Asians and Lamenting the Irrelevance of Podcasts

Happy New Year and welcome to season two episode five of Missing Throat Radio.

I've been gone. I don't know if you noticed. But the time around the holidays in my professional

life is really, really fucking intense and then add to that the fucking holidays, the pressure

that goes with those and the personal life commitments. I just didn't have time to sit down

and knock out an episode of Missing Throat Radio. I do apologize, but I'm back now. Let's get into this.

Missing Throat Radio. Pissie piss mongering fucking piss pot of the damned.

Missing Throat Radio. International cream corn fuck

headdery. Missing Throat Radio. Simply a dirty

juice. Missing Throat Radio. And as the young man knew full well, chicken fried steak couldn't

fuck back. All it could do was be delicious.

Missing Throat Radio starts now. Why do they make everything so fucking gay? Allow me to explain.

During my two month long forced hiatus, I found myself at a fucking

hebachi restaurant, not one of my favorite places to go. But I found myself there anyway.

If you've never been to a hebachi restaurant or you're from one of the few areas of the country

that just don't have one, allow me to fucking explain. You're ushered to a table. You take your seat.

You are at the table with seven to eight people that you don't know all arrayed around the outside

of a gigantic goddamn flat grill. The server walks up and takes your order. Then gets your sushi order

if you're brave enough to order some of that shit. And then you order your main course.

The main course you only have very few options to choose from. Steak, chicken, shrimp,

sometimes scallops sometimes lobster and any combination therein.

On this particular day, I decided I wanted the steak and shrimp. Then what typically happens is

you wait for a while and some little fucking Asian dude rolls up with a steel cart with a whole bunch

of shit on it and prepares your meal right in front of you. Set in fucking onions on fire and

flipping noodles all over the place, throwing shrimp across the restaurant. It's meant to be dinner

and a show which in and of itself is a little gay. No little Asian chef you're not going to

fucking flip shrimp into my mouth. I am a goddamn godfaring straight American man. No fucking man

is going to. It's going to be flipping food into my mouth. Understand what I'm saying here?

It's just not going to happen. If that makes me a homo-thobbed and so fucking be it, I don't care.

If it makes me intolerant, so be it. I don't care.

And after the fucking dude is flipping shit and throwing stuff and making idiotic jokes that you

can barely understand over the fucking sizzle of the grill and his shit fucking accent,

he eventually gets around to serving you your main course. Now it's not just steak and shrimp.

No, you get your steak and shrimp, you get some noodles, you get some fried rice, you get some

grilled vegetables, the food is actually actually good. But here's the part that I have a problem with.

They have a fucking sauce that is orange-ish pink and it's absolutely fucking delicious

and they give you a little cup. They give you a little cup of that shit and they give you a

little cup of this ginger sauce. The ginger sauce I don't have a problem with, I don't particularly love, but I use

sparingly. The other sauce however, I could fucking drink it. It's absolutely amazing. It's amazing

in every way. I like to mix it into my my fucking rice of my. I like to put it on my noodles. I like to

smother everything on the fucking plate in this sauce so naturally one little cup is not going to be

enough for me, but in order to get more of it, they always make you use its name. The name of this

delicious little sauce is the fucking problem. I don't want to say the name, I don't want to have to

say the ridiculous fucking name that the Asians gave one of the most delicious sauces I've ever had in

my life. So I end up pointing to it to it and saying can I get another cup of that and he goes what,

and I was like another cup of that sauce right there and he's like what are you talking about?

Which sauce? And I say that sauce right there and he goes what's it called? And I just let loose

an exasperated sigh. Yum yum sauce. Can I get some more of the yum yum sauce? Of course you have all

the yum yum sauce you want. And then he happily pours another fucking cup full of the yum yum sauce

and fucking drops it next to my plate while I'm hanging my head in shame. It's not a fucking word

I want to say. I don't want to fucking say yum yum sauce in order to get it and this is my problem

with the Asian people in general. Why do they have to make everything? So fucking gay.

They do that shit on purpose. I'm convinced that it's all fucking done on purpose and then they go

back to their little fucking Asian homes and sit around and snicker about all the fucking stupid

Americans who said they're dumb ass goddamn names that they gave to shit all day long.

