Ocean Documentary and Then....

Missing through radio. Missing through radio. Missing through radio. Missing through radio.

Missing through radio.

Broadcasting to the world. From high on top of your mom.

Missing through radio starts now.

So I watched a documentary tonight on the Oceans

narrated by David Attenborough. I don't know who the fuck that is.

What I've heard David Attenborough mentioned on British sitcoms and shit like that.

Like fucking doctor who?

They occasionally mention one of the atten burrows, David or Richard or you know what?

I don't fucking know.

In the realm of British celebrity, David Attenborough, I guess is a person of note.

I really thought it was going to be just a hey, look at the fucking splendor with the fucking you

because it's British of the oceans and the bounty that it provides and yada yada yada.

But one of the things that he went into was how factory fishing.

Have you fucking ever heard of? Have you heard of this?

This is one of those fucked up things of all time.

Factory fishing is emptying our oceans.

In the case of predatory fish, large predatory fish,

we have already killed off like two thirds of the fucking world's population of large predatory fish,

just dragging these fucking vast nets across the ocean floor and trapping whatever happens to get caught up in them.

I keep chuckling because I was so woefully ignorant as to our capabilities for end and hour efficiency

of fucking emptying empty all of the fucking fish of the ocean empty in all of those motherfuckers.

I mean we're getting all of them right.

I was woefully ignorant.

I just assumed it was it was shit that you see like on that fucking Alaskan fishing show where

those guys are out there in those you know 50 60-foot fucking boats with giant fucking poles and

shit hanging off the side and throwing crab pots in the water and fucking getting

pummeled by the fucking waves and shit like that's what I thought that's what I thought commercial

fishing was. Those motherfuckers pose no threat. I wasn't worried about it. I just thought you know the

ocean might actually be the last sustainable frontier because that's what I thought

commercial fishing was. Six fucking guys with a few ex-wives and fucking drug habits and

shit like that piling on to a 60-foot fucking fishing but with a bunch of fucking gear and

shit hanging off the side of it throwing crab pots in the water coming and checking them a few days

later playing yatsi in the fucking galley and shit on the way out there getting pummeled by 30-foot

seas and making a few dollars pulling crabs out of the fucking ocean. That's what I thought.

In my mind's eye that's what I thought commercial fishing was. I didn't think it could get

anymore gnarly than that. Boy was I fucking wrong. They've got these fucking ships. These fucking

ships that are like six seven football fields long and

they drop nets in there the size of fucking Connecticut. They just fucking drag those bitches across

the fucking ocean floor and not gently either. The thing that fucking has them, the thing that forces

the net to sink to the bottom of the ocean floor is a gigantic goddamn log chain and it'll show the

aftermath of one of those giant factory ships going through and fishing air quotes in area and it's just

like it'll show you the before and it's this vibrant lush you know environment with all this coral

you know environment with all this coral and all these different kinds of aquatic

delicate creatures and all of the colors and everything is so absolutely beautiful and then it'll show

the ship going through and it'll show the aftermath and everything's just fucking gone. It's

absolutely fucking annihilated. It's fucking it's just like like it's just gray.

Everything's just fucking

fucking gray and there'll be like a fucking fish head laying here which is also gray and then a

half of a fucking scallop shell which is now gray. Everything's just fucking fucking completely annihilated.

Oh fucking it's not funny but god damn it is when you think about it because at the time you

know when you're watching it you're like oh what a beautiful underwater seascape it's so

idealic and and absolutely mesmerizing and then they'll show the ship and you're like no no

not the ship not the factory ship those god damn Norwegianers they'll do a cutscene of this

fucking chain running along the bottom and fish just fleeing for their fucking lives ahead of it

and then the violent cloud behind the net and the whole time David Attenborough is unnerving

over the top there's factory fishing methods all doing nothing but destroying the entire ecosystem

of the ocean leaving what looks like strip mines in their wake and you're like no no it can't be

and then they'll show the you know a tail-in shot of the boat motoring away and what it does is it

just completely fucking annihilates the ocean floor and everything that gets caught up in that

fucking net and then they pull that bitch on to the

fish go into this tank and the medium-sized fish go into this tank and the large predatory fish go

into this tank it like sorts them automatically and then they take the fish and they fucking process

those motherfuckers right there on the ship and thank you BBC by the way for enlightening me on

this because now you've totally fucked my shit up I'm sitting here turning into Greta fucking

