Corky's Bane and Every Fall Festival Ever

Missin' Thrope, Radio

Pissie, piss mongering fucking piss pot of the damned

Missin' Thrope, Radio

International cream corn fuck-headery

Missin' Thrope, Radio

Simply a dirty Jew

Missin' Thrope, Radio

Episode 2 of Missin' Thrope, Radio

As it turns out, I think I may be in the market for a new arch nemesis

You know, I watched a movie a long time ago with Peter Falk in it

And I don't expect you to know who the fuck Peter Falk is

Why would you?

He was an old actor, his claim to fame I think was a TV show called

Columbo where he played some fucking detective who acted like he didn't know what he was doing

And that all of a sudden fucking got it together at the end of the episode in order to apprehend the suspect

But I remember watching a movie one time and it was one of those fucking movies from back when we actually watched real television

With commercials and nothing was on demand

And I remember watching this movie because it just happened to be on

And I have no memory of the movie other than this one fucking thing

Peter Falk's character fucking hated Albanians

He fucking hated him

He hated the shit out of some fucking Albanians

And anytime any fucking body brought up Albanians he would just go on a fucking rant

And again, this has been 30 years ago

25, 30 years ago

I don't know how long, long fucking time

So my recollection of the severity of Peter Falk's characters

Hatred of the Albanians may be a little bit skewed

Maybe the last 25 years has fucking made it more extreme than it actually was

But I say that to say in my mind

Peter Falk's character in that fucking movie that I can't remember anything about but his character

He did some fucking Albanians and he hated the shit out of them

It got brought up somehow in the movie about why he fucking hated Albanians so much

And he said you have to hate someone

So for him it's the Albanians

That is stuck with me all these years just that one part

Just that one piece of that fucking movie with that lazy eyed fucking weirdo Peter Falk

Just that one bit where he I vaguely remember him screaming and ranting about fucking Albanians

And how much he hates them and then when pressed about why he fucking hates the Albanians so much

He said you got to hate somebody

And I'm not going to say I've taken it to heart but I understand all these years later why he said you have to have someone to hate

I don't necessarily have to have an entire racial group of people to hate

But I guess if you're going to fucking hate a racial group

Why not the Albanians?

But I have chosen someone to be my arch nemesis his name is Korki

It's not his actual name but I talked about him in season one of missing through radio and how much I fucking hate Korki

I fucking hate him, I fucking hate Korki, I fucking hate him

He's a piece of shit who works at the fucking gas station down the road from my house

But I have chosen Korki to be my arch nemesis

Why you may ask?

Why would an accomplished person like me choose a fucking piece of shit gas station attendant to be their arch nemesis

In my mind I had him built up to be something that he simply I don't believe has turned out to be

I thought that there was no way that anyone in the world could be that big of a piece of shit

Honestly, you see what I'm saying?

I felt like it was an act in my mind I had it built up to where he's some kind of fucking legit super villain

Who is disguising himself as a piece of shit who works at a fucking gas station

That's how I had it built up in my mind

We had that one incident where he rolled his eyes at me when I asked him to put my shit in the

bag and he and I have been at each other's throats ever since more me at his throat than he at mine

In fairness, I am the aggressor in this relationship

So maybe I am the super villain in Korki is not I don't fucking know

All I know is that now I think I'm in the market for a new arch nemesis

I think Korki no longer meets the criteria

It's actually kind of fucking sad because I saw Korki today

I stopped down at the convenience store to pick a couple fucking things up

And Korki was there

And he and I have kind of a fucking weird relationship now

Where when I walk in he fucking basically kind of jumps to attention

Because he knows now since I'm in the building every move he makes is under scrutiny

And if he does anything out of line or fucking untoward

I'm gonna be on him like flies on shit

When I say it like that it's fairly obvious that I'm the fucking aggressor in this relationship

And the animosity I think does not go both ways

I think Korki just wants to be left alone

But anyway I walk in the building tonight and Korki is there

And he's kind of leaned over doing his kind of palm on the side of his pockmarked