Nobody honestly and sincerely names something yum yum sauce. You see what I'm saying? It has to

be a fucking joke. Of course it's a fucking joke. How can it not be a fucking joke? An hour

expense but we're so fucking stupid that we just goddamn say it. We've just embraced the fact

that the Asians use stupid fucking words. And we've accepted it and we've not looked for the

fucking joke but it's a fucking joke. At our expense I guarantee it there's no one sincerely naming

something yum yum sauce. It's just not fucking happening. If you could somehow catch a group of

Asians with their fucking guards down and you ask for some of that fucking orange sauce and you

call it yum yum sauce they're gonna fucking laugh at you. Of course they are. Why do they make stuff so

fucking gay and it's not just the yum yum sauce. They name shit gay stuff all the fucking time.

Boba T chicken fucking delight. Nothing is fucking named chicken delight. Nobody names a dish chicken

delight with any degree of sincerity. It's a fucking joke that they're playing on you and they're

playing it on me. Yeah I've got a problem with Asians. I really do because they're not sincere.

That's the thing. That's what that's where I'm coming from. If you could convince me that they're

actually naming shit yum yum sauce with a degree of sincerity without having their fucking tongues

firmly implanted into their fucking cheeks then I would probably not cringe every time I read, say,

and or hear the words yum yum sauce. But as it is at this point in misentrobredeo you know me.

You know that I fucking grab onto things and I place way too much meaning into things and I look

for threads to pull and then I pull those fucking threads and you're never gonna

gonna convince me. You're never gonna convince me that they are not sitting around. Shane's smoking

with their fucking legs crossed in the back somewhere with no shoes on. Laughing at how many people

they made say yum yum sauce that day. I'll never be convinced. Why do Asians make shit so fucking

gay because they want to laugh at us? That's exactly what it is. Stop playing their game. If you stop

playing their fucking game I can stop playing their game. That's the fucking thing. That motherfucker

knew exactly what I was pointing at. When I was pointing at that little cup of orange shit he knew exactly

what I wanted. I wanted some more of that fucking orangeish pink sauce but he made me say the word.

Why? Because you say the fucking word. If you call it yum yum sauce and your mom calls it yum yum sauce

and your girlfriend calls it yum yum sauce and your fucking brother calls it yum yum sauce and you do

it with your chin held high and your shoulders fucking back with no degree of shame because you don't

realize you're being mocked when someone like me comes along who understands I'm being mocked

and I refuse to call it fucking yum yum sauce and I just point at it and ask for more of that orange

shit. I don't have a fucking leg to stand on when he plays dumb. Do you see what I'm saying here?

The fact that you fucking buy into it is the reason that I have to fucking say yum yum sauce in public.

I'm a grown-ass goddamn American man. I should never have to fucking use any variant of the word

yummy. Okay? Yum yum sauce is as bad as yummy except it's fucking more acceptable because Asians

fucking put it out there into the world. If you're a fucking grown-ass man with a beard like me

and you're sitting down at a table and you put your finger in some fucking sauce and taste it and

you look across the table and a group of men and you say that sauce is yummy. They're gonna fucking

slap the shit out of you as they should but that same group of fucking American men with

beards and tattoos can be

you butt into it which in and of itself if you think about it if you want to take a liberal view of

this let's take a look at this like a liberal fucking puke you fucking standing there with honor

courage and commitment and your fucking chin held high asking for more yum yum sauce in and of itself

is its own form of racism. Stay with me here. It's actually racist of you to give Asian people a

pass for calling some shit yum yum sauce because you would not accept a name for something like

yum yum from any other fucking ethnic group. You let Asians get away with it because they're

ridiculous and they're known to be ridiculous and people in their fucking cartoons are getting

fucked with

tentacles and we nuke them and they typically have bad haircuts and they're all short and

they're carbon copies of each other. They fucking name things ridiculous shit on purpose to mock us

and we just fucking accept it because we're fucking dirty racists and we think that anything Asians

do is supposed to be gay. That's a that's one way to look at it I guess. Like chicken delight

I'm gonna come back to it like chicken delight nobody honestly fucking names their food chicken delight

nobody fucking does that okay anything that I want to eat I'm not attaching delight

to the end of but we fucking accept it from the Asians okay let's say you walk into Lorenzo's

fucking stay-house and you've been waiting hours to get into Lorenzo's stay-house and sample his

fucking absolutely amazing food and the server comes up to you and says welcome to Lorenzo's

stay-house our specials for tonight are prime rib and chicken delight. Are you even gonna

fucking consider the chicken delight? No because you're not gonna fucking go to the trouble to ask

what the fuck chicken delight is something with the name delight is not appetizing it could be chicken

gently sauteed in the juices of Shakira's vagina and you're not gonna fucking try it nor even

ask about it because you're at a stay-house owned by a fucking white man and he had the balls

to name something delight we let the fucking Asians get away with way too much shit all right we let

him get away with it too much shit you know I was in a town adjacent to the one that I work in I ran

over there to get some shit and I was on my way back it was lunchtime and I saw a Chinese restaurant

there in town and I thought okay well I'll just pull in and check that out and I noticed it was a