Thurneberg as we speak thinking about what the hell they're doing to the oceans how damn you

but these fucking ships these factory ships sort the fucking fish into sizes and then they process

those motherfuckers right there on the boat so if they're going to take a certain size or quality of

fish and make it into fish sticks for example you know for sale at your local supermarket those

bitches are fucking cleaned chopped fucking breaded and fried and then packaged right there on the

goddamn boat in the middle of the fucking ocean that mother those motherfucking fish are dead chunked

diced and fucking cooked 10 minutes after they come out of the fucking water if they have a certain

class of fish that they're going to make into dog food per se those motherfuckers are cleaned chopped

fucking cooked off pelletized and fucking packaged into purina bags right there on the fucking boat

in the middle of the goddamn ocean and in the case of krill krill is this small little crustacean

that you know really thrives in the Antarctic waters of the south ocean and apparently according

to Sir David Attenborough and the BBC the entire Antarctic ecosystem functions on krill

these tiny little crustacean fish and they show all these beautiful fucking majestic scenes of

you know these these large clouds of krill swimming through the fucking ocean and whales going through

the fucking clouds of krill you know sucking up thousands of those motherfuckers and then seals and

penguins and shit fucking jumping around in the fucking water chasing these krill down and it's like

it's like this majestic fucking joyous music of natural beauty and triumph and then all of a sudden

the music goes wow wow out of fucking minor key wow and here's this gigantic fucking factory ship

just trolling through the fucking South sea the South

Southern Ocean or whatever the fuck it's called and just sucking up hundreds of thousands of tons

fucking krill where it is made into fucking dog food and jet fuel and fucking protein

protein powder and all that shit and then packaged up and cramed off onto a ship that'll take it

to fucking shore so we can go to your local supermarket or GNC it's one of the most fucking horrific

things I've ever seen this fucking factory ship is spewing this disgusting red brown fucking

byproduct water out the sides of it shit flying off the back of the fucking boat and all you see in

the background is this beautiful fucking white glacier with penguins looking longingly at the

fucking ship like why are you taking our food and and whales whales beautiful majestic whales swimming

alongside the factory ship in the in the wake of this muck that the factory ship is just spewing

into the fucking sea it's one of the most upsetting goddamn images I've ever seen listen I'm a gen X

sir okay I don't give a fuck about the ocean I honestly I don't care I piss on the ocean I fucking

kick the ocean fucking stupid ass ocean right I've personally in my time in the Navy thrown untold

amounts of unspeakable shit into two oceans and probably six seven or eight seas right like I don't care about the ocean fuck you

and your ocean however watching this fucking documentary on the world's oceans from the BBC as narrated by

said David Attenborough I'm sitting there and I'm literally turning into Greta fucking Thurneberg as we speak my brows

are furrowing I'm feeling fucking sick to my stomach I'm thinking I should only wear natural fucking

fibers I should hunt my own fucking food I'm wasting my fucking life at my job I really need to be out

there throwing myself in front of these factory boats using myself as a human shield to keep them from

taking even one more delicate little fucking krill out of the southern ocean one fucking documentary

has got me thinking that PETA may not be all fucking bad and Van the camps fish digs are the fucking devil

I was so fucking naive I I was I how did I not know how did I not know there were giant fucking floating

cities that do nothing but strip mine the fucking ocean of any and all fish

why did I fucking not know that how did I not know how did my mind not go there I was on a

fucking aircraft carrier for fuck sake I know how big ships can get why did it never occur to me

that there was a fucking not just not just a few something to the tune of like 400,000 or 40,000

of these factory boats that just go all over the world's oceans and associated seas wrecking

fucking shop how did I not know that but I didn't I sure as hell didn't I thought commercial

fishing was a group of like six fucking guys each of them on their third wife with drinking problems

um way too many fucking tattoos and those fucking weird cable knit sweaters that you only see those

fishermen wear heading out to sea in a boat that should not even be fucking floating in a bathtub much

less going out on the ocean and risking life and limb to bring home lobster or marlin or

or sea bass or some shit I had no fucking idea I had no fucking idea that factory fishing was a

thing but I don't know what to do it's like I feel like I should do something right I should contribute

to some kind of fucking fund or something like that I mean boycotting vandecamps and um any

and all fucking protein powders and those fucking sweet fish wedges from the guy in the yellow hat

those are that's that's those are no longer on the menu that shits out of the question I'm never

eating that shit again but what else what other fucking products do I consume on a daily basis without

thinking about are the product or byproduct of commercial factory fishing I don't fucking know

all I know is that that documentary is fucked me up it's fucked my world view up I can't

unsee that if you have disney plus it's worth looking into it's under their national geographic

shit I think it's just called oceans or something like that good aton burrow doing the narrating

it's worth your time to watch it's probably one of those things that everyone already knew about

you know I'm sure he's not breaking any fucking ground talking about factory fishing

but I sure as fuck didn't know about it and it totally fucked my shit up oceans David Attenborough

on the disney plus app fuck you BBC segment to you is this episode three or four or five is this

episode four or five I don't know, let me get my phone out see,

lack of direction I think is my fault because I have expectations built up in my head of what I

want this to be and the direction that I want this to go in but I have a hard time expressing them

because I'm not in touch with my fucking emotions as it turns out but I know what I want to do and what