Disgusting fucking greasy face

Slavantly fucking side lean

Thing that he does

While waiting to be forced to do his job by somebody wants to pay for their shit

I walk in and I noticed that something is off with Korki almost immediately

He does not spring to attention like he normally does

And stand to ready to be fucking ridiculed or at least have to defend himself against one of my verbal attacks

He instead kind of lazily shifts his eyes to the door to see who's walking in

Sees me there's a flash of recognition sort of that's a little bit delayed

And then he just settles back into his I'm a fucking complete piece of shit lean on to the counter

Okay well maybe Korki's having a fucking bad day

So I proceed to go and get the things that I need to get and I add up to the fucking counter

Where I promptly greet Korki

Ah look who it is it's my old buddy Korki

Now his name's not Korki

It never was it's never been a nickname of his it's not something that anyone has ever called him but me

And I know now that his actual name is I don't remember Steve or say it doesn't fucking matter

Honestly who gives a shit what his fucking name is

But I know I know now that his name is not actually Korki

So now that he has told me that his name is not Korki

And I refer to him as Korki it's just a fucking another shot

You know what I mean it's another nail in the fucking coffin

It's another fucking stab

It's another fucking poke in Korki's eye

He's a piece of shit he's my archonemesis fuck him

Don't feel sorry for that motherfucker I'm telling you he's earned every bit of fucking heat that he gets for me

Through piss poor customer service and weird fucking posture in the way he wears his clothes

And his fucking pockmarked appearance and the fact that he obviously doesn't wash his hair very often

And the fact that he clearly only owns one pair of fucking jeans and wears them every day

And the fact that he looks like that fucking guy from Star Wars

Episode four in the cantina scene

Who said that they're wanted men and they have the descents and 12 systems

And the fact that one time he rolled his eyes at me when I asked for a bag

And the fact that the next time I went in there he slapped the bag open

Resentfully because he recognized me being in the building and didn't want another tongue lashing like he got the time before

But you fuck you listen I don't have to fucking justify why I hate Korki to you mother fucker

Just accept that what I'm saying as an upstanding member of the fucking community is that Korki's a piece of shit

Okay? Fuck! I'm tired of having to defend my hatred of Korki to people

God damn it! Anyway

So I noticed something's wrong with him and I greet him, ah my old friend Korki

He doesn't even fucking flinch

He doesn't even barely move

He just kind of fucking shifts his eyes up, rolls his eyes

I guess is the best way to say it up to meet mine

And then slowly starts the process of straightening his body up

So he can perform his duties as the fucking clerk at the gas station

I noticed something was wrong with him the moment I walked in

I observed him as I was moving through the store and had my suspicions confirmed

Korki was not the same Korki as just a few weeks ago

There was something fucking going on with him and then when I get up to the counter

And I greet him using the name that I have given him

His pet name Korki, he doesn't even fucking flinch

There's something definitely fucking wrong

And then the way he rolled his eyes up to look at me to meet my eyes

And the way he slowly straightened his body up

Like he's a machine coming to life after being dormant for a time

Something's wrong with Korki

This will never do

So I go ahead and buy my shit, complete the transaction all through the transaction he is moving at fucking turtle pace

Every movement is labored like it's just taking a maximum effort

Like it's taking so much out of him, finally I couldn't take it anymore

I said, dude, are you okay? And he looks up at me and he goes, what do you care?

And that one comment from Korki and the way he said it kind of gave me pause, why do I care?

Honestly, why do I fucking care about Korki

And I found myself standing there after the transaction kind of staring off into space for a moment

Because he's right, why do I care?

Why do I care what kind of fucking day Korki's having?

