This Episode is Different

Welcome to season 2 episode 4 of Missing Throwup Radio.

This episode is going to be a little bit different.

As the creator and founder of Missing Throwup Radio, I reserve the right to flip the script

anytime I like.

Historically speaking, I have an abstract or concrete thought, or something that is irritating

me, or something I've noticed, and I will do about 15 minutes on that topic and the most

absurd way imaginable.

I will then have that chick say segment 2, and then I will do it again.

Wash your ins repeat.

You typically get two topics per episode of Missing Throwup Radio, and we keep it moving.

I'm not going to say it's a formula, because it's not.

It's just kind of the way it works out.

I want to do about 30 minute episodes.

Typically do 10 to 15 minutes, sometimes 20 if I'm really passionate about something, and

then I move on to the next topic.

The last time I broke fucking character, I should say, and did an episode unlike what

we usually do here at Missing Throwup Radio was when that Ukrainian girl got stabbed in her

fucking neck, and then Charlie Kirk got killed.

I spent about 30 seconds on Charlie Kirk.

That episode was basically me lamenting the fact that we live in a place where A something

like that could happen, and B, a significant portion of the population is kind of okay with

it.

Right?

So that's the last time I really broke character and did something outside of my comfort

zone.

This is another one of those times.

I guess the best way to start off talking about what I'm going to talk to you about today

is to tell you, I'm in a moment of frank, complete honesty, I don't keep people.

I don't, and that's really the most plain way I can fucking say it.

I don't keep people.

I don't collect people.

I don't hoard people.

I don't have any long term friends.

And a lot of people meet folks in, let's say high school or college, and they become

there a long time life, long, and they play softball or they go fucking bowling or they

join a union together or some shit like that.

They attend church together.

They become mason's or whatever, or whatever normal people do.

I don't do that.

I've met tons of people.

I've connected with tons of people throughout the course of my life.

And then, life changes or geography changes or the job changes.

And once they're gone, they're just gone.

I don't write them off.

I, don't forgetーダ about them.

But I also have this deep-seated desire to never be a problem.

And it comes from my radio days, honestly.

This is a character flaw.

I, you know, everyone's on the fucking spectrum nowadays, right?

Everybody's got the fucking reason why they're unique or they're fitting into this particular

fucking niche category.

I don't know what you would call this, but I remember sitting in the office manager's

office in her phone rang and she looked at the fucking phone.

It was when back in the fucking day when everybody had those indestructible Nokia phones, she

looked at her phone and she rolled her eyes and she goes, God damn.

And she takes the call and she's just as pleasant and sweet as she could possibly be.

In the moment she hung up, her face dropped back.

Back into that of utter disgust and she kind of tossed her phone down on the desk and she

said something like, why can't people just move on?

And I was like, what do you mean?

And she goes, she hasn't worked here in five years and she still calls me like we're

best friends.

I'm not going to say that that was a watershed moment, but it's something that stuck

with me from that moment on.

I don't keep people because that moment sitting in that fucking dopey broad's office really

resonated with me.

It really stuck with me.

It plagued me.

And I remember saying to her, God damn, I hope you don't ever roll your fucking eyes like

that one I call someday.

And she goes, oh, I would never do that to you.

Yeah.

Why not?

What the fuck makes me any different than you ever the fuck that was on the phone?

That moment stuck with me.

And from that moment on, you can say Lorenzo doesn't keep people because I don't want to

be a bother.

I don't ever want to be the person that fucking calls and you roll your eyes at, put on a

fucking happy face and take the call.

So when the environment changes, when whatever brought us together to connect on whatever

level is altered, changed or severed, I just fade away into the background.

I become somebody that you used to know.

I guess you'd call that insecurity or questioning my own self worth.

Maybe it is.

I don't fucking know.

I just哦 that once I move on or you move on from a job or a town or a situation, I'm

gonna fade away.

I'm gonna fade slowly out of your life.

It's never a blow up.

There's never a shatter point where you have to decide whether or not you want to continue

knowing me.

It's never fucking unpleasant.

I just quietly fade away.

I say all that to say this.

Throughout the course of this podcast episode, you're going to hear me refer to people as

my friend.

I had a friend or I have a friend or this guy I know understand that I no longer know

them.