Chinese because the name was fucking stupid and then it had those stupid fucking dragon things with

the red tassels you know what I'm talking about it's like a bad statue of a fucking dragon standing on

its hind legs and then there were tassels so as if the dragon wasn't fucking bad enough the tassels

really set it off and let me know that that was probably a Chinese restaurant so I pulled in there

and I'm fucking looking up at the marquee at the name and I'm like ninth happiness huh okay so when

I say to you that the name of this Chinese restaurant was ninth happiness I want you to think about

that a minute the name of the Chinese restaurant was ninth happiness huh what did your mind go to

now I know what my mind went to and here we are I'm gonna I'm gonna point out the inherent

fucking low-key racism that goes along with Asians in general okay because when I saw the name

ninth happiness I thought huh well it must be some kind of fucking esoteric um

Asian lore some fucking philosophy thing Asian philosophy that's a thing they're all about the

philosophy those fucking widely Asians right it's gotta be Asian philosophy Asian philosophy ninth

happiness I wonder if they're saying that this restaurant represents the ninth happiness out

And then I had second happiness and third happiness and so on to where this is the ninth

fucking happiness.

It's literally the fucking ninth restaurant Ron in his chain of fucking disgusting Chinese

restaurants named happiness.

It's fucking racism.

You went the

the same way that I did when I said.

9.

You were like, huh, I wonder if that's some kind of weird fucking agent philosophical thing you fucking

know you did.

a fucking lie to me.

So anyway

of Chinese restaurants what's the deal with their fucking bathrooms?

And you know there's been stand-up comedians do entire fucking shows about how disgusting

Chinese restaurant bathrooms's are you'

everyone has is she watches the beef she watches it you're like okay and then she'll set it out and she'll do some shit with it

as it's not even got damn cooked it yet and then she'll take that fucking beef and she'll slice it super fucking thin and then she'll cover it in like baking soda or some shit and then she'll wash it again.

that's four washes now on the fucking beef and you it's it hasn't even hit the fucking heat heat yet and then she'll go ahead and throw some chilies and green onions and other assorted things into the fucking walk and then finally stir fry the goddamn beef.

So at first glance you're like man she washed that fucking beef four times man they're really about that cleanliness over there in food safety but then you go to a Chinese restaurant you walk into the goddamn bathroom you're trying to tell me that your bathrooms look like that but you're in the back

back they're washing shit four times before you cook it fuck off it's all fucking propaganda it's all fuck all of it the whole fucking thing is designed to make us look fucking stupid I'm telling you I'm telling you it's all a fucking joke

when they get together and they have their big fucking Asian conventions they just sit around and talk about how the fucking round eyes are so stupid because they believe that we wash everything for fucking times and we make them say yum yum sauce.

Fuck I can't believe I'm the only one that's this why am I the only one that can see this it's all a fucking act it's all a fucking act they can all fucking speak English probably better than you and I but they pretend like they can't speak English and they give

stuff ridiculous names and they fucking make you believe that you can do anything with fucking chopsticks and they espoused to have fucking really

hyped sanitation standards but their fucking bathrooms have literally never been cleaned they do all of this shit to

fuck with you man to fuck with me and I'm saying this and I'm putting this out there in the ether because I'm

telling you that they don't fucking fool me they don't fucking fool me anymore I don't know that they

ever did but they definitely don't know but as long as you continue to fucking buy into it and have this low key

racism thing going on where you just fucking accept whatever horse shit they fucking spoon at you because you truly believe in your heart

that there's some kind of fucking subspecies and you're more evolved than them or something like that and that's why you let

them get away with naming things yum yum sauce and making you think that you can fucking literally rule the world

with fucking chopsticks a race of people in a culture that came up with kung fu and Toyota has the ability to give

something a name more intelligent sounding than yum yum sauce Asian culture came up with Toyota they were folding

fucking steel to make the most amazing swords ever created 900 years ago okay look at all the things that they

do with rice for fuck sake these motherfuckers be making building materials out of rice okay and you're

telling me that they honestly and sincerely named that yum yum sauce no they did it as a judgment on

your fucking ignorance of their culture it's nefarious it's not genuine it's disingenuous and every time

you utter the words yum yum sauce with sincerity with your mouth watering with your gut fucking jiggling with

your jolly fucking fat goddamn fingers fumbling with your fucking chopsticks at the goddamn bachie joint all you're doing

is making them right they named it yum yum sauce they named it chicken delight they named it ninth

happiness they named that tea boba as a judgment on your ignorance stop letting them get away with it so