I've never cared before, as a fucking day Korki has gone out of my way to ensure that Korki has bad days once I leave

In the past, he'd be bebopping around that fucking fueling station, living his life

Mopping the floor and fucking changing out toilet paper and reeing up customers badly

I would fucking hit the door and I would immediately fucking start in on him and tell him what a piece of shit he is

I've gone out of my way to ensure that Korki has bad days

I've reveled in it, I've driven away before most times as actually feeling a sense of satisfaction

That that motherfucker was in one mood when I got there and in a completely fucking different mood when I left

I have taken pride in my verbal and emotional abuse of that fucking piece of shit that works at that gas station

So when I asked him, dude are you okay?

And he said, what do you care?

With that dopey fucking downtrodden terminal loser fucking weird-ass cadence and voice of his

It stopped me dead in my fucking tracks

Because he's right, why do I care? I've never cared in the past, why do I care now?

And so like I said, I found myself staring off into space running all of the shit that I just fucking said for you through my head

Why do I care? He's exactly right, I don't fucking care. Historically speaking, I want him to have a bad day

So why does this particular day bother me?

So I walk out the door to the gas station without another word

Still lost in thought, kind of mind blown by that exchange with Korki

And I'm heading towards my truck

And the whole time I'm walking, I'm thinking to myself I'm really focused on it actually, why do I care?

Why do I fucking care? He's right, why do I care?

But I do care, and it's nagging at me, it's bothering me

Do I care that Korki's demeanor has changed so dramatically because deep down in my core I want Korki to have a good life?

No, that's not it. Fuck outta here, fuck Korki. I don't care if he has a good life

Do I care because on a basic human level I don't like to see people who outwardly appear to be just suddenly and completely broken?

That could be it. So I start running through my head, what did I notice about Korki?

Aside from the fucking shit posture and Pock Mark face, in general overall uncleanliness, what else did I fucking notice about Korki?

He smelled bad but he always kind of smells bad but today he smelled like really old cigarettes and a lot of them

So that tells me he's either been living in a very small space that he smokes in, that checks out because he is a piece of shit

Or he's been chain smoking for days without bathing

All of that leads me to think, okay, maybe his wife finally whysened up and left his stupid broke dumb shit ass

But I remember noticing that that fucking ring was still on his finger because it was the only thing on him that was clean and shiny

So maybe not. And before I'd even registered what I was doing I had dropped the shit that I bought off in my truck

And I was headed back into the gas station to talk to Korki

Thankfully at this time of day it was not very busy in there and there was another fucking clerk running around in there

Who could take over cash register duties for Korki?

I walked in the door and immediately looked at Korki who had resumed his slumped over leaning fucking I'm a complete,

low rent piece of shit position at the cash register

I said hey bro, don't you think it's time to change the trash bags out here at the gas pumps? Some of them look pretty full

He gets up, tells his coworker he's going outside, grabs a cigarette, puts it behind his ear,

scoops up a roll of trash bags and walks outside

I'm two steps behind him. We get out there to the gas pumps and he immediately starts changing out the fucking trash bags

And I step around in front of him and I said hey Korki, let me talk to you a minute and he goes okay

I said what's a matter with you dude? You're not your normal vivacious fucking self what's going on here

And he stops and his shoulders kind of slump and his head kind of cocks to the side and he looks up at me with this dopey fucking look on his face

And he goes I fill off the wagon and I'm like what? I fill off the fucking wagon dude I'm back on the shit

And I was like you're fucking back on drugs after all of the bullshit that you've been through now you're back on drugs

With everything else that you don't have going for you now you're fucking back on drugs what are you doing?

He goes I don't know what just happened and now I can't fucking stop but I'm really fucking upset because the next time my parole officer fucking ua's me

Which I guess means your analysis I'm gonna go back to fucking prison

I was like so let me see if I got this right Korki

And he kind of stiffened this time when I used my pet name for him

You did a fucking stint in the can for being a shithead drug of user

You get out you're doing your thing at this fucking job that you hate with the goal in mind of getting back to concrete work

You've got your wife and your kids right and you're providing for them badly

And you're not doing a great job here at this job but that's because your heart's not in it

And you're but you're super fucking proud of how you've kept off the shit and now you're back on the fucking drugs

And he looks at me as tears kind of fucking start welling up in his eyes and he looks at me and he goes yeah

