosed with cancer and nine 00:18:47.490 --> 00:18:53.870 months later he's dead. The fucking guy worked all of his life within a year of retiring 00:18:53.870 --> 00:19:00.490 from his job. He was dead. That fucking bothers me. What bothers me is that this man did what 00:19:00.490 --> 00:19:06.650 he was supposed to do. He did what every fucking man is told from the time they're old enough 00:19:06.650 --> 00:19:13.810 to fucking listen and comprehend. He did exactly what he was trained to do by his parents 00:19:13.810 --> 00:19:19.610 and his grandparents and society at large. He worked. He provided. He made a living 00:19:19.610 --> 00:19:24.330 for the people who relied upon him. He made a comfortable life for those people that 00:19:24.330 --> 00:19:31.950 he brought into the world and within one year of retiring from his fucking job. He died. 00:19:31.950 --> 00:19:37.810 A fucking cancer again the fucking timeline. He worked this job for 35 fucking years. He 00:19:37.810 --> 00:19:43.870 retired from the job. Congratulations. Here's your reward. We're going to pay you to live 00:19:43.870 --> 00:19:48.470 the rest of your fucking life and not come to work. This is what you've earned. This is 00:19:48.470 --> 00:19:53.990 what you've been working for. This is your time to shine. Go do all the things you want 00:19:53.990 --> 00:19:58.030 to do. Three months later diagnosed with cancer. Nine months later he's fucking dead. 00:19:58.030 --> 00:20:08.510 This is a fucking common story. This isn't something unique to this motherfucker that I know. 00:20:08.510 --> 00:20:13.750 This is happening a lot like a lot a lot. I know I referenced the Navy a lot, but I know 00:20:13.750 --> 00:20:20.690 a lot of fucking guys in the Navy who retired at 40, 45 years of age as senior chiefs or 00:20:20.690 --> 00:20:26.050 master chiefs or something like that. They get fucking whistled off the fucking boat and 00:20:26.050 --> 00:20:30.190 they fucking have a heart attack within a week or two after leaving the ship. This is 00:20:30.190 --> 00:20:35.350 a common thing. It's not uncommon at all. And every time I hear one of these fucking stories 00:20:35.350 --> 00:20:40.110 it's like a stab in my eye. You're probably saying, well Lorenzo, you're just being 00:20:40.110 --> 00:20:45.830 reminded of your own mortality. No, motherfucker, I never lost sight of my own mortality. 00:20:45.830 --> 00:20:51.990 I know what we're here for. We are born, we fucking live, we die. It's the fucking life cycle. 00:20:51.990 --> 00:20:56.350 What I'm talking about is the timeline, the timeline fucking sucks. And without checking 00:20:56.350 --> 00:20:59.790 a single statistic, I'm going to say it's happening to men more than it's happening 00:20:59.790 --> 00:21:05.430 to women. Why is that? Is it because of the type of work that we do? Women are in the 00:21:05.430 --> 00:21:09.790 workforce now for better or for worse. Is it that we're doing the fucking jobs that 00:21:09.790 --> 00:21:15.470 they won't do? Is it that we're linemen and plumbers and alcoholic fucking electricians? 00:21:15.470 --> 00:21:21.310 Is that why we're dying shortly after retiring? Or is it something deeper than that? Is 00:21:21.310 --> 00:21:27.190 it a psychological thing? Men are raised to be useful. Men are raised to be contributors 00:21:27.190 --> 00:21:33.710 and providers. And the moment you retire, then what? You're not needed to contribute 00:21:33.710 --> 00:21:39.990 anymore. Nobody needs you to provide. And I think on a deep psychological level, men 00:21:39.990 --> 00:21:46.630 just fucking give up. When they retire, there is a part of them that truly believes that 00:21:46.630 --> 00:21:52.390 this is it for them. They don't have anything to keep going for anymore. Working for a living 00:21:52.390 --> 00:21:53.170 is what they do. And the moment they're not needed to 00:21:53.170 --> 00:21:59.950 's up, the moment they're two old to do it anymore, the moment they've 00:21:59.950 --> 00:22:06.550 earned their retirement, the death clock starts. And that's perfectly okay with your government. 