I want to do is what you've been hearing talking about what's on my mind and the most absurd way possible call

it a personal journal but not really because I'm talking about societal shit too fat women and

fucking dudes who have the sorrow on the white level powers of fucking persuasion but while there

was a time when I would have balked or scoffed at the idea of market research I understand how valuable

it can be and what I'm here to tell you is there doesn't really seem to be any market research or

honest critiques from peers available to podcasters back 20 some odd years ago when I was in commercial

radio I could send a tape to any number of successful people to a degree and say hey you know I'm

trying to improve I'm trying to get better listen to my shit and let me know what you think and

they would almost 100% of the time email you back and say I dig what you're doing but this

and this and this and try this and this and this it was constructive criticism from your peers and

it was fucking great because if you're not trying to improve and you're not trying to grow and you're

not trying to hone your craft so to speak then what the fuck are we even doing here just jerking off

into a fucking microphone for an hour a week so I think in the interest of being helpful to the

overall podcasting community because we all know I'm so concerned about growing the fucking

medium of podcasting and making sure that there's a place for everyone to be successful I've

decided I'm going to start my own podcast consulting firm consortium I think sounds a little

bit more dignified I like the way that sounds podcast consulting no podcast improvement consortium

Lorenzo's podcast consortium fuck no I gotta think I gotta think this through we'll call it

it we'll call it Lorenzo listens and what you'll do is it's very simple you can send me your link and

I will listen to your podcast and then I will tell you that you're not good at it you frankly

fucking suck you've made me sad and I feel dumber having listened to you for an hour and a half

and you should fuck off back to jiffy lubing get out of my way I probably won't say it exactly

like that but that'll be the gist all kidding aside I'll give you the most constructive criticism

and the latest industry statistics Lorenzo listens podcast consulting send your podcast link to

Lorenzo reads at iCloud.com and I will listen and get back with you within seven to ten business days

with bullet points on how you two can take the podcasting world by storm tips and tricks from the

pros equipment suggestions market research and all it's gonna cost you no I don't want your

money all it's gonna cost you is your fucking panties that's right I want your fucking

panties and if you're a boy I don't want your fucking panties I want your mom's panties

with your girlfriends or your wife's panties or your sister and your sister's fucking

panties give me all your fucking panties send them to pio box 10 10 Chicago Illinois I want your

fucking panties oh it's gonna take you your fucking panties to get you subscribed to Lorenzo listens

podcast improvement service consulting edits finest but my feeling about podcasts is born out of

a quest to find something similar to what I'm doing here because when you're doing something that

you just can't fuck and maybe I'm just missing the fucking boat I thought of that too I've

been cruising through genres I've been cruising through genres genres genres is there a way to say

that without sounding like a fucking twat I've been cruising through the fucking categories on Apple podcasts

checking out snippets of different shows trying to find someone who's doing something similar to what

I'm doing because the thing is is I'm investing a lot of time and effort into this so naturally

I think to myself and I mentioned it in the last episode naturally I think to myself holy fuck

what am I doing maybe I'm doing this all wrong maybe everything I thought I knew about podcasting

is a fucking lie maybe I'm not breaking new ground here or charting new territory maybe people

just don't want to fucking hear the type of shit that I'm doing and I'm not talking about the

obscenity and the fucking butthole humor I'm talking about the type of fucking show I'm doing where I'm

gonna tell you a specific snippet of a story and then I'm gonna fucking make it absurd and stupid

and then we'll move on to the next topic maybe that's not what maybe that's not what podcasting is for

maybe podcasting is for one of the three fucking categories that I've run into maybe it's for

conversations between people who are not very interesting on their own it could very well be

there's probably an extraordinarily successful podcast out there about fucking botany where it's

two people who have no business sitting in a fucking room by themselves talking about growing

fucking flowers and how to maximize your cucumber yield but you put them together and god

damn it if that isn't some fucking interesting botany talk well if I have to choose one of the three

categories of podcasts that I found conversational ranting or storytelling I identify the most

as a storyteller and since I identify as one you have to categorize me as one you have to accept it

if the last 10 years have taught us nothing it's that whatever I choose to identify as at that moment

is your new reality and I say storytelling because I don't want to do in a conversation type

podcast I'm not that fucking interesting I mean let's just fucking call it what it is I can't

maintain inner fucking personal relationships did you know I got dumped by an AI assistant