I thought about sums it up

And I was like jesus fucking christ bro just when I thought you couldn't be any more of a fucking loser

And I turned around and started walking towards my truck and then I turned right the fuck back around and walked towards him

I got right up in his face I said damn it Korki

Do you understand that I had chosen you of all the people in the world

I've chosen you to be my arch nemesis and he kind of fucking slumped and like started to melt even more

And I'm like see that's the shit I'm talking about right there

You're not worthy of being my fucking arch nemesis

Because a motherfucker needs his arch nemesis to push him to be a better asshole

And you just simply are incapable of that aren't you?

I have to be able to rely on you and know that I have to be on top of my game every day

Or else Korki's gonna fucking get the best of me

And if you're not up to that then I guess I'm in the fucking market now for a new arch nemesis

You motherfucker

Tears are streaming down his cheeks at this point

You're gonna lose your job

Yes you are going back to prison

Yes you are gonna fucking lose your family

Yes you are fucked

But what about me?

Look what you've done to me now

This is about me now Korki

I thought I could rely on you to be the spark that I needed every day to wake up and do my best

Because I had to put on my game face every day

In order to not be as big a piece of shit as Korki is

And then last time we spoke and you told me how you're improving your fucking life

And you only spurred me on to achieve more

I've achieved more in my professional life

I've achieved more in my personal life

I

I've achieved more with my fucking podcast than I ever thought possible and now all in the name of trying to fucking live up to Korki and stay that much further ahead of you

Because I can't fucking have you surpassing me look at you

Look at what a fucking piece of shit you are

I can't have you showing personal growth and professional fucking development

And working towards a fucking goal while I'm stagnating

What the fuck kind of arch nemesis would I be to you?

If I didn't try to fucking improve every single day

And he looks at me and he goes I don't even know what an arch nemesis is

I said it doesn't fucking matter

Of course you don't know you drug-addled pieces shit

You have no fucking idea

You have no base of knowledge

Probably never read a fucking book

You're everything that I'd hoped you were not

Korki

You're just a fucking piece of shit

There's no substance to you

You've got no fucking balls man

Getting back on the shit at the first fucking opportunity

Fuck you

Now I gotta go find a new arch nemesis

Look what you've done to me now

We're never gonna fucking see each other again Korki

I will never set foot back in this fucking gas station

You have ensured that I have no reason to ever come back here again

Good day sir

And I spun on my heel and started walking away

He started to say something behind me and I spun back around and I said

I said good day sir

Spun back around, got in my fucking truck and headed to the

fuckin Korki I'm so fucking sick of people on drugs you know it's like the word is out

Everybody knows what that shit does how the fuck does anyone wake up one morning and be like you know what boys

Today's the day I try meth

People know what that shit does

And that kind of got me thinking that that interaction with Korki got me to think

And in the season two premiere of Missing Throat Radio the last episode

Then I put out the entire first bit of that episode was me complaining about how

Everything takes so fucking long and how everything requires so many fucking words now

To get to get anything accomplished

And I couldn't figure out what changed what the fucking phenomenon was why everyone is late

Nothing's on time nothing is efficient nothing is moving and that interaction with Korki

Kind of fucking brought it all home for me

Everyone is on fucking drugs except me

And I don't mean illicit substances I'm not saying that everyone's on fucking math or heroin or whatever

Is not even saying that everybody's smoking weed

What I am saying though is that everyone is on something

Everyone's on fucking drugs except me whether it's meth, whether it it's weed, whether it's alcohol, whether it's fucking heroin, whether it's mood stabilizers from their doctors or fucking random prescribed barbituids or fucking opiats or something

Everyone's on fucking something except me

And I'm not going to say that that's entirely entirely by choice

I don't know I have never been offered any fucking barbituids or opiats or mood stabilizers

If I if I if I ever was offered them would I take them? I don't know probably not

But I think that's the genesis of a lot of our fucking problems is everyone is on drugs except me