00:22:06.550 --> 00:22:11.270 Of course it is. It's perfectly okay with your insurance company and whoever fucking manages 00:22:11.270 --> 00:22:17.150 your pension absolutely perfectly okay with them if you keel over within a year of fucking 00:22:17.150 --> 00:22:21.670 retiring. The government doesn't want to fucking take care of you. Not really. The moment 00:22:21.670 --> 00:22:25.910 you're not useful anymore, the moment you're not producing in the fucking workforce, you 00:22:25.910 --> 00:22:31.230 can just fucking go ahead and die. They'll never say that. But that's what they mean. And 00:22:31.230 --> 00:22:36.670 you know it. You know in back rooms of the fucking halls of power, they're figuring out ways 00:22:36.670 --> 00:22:41.470 to make people go ahead and die quicker after they fucking retire. At some shit, I wouldn't 00:22:41.470 --> 00:22:45.230 put past the government at all. And I'm not going to say that our government is the only one 00:22:45.230 --> 00:22:49.350 that thinks that way. The moment you're not able to produce anymore, you can just go ahead 00:22:49.350 --> 00:22:56.630 and fuck off and die. No one would ever fucking say that. Why would they? But goddamn, I think 00:22:56.630 --> 00:23:01.350 it'd be a little bit satisfying to hear somebody in government or in power say that. Don't 00:23:01.350 --> 00:23:06.430 you? I think it'd be wonderful. Thank you for coming to my press briefing. My name 00:23:06.430 --> 00:23:12.590 is Bob Davies and I am in charge of health and human services. Recent studies have suggested 00:23:12.590 --> 00:23:17.830 that it would be best for the government and our infrastructure if you would do something 00:23:17.830 --> 00:23:26.450 for us. Now your government does a lot 00:23:26.450 --> 00:23:26.550 of things for you. Don't we? We maintain roads and we fight wars and we do all kinds of things 00:23:26.550 --> 00:23:31.870 in order to make your quality of life as an American even better. But now it's time for 00:23:31.870 --> 00:23:37.030 you to give back. No, we don't need your government service. No, we don't need you to join 00:23:37.030 --> 00:23:42.310 the military. What we need you to do, what we want you to do, what your country is asking 00:23:42.310 --> 00:23:49.870 you to do is instead of retiring when you hit 62, just go ahead and fucking die. That 00:23:49.870 --> 00:23:54.390 would be the last bit of service that you could do for a grateful nation. Don't 00:23:54.390 --> 00:23:59.870 become a drain on our infrastructure. Don't become a problem for our healthcare system. 00:23:59.870 --> 00:24:06.150 Don't make us figure out a way to feed you. Just pass away. It's the honorable thing 00:24:06.150 --> 00:24:11.910 to do for your country. God bless America. Your insurance company doesn't want to provide 00:24:11.910 --> 00:24:16.510 insurance for you after you fucking retired. Sure as hell don't. They want to get you 00:24:16.510 --> 00:24:22.470 in your fucking prime earning years and then as you fucking deteriorate throughout the 00:24:22.470 --> 00:24:26.310 twilight of your life, if you would just go ahead and fucking pop off and die real 00:24:26.310 --> 00:24:32.110 quick, that would be great. No lingering fucking expensive diseases, please just have a heart 00:24:32.110 --> 00:24:38.910 attack and fuck off. Do you think a wise man once told me follow the money. If you follow 00:24:38.910 --> 00:24:43.630 the money, you will find the answer to almost every question. So if you're no longer producing 00:24:43.630 --> 00:24:49.430 money and putting fucking money into the economy, the government doesn't really need you 00:24:49.430 --> 00:24:54.470 anymore. And the moment you hit age 62, 63, you're just going to become a fucking giant 00:24:54.470 --> 00:25:00.190 money sink for the fucking insurance company. So they would prefer to not have you around either. 00:25:00.190 --> 00:25:05.190 So with those two ideas in mind, is it really any wonder that they fill our food with all 00:25:05.190 --> 00:25:10.590 kinds of fucking chemicals and crazy shit? Fuck no, we're going to be healthy as fuck 00:25:10.590 --> 00:25:16.190 until we're 62. Then we can just go ahead and fuck off. Then yellow diet number five is 00:25:16.190 --> 00:25:20.510 just going to fucking take us out. If you follow the money, I'm saying that's not a fucking 00:25:20.510 --> 00:25:25.590 tinfoil hat theory. If you follow the money, it makes perfect fucking sense. The moment 00:25:25.590 --> 00:25:30.470 you're not productive anymore... The moment you're not contributing, you can just fuck off. 00:25:30.470 --> 00:25:36.030 Every time somebody I know pops off and dies in similar circumstances, I have the same 00:25:36.030 --> 00:25:42.650 argument