They're in the past, some in the recent past, some in the distant past.

They're people that I used to know.

Some of them may not even remember my fucking name, but conversations that we've had or interactions

that we've had have stuck with me and I would still consider them to be a friend.

It sounds really fucking sad and lonely when I say that, but it's not.

I'm leading up to something here, bear with me.

A friend of mine recently passed away.

I say passed away because it's not like he had a fucking car accident or fell off a building

or had a heart attack having sex with a hooker or something like that.

If you grabbed him up a couple days before he died and said, hey, there

is this fucking guy named Lorenzo who counts you

not.

Go.

But I read his obituary and this has really bothered me.

It's been bothering me for a week ever since I read his obit.

It's been weighing on my mind.

This man died peacefully in his sleep.

He is survived by his wife and his two kids who loved him dearly.

He will be remembered fondly as someone who was absolutely at the pinnacle of their fucking

craft and their professional life.

Donations can be made here and whatnot.

But what bothered me is this.

Yes, he is survived by his wife.

He had not lived with his wife for 40 years.

They were estranged.

They were not divorced.

That's true.

They weren't.

But it was not a fucking closely guarded secret that this man was gay.

He was one of those old school.

Never really came out of the closet.

But everyone knew.

We all knew.

We all knew the man was gay.

He had a partner, a lifelong partner.

He wasn't out there fucking hitting the fucking hot tub

but it bothered me in a way that it's taken me almost a week to classify.

He was gay as queer as a three dollar bill.

We never talked about it.

We never discussed it.

He never came out of the closet.

But everyone knew he was gay.

Everyone knew that the guy he lived with was not his roommate.

He was his partner.

They went everywhere together.

They were seen all over town.

They were never seen holding hands or making out in public or wearing fucking rainbow

t-shirts or anything like that.

And what bothered me about his obituary was the fact that the man that he chose to spend

his life with was not mentioned in the open.

And I wonder how many people read that fucking obituary who knew him because he was a very

popular dude, very well known throughout the state and in the industry he was in, I'm

going to say nationally at least regionally famous.

I wonder how many people read that obituary and said, well where's Brian's name?

Why is Brian been left out of the fucking obit?

And it's not like I was reading the obituary waiting for them to fucking mention Brian

with the family saying and survived, you know, survived by his wife, his two kids.

And Brian, his gay lover.

And Brian, his catchers met and Brian, his fucking giz pocket.

I didn't think that they were going to fucking out him like that in the newspaper.

You know what I mean?

But I did kind of expect there to be something to suggest that Brian was an important part

of this man's life and survived by, you know, wife, two kids and best friend Brian or lifelong

pal Brian or just goddamn Brian.

Why didn't they put Brian in there?

It's been weighing on me.

It's been fucking bothering me.

It's actually bothering me quite a bit.

You know, I talk a lot of shit on missing through a radio.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I

I do.

I do.

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is this. This man was deeply religious and also gay. He went to church every Sunday and took

a very active role in his church every Sunday but was also gay. Attended church faithfully

sang in the choir with his partner and was also both of them extraordinarily gay but when

it came time when the man was dead and he had the opportunity to make sure that the people

who survived him extolled the virtues of this man Brian who he gave 40 fucking plus years

of his

did not.

It was never going to go to the fucking funeral but one of the factors that kept me away from this

funeral, was I could not go and watch that fucking farce play out. This man's wife is a great lady

and his kids I'm sure are fucking wonderful and that's great but they're gonna sit there

and they're gonna fold the fucking flag and they're going to hand it to her and she's

gonna be weeping all in black bitch you haven't lived with him in 50 fucking years and I

did not want to be there to see Brian standing in the fucking back all dressed in black with

fucking sunglasses and an umbrella. You know what I mean because we couldn't fucking publicly

acknowledge the fact that this man was gay less there be shame cast upon the family. Everybody

fucking knew it was the worst kept secret in the Midwest. Everyone fucking knew he was gay

everybody and I didn't want to have to see Brian standing in the back or standing to the side

quietly fucking grieving the loss of the man he loved more than anyone else in the world.