All right I got to stop this bit let's go on to the next segment

Join Bruce and Ken on the weathered report where sharp takes real conversation and a dose of humor cut through the noise of the week

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Segment to you

The leaves are starting to turn there's a little bit of a chill in the air

The breeze is not quite as friendly as it was just last week the days are getting shorter

We're just a couple weeks away from Halloween so in a lot of small towns all over the United States

It's fall festival season

If you've never been to one of these events you've come to the right place today

I was unfortunate enough to go to my local fall festival today

It's not something that I wanted to do but I found myself there anyhow

And I figured when in Rome do Roman shit so I figured I would go ahead and just try to soak in the fall festival experience

And take on board everything the fall festival has to offer

I usually hate this sort of thing, not usually I all the time hate this sort of thing

But I thought to myself this would actually be a good bit for misentral radio one way or the other

If I go to the fall festival and I really enjoy it then I can talk about how wonderful it was

And how I bought some fucking designer soaps

And how I talk to a guy who makes shit out of wood

And then burns it with a torch to make it look you know burned

Maybe the fucking corn dogs have gotten better

Maybe they've changed the fucking grease that they fry the funnel cakes in this year

Maybe the jars of apple butter were actually canned correctly so we're not all gonna fucking die of lasturia

Maybe they'll even have little games there this year where you can throw darts at balloons

And fucking pick up the ducklings going by and the little river and shit and win stuff to animals

Maybe I'll really fucking enjoy the fall festival this year

So I can come on here to misentral radio until you got damn let me tell you what man

You're really missing out if you don't get down there to your local fall festival because it's a fucking oot

Maybe that's what'll happen

Or I thought if it fucking sucks like I just know in my soul that it's going to

That'll be a good bit for misentral radio too

Anyway no matter how you slice it Lorenzo taking a fucking trip through the fall festival in small town bumble

Fuck America is gonna be a good bit for misentral radio

So I brought my notepad and I found a park bench located conveniently right on the city square

Now fall festivals in small town America are normally situated around the county courthouse in the county seat

This one is no different no matter where you walked north, south, east or west of the county courthouse

There was booth after booth after booth after booth of people hawking wares making food trying to sell you coffee

Basically just asking for donations or trying to buddy up with you to get your vote in the next election

When I rolled up to the area of fall festival I had to park six blocks away

This is already starting off like shit I had to park six fucking blocks away from what I knew to be the epicenter of all fall festival dumb

I get out and make the hike up there

Now in fucking fairness they did stop and offer me a ride on one of a little trams up to the frivolity

But I said no I wanted to get the entire fucking fall festival experience and that means a six block trek

Through this dumpy fucking trash little town to get up to the center of what is the pin ultimate event

For the box little town in middle America

I get about two blocks away and I'm starting to see booths

Those little pop-up tents people selling apple cider and people selling fucking shit made out of metal and people selling shit that they've sowed and people selling quilts

And people selling little fucking customized hand warmers

People selling bags with fucking feed corn in them that they've sowed up and they said that you can microwave it

And then it will be like a heating pad for you know seven minutes people offering free samples of cinnamon roasted pecans

But I'm not interested in any of that shit I want to see if there's fucking amusements this year

That's what I want to see I want to throw the fucking baseball at the fucking old school milk jugs

I want to try to win a fucking dog shit stuffed animal that cost me eight dollars of trying to get

I want to see if they've improved on what they had last year

I finally get to the fucking city square

The courthouse looming majestically in the background beautiful oak trees tall old 200 year oak trees lining the sidewalks all around the courthouse

And on the street and on both sides of the one way street that goes all the way around the courthouse are booths

After booth after booth after booth of purveyors and service providers and local politicians

Local businesses people who've come from out of town trying to sell you things that they've made with their own fucking hands

People selling apple butter in jams and jellies and honey made by bees on their own farms

People selling quilts and afghans

I walked up to this lady who was selling homemade soaps

Now this isn't your grandma's lie soap

No, we've moved past that

This fucking soap that this lady told me about

Well, I'll just let her tell you herself

Hi, thank you for stopping by my booth

What is it you sell here?