with myself. Why do I continue to do this? What the fuck for? I've got this 00:25:42.650 --> 00:25:47.150 fucking job. I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to do. I've got this fucking job. I work 00:25:47.150 --> 00:25:52.910 this job faithfully. I even put my fucking best interest aside most of the time because 00:25:52.910 --> 00:25:59.990 of the people at the job who are relying on me to be there. For what? What's my fucking 00:25:59.990 --> 00:26:05.430 reward? What's my incentive for continuing to do that? I have things I want to accomplish 00:26:05.430 --> 00:26:10.830 in life before I ultimately fucking pass away. I have things that I want to see. I have 00:26:10.830 --> 00:26:16.190 places that I want to go. And instead I'm here fucking grinding at this job just so I can 00:26:16.190 --> 00:26:21.270 earn a retirement. And then when I retire, the odds are fairly fucking high, giving 00:26:21.270 --> 00:26:26.630 we're not gonna be able to do that. I don't want to be laying there on my fucking death 00:26:26.630 --> 00:26:31.590 bed. Six months after I fucking retire, thinking about all the things that I was going to 00:26:31.590 --> 00:26:36.830 do, things I've been waiting to try until I got to opponent my life when I could afford 00:26:36.830 --> 00:26:41.830 to. Or a better way to say that is until I got to opponent my life when I could afford 00:26:41.830 --> 00:26:47.670 to be frivolous. For example, I know that I have the fucking skill to be a world class 00:26:47.670 --> 00:27:16.630 mumble rapper, to become an ordained minister and perform beautiful wedding ceremonies. 00:27:16.630 --> 00:27:22.410 Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today to join these two people in the bonds of Holy 00:27:22.410 --> 00:27:30.190 Manitourimony, Mike and Janet. Mike, do you promise to love honor and cherish Janet 00:27:30.190 --> 00:27:36.250 for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do 00:27:36.250 --> 00:27:42.270 you part? I do. Do you though, bro? What about when she starts going on business trips with 00:27:42.270 --> 00:27:49.630 her colleague Tyrone? Well, yeah, of course. Really? What about when she gets to the age 00:27:49.630 --> 00:27:55.590 of 50 and goes through Cougar puberty? What's that? That's what they're, they're calling 00:27:55.590 --> 00:28:01.430 pre-mini-pots when their hormones go absolutely fucking haywire and she starts banging all 00:28:01.430 --> 00:28:08.510 of your son's friends. Oh, she would never do that. I would never do that son of a bitch. 00:28:08.510 --> 00:28:14.590 I beg the differ. I always wanted to be a NASCAR driver. Drive fast, drive fast, drive fast, 00:28:14.590 --> 00:28:17.990 turn left. Keep turning, keep turning, keep turning, keep turning, 00:28:17.990 --> 00:28:24.030 drive fast, drive fast, drive fast, turn left. Keep turning, keep turning, keep turning, 00:28:24.030 --> 00:28:34.350 drive fast, drive fast, drive fast, turn left, turn, turn, turn left, turn left, turn left. 00:28:34.350 --> 00:28:39.590 What a stupid fucking sport. But I want to do it. I have all these things I want to do when 00:28:39.590 --> 00:28:45.030 I grow up, when I fucking retire, when I'm no longer bound to the fucking job. I can't 00:28:45.030 --> 00:28:50.670 fucking die. I can't just fucking pop off and pass away the moment I fucking retire or 00:28:50.670 --> 00:28:56.350 within a year of retirement. I have earned my fucking right to go and be frivolous and become 00:28:56.350 --> 00:29:01.950 a fucking proper do-tard. I have earned the right to be the old man sitting in the diner 00:29:01.950 --> 00:29:06.390 pat and the waitresses on the ass when they go by. I can't fucking die. I've earned the 00:29:06.390 --> 00:29:11.470 right to not just fucking pop off and pass away. I'm not freaking out about my own mortality 00:29:11.470 --> 00:29:15.590 here or anything. No, I'm just telling you, I can't fucking die yet. I'm not ready to 00:29:15.590 --> 00:29:20.790 fucking pass. And I can't get fucking cancer either by the way. I can't get cancer or have 00:29:20.790 --> 00:29:26.190 a heart attack. I've been thinking a lot about this. I can't get cancer or have a heart attack 00:29:26.190 --> 00:29:30.910 or have like kidney failure or anything like that. Anything that's gonna have me on an 00:29:30.910 --> 00:29:35.430 extended stay in a hospital. I can't fucking do that. I can't live that way because of 00:29:35.430 --> 00:29:38.750 catheters. Catheters are implied in that sort of thing 00:29:38.750 --> 00:29:41.370 Commission. First of all I don't want anybody to shave my 00:29:41.370 --> 00:29:46.770 junk. You know what I mean? Especially with those fucking shears. Have you seen those shears? 