I didn't want to fucking I didn't want to see that probably was never gonna go anyway but I

definitely was not gonna go watch that the moment I read that obituary and saw that his life

partner had been excluded from that obituary I immediately played out in my mind the bullshit

that his funeral was gonna be and I wasn't gonna go watch that happen. These people were raised

in a time when being gay was shameful when it was a mortal sin. Hell it may be I don't fucking know

and that kind of brings me to what I want to talk to you about today religion and my problem with

it all of the conflicting emotions and intersecting and contradictory thoughts that I have and

experiences I guess that I have that pertain to religion I've been a lot of places lived in a lot

of places seen a lot of people met a lot of people known a lot of people experienced a lot of different

religions firsthand and in the case of this man he lived his life in the shadows and never publicly

acknowledged who he really was not even in death and in the case of this man I put the blame for him

feeling like he needed to conceal himself squarely on the shoulders of a society that bows to

religion you know one of the things I hear people say all the time is that they have a fundamental

issue with going to church because of the people the people make fucking church fucked up and they

hate church because of the people right and if you've listened to missing throw-per-ity

over in 2.0 for any fucking period of time you know that I can't stand people on a fundamental

level it almost doesn't matter what people do

he was an avid churchgoer loved his church gave his time talent and treasure to his church family

my question is this why would an organization like a Christian church accept the time talent and

treasure of a man who is obviously clearly and not very secretly gay why would they do that

I want you to take a 700 foot view of Christianity with me the bible is very clear very clear

on what God's stance is on homosexuality very clear there's not much room for misinterpretation

I guess I could sit here and thumb through the fucking bible for you and give you all the different

passages telling you that if you're

fucking gay you're going to fucking burn in a lake of fire if you're fucking gay you are damn

eternally okay I mean I guess I guess I could do that but I don't really research here on

misanthroofradio you know what I mean I was so I've never done it before so why would I start now

if you grew up with a Christian background like I did you know that the bible is very fucking clear

on homosexuality so I understand why a gay man would want to go to church I get it it's for a

sense of community and it's for the belief that God loves everyone even if he doesn't love what

you do so I don't question why this man was involved in his church I totally get it and I don't

necessarily even question why the church allowed him to become a member if you are an organization

whose entire goal is to bring people in off the streets educate them in the ways of your religion

so they can share eternal life with you you're going to accept to accept anyone who comes with an

open heart I understand that piece too I get it I understand why he went and I understand why they

let him stay my problem is this why would an organization whose textbook says in numerous places

throughout its pages what God's stance is on homosexuality why would that organization accept

the time talent and treasure of someone that they know is gay but that's what they did he gave

tons of fucking money to this church he gave tons of money and tons of his time and tons of his talent

to this church why would they accept that if they were real if they were honest with themselves

and if they were honestly trying to live according to the tenants of the book that they

extol is the exact fucking word of God why would they accept the time talent and treasure of someone

that they know according to their teachings is going to burn in hell why would they do that

it doesn't make any fucking sense I ended like I said I understand why they let him stay they're

hoping that he will repent and see the light I understand why he went he wants to just fucking

belong and he doesn't believe he's damned and honestly I don't know that it's even their place to

tell him you could make the case that they should have met him at the door and been like we know that

you are one of them fucking gays you can just turn around and take your faggot ass right

back to your truck on one hand it would make perfect sense for them to do that and there's maybe

even a little bit of fucking respect you got to have for an organization that's going to live that

fucking gangster you know an organization that believes their shit is the truth so much that

they're willing to fucking turn people away who

who live a lifestyle contrary to what they believe to the

I don't necessarily agree with that but I do think it's hypocritical and even a little predatory

to accept the time talent and treasure from a man that you know according to your

religion's textbook is damned to hell but they did they took every

fucking time he gave happily they happily took that money and from what I'm told he gave a

significant portion of his fortune to that church over the course of time it's dishonest

and it's dishonest in a very fucking gross upsetting way chasing the almighty dollar

is what it feels like to me from the outside looking in now I don't want you to think that this is

an anti-Christianity rant that I'm on here because it's not all I'm saying if I'm saying anything

is that the man

is shame attached to their lifestyle in a society that was founded on Christian principles and that