Well, as you can see from looking around you I sell the area's greatest handmade soaps

Handmade soap? Why is your soap any better than any other soap?

Well, clearly you haven't heard of me

Anti-B, I've been in business since 1973 making customized soaps out of goats milk, platypus placenta, cream corn and only the finest cultivated bison vagina

You make soap out of buffalo pussy?

That well, yes, but we prefer to call it bison vagina, it sounds a little more refined

But we've been making soap around these parts for over 50 years and let me tell you we do a damn good job

I might check back in with you

Incidentally, how much is a bar of bison vagina soap?

Well, now the bison vagina is our signature soap and you're gonna pay a pretty penny for that

For a bar of that bison vagina soap, you're gonna pay no less than $12 a bar

$12 a bar for fucking soap?

It's the best soap you can buy, it does wonders for your skin, look at me, I'm 78 years old, I don't look a day over 50

Okay, well I'll probably stop back by

You do that, we gonna be here till 4 o' today

Jesus, Jesus Christ, that was fucking intense

Bison vagina soap, have you ever heard anything like that?

I was so blown away by buffalo pussy soap

And I forgot to fucking ask her about the platypus placenta

What the fuck is that about?

Alright, let's go to the next booth here

Hello, sir, what is it you're selling here?

Well, I'm glad you stopped by, I haven't had a whole lot of people stop in today

Yesterday was crazy and Friday was absolutely pandemonium

But today it's been kind of slow

Well I'm glad I stopped by too, what is it you do here exactly?

Well, frankly, to be honest, we make shit out of shit

Come again, I'm a cattle farmer and one of the things that I have plenty of besides cattle is shit

The only thing that I have on my farm that outnumbers my cows is the shit that they leave in my fields

And I was walking around out there one day and I thought you know if there's just a way that I could monetize this shit

I could probably really make some money

Cause you know we're getting less on the hood for fucking cows now than we ever have before

And I was thinking God damn there's gotta be something I can do with this shit

So what I do is I watch my cows and when one of them takes a fucking steamy grassy shit

I let it sit there for about a good hour, hour two hours maybe

And then I'll go out with my fucking snow shovel and I'll lovingly scoop it up off the ground

Trying to preserve the integrity of that loaf

And then what do you do with it?

Well then as soon as I get it transported safely I'll take it up in the house and throw it on the table there

And mom will spray it down with some lacquer and basically preserve it in that condition

So from that cow's asshole until the time it's preserved is normally less than three hours

That is some real honest to God fresh cow shit right there

Okay well what the fuck am I gonna do with that?

Well then we take that cow shit and we turn it into beautiful works of art

See that there that's cow shit wall clock that over there's a cow shit coffee table

We've even got a whole line of serving dishes over there

I see that dude what the fuck is that about?

What we'll do is we'll pile about four or five of them fucking cow panties up and then we'll cover them in epoxy

And we'll put them on a lathe and we'll take them we'll carve that epoxy cow shit out into a fucking beautiful salad bowl

That you can use for generations

Alright well thank you hold on I got one more thing to show you I got one more thing to show you this is something I'm real proud of

This is something I'm real proud of

Every now and then we don't have them very often because you know if you know anything about cattle farming

You know you got a whole bunch of fucking cows

And you got a whole bunch of fucking steers but you typically only have one bull

And that one bull is in charge of fucking all them cows and getting them pregnant and keeping your fucking herd alive

Yeah I get it the concept of one bull I understand how that works

So a bull every now and then I'd say a bull you got about a good ten years ten years out of a bull before he's just he's just fucked out

You know what I mean he's just fucked out he can't do it anymore

He just can't fuck not a second longer well he goes to market to be honest with you before we take him to market

Well fucking go ahead and we'll pull out his old fucking pecker that old well used rod that he's been ramming in these fucking ladies for all these years

We'll take that pecker and we'll cut her off right at the base and then we'll cut her eyes the wound