00:29:46.770 --> 00:29:51.170 How they do that? They just fucking flip that shit on and they shave your fucking balls 00:29:51.170 --> 00:29:55.530 and your dick for like no reason. Like they'll be operating on your fucking job, but then 00:29:55.530 --> 00:29:59.330 they shave your junk. Why are they doing that? You'll be getting fucking lacy and there's 00:29:59.330 --> 00:30:05.210 somebody down there shaving your nuts while you're strapped to a table. Why? Why? What the fuck 00:30:05.210 --> 00:30:10.250 are they doing? Why are they this way? I can't be for an extended period of time in a fucking 00:30:10.250 --> 00:30:14.210 hospital because of catheters. You know, I don't understand catheters anyway. Can we talk 00:30:14.210 --> 00:30:19.890 about that for a second before I get back on fucking task? Are you telling me that with all the fucking 00:30:19.890 --> 00:30:26.530 technology we have at our fingertips, we're still shoving tubes up people's fucking p-peaholes 00:30:26.530 --> 00:30:31.330 in order to run that shit off into a bag? Why are we doing that still? There's gotta fucking 00:30:31.330 --> 00:30:35.450 be a better way. Come up with a better way to fucking get the piss out of somebody while 00:30:35.450 --> 00:30:41.210 they're unconscious or immobile without shoving a fucking tube up their fucking dickhole. You're 00:30:41.210 --> 00:30:45.770 not doing that shit to me. This conversation has convinced me that I have no business dying. I 00:30:45.770 --> 00:30:50.490 have shit that I have to do. I'm not afraid of my own mortality. I'm not freaking out because I 00:30:50.490 --> 00:30:55.130 know somebody who died. I always knew I was gonna die I think. I always knew that there was a 00:30:55.130 --> 00:30:59.930 reasonable chance that someday I was gonna fucking pass away. It's not that I'm freaking out about 00:30:59.930 --> 00:31:03.930 that or anything. You know, I always knew that it was gonna come. I just didn't expect it to come 00:31:03.930 --> 00:31:08.570 for me. You know what I mean? Like everyone dies around me and that's fine. They can go ahead and 00:31:08.570 --> 00:31:14.330 fucking die. But I can't. I don't have time for it. I have other things that I need to be doing. 00:31:14.330 --> 00:31:19.130 There are people who have time to pass away and people who don't. I'm on the list of people who 00:31:19.130 --> 00:31:24.410 don't have time to pass away. It's not that I'm afraid or anything like that. It's not that I'm scared 00:31:24.410 --> 00:31:30.090 or it's not that I'm freaking out or anything. It's not that I'm worried about taking the fucking dirt 00:31:30.090 --> 00:31:35.450 nap or being cremated or anything. Don't make me. If you're listening to this and I fucking go ahead and 00:31:35.450 --> 00:31:41.850 die and you find out that they're gonna cremate me. I'm not, I said that I don't want to be cremated. 00:31:41.850 --> 00:31:46.810 Okay, but I'm not freaking out or anything. I'm tough. I'm fucking tough. I'm like a strong man and 00:31:46.810 --> 00:31:52.010 stuff. But I don't have time to die. That's what it is. It has nothing to do with fear or 00:31:53.050 --> 00:31:58.010 trepidation or anxiety or anything of like that about dying or getting some kind of fucking 00:31:58.010 --> 00:32:03.530 devilitating disease. There's nothing to do with that in any way. It's just that I don't have time. 00:32:03.530 --> 00:32:08.330 I have stuff that I need to do like my mumble rap career and I have to write a bunch of lady porn 00:32:08.330 --> 00:32:13.210 and do stuff like that. I don't have time to die. I just got fucking died for that. I'm not freaking out 00:32:13.210 --> 00:32:19.130 or anything. I just don't have time. Okay, I don't have time for it. There's people who do have time. 00:32:19.130 --> 00:32:24.090 Like there's lots of people who have time to die. Like my mom, my mom could go ahead and die any moment 00:32:24.090 --> 00:32:29.610 now that that's fine. And like my brothers and my sister can die. That's okay. It's coming 00:32:29.610 --> 00:32:35.050 for them. That's okay. It's not coming for me though. Okay. It's