I don't have to fucking let them get away with it anymore I've peeled back the layers I've opened your

fucking eyes you have no fucking excuse now Lorenzo has done this for you stop giving the fucking

Asians a pass hold them accountable stop letting them make a fool of you all right I get a fucking stop

here I can do this all day on the next segment forget the wikis and the dry history lessons this is

nerd chronicles baked law the deep dive podcast for people who prefer their multiverse history with a

high level perspective and a very laid back vibe we're unpacking the biggest stories in gaming

sci-fi and fantasy one puffer to time nerd chronicles baked law out now on all platforms hit subscribe

and settle in segment two I spoke to somebody today who had never heard of Johnny Carson I don't

know why the fucking blew my mind because I know on a fundamental level and I'm not sure I came

up with this I feel like this is something somebody else said somebody waste smarter and more insightful

than me but I might have said it I don't know but the the phrase is this the lesson is this

everything is two generations away from being completely forgotten being lost to history I feel like

that's something Dan Carlin probably said and I loved it so much that I just fucking made it part of my

everyday use you know what I mean I fucking packed it into my lexicon and made it my own but it's

it's true everything is fucking two generations away from being lost forever the more I think about it

the more I think it is Dan Carlin and he may not have come up with it either he's such a fucking

student of history he might have grabbed it from one of the fucking historians that he references

all the time and I think I may be wrong but I feel like it came out of his epic five or six part

series on World War've one Dan Carlin if you don't know who that is fucking googling he's one

of the very few podcasts that I don't miss I had to explain to somebody today who Johnny Carson was

and it completely fucking blew my mind and again everything is two generations away from being

lost to history so for your young folks your generation alphas and generation z's why would they

know who Johnny Carson was he what we went off the air in what 92 94 I think it was 92 but for someone

from my generation or older Johnny Carson was the most famous person on the planet and I feel like

I can say that confidently Johnny Carson was the most famous person on the entire fucking planet

for 30 years so in 30 years from 1994 to 2024 30 years and change I should say the memory of

Johnny Carson has already begun to fade it blew my mind and it was kind of fucking demotivating

to be completely honest with you I feel like when I sit down here and do an episode of Miss

and Throwbredio I am doing comedy that may or may not stay in the test of time I really try to not

talk about current events I try to not talk about the politics of the day I try to talk about societal

things or humanity things or human nature things that are going to stand the test of time the fact

that I'm not interested in politics in any way is irrelevant but having to explain to somebody who

the fuck Johnny Carson was really fucking kick me in the nuts it hit me it hit me hard what the

fuck are we doing then why am I sitting down behind this microphone if I'm not creating something

that's going to stand the test of time but then I get to thinking about other podcasters in

this industry who is creating content that is going to stand the test of time not Joe Rogan Joe Rogan

shit from two years ago is antiquated and unlistenable the world has changed in just two years how you

could even say episodes that Joe Rogan did last week are fucking antiquated and no longer relevant

because the world is changing at such a rapid fucking pace there's only a couple of podcasters

whose body of work I think are going to stand the test of time Dan Carlin being one of them

Dan Carlin dude I'm a fucking geek for hardcore history and I make no fucking bones about it

you can call it a man crush you can say I'm you can say I'm gay for Dan Carlin I don't care

I fucking love what he does I could never do what he does but the way he breaks down historical

events and large global conflicts and geopolitical situations in a way that's consumable to everyone

who bothers to listen is timeless his deliveries timeless the contents timeless everything about Dan

Carlin and hardcore history is timeless he's going to stand the test of time for example in that

World War One series that he did and I i don't remember what it was called an example of the way

he puts things in perspective that challenges the way you see the world it can be found in that five

first six fucking part series on World War One and it was just a quip it was just a thing that

he threw out there and it's the it's so fucking true and I don't think that people view the world

this way he said that prior to the midpoint I think of World War One the fastest thing on the battlefield

throughout the course of human history moved at the speed of a horse well then at the midway

point through World War One things started getting mechanized and the horse was no longer the fastest

thing on the battlefield it blew my fucking mind Dan Carlin has the ability to stand the test of time