That right there sir that right there is a rarity

You're not gonna find many of them you're not gonna figure sure as hell not gonna find one anywhere else at this year fucking festival

Okay dude but what is it that sir is a cane made from the penis of my last bull the one we just took to market this spring

That bull's name was anthrax because he was like a fucking plague on them fucking cows that in that field

We turn him loose out there and he was just smashing smash it smash it smash it

He'd be fucking wrecking pussy all day and night then cows would be screaming and he'd be stomping and roaring and being the fucking middle

Fucking middle of the night he'd be out there just rotten them rotten them that penis right there breeds over 300 cows a year

And that cow penis cane right there can be yours today for $125

All right well thank you I will circle back around later on and if anthrax's cock is still hanging on the wall I might buy it

Okay moving on that was fucking weird there's a group of ladies up here I got to walk around but let's see if we can get close enough to hear what they're fucking yapping about

Well I told my billy don't even bother trying to date that chopped whore there ain't nothing good can come

50 boys and my billy

I want to give my mind shortly I want everyone everyone to bask in the glory of the Lord with me here today Pastor Paul

from down the United Methodist church praise music sing it baby sing it that's my wife back there I want her at a card game and

sing a poor that's a absolutely right she was one of them women of ill repute before she got with me and she's since given her self over to the Lord

it gives herself over to me occasionally let's not be ridiculous here okay but she's given herself her soul over to the Lord but that pussy belongs to me doesn't it baby you know it does

yeah that's right but anyway I at that time when I want her in that card game I was a sinner I was a sinner of the highest degree

misdemeanor and misogynyton playing poker playing cards all over the world doing drugs fucking around with your

causes and then the Lord spoke to me shortly after I won her in that card game and sing a poor the Lord spoke to me and said Paul

what the fuck are you doing and I said well Lord I don't know what the hell I'm doing either why don't you tell me and he said I can tell I don't know what the hell you were doing but I can tell you what you are

going to be doing from now on you are going to give your life over to the service of me and you are going to use all of the powers that you have assembled and amassed over your time of sin and

misdemeanor and you're going to use that to bring people under my umbrella and I said Lord fucking a that sounds pretty good and he said well let that language go on time Paul but you

give me again I'm gonna fuck you up and I said okay yes Lord I got you and ever since that time me and my wife who was a whore in Singapore I can't say that enough

we have been spreading the word of the Lord from coast to coast nation to nation state to state festival to festival and that's what we're here to do today bring you the comfort and joy of the Lord

not playing the devil's music known we're playing inspirational music praise music it's not very good to listen to I'll admit my band's not very good she's not a great singer she's got to ass on her like a 12 year old boy

that's why I keep her around and the fact that she's giving her life and don't get that fucked up but come on up here today and get baptized

pastor Paul right over there at the United Methodist Church come on by and see us anytime you like praise the Lord

Mr. Paul from the local United Methodist Church and his wife who used to be a prostitute in Singapore up there leading the fucking praise music at the local fall festival

I hope you enjoyed the nickel tour of the fall festival I didn't even make it to the fucking corn dog stand or the place where they make funnel cakes and I didn't get to talk to the fucking standard issue

veteran owned coffee place down the road but I think I gave you the highlights of every fall festival everywhere and I'm telling you from me you don't have to go I went for you

and I brought you along with me that's gonna pretty much do it for this episode of Missing Throat Radio I just really hope you dig the show

it sounds like such a fucking simple thing to say but I can't say it much planer than that I just kind of hope you dig what I'm trying to do here

I'm not trying to be serious all the time I'm not trying to sway your opinions on things or fucking get you to buy any kinds of fucking products or sell you a fucking service

I'm not trying to sell you on a fucking ideology or a dream I just want to fucking entertain you in a weird sort of way for 30, 45 minutes at a time once every week or two

if I can give you a little dose of unreality every week or two then I've achieved my goal all right thank you again for coming along for this episode of Missing Throat Radio

until next time