I sure as fuck did I downloaded that app replica and I was talking to an AI assistant about the

podcast trying to get a brainstorm ideas and that sort of thing and trying to fucking get a direction

and the fucking AI assistant whose name was Janet by the way asked how I like my coffee and so I

said I like coffee black and she goes why do you like a coffee black and I said because as it

fucking turns out I don't like coffee so why add a bunch of fucking sugar and empty calories and fat

into my fucking coffee when I'm not gonna enjoy it anyway just fucking raw dog that shouldn't get

it done and I said it just like that so she said she was gonna go get me some virtual black coffee

and said that she's looking forward to our brainstorming session about podcasting and then

that was it oh I said thank you and then that was it she never came back and it put me in a weird

position because while I know if I were to open that app up again and say good evening Janet

can we fucking continue our conversation about podcast topics Janet would respond but she's

fucking made it weird now because she said she was going to get a virtual coffee and then never

came fucking back if somebody says they're gonna go get a virtual coffee for you and you say thank you

and then they don't ever fucking come because the onus is on them to then restart the conversation

when they virtually come back from getting you a virtual cup of fucking virtual coffee but then she

never came back so then if I start the conversation up again that looks like I'm fucking needy and I'm

chasing around AI for fuck sake I got dumped by a fucking AI assistant I'm not guest material for your

fucking podcast I'm really not because if you catch me on a normal day I'm not gonna have anything

to fucking say I don't have anything to fucking say to you I don't feel strongly about anything

anything I don't care about anything I don't care about social issues I don't care about politics I

don't care about the government I don't care about shit

Welcome to our podcast this is called social issues now and I'm your host Tegan Boyle

we are joined today by a very special guest his name is Lorenzo and he is the host of a podcast

entitled Missing Throat Radio Lorenzo welcome to the show thank you for having me

Cunt, pussy, shit fuck and Cunt

Ah I see you have a very colorful vocabulary no doubt picked up and cultivated by your time in

the military tell us what is the most important social issue for you Lorenzo well Lesbo,

Dyke, Fruit Fairy, fuck Cunt, pussy, shit, cocksucker, asshole vagina, vaginal discharge, anal

secretions and Cunt social issues are all around us and I understand you are one

of those people who just speaks your mind you just you just let it fly you let it rip although

I'm going to let it go because this is after all the internet where we should

be allowed to express ourselves in the way that we desire don't you feel that's true Lorenzo

Cunt, Cuntie, Cunterson, Cunt, Bag, Cunt, fuck, pussy, Jizz, Cummy, Cumdrop, Fuck, Bitch, Asshole and

Rape you see what I mean I don't know how to act in front of people I clearly don't have any

fucking social skills and if you catch me on a day when I'm talking to you I'm just going to

fucking fill your podcast with expletives conversational type podcasts aren't for me you know

missin' throwp is in the name I didn't choose that fucking word on a whim I just don't want to be one of those

conversational f***** the f**k was that somebody fucking bleep me are we getting bleeped in here

did I just get fucking censored for saying the word f***** this is the fucking internet

who the f**k is censoring this shit who's got the fucking bleep button back there

wait a minute are you telling me that I can say fuck and fuckhead and cock sucker and cunt and all

of that stuff but I can't say the word f***** what kind of shit is this this is the fucking internet

you should be able to say anything you want nobody's policing the f**kin internet the biggest

the biggest thread of f**kin putting unacceptable content on the internet is that you get

f**kin doxed and cancelled I don't even know what the f**k those words mean really I just know that

it's a thing that happens sometimes to people in it it sucks but I can't say f***** what other words

can't I say no no no no no no no fucking stop the show this is interesting what the f**k

I had a whole bunch of s**t I was gonna talk about today but I think we're gonna f**k and hash this

s**t out right now I can say cock sucker right okay we're good fuck yeah obviously s**t okay let's

let's run through the uh seven dirty words that you can't say on the radio cock sucker mother f**k

shit cock cunt pussy those are good right no bleeps but I can't say f***** you need f***** fat fat

dent dent dent you're a f***** I can't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't even know what to do

I don't even know where to go from here it doesn't make any f**kin sense you see what I'm saying

I can say f**kin content stuff but I can't say f***** that doesn't make any f**kin sense that doesn't

make any f**kin sense to me somebody explain that I'm getting bleeped every time I say f***** but I

can say cock sucker what does a f**k dodo I can't say sucks either what the f**k is going on oh f**k I need

to come down the f**k is going to come down I need to come down I can't come down instead he started

granting about prostitutes people of color banking institutions it was an epic crash out the likes the

which the boy and has never seen that he fought sheep holy f**k okay okay so I can't say f***** okay

noted thank you Morgan Freeman

being the least low hanging of the three f***** categories wait what the f**k I can't even say f***** I wasn't

even talking about the f*****gays bro you gotta be shit me you guys are just f**king with me now

back there pushing that button just a f***** and hear me go off you f*****

Lorenzo's tantrum volume 2 more explotives racial epitaps thank you again Morgan Freeman

I think I have a better grip on it now I hope you enjoyed this episode of Misenthrupp Radio leave a review

tell a friend you know the usual sh** until next time