I think Aaron Manky may have the ability to stand the test of time just because he tells timeless

ghost stories on his podcast called lore other than that I think what we do here what podcasters do

here day in day out is just going to evaporate into the fucking ether and it won't even be two

generations later that people forget about us like they did Johnny Carson we can be forgotten about

in a matter of days and as I find myself listening to more and more podcasts I find myself thinking

I've got to stop fucking listening to more and more podcasts I have to fucking quit I have to pick

two or three that I really enjoy and I have to pick two or three that are performing at a

fucking level that I aspire to I have to stop listening to shit casts or I'm just going to put out a

shit product you see what I'm saying for example I was listening to one the other day

and it was super fucking demotivating not demotivating on the level of heaven to explain who the

was to somebody but it was really fucking demotivating in that this person this group of people I

should say have a pretty good fucking following they they have people who almost tune into their

fucking live cast like it's appointment radio you know what I mean and I tuned in because all I see

on social media is this you know tune into this show this show this show this show this time we're

going to be doing this and we're talking to this person and like okay well these people might

shit together let me see if they're doing something that I can fucking relate to or something that's

going to motivate me to take misentral radio to the next level so I fucking clicked and listened

and here's basically what I heard the host of the show was this fucking old guy who somebody

along the way had told him he had a fucking great voice and he really fucking leaned in on that

and made it his identity so everything he fucking said sounded like he was either moaning coming

or puking into the fucking mic I got to the point where I couldn't even follow the fucking

conversation because I was so fucking attuned to the even laughed like he was fucking puking you know

what I mean he even laughed like he was in love with the sound of his own voice it was fucking

crazy his sidekick was some fucking know it all female who did her best to keep him on track oh my

god you're like so witty and when you come with these quips how do you keep a straight face when

you're telling jokes like that it's like I'm worshipful of you oh my god I'm so worshipful

see what I'm saying you did it again you just do it all the time

and they went on back and forth with this fucking weird banter with him throwing up into the

fucking microphone and her complimenting him on his timing for the first five six seven eight minutes

of the fucking show and randomly in the middle they would stop and play some kind of weird musical

interlude that was AI generated and then go right back into the vomiting and that sounded

basically like this

was that fucking AI no way you fucking totally fooled me that was an AI song I thought you really

sang it and they went on like this for like 25 30 minutes and just when I had gotten to the point

where I couldn't fucking take it anymore a third mic showed up this fucking guy obviously not quite

right but he just came on they introduced him and he just started spitting fucking fact hey

sorry I'm late did you know that the capy bar it doesn't actually swim he just runs across the

bottom of the pond or river or whatever the body of water that he's run across and he can run across

it at almost 14 kilometers per hour oh yeah that's such a fucking fun factoid the show just isn't

the same when you're not here something else I learned the other day is that the wildebeest the

jaina has medicinal properties that people in Africa have been using for millennia and bear the

maker of aspir has recently started putting wildebeest the jaina in the coding of their fucking

aspirons so what I don't know what medicinal properties it has I just know that there are medicinal

properties and they've been using it as a wellness aid for millennia now oh my god you like so smart

if you didn't look like a fucking egg I would totally have you right now I

thank you so much for having me and making me part of your show y'all like fucking totally thank you

for making me part of your show bro and then we transition from the dude on the spectrum spitting facts

back into the fucking dopey hole praising the fucking host and then the host who I can't say it

enough really loves the sound of his own voice talk a little bit longer about things that they

have coming up in events in the area and then they played another AI generated song I could only

take about 30 minutes of this fucking show before I had to fucking tap out I couldn't do it anymore the

sound quality was bad the production quality was bad the fucking content was bad the host was bad the

co-host was even worse and the dude on the spectrum made me want to claw my fucking ear drums out I hear

shit like that and then I hear about their fucking downloads and the success of the show and I'm like what

the fucking I even doing here seriously what the fucking I'm doing is my fucking vision for

missing throw radio just completely fucking off-kilter and I need to go into a bubble gum

fucking horse shit show I need to fucking follow the recipe of success I guess I need to

fucking really fall in love with my voice and I need to find some fucking dopey hole to sit

there and worship everything I say and then I need to find some fucking kid who's obviously on

the spectrum to fucking spit facts at and then we all just need to get together and jerk each

other off and tell each other how great we are recipe for fucking podcast success apparently

anyway I could go on all day I'm very happy to be back this is my first episode in

quite a while and I hope you've enjoyed season two episode five of Missing Throat Radio

all right until next time