Christian church willingly accepted all of the time talent and treasure that the recently departed

had to give this man was gay I'm even relatively confident that he and his partner Brian attended

this church together that's how open they were in their relationship they just didn't fucking

make out in public and when it came time for this organization to celebrate this motherfucker's life

they excluded the person that he chose to spend his life with simply because society has been

taught to think a certain way about people of that lifestyle by the very organization that accepted

all of his time talent and treasure what the fuck and no one is really I don't think outraged

except me the few people I've tried to talk to about this are just like yeah it's fucked up but

you know that's just the way it is no it's not okay I'm not just gonna fucking wave it off as one

of those things that we just need to accept this as fucking reality why the fuck is it like this

if you're not gonna fucking accept the man wholly into your fucking church that don't fucking

accept him at all certainly don't accept his money a Christian organization if they were being

honest would have sat down and had a meeting with this man when he decided to join that church

and just laid it all out there in the open and the conversation would have gone something like this

you know we really appreciate that you chose us we want you to be here we love seeing you walk

through those doors let's just get down to brass tacks here and lay all our fucking cards on the

table we all know your gay everyone in the world knows your gay you're the gayest man in America okay

we want you here we want you to be part of the congregation we want you to come here and worship

the Lord with us however because of your lifestyle and the fact that our textbook the foundation of

our very organization says that you are in fact eternally damned

to hell we cannot accept your time talent and treasure so keep your money and you can't be on any

committees and that's probably fucked up to say but we would be betraying our tenants and what we

hold is true if we allowed you to throw a bunch of money at us and give us your time other than that

though welcome coffee and donuts after church and we do not have time to do that and we do not have

coffee and donuts after church and we do have Sunday school and it's pretty instructive we think that

you you will enjoy the lessons good talk and if he was then willing to participate in that church

under those terms then fucking great but at least everything was being done honestly in above board

you know I don't know I don't know that I'm making any fucking sense at all all I know for sure is

that it fucking rub me the wrong way the whole fucking thing rub me the wrong way and I'm not even

saying that Christianity is a bad fucking option I think it's great especially when you compare it to

other world religions fucking Hindus are nuts okay have you ever interacted with honest to god Hindus

like devout Hindus those motherfuckers I had a conversation with a guy named Sherwin he was an Indian from

India and I made some kind of fucking off handed comment about the Ganges River being the most polluted

body of water in the world and he stood there and looked me directly in my face and said no it's not

it is the pure tears of Ganesha or some shit like that I don't remember the fucking god associated with

water in the world I said are you joking and he said no I said bro I've seen footage of the

fucking Ganges River it's a constant flow of fucking trash and incidentally the occasional dead body

floating down river but Hindus are so fucking delusional they will stand in the Ganges River

amidst fucking dead bodies floating by and fucking piles of trash and dead manities and it's in

shit and look you right in your face and tell you know this is the most pure and sacred water in the

world completely fucking delusional okay so if you're not gonna be a Hindu and Christianity is not

for you what is there Islam okay Muslims are obviously insane okay oh that hang on but are they

Islam is 1394 years old Christianity is 2000 years old only in the last 200 or so years has Christianity

stopped being fucking crazy so if we're going to use Christianity as a template for the

maturation of a world religion we have about 400 more years of Muslims be heading in the delus and

stoning chicks who've seen more than one penis before they fucking chill out a little bit because

the first 1600 years or so of Christianity was off the fucking chain lest we not forget where the

fuck we came from all right I think I'm just gonna fucking go ahead and stick up fork in this

episode of Misenthroperadio this really kind of isn't what I wanted to do but I sat down to record

Misenthroperadio first of all I talked about how I was

sick yet again that didn't make the cut and then I went into talking about government I definitely

don't want to fucking talk about politics I'm taking a fucking step back away from that by the way

I got caught up in the fucking news cycle accidentally again for about two weeks and I really

started to fucking care about what's going on with the government shutdown and shit like that and I

had a fucking moment of clarity and I was like okay wait hold on that's not in your fucking

wheelhouse you're not interested in that don't fucking talk about this on Misenthroperadio

but when that friend of mine died and I saw that obituary I kind of flew off the rails a little bit

and I just I couldn't sit I couldn't make myself sit down and tell dick jokes and be stupid it

doesn't have to be dick jokes all the time thanks for listening until next time