The First Church of Lorenzo
Verbatim pull quotes from every episode, with the subjects each one covers. Pick a subject to filter.
“Thirteen steps in six months to make soy sauce? Go fuck yourself!”
The Asian Heresies and The Superpower Sermon Season 3 · Episode 2 · August 4, 2026
Mentioned: Mars, the Bringer of War — Gustav Holst (US Air Force Band), Fanfare for the Common Man — Aaron Copland (US Air Force Band), Red Lobster, Harry Potter (disapparition), churchoflorenzo.com
“So saith the Lorenzo, crying like a bitch”
The Parable of The Lost Friend and the Sermon at Autozone Season 3 · Episode 1 · July 19, 2026
Mentioned: Mars, the Bringer of War — Gustav Holst (US Air Force Band), Fanfare for the Common Man — Aaron Copland (US Air Force Band), AutoZone, Ford F-150
“It’s a raw, unfiltered look into the mind of a podcaster grappling with respect, humor, and the realities of veteran life.”
The Season Two Finale! Season 2 · Episode 13 · June 12, 2026
Mentioned: With the Old Breed — Eugene Sledge, The Pacific (HBO), Navy College Program Office, Eugene Sledge, Sean Ryan
“One full year of chaos, profanity, broken equipment, and zero fucks given.”
Celebrating an Historic Milestone Season 2 · Episode 12 · May 25, 2026
Mentioned: Code of Vets, Till Valhalla Project
“A guy with your problems should probably fucking drink more.”
Mother's Day and My Stint as a Crisis Hotline Therapist Season 2 · Episode 11 · May 10, 2026
“I can’t fucking die yet. I’m not ready to fucking pass. I have shit that I have to do.”
Death and Taxes Season 2 · Episode 10 · April 19, 2026
Mentioned: Mackie Onyx interface, Shure SM7B microphone, The Philippines
“What the fuck has happened in the world that Marilyn Manson is now a joke?”
Audiobook Narrating Challenges and Marilyn Manson Season 2 · Episode 9 · March 29, 2026
Mentioned: Marilyn Manson, This Is the New Shit — Marilyn Manson, The Beautiful People — Marilyn Manson
“There’s no such thing as white chicken chili, Cindy…”
Chili Cooks and Inappropriate Social Labeling Season 2 · Episode 8 · March 15, 2026
“I’m seeing the appeal of not being a homeowner anymore.”
The Feces Episode Season 2 · Episode 7 · January 21, 2026
“Everything is two generations away from being completely forgotten.”
Asians and Lamenting the Irrelevance of Podcasts Season 2 · Episode 6 · January 4, 2026
Mentioned: Johnny Carson
“I don’t keep people because I don’t want to be a bother.”
This Episode is Different Season 2 · Episode 4 · November 9, 2025
“People assume you're an idiot. So just keep your f****** mouth shut lest you prove them right.”
Oversharing and The Fleshlight Season 2 · Episode 3 · October 27, 2025
“It’s a tale as old as time: one man's frustration is another man's comedy gold!”
Corky's Bane and Every Fall Festival Ever Season 2 · Episode 2 · October 13, 2025
Mentioned: Columbo (Peter Falk)
“There is no such thing as fast food anymore.”
The Season 2 Premiere Season 2 · Episode 1 · October 5, 2025
Mentioned: Arby's
“What does it mean to truly love your country?”
Season 1 Finale Season 1 · Episode 17 · September 15, 2025
Mentioned: President Trump
“We should be able to poke fun at ourselves and each other.”
RELOADED: Episode 11 Season 1 · Episode 14 · August 25, 2025
Mentioned: Rode NT-USB microphone
“Unfortunately, no delusions of grandeur or plans for world conquest this week.”
The Merry-Go-Round of Doom and Closing the Chapter on Shure · August 20, 2025
Mentioned: Shure
“The galaxy trembles at your potential.”
Harvard Commencement and The Ballad of Darth Rapey Season 1 · Episode 10 · August 10, 2025
Mentioned: Emperor Palpatine, Harvard University
“I will not just be a member of the Illuminati. I will become the Illuminatus.”
The Illuminati and YouTube Reaction Videos Season 1 · Episode 9 · August 4, 2025
“Why the h*** is this order taking so long? Is he ordering for a football team that I'm unaware of?”
The Passing of Ozzy and My Super Irritating Week Season 1 · Episode 8 · July 26, 2025
Mentioned: Ozzy Osbourne, No More Tears — Ozzy Osbourne (album), Mama, I'm Coming Home — Ozzy Osbourne, Arby's
“I could totally narrate lady p*** and make crazy money.”
Mom Interrupts The Podcast and Lady Porn Season 1 · Episode 7 · July 19, 2025
Mentioned: David Bowie, Station to Station — David Bowie
“Getting old is f***** up in ways that I didn't f****** anticipate.”
RELOADED: Episode 6 Addendum · July 13, 2025
“I'd rather have a nice 10-year plateau and then snap my fingers and realize I'm a f****** creep than to decline into invisibility.”
Getting Old and My "TED Talk" Season 1 · Episode 6 · July 10, 2025
“I can barely talk. My voice is completely trashed.”
DROP IN: Podcasters Who Say "Help Me Keep This Show Free" · July 4, 2025
“Mom says I'm a catch.”
My Arch Nemesis and Affirmations Season 1 · Episode 5 · June 19, 2025
“I’m literally turning into Greta Thunberg as we speak.”
Ocean Documentary and Then.... Season 1 · Episode 4 · June 11, 2025
Mentioned: David Attenborough, Greta Thunberg
“This guy could be a world-class demagogue, and I’m just nodding along like a fucking idiot.”
Smooth Talking Dude and Gear Rundown Season 1 · Episode 3 · May 31, 2025
“Stop focusing on chicks and just produce.”
Other Podcasts, Fat White Women, and a PSA Season 1 · Episode 2 · May 26, 2025
Mentioned: The Joe Rogan Experience, Comedy Bang! Bang!
“You’re only alone if you choose to be.”
Maiden Voyage of the USS Misanthrope Radio version 2.0 Season 1 · Episode 1 · May 21, 2025
Mentioned: 23andMe, Veterans Crisis Line — dial 988, press 1
“Work is kicking my ass.”
DROP IN: My Christmas Apology Season 2 · Episode 5 · December 31, 1969