not coming for me. But I'm not 00:32:35.050 --> 00:33:14.680 freaking out. Oh god damn. Oh, fuck up crashing out. They say that when you're in the grips of 00:33:14.680 --> 00:33:19.560 a freak out or something, you should probably stop and pray. So let's let's go ahead and 00:33:20.520 --> 00:33:26.520 and pray right now. Dear Lord, if you can find it in your divine countenance to make sure that 00:33:26.520 --> 00:33:31.960 everyone around me dies before me, that would be great. I don't want to be in a situation where 00:33:31.960 --> 00:33:37.000 somebody has to take care of me and I also don't want a catheter. So if it ever comes my time to 00:33:37.000 --> 00:33:41.880 die, will you please make sure that I just fucking pop off like immediately. But if you could do me a 00:33:41.880 --> 00:33:46.200 solid and just take me to heaven like a. That would be amazing. I'm not really trying to go through 00:33:46.200 --> 00:33:50.920 the process of dying. I don't want to piss and shit myself in front of people that know me in your 00:33:50.920 --> 00:33:59.240 divine name. Amen. Oh, I'm sorry for saying fuck while praying. Amen. Okay. That went well. I was 00:33:59.240 --> 00:34:04.040 really concerned. I was going to freak out during that bit. And thankfully I held it together. 00:34:05.400 --> 00:34:10.200 Welcome to the Boomer Bunker podcast straight out of Jersey where we don't sugarcoded damn thing. 00:34:10.200 --> 00:34:16.760 We call it like we see it loud, proud with a side of attitude, politics, culture, everyday nonsense, 00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:21.560 forget about it. We're diving in. If you want polite and polished, go listen somewhere else. 00:34:21.560 --> 00:34:27.000 But if you want real talk Jersey grit and laughs, this is your spot. The Boomer Bunker podcast, 00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:31.960 Jersey tough Boomer Bold. Check us out at BoomerBunker.com or listen wherever you get your podcasts. 00:34:31.960 --> 00:34:38.520 Segment three. Real quick. I wanted to talk about something that I'm positive you don't give a 00:34:38.520 --> 00:34:43.960 fuck about. I don't know if you can tell or not, but I've done some major equipment upgrades over 00:34:43.960 --> 00:34:50.280 the course of the last a month or so. I'm using a proper audio interface. It's the Macie Onyx 00:34:50.280 --> 00:34:58.440 interface going into the side of my 2009 MacBook incidentally. And the microphone is now a sure 00:34:58.440 --> 00:35:06.760 SM7B, which is a little disgusting. I've tried to even though the sure SM7B was my microphone of choice, 00:35:06.760 --> 00:35:12.280 you know, eons ago back when I was in radio. I always insisted on a sure SM7B when everyone 00:35:12.280 --> 00:35:18.280 else was using electra voice, Ari 20s. I insisted on having an SM7. Well, now it has become the 00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:25.560 podcast industry standard and every fucking dipshit botany podcaster or fucking random broad 00:35:25.640 --> 00:35:31.480 giving pussy shaving tips is talking into a sure SM7. And it is a quality product. And I understand 00:35:32.360 --> 00:35:45.080 why they're doing it. It just irritates me because I don't 00:35:45.080 --> 00:35:51.000 think that any of them deserve to have it. Just a quick equipment update. Not that you give a fuck, all I've 00:35:51.000 --> 00:35:56.200 said is you don't care. But I do it anyway. Thank you for listening to this episode of 00:35:56.200 --> 00:36:01.320 Missing Throat Radio. I'm not going to ask you to like, share and subscribe or anything like that. 00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:07.080 You know, bring cool people as you find them. Don't bring me any fucking easily offended twats. I 00:36:07.080 --> 00:36:12.840 don't need that chances are you know a podcaster hell. You may be one yourself. But if you know of a 00:36:12.840 --> 00:36:19.480 podcaster who's just not very good and most of them aren't, let's be honest, tell them to go ahead. 00:36:19.480 --> 00:36:25.960 For me to fuck off back to jiffy lub and leave the podcasting to me because I'm good at this 00:36:26.600 --> 00:36:31.160 and they're not. If they would just shut down their fucking feet and get the fuck out of my way, 00:36:31.160 --> 00:36:38.280 it would make it a lot easier for me moving forward. Don't you agree